Problem with my Mother.

[GLaDOS]

Ah, hello. My mom is a very stronger believer in Christianity, she's 42, and believed and followed Christianity her entire life.

A few hours ago I told my Mom I was an Agnostic, she really didn't know what it was, so I explained it to her all about Agnosticism, I showed her the Wikipedia article, the Webster dictionary definition, and explained believing that we shouldn't be judging whether or not there is or is not a god, and if there was a god it's likely he wouldn't care what we do on Sundays, what we eat on Fridays, and who we have sex with.

and immediately, when I'm done explaining, she goes on ranting about how I'm "So ignorant and I know nothing about Christianity and you're just an Ignorant Atheist".

I was a little shocked at how she was SO offended by this, but what really ticked me off, what really just got to me the most is when she said I'm just confused and how this is all "Just a phase".

Help?

 

[Witchy Bee]

My mother is Agnostic as well, when I told her I was Pagan she instantly went on the internet and researched it. She wanted to know exactly what I was getting myself into. Parents are like that, when you find your own path they get worried. I don't know why, they just do.

My mother occasionally likes to poke fun at my beliefs, but I know deep down she respects them. However, it's a very different situation here of course. You have to understand that your mother really and truly loves you, so much in fact that she doesn't want you to make a choice you will regret. Most of my extended family are Catholic, so even when I was an atheist they thought both me and my mom were going to hell. They loved us both, that's just what they believed. I still remember being shocked when my mother told me that they thought that.

Give your mother some time, she may warm up to the idea. Explain to her that it's not out of ignorance, or that you deny there is a God, but that you don't think people can really make that judgment. I think my mother still believes my faith is just a phase to be honest.

Good luck, and feel free to message me if you ever need anything.

 

[Van]

Hi GLaDOS, I expect your mom's angst was driven by her love for you, and the horrible expectation that you will not be with her in heaven. So her hope that this is just a phase and it will pass seems driven by love. The Bible does say some folks "come to their senses" and repent and so she seems to be trusting in that possibility. Time will tell.

May God bless you with wisdom and fulfill your mother's prayer of reconciliation.

 

[GLaDOS]

Hi GLaDOS, I expect your mom's angst was driven by her love for you, and the horrible expectation that you will not be with her in heaven.

I stopped reading right there.

 

[drich0150]

I stopped reading right there.

If your not looking for a biased Christian response then why post your story on a Christian board? Why not look for support at agnostic forms (dot) com

What do you really want from your mother? and what do you want from any of us?

 

[Revived]

Hi GLaDOS,

Personally, I think it's great that you're here seeking insight. The mere fact that you're approaching this with sincerity and openness and not suppressing your feelings should be applauded. As I read your post, I'm reminded of how often I see, read and hear of parent/child relationship issues with a common theme: Devout, legalistic parents shoving Christianity down their kids throats. Dragging them to church with the lovely "you're gonna go and like it" attitude, masquerading for one hour during Sunday service and settling back in to their lives riddled with hypocrisy the minute they step out of the chapel door...all the while oblivious to the inevitable repercussions of their decisions and their actions.


The reason I use this extreme example is because hypocrisy, pride and contempt are the most predominant killers of every type of relationship. I have no idea whether or not your mother fits this description but, through experience, I can offer the following with absolute certainty. I don't see how anyone (of race, color, creed...faith or lack thereof) could argue that we do not have free will. With this free will, the level of happiness and contentedness in our relationships and in our lives are a direct result of our decisions and our actions but NOT always a result of our beliefs. Beliefs, even those which are compassionate and well-intended, are absolutely meaningless if our decisions and our actions repeatedly contradict them.


Consequently, the friction between you and your mother, I believe, has NOTHING to do with agnosticism vs. Christianity. There is an insatiable desire within each of you for acceptance. You want acceptance from your mother without the judgment. For the most part, you NEVER judged HER for HER beliefs so you are offended by the hurtful words...the hypocrisy, the pride and the contempt. She, on the other hand, wants acceptance as well but she wants it her way...a mutual acceptance of Christianity without debate. The respective beliefs of you and your mother, however, should not be the focus. Instead, the focus should steadfastly be centered on the decisions and the actions that have created and shaped these beliefs.


You and your mother both need to decide what's most important here. The beliefs or your love for one another? If you and your mother genuinely desire to live with peace and unwavering love, then sacrificing your values and beliefs is not a necessity. Instead, the focus needs to be on the individual, and not the problem. Although it may at times manifest itself as a one-sided peace, a one-sided love, this decision process must invariably begin within each of you. Will you choose hypocrisy, pride and contempt or will you choose humility? What will she choose?


Prayerfully,
Derrick

 

[aiki]

Ah, hello. My mom is a very stronger believer in Christianity, she's 42, and believed and followed Christianity her entire life.

A few hours ago I told my Mom I was an Agnostic, she really didn't know what it was, so I explained it to her all about Agnosticism, I showed her the Wikipedia article, the Webster dictionary definition, and explained believing that we shouldn't be judging whether or not there is or is not a god, and if there was a god it's likely he wouldn't care what we do on Sundays, what we eat on Fridays, and who we have sex with.

and immediately, when I'm done explaining, she goes on ranting about how I'm "So ignorant and I know nothing about Christianity and you're just an Ignorant Atheist".

I was a little shocked at how she was SO offended by this, but what really ticked me off, what really just got to me the most is when she said I'm just confused and how this is all "Just a phase".

Well, did you think your Mom, who you describe as a "strong believer in Christianity" was going to be happy at your declaration of agnosticism? Imagine how she feels when her child tells her, essentially, that agnosticism is better, or makes more sense, than Christianity. If your Mom cherishes her faith as much as you say, it should be no surprise at all to you that she takes offense at your rejection of it.

Its a little...hypocritical of you to complain about your Mom's strong reaction to your denial of her faith and then react just as she did when she returns the favor. Maybe consider the "ticked off" way you feel when your Mom tells you your beliefs are just a "phase" and that you're "confused," and recognize that she's feeling exactly as you feel when you diss her beliefs.

Peace.

 

[Quasicentennial]

I believe what your mother is saying "just a phase" means don't see Christianity as a religion based on a book, but see it as the healing spirit of Jesus who is alive and refreshing lives of believers every day, battling against Satan's evil-causing agnosticism, atheism and false religious beliefs. God is perfection. Satan is imperfect and will bring imperfection to the vulnerable disbelievers. It's odd for God to allow Satan to cause suffering and then sacrificing Jesus Christ on the cross to prove that life does not end in Earth's soil. Only the flesh and bones return to the soil but your soul would be remoulded into a perfect healthy young body. Many Christians have decided that enough is enough, and have decided to accept Christ and ask questions later because we want to know WHY? All the answers would be answered when we get to heaven. Sometimes I wonder that Earth's disasters such as earthquakes and tsunamis are happening because many athiests refuse to accept Jesus in their lives. I think it would be better that all disbelievers become believers to bring disasters to a minimum (zero).

 

[salida]

Its natural for your mom to be very upset. What you believe is between you and God and how you live your life is up to you. He gave us a free will. Again, she wants you to be in heaven with her.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Why not find out why your Mom believes what she believes and approach it from that vantage point. If we do not share the beliefs of another, little is to be gained by being confrontational. But remember Mom has lived longer, experienced more and may just have a good reason for believing as she does. Why not find out?

 

[EGoldstein]

I told my parents I was an Atheist two weeks ago. In my case it really sucked at first but after a couple of days they got used to the idea and everything is basically how it was except I can sleep in on Sundays with out them interrogating me Just give it time.

 

[aiki]

EGoldstein:

You are not, as an atheist, to be responding to threads in a forum where "Christians offer to support to non-Christians."

Please stop flouting the rules of this forum.

 

[donb1959]

This from CS Lewis, a great thinker, and for many years a atheist. I suggest you read the book "Mere Christianity" by him, a brilliant book, for the non-believer as well as the believer.

[FONT=arial,helvetica][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][FONT=arial,helvetica]My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such violent reaction against it? A man feels wet when he falls into water, because man is not a water animal: a fish would not feel wet. Of course, I could have given up my idea of justice by saying that it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if I did that, then my argument against God collapsed too--for the argument depended on saying that the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my private fancies. Thus in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist--in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless--I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality--namely my idea of justice--was full of sense. Consequently atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.--C.S. Lewis[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

Shalom,
DonB