Problem with my parents.

[Incsoc]

I'm not sure if this topic should go here, well anyway.

My problem is that I feel that no matter how hard I try or how well I achieve I'ill just never do good enough.

I just finished my second year at college and I'm trying to get a job for the summer. I got an interview last week with ebay which is a well known company and it went really well. But my parents say I should forget it because it miles away and they'd prefer it if I get a simple minimum wage job that's only afew minutes walk away.
I felt really depressed in that they don't even acknowledge that I got an interview with a good company.

It's like most people my age are out getting drink or getting pregnant, going drugs, getting STDs and have very little education or qualifications.
But I don't do any of that, I'm in college and even won a merit award for work in the college clubs afew weeks ago and won afew medals for my kickboxing club.

I thought my perants would be delighted. When I used to screw things up when I was younger they would always b*tch and yell and now that I do achieve, it's like "what else is new".
I also have two older brothers who finished college at my age and had worked abroud so I constantly living up to their conparison.

I never had many friends and have abit of difficulty socialising from time to time, but my parents just expect me to have aload of friends and have a girlfriend and at the same time spend several hours studying. Yet they never gave me any advice on how to make friends or get a girlfriend when I was a teenager, they just yelled at me to go school and go my homework. They just expect to know all this myself when I'm an adult.
I feel like I'ill just never make them proud. What should i do.

 

[BlackRain]

my parents used to be like that. i would try my hardest in school and in sports to please them and it did nothing. it was horrible! finally i talked to them. probably could have done it in a more respectful manner, but i did it. it took them a while to really get what i was after, but they're completely different now. sometimes i still feel like i can never please them, but they do make a big effort to show they're proud of me. have you actually talked to your parents about this? have you told them what you've written out above? i know your parents are proud of you! how can they not be. look at all you've done. so, just ask them if they are. that could open up a great conversation for you to have with them. ask them if any of what you've done in your life and what you haven't done makes them happy. they could just be holding it in. you never know until you ask, right? i'm so sorry that you feel as if you cannot please your parents, but know that God loves you and cares for you. i'm positive he's pleased at what you've done. keep your head up.

 

[Personal Jesus]

Ummmm....not for nothing but if you are in college....why do you care if your folks agree w/ where you are working...

Why do you need the to tell you they are proud of you getting an interview w/ ebay....get one w/ Microsoft and I bet they change their tune..

I think you just need to lighten up and live your own life.

 

[madison1101]

I do understand some of what you are going through. My son wanted to change his major in college, and his father was adament that he stay in the major Dad approved of. I insisted that his Dad change his mind because our son was a good kid, and was a hard worker. Thankfully, my son did change his major. He was going to change his major without his Dad's approval. He was an adult. He stood up to his Dad in that.

I am not suggesting that you defy your parents, but I would suggest that you sit down with them and tell them in a nonconfrontational way that you are an adult now. Kids your age are going to Iraq and fighting in the war. You just want to drive a few extra miles to a job. See if you can work it out. Sometimes it's hard for kids to see their adult children as adults, and not children.

Madison-Trish

 

[Alive again]

My problem is that I feel that no matter how hard I try or how well I achieve I'ill just never do good enough.

Those words echo my life so completely! I am now 45 and my parents have not changed and still do not want me to be an adult. Other parents change. You can ask them straight out but be prepared that they may say We love you and we are proud of you, or it may be something they are incapable of at least now. Know that whther your parents acknowledge it, you are amking good choices and groewing and learning. Know that God is truth and God say He loves you and is proud of you. Even those we love the most are still human and sometimes let us down. don't assume the worst about your paarent's without talking openly to them. But if they are unable to acknowledge you, that doesn't change the facts that you are worthwhile. Look to God for your approval. He say you are his adopted Child, beloved and eternally His. Human hurts are still there. Talk openly with tham as adults, but only let God define your worth. You were worth dying on the cross for!!!!!

 

[xBladesx]

My problem is that I feel that no matter how hard I try or how well I achieve I'ill just never do good enough.

Same with me

I grew up with a mom who compared me to every Tom, Dick and Harry who did better than me, as well as a verbally abusive dad.

The thing that hurt the most was that they were christians like me.
As a result I battled with many negative emotions like depression and a violent rage.
When I finally got over them I found that years of bitterness and hatred and killed the fun loving boy I once was.
For a long time I felt absolutely nothing to anyone or at least I didn't know how to.

The turning point in this battle was deciding to forgive my parents. I know it can be really difficult. When I made this decision the Lord began a restoration process in my life.

Today I still get irritated with parents now and then, but generally we get on pretty well. Also I still battle with a lack of emotions at times but the love of my friends at church is helping improve in that area.

Trust me, don't allow yourself to get bitter at your parents. The person you'll hurt most is you. Also continue to love them with the love of The Lord as difficult as it can get.

When you decide to forgive your parents and still love them no matter what you not only set them free you'll set yourself free.

 

[Jonesy]

I know what your going through.

My parents are the same. Ive just finished my exams at school...which are pretty major, and the pressure that my parents are putting me under to do well is unbearable. Im not the 'brightest' kid on the block...and last year i thought i done amazing in my exams...but it apparently wasnt good enough for them.
Theyre also wanting me to get a job during the summer...but im not so sure if i want to. It would be good to have some extra cash in my pocket, but i dont think its the most important thing.

Basically, i think my parents are trying to rule my life...which sucks. And what ive learned to do is basically to take on board what theyre saying and decide whether its helpful or not. If its not, just forget about it.
I reacon when your parents act like that theyre just wanting the best for you, even though they display it in a sort of nagging extreame manner.

Jonesy

 

[joerose]

I also have dealt with the same thing all of my life. No matter how good I did or was it just wasnt good enough. I'm sure your parents are really proud of you. I know I am! They just don't know how to say it I guess. Be a God pleaser. If you feel he is pleased with what you are doing then you are doing great! I agree with all the posters on here. I really like the one about telling your parents you are an adult and many people your age are fighting in Iraq. That puts it in perspective. Keep praying and God will give you strength. I wonder if your parents are afraid you'll get into an accident on the way to work. Is there a lot of traffic? Maybe they want to be close to you. They may never come out and tell you how proud they are of you and by the time they do, it may not be enough. Make sure you are a "God Pleaser" that is where you will find peace and fulfill your purpose. I am REALLY proud of you!!Follow your dreams and passions. That is your calling!