Pre Nup

[Crazy Liz]

The men they will marry, will already have entered into a binding legal agree ment between my family and his. I will look out for them, or their eldest brother if I am deceased.

Your flag says Fiji. Are binding legal agreements like this customary there?

I know in the US they would be unenforceable, as a violation of public policy. But the economic laws affecting marriage do vary from place to place. Marriage customs and family laws of various cultures have been an interest of mine for some time now. I assume your children will always live in some country that can enforce agreements like you have in mind? What will that mean for your children? Do you feel like you will be impairing their freedom by making contracts binding them in such ways?

BTW, did your family and your wife's family make this kind of contract? Can you tell us a little bit about it?

 

[Savage78]

Your flag says Fiji. Are binding legal agreements like this customary there?

Yes and no. I am not a pure Fijian, I am a half caste and we have a different sort of borrowed culture.

I know in the US they would be unenforceable, as a violation of public policy. But the economic laws affecting marriage do vary from place to place.

Yes, they do vary from tribe to tribe here.

Marriage customs and family laws of various cultures have been an interest of mine for some time now. I assume your children will always live in some country that can enforce agreements like you have in mind?

I do not have daughters, but I have already seen to it that if I did have a daughter, she would marry into one particularfamily that I have already made arrangements with.

What will that mean for your children?

That my daughters will be cared for, my sons can do whatever they like, win or lose in live they live and die by their own merits.

Do you feel like you will be impairing their freedom by making contracts binding them in such ways?

Not really. They do have a choice...they can honour the agreements that I have made ontheir behalf to allow them a solid and steady future, or I can pay the familiy off and they can have all the freedom they want, they just cant rely on me to bail them out of the "[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]" because they already went against what i deemed was best for them.

BTW, did your family and your wife's family make this kind of contract? Can you tell us a little bit about it?

I am not the eldest male child, I am the second eldest of three. I didnt go through any of it. My pre nup is mine and my wife. We knew each other as children. Our families are very close owning estates right next to each other.

 

[Mling]

Not really. They do have a choice...they can honour the agreements that I have made ontheir behalf to allow them a solid and steady future, or I can pay the familiy off and they can have all the freedom they want, they just cant rely on me to bail them out of the "[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]" because they already went against what i deemed was best for them.

But if you don't even know your daughters yet, how can you possibly know what is best for them? A decision like "what is best for this person" needs to take a person's individual temperment into consideration. There is no possible way to know who will be a good match for a person who doesn't exist yet.

 

[Savage78]

But if you don't even know your daughters yet, how can you possibly know what is best for them? A decision like "what is best for this person" needs to take a person's individual temperment into consideration. There is no possible way to know who will be a good match for a person who doesn't exist yet.

What is best for them is to lead comfortable lives. I dont need to know their temperment to know that.

So that they dont make the mistake of marrying someone living under the poverty line, having eight kids and stuff like that.

 

[Robbie_James_Francis]

Also if a person refuses to sign, it is a sign of mistrust.

Why? If a future fiancé asked me to sign a pre-nup, my misgivings would be based on what that indicates about how he feels about the relationship.

As someone pointed out earlier...you just cant tell how people will react.

True. But there are two main reasons I wouldn't want one...firstly I want to be as sure as I can that the relationship isn't going to end in divorce, and that's good enough for me. Secondly, if it does I don't care about the money.

True, but dont you wish your family to have the very best of everything.

Of course. But I don't think that requires a huge amount of money.

Mistrustful is not the issue, you are painting all rich people with a broad brush. I am surrounded by loved ones, I give to charity both money and my personal time. I give my family the very best that i can, my son will be well traveled and learn about high society and culture.

That makes me extremely happy

Yes, I'm sure it does. I don't actually believe all rich people lack the more important, priceless, things in life. Nor do I believe all people that are less well-off have those things. However, since I see money itself as lacking any intrinsic good, and I think wealth after a point is un-necessary, I don't see the need to pursue a great deal of wealth.

 

[Savage78]

Why? If a future fiancé asked me to sign a pre-nup, my misgivings would be based on what that indicates about how he feels about the relationship.

If they have no intention of leaving you, and they have no intention o taking you for all you got...why wouldnt they sign one?

Of course. But I don't think that requires a huge amount of money.

My son will spend his time travelling, to europe the americas etc. That takes alot of money, sendinghimto the best schools that takes alot of money, it takes alot of money to do for mt children what I want.

 

[Mling]

What is best for them is to lead comfortable lives. I dont need to know their temperment to know that.

So that they dont make the mistake of marrying someone living under the poverty line, having eight kids and stuff like that.

A person with a sense of adventure will stagnate and suffocate with a "comfortable" life. A person with a need to actively serve the most needy will feel useless and depressed with a "comfortable" life. A person with pride, dignity and a work ethic will feel resentful of having a "comfortable" life arranged for them by somebody else.

Again, what if your daughters want to partake of your lessons in hard work and personal accountability? Why not teach them what is so necessary for your sons? Why not arrange for your sons what you deem so perfect for your daughters?

 

[Savage78]

A person with a sense of adventure will stagnate and suffocate with a "comfortable" life.

You can still have adventure and a comfortable life.

A person with a need to actively serve the most needy will feel useless and depressed with a "comfortable" life.

You can still help the needy and lead a comfortable life, people with money can help the needy more than those without.

A person with pride, dignity and a work ethic will feel resentful of having a "comfortable" life arranged for them by somebody else.

I have those things, I am not resentful of also having a fun, adventourous and very comfortable life.

Again, what if your daughters want to partake of your lessons in hard work and personal accountability?

As I said I will teach them, what happens later is a descision for her and her husband.

Why not teach them what is so necessary for your sons? Why not arrange for your sons what you deem so perfect for your daughters?

My eldest son (the only legitimate son I have at the moment, I do have a few supposed bastards out there) has already been arranged to marry...he has lots of play dates with his future wife. Baring her family stuffing up real bad of course.