pre-marrial sex wrong?

[flicka]

The reality is, that is the way it is when you give your heart and body to anyone but the person you're married to. You take a little piece of that person around with you. The ghosts from your past haunt you on your wedding day. They haunt you during sexual relations. They're not always at the forefront of your mind, but every once and awhile they show up.

That isn't my reality at all!! LOL! I seriously think that sexual issues are as unique as the individual, and if yours lead you to think this way then by all means do whatever necessary to keep these things from ruining your life. Personally, after 20+ years of marriage I have a hard time even remembering what happened during my single days, much less having 'ghosts of lovers past' haunt me.

 

[Ledifni]

That isn't my reality at all!! LOL! I seriously think that sexual issues are as unique as the individual, and if yours lead you to think this way then by all means do whatever necessary to keep these things from ruining your life. Personally, after 20+ years of marriage I have a hard time even remembering what happened during my single days, much less having 'ghosts of lovers past' haunt me.

I doubt that she's reporting a problem she's actually experienced. I remember hearing time and time again in youth meetings about how your past lovers will haunt you for the rest of your life, and of course everyone believed it was true because the elders said so, despite the fact that nobody we'd ever met seemed to complain much about past lovers getting in the way of romance.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

I doubt that she's reporting a problem she's actually experienced.

Ah, one should not assume about someone's personal experiences. I am a divorced woman who also has a pretty shady sexual past. There have been times I have been in bed with a man and thought, "gee, I wish he did that 'thing' like so and so used to". This can happen to anyone.

 

[SquareC]

I would whisper lovingly in my bride's ear that I care only about her life with me now, and that her past is neither my business nor my concern. Then I would call any available security to detain these men for trespassing on a private ceremony and disrupting a wedding. Finally, I would turn to my bride-to-be and give my heart to her as I had planned.

What, did you expect me to say I'd throw someone I loved out on her ass just because she'd had the temerity to love others in the past? Why would someone's past lovers even be a concern aside from possible health risks? I can't understand why such a thing would even matter to you.

EDIT: Yes, you're correct, I'm a guy. *goes to update profile*

I don't really understand why so many people are so very obsessed with a person's (male or female) past...I think the way you do, Ledifni.

And no, I don't think pre-marital sex is wrong. I also don't think that sex is the only reason people get married, nor should it be. I think there are probably quite a few unhappy marriages or divorces (depending on beliefs) that are because the person thought they should only have sex after marriage. So they basically married for sex.

Oh, and I had pre-marital sex with my husband. We've been married almost 10 years now. And are very happy. Because we married knowing we loved each other, not just so that we could have sex.

 

[Ledifni]

Ah, one should not assume about someone's personal experiences. I am a divorced woman who also has a pretty shady sexual past. There have been times I have been in bed with a man and thought, "gee, I wish he did that 'thing' like so and so used to". This can happen to anyone.

Ah. Well, I don't consider that being "haunted." That's just a matter of putting past experience to use to increase the pleasure of both partners. What's wrong with that?

 

[NewSong]

Um, did Jesus not turn the water into wine at a wedding? Even in Old Testament culture, there were legal marriage ceremonies.

Fluffy_Rainbow, you speak but you do not have the scripture to back it up. You need to give chapter and verse. Define it both Hebrew and Greek. As far as the wedding feast....in the New Testament in John Chapter 2.....If you are going to go with custom then the daughter would be matched with her husband and never even date him. Do you believe in dating? You didn't even get to pick your own husband? Is this a custom? Could it be considered a sin that you are seen without your face being covered and especially by a man?

Because of our cultures and differences throughout the ages, naturally it is my preference to be married but if you are speaking in the Biblical sense, then I have done much research on the subject and find that the ceremonies and the whole marriage things is not the same as it was then and so you would be following law and would have broken it....The ceremonies that took place were few and far between in the scriptures and all the scriptures indicate marriage is arranged by the parents and perhaps even the girl bought or the girls father paying the man's family for her to be married off? Yet today in our society we refer to that as "white slavery" or better known as Prostitution. Throughout the years much as been lost in the use of words and in order to better understand the Word of God and not just have hand me down teaching, the greek and Hebrew and word study makes and excellent source of coming to our own convincing of what God wants from our ownselves.

I am not going to stop doing something just because someone said it is wrong. You make quote out of context and so may many other people and my point is not to say your wrong or right but to reveal that the best way to know whether something is wrong or right for and individual is for them to get with God themselves and do a word study in both Greek and Hebrew and not let anyone fool with them.

What I have read here is an opinion held by many Christians and yet not necessarily what God requires.

If we are talking recreational sex then I agree it is sin. But if we are talking committment and honoring, esteeming one another with God's hand on it then it is quite another.

NewSong

 

[perfection]

I call myself a follower of christ yet i have pre-marrial sex, I AM in a commited relationship and have intercourse with only one person does tat make me a sinner? or does god want us to be happy?,, I try to stay away from the whole fire and brimstone thing because all that does is scare people away from god and christ,,,, yet i also shy away from the "if it feels good do it" school of thought, any help? (scriptual or evidence)
thank you everyone!!!
god bless and stay strong in faith!

It's not wrong to have sex before marriage, there's no animal in nature that has to marry before having sex. And they all follow God's laws of nature, this automatically means that we don't have to worry about this either. Its unlikely all these animals will burn in hell, such makes it therefore unlikely we will goto hell for it either. Besides wether people are having sex is of no primairy concern to God unless if it's out of pure lust instead out of pure love then it's al perfectly ok.

 

[NewSong]

That isn't my reality at all!! LOL! I seriously think that sexual issues are as unique as the individual, and if yours lead you to think this way then by all means do whatever necessary to keep these things from ruining your life. Personally, after 20+ years of marriage I have a hard time even remembering what happened during my single days, much less having 'ghosts of lovers past' haunt me.

I have not been married 20+ years in marriage and have not the good fortune to even have a marriage at this point in my life but even as rotten of one I had I don't ever recall making a comparison or even thinking along those lines and applaud your post~ Good post~ Thanks Flicka~

 

[NewSong]

I doubt that she's reporting a problem she's actually experienced. I remember hearing time and time again in youth meetings about how your past lovers will haunt you for the rest of your life, and of course everyone believed it was true because the elders said so, despite the fact that nobody we'd ever met seemed to complain much about past lovers getting in the way of romance.

I can't answer for her Ledifini but I can say that a large portion of the people I have spoke with regarding this issue did indeed get this lingo that you are saying and never knew their own hearts convincing and I applaud you for your young ears and your youthful wisdom which is far more mature than I was at your age. If I had some of your wisdom and it seen through things that you have then perhaps I would not have been so screwed up and ran from God thinking I was condemned to hell because I went on some man's opinion. I may have drawn closer to God if someone had said, why don't you research it out for yourself and find what God has to say about it.

And as far as past lovers, all I can say is that is something that also was instilled in heads too~

No scriptural basis.

You made some good points.

NewSong

 

[truthnluv]

I call myself a follower of christ yet i have pre-marrial sex, I AM in a commited relationship and have intercourse with only one person does tat make me a sinner? or does god want us to be happy?,, I try to stay away from the whole fire and brimstone thing because all that does is scare people away from god and christ,,,, yet i also shy away from the "if it feels good do it" school of thought, any help? (scriptual or evidence)
thank you everyone!!!
god bless and stay strong in faith!

If she was a virgin and you became one flesh(sexual union) with her then it is a marriage(Matt.19:4-6). If she was already married and you became one flesh with her it was fornication(1Cor.6:16). If she was a Christian abandoned by a believer or a widow and you became one flesh with her it is a marriage(1Cor.7:15,31)

Marriage has nothing to do with a legal document or a traditional ceremony. These things are man-made and meaningless.

Truthnluv

 

[truthnluv]

Um, did Jesus not turn the water into wine at a wedding? Even in Old Testament culture, there were legal marriage ceremonies.

There were no legal marriages in ancient Isreal. Legal marriages were not even instituted until the reign or Cearar Augustus and they only applied to Roman citizens not the Jews under their authority.

The marriage at Cana was not a ceremony. It was a feast/celebration. Please read the text.

Truthnluv

 

[praying]

If she was a virgin and you became one flesh(sexual union) with her then it is a marriage(Matt.19:4-6). If she was already married and you became one flesh with her it was fornication(1Cor.6:16). If she was a Christian abandoned by a believer or a widow and you became one flesh with her it is a marriage(1Cor.7:15,31)

Marriage has nothing to do with a legal document or a traditional ceremony. These things are man-made and meaningless.

Truthnluv

This then begs the question what is a marriage? Is it merely a sexual union? For if a couple under the circumstances you outline are having sex but not living together not sharing a life but only the "marriage bed" is this marriage.?

Note I agree with you about the legal aspects of today's marriages (license and so on) these things did not occur during Biblical times.

 

[truthnluv]

This then begs the question what is a marriage? Is it merely a sexual union? For if a couple under the circumstances you outline are having sex but not living together not sharing a life but only the "marriage bed" is this marriage.?

Note I agree with you about the legal aspects of today's marriages (license and so on) these things did not occur during Biblical times.

Hello, mhatten. Becoming one flesh with a woman is the Biblically sactioned method of constituting a marriage. This is stated in Gen.2:22-24 where Adam says men of the future would leave father and mother and become one flesh with their woman based on the original oneness of him(Adam) and Eve.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. The "therefore" points back to the woman being taken out of man and brought to him by God(v.21). This is the reason that sexual union(becoming one flesh) is the method chosen by God to constitute a marriage. It is a reaffirmation of the original oneness of man and woman.

Ofcourse, this truth is reiterated by Christ in Matt.19:4-6 and Paul in 1Cor.6:16 as well as in other places.

When two people do this they are married and should act accordingly. However, they are bound by God's law whether they choose to acknowledge the fact of their marriage or not.

Of course, it is not God's intention that a man and a woman would marry and then not act as husband and wife. That is clear from the commands given to husbands and wives in scripture. But due to ignorance, error, deception, westernization, and modernization... there are many abuses.

Truthnluv

 

[Soc12]

It seems that most of the people here agree on what makes a marriage and that it is not the legal ceremony but the bond between the two people and the bringing together of the two to make one flesh. This brings up a question I have, why do so many christians say that sex should wait until the actual marriage ceremony. If two people have decided that they want to be with each other forever but want to wait to have the actual ceremony, why would it be wrong for them to engage in sexual activities.

 

[seebs]

The ceremony seems rather an afterthought, I think, but legalism requires us to focus on outward appearences over inward reality. Why be transformed in Christ when you can instead ostentatiously sit near the front of a building once a week and never give it a second thought? Why commit yourself to someone, accepting no barriers but death itself, when you could just have someone say some words for you, mumbling agreement to something, the same way we do almost every day of our lives?

 

[heavenliejediofthebeach]

So it's a sin. Doesn't mean it's wrong.

Explain please..I dont get what you mean by that

 

[CSMR]

I call myself a follower of christ yet i have pre-marrial sex, I AM in a commited relationship and have intercourse with only one person does tat make me a sinner? or does god want us to be happy?,, I try to stay away from the whole fire and brimstone thing because all that does is scare people away from god and christ,,,, yet i also shy away from the "if it feels good do it" school of thought, any help? (scriptual or evidence)
thank you everyone!!!
god bless and stay strong in faith!

I would say that you are either married or under obligation to marry, depending on how you see marriage. I think you should recognise your situation publically with a marriage ceremony, to publically acknowledge what God has ordained. It will be better for both of you if you are clear about your situation, which biblically is clear (Genesis and gospel verses from truthnluv, Deuteronomy 22). Until this it is better to refrain, in order to avoid scandal (1 Cor 8).

I would avoid the secular concept of commitment. It sees commitment as a temporary psychological phenomemon rather something obligated by the command of God. Whether or not you are committed, God commits you.

 

[thirsty]

There are many reasons why God disapproves of sex out of wedlock but the one that is most previlant is the transfer of STD's. If people remained celibate until marriage STD's would not be an issue like it is today.

 

[Stairway]

There are many reasons why God disapproves of sex out of wedlock but the one that is most previlant is the transfer of STD's. If people remained celibate until marriage STD's would not be an issue like it is today.

With the utmost respect and humility, if right wing fundamentalists didn't implement their foolish "abstinence or nothing" style of sexual education, then maybe we could teach children the reality about sex, as oppose to them learning it through other means (friends, inappropriate contentography etc). If you can figure out a way to stop people from having sex, then please let me know, otherwise we would be best off teaching children and teenagers about sexual education. It is a little better in Canada than it is in the US (sex ed).

 

[henrylee100]

in fact it's not just sex outside marriage that is frowned upon, in early christianity before the biblical canon was put together all kinds of sex tended to be regarded as evil and absolute chastity was promoted even in marriage, especially in such texts as the Actd of Paul and Feckla, and the Acts of Thomas, actually the traditional orthodox monasticism probably takes root in these early 2nd 3d century codices that renounced all forms of sex, wedlock or no wedlock, in the Acts of Thomas there's even a passage where Jesus talks to a newly wed couple in their bridal chamber, persuading them to abstain from sex altogether, whcih they day, among other things he says that children cause nothing but trouble since 90% of them are bound to grow into demon possessed good for nothings.
It's interesting to note that these early most likely forged texts eventually got discarded by the church fathers and were not included int he canon even though quite a few of them, especially the acts of Paul in which one of his main messages is absolute chastity and strickt renounciation of any forms of sex is an inherently filthy activity, remained popular and widely read among early christians and later in the middle ages. Why is it that eventually the church decided to endorse sex in marriage? After all even in the canonical books of the bible , especially the new testament, it can be felt that the attitude toward sex is more on the negative side, here to mind comes the passage from one of the gospels where Jesus talks about eunochs for God's sake and also Pauls contnetion that it's better to remain the way he is, t.e. single in one epistle, and in another he says something along the lines that you should get married if you really can't fight your urge to have sex anymore.
So the bottom line is that outside marriage sex is a total no no, you have to be married to have sex, but even marriage doesn't really make sex all that better, it's a compromise, sort of like Moses' divorce law was a compromise, the ideal will always remain absolute renounciation of any sex whatsover.