Prayer Forum (2)

[Flipper]

I know this isn't nearly as important as all these other requests, but I need to work through this.

First of all, I tried to get into my doctor and couldn't, so I went to the doc-in-the-box (urgent care) and had a chest x-ray done - it's bronchitis and asthma, so I got some Levaquin and an inhaler. I'm finally getting that cough taken care of once and for all. Yippee!

That's actually not what I need prayer for. Remember when I was asking for prayers for Adam's doctor's visit? Well, his blood work did find something but not what we were looking for at this time - an explanation for his infertility. And, it's treatable. This find is totally by accident and coincidence. Further, there is a medicine he can take that will cause him to make swimmers and we could possibly conceive the old fashioned way, and not in a doctor's office.

As you know, we are in the middle of an adoption. We made the decision to forgo the medicine and continue with the adoption. Hey, we can really tell our kids that we chose them, right?

Even though I know we made the right choice, the selfish part of me that I thought had accepted that I won't get pregnant and experience all that goes with that, is acting up a bit. I'm sad.

 

[Edial]

The positive feelings during the weekend did not last long. I was hospitalized monday evening. I just came home this afternoon. Hopefully my meds are all straightened out now.

My Pastor came and visited me...and read from Psalm 73. It was a real comfort for me. I try not to ask "why me" anymore. God knows best. But this was sure a rough one. I felt like I was dying inside.

God used a med change to help me, and I thank Him for it. Doing that "one day at a time" thing.

seajoy

Thanks for listening once more.

ps....my blood tests did not come out well at the rheumatologist. I have to have more tests on Oct 23rd. I have inflamation somewhere in my body, but they don't know where or why.
Sorry about your diabetes, Kae.

Medications, medications, medications.

My father had all types of anxiety side-effects from them. It looks really scary when this happens. Scary.
He was effected with fear deep to his insides.
I did not know what to do when comforting him.

When medications were changed, he felt better in few days.
Some medications he simply refused taking, because the alternatives were giving same side-effects.

You had this problem before. Probably more than once.

Each med comes with side-effects paperwork.
Please, please do look at it.

Doctors prescribe medications. Period.
They are not taking them. They are prescribing them because their book says so.

Also, my father also had significant problems with inflamation.
THIS was knocking him off his usual self.

Inflamation ALSO gives fear and instability.
Inflamation also effects all types of other organs and chemical functions in the body that otherwise function normally.

Just recently doctors admitted in one of the medical journals that inflamation affects heart. Eurika! But my father was telling them all along that there is a relation between inflamation and the function of the heart.

Doctors were treating my father for heart - not inflamation.
Although they were telling him his heart appears to be OK. He had a triple bypass due to clogs. So, they saw the heart as the problem.

When he felt bad, he was telling doctors he probably has an inflamation.
Cardiologists were looking at him with surprise and saying (kind of condescending, I thought) that inflamations is not the cause.
Then, after several tests at the hospital, they find the inflamation, give him proper antibiotics and he is fine.

His heart got weaker in time. It was fighting inflamation for 20 years.

He died at 82 in my arms when he asked doctors (through me and my sister) to take the tubes out.

This is what I know from life experience and not medical school.
Medications can drive a person nuts.
Inflamation can do the same.

Thanks, in prayer.
Ed

 

[Edial]

That's actually not what I need prayer for. Remember when I was asking for prayers for Adam's doctor's visit? Well, his blood work did find something but not what we were looking for at this time - an explanation for his infertility. And, it's treatable. This find is totally by accident and coincidence. Further, there is a medicine he can take that will cause him to make swimmers and we could possibly conceive the old fashioned way, and not in a doctor's office.

As you know, we are in the middle of an adoption. We made the decision to forgo the medicine and continue with the adoption. Hey, we can really tell our kids that we chose them, right?

Even though I know we made the right choice, the selfish part of me that I thought had accepted that I won't get pregnant and experience all that goes with that, is acting up a bit. I'm sad.

Many people conceived after they adopted.
I can't explain that.

I also know this.
When I make decisions - everything must fit that decision, or my decision might be incorrect.

How long does it take to make these swimmers swim?
And what is the chance of these fellows to start swimming? One in a thousand, or is it a good probability?

My point is this.
(Disclaimer - this is just my opinion. I am not a parent and know little about children).

If you want to adopt, adopt.
But if you can do it naturally, do it naturally.
If you still want to adopt, adopt later on after you did it naturally.

If you are in the middle of adoption process, I am certain they could wait a few months.
You are adopting from another country into the U.S.
I would assume that you are on the top of the list of that country for adoption.

A feeling of a woman wanting to conceive is not selfishness, in my opinion.
It is natural.

But if you still want to adopt, it is your choice.
If you conceive later on - great!

Doesn't God choose our children whether we conceive or adopt, and not us?

I hope and pray you feel comfortable with any decision you guys made.

Thanks,
Ed

 

[Flipper]

My understanding is that even with the medication it could take quite some time for it to work. How long? We don't know. His doctor only knew about it because a friend of his is going through the exact same thing. It took them couple a couple of years on it, but everyone is different. It's actually a rare problem and a rare medication that our insurance won't cover (the insurance part isn't a big deal).

Without going into details that our younger readers really don't need to read, enough had been done for us to know that there is no chance for me to get pregnant otherwise. Because of that, part of me finds the idea of just a medication solving the problem a bit suspect.

It actually bothers me a bunch when people say that I'll probably get pregnant after the adoption, because it's been pretty much determined within reasonable medical certainty that I won't. If I do, it really would be a miracle of Biblical proportions. Like I said I don't want to go into the details of how and why we know this, so please trust me. There are people close to us who know the medical details of what's going on who still can't fathom that there's such a thing as male infertility (which is actually 50% of the infertility problems in this country) and that the problem just has to be with me and that if we "relax" it will happen. I wouldn't even dream of telling our parents about this recent find because it would add to that opinion. I think that, more than the problem itself, has bothered me the most in this whole journey. People think they are comforting me, and in reality, they are doing just the opposite, but I can't say anything because I don't feel comfortable getting into the details with just anyone.

Obviously it hasn't been easy for him either. He's more comfortable talking about the medical details because of his clinical background, but it's clearly been a psychological impact on him as well. What's helped him, ironically, is that he has a few patients going through it too. There's a few husbands who pick up meds who have found him to be one of the few guys they can talk to about it, and he's found them to be some of the few guys he can talk to about it as well. They've been lifting each other up, which is kind of cool. Whoever says that guys don't talk out their problems with other guys is wrong. At the same time, I've kind of thought maybe some couples counseling couldn't hurt, but he doesn't seem to be interested because we have been able to talk about it with each other.

We are this close to having the dossier completed, and have gone through having our lives and home made into an open book for some strangers to determine if we are fit to be parents. After going through all that, and I hate to put it in terms of money, but after all the money we've paid so far, it really is logical to continue with the adoption. Another concern is that even though I'm healthy, and I have friends who are having kids in their late 30s and even early 40s, I'm still not getting any younger. Any pregnancy after age 35 is still considered high risk.

I think this just dredged up what we went through earlier and made my previous maternal natal yearnings (which believe me it is scary enough that I have them in the first place) come back.

Thanks for your thoughts. As you can see, even though I can put it all into a logical and acceptable catigorization in my head, it's still a pretty emotional situation. Thanks for telling me it's normal.

 

[seajoy]

I know this isn't nearly as important as all these other requests, but I need to work through this.

First of all, I tried to get into my doctor and couldn't, so I went to the doc-in-the-box (urgent care) and had a chest x-ray done - it's bronchitis and asthma, so I got some Levaquin and an inhaler. I'm finally getting that cough taken care of once and for all. Yippee!

That's actually not what I need prayer for. Remember when I was asking for prayers for Adam's doctor's visit? Well, his blood work did find something but not what we were looking for at this time - an explanation for his infertility. And, it's treatable. This find is totally by accident and coincidence. Further, there is a medicine he can take that will cause him to make swimmers and we could possibly conceive the old fashioned way, and not in a doctor's office.

As you know, we are in the middle of an adoption. We made the decision to forgo the medicine and continue with the adoption. Hey, we can really tell our kids that we chose them, right?

Even though I know we made the right choice, the selfish part of me that I thought had accepted that I won't get pregnant and experience all that goes with that, is acting up a bit. I'm sad.

Thanks for your prayers, Flipper.

It's pretty normal for a mother-to-be (which you are ), to have feelings of "what are we doing?" I even thought about that when I was pregnant. I wanted a baby so much...but was scared to death about what it would mean to have a baby. There is angst whichever way God chooses to give us children....cause we are human.

You will be a great mom to your adopted babies....your husband will be a great dad. You are allowed a little greiving time for not having a baby the regular way....but don't stay in it. You will soon be the parents of beautiful babies of the Lord's choosing. How cool is that??!!

God's blessing, Flip.

 

[LutheranChick]

Thanks for your prayers, Flipper.

It's pretty normal for a mother-to-be (which you are ), to have feelings of "what are we doing?" I even thought about that when I was pregnant. I wanted a baby so much...but was scared to death about what it would mean to have a baby. There is angst whichever way God chooses to give us children....cause we are human.

You will be a great mom to your adopted babies....your husband will be a great dad. You are allowed a little greiving time for not having a baby the regular way....but don't stay in it. You will soon be the parents of beautiful babies of the Lord's choosing. How cool is that??!!

God's blessing, Flip.

Seajoy said it perfectly - prayers for you to get through the adoption process and soon have your baby, Flipper. And whatever God wills, will happen!

Prayers to you also, Seajoy- I hope everything turns out ok and that you start feeling better.

As for me- thank you ALL for your prayers. Bob had his surgery yesterday and came through with flying colors. The surgeon said he was able to get his heel back to 90% of what it was (which is very good). Bob's pain has greatly lessened and his spirits are much better. There isn't that horrible look of suffering in his eyes when he was just waiting for surgery, which left me feeling so helpless and scared.

Of course we still pray that there will be no infection, and that the incision will heal quickly so we can get on with physical therapy. There is still a long road ahead to get him back walking and able to work, but I feel that we have reached the summit of the mountain. Praise be to God!

 

[WildStrawberry]

Seajoy, Prayers are always going up for you! I'm glad that you're begining to find comfort in your situation. I pray that the infection/inflammation is found quickly and is easy to deal with!!

Flipper, I never wanted to bear children but, when the Doctor told me that I was going to lose my uterus, I mourned for the loss of the possibility. I cried one day while at Mom and Dad's and Mom asked why I was crying. "I don't know", I sobbed, "I don't want kids but...I'll never have the choice again!"

What you're doing, bringing two wonderful children into your home to love and keep and be your very own children...it's an awesome thing. I applaud you on it!! You're going to be such a great Mom. And who knows? Perhaps, in a year or so, you and your husband may want to try to get pregnant. But if you don't, know that you're no less of a mother because you didn't give birth. Because you ARE their REAL mother. Period.

LC, hooray for your husband's surgery going well and that the pain has lessened!

Kae

 

[Edial]

Seajoy said it perfectly - prayers for you to get through the adoption process and soon have your baby, Flipper. And whatever God wills, will happen!

Prayers to you also, Seajoy- I hope everything turns out ok and that you start feeling better.

As for me- thank you ALL for your prayers. Bob had his surgery yesterday and came through with flying colors. The surgeon said he was able to get his heel back to 90% of what it was (which is very good). Bob's pain has greatly lessened and his spirits are much better. There isn't that horrible look of suffering in his eyes when he was just waiting for surgery, which left me feeling so helpless and scared.

Of course we still pray that there will be no infection, and that the incision will heal quickly so we can get on with physical therapy. There is still a long road ahead to get him back walking and able to work, but I feel that we have reached the summit of the mountain. Praise be to God!

I hope and pray that your husband will heal quickly and with no complications.
Thanks to God your husband's pain lessened.

 

[Edial]

My understanding is that even with the medication it could take quite some time for it to work. How long? We don't know. His doctor only knew about it because a friend of his is going through the exact same thing. It took them couple a couple of years on it, but everyone is different. It's actually a rare problem and a rare medication that our insurance won't cover (the insurance part isn't a big deal).

Without going into details that our younger readers really don't need to read, enough had been done for us to know that there is no chance for me to get pregnant otherwise. Because of that, part of me finds the idea of just a medication solving the problem a bit suspect.

It actually bothers me a bunch when people say that I'll probably get pregnant after the adoption, because it's been pretty much determined within reasonable medical certainty that I won't. If I do, it really would be a miracle of Biblical proportions. Like I said I don't want to go into the details of how and why we know this, so please trust me. There are people close to us who know the medical details of what's going on who still can't fathom that there's such a thing as male infertility (which is actually 50% of the infertility problems in this country) and that the problem just has to be with me and that if we "relax" it will happen. I wouldn't even dream of telling our parents about this recent find because it would add to that opinion. I think that, more than the problem itself, has bothered me the most in this whole journey. People think they are comforting me, and in reality, they are doing just the opposite, but I can't say anything because I don't feel comfortable getting into the details with just anyone.

Obviously it hasn't been easy for him either. He's more comfortable talking about the medical details because of his clinical background, but it's clearly been a psychological impact on him as well. What's helped him, ironically, is that he has a few patients going through it too. There's a few husbands who pick up meds who have found him to be one of the few guys they can talk to about it, and he's found them to be some of the few guys he can talk to about it as well. They've been lifting each other up, which is kind of cool. Whoever says that guys don't talk out their problems with other guys is wrong. At the same time, I've kind of thought maybe some couples counseling couldn't hurt, but he doesn't seem to be interested because we have been able to talk about it with each other.

We are this close to having the dossier completed, and have gone through having our lives and home made into an open book for some strangers to determine if we are fit to be parents. After going through all that, and I hate to put it in terms of money, but after all the money we've paid so far, it really is logical to continue with the adoption. Another concern is that even though I'm healthy, and I have friends who are having kids in their late 30s and even early 40s, I'm still not getting any younger. Any pregnancy after age 35 is still considered high risk.

I think this just dredged up what we went through earlier and made my previous maternal natal yearnings (which believe me it is scary enough that I have them in the first place) come back.

Thanks for your thoughts. As you can see, even though I can put it all into a logical and acceptable catigorization in my head, it's still a pretty emotional situation. Thanks for telling me it's normal.

Happy adopting.

Thanks,
Ed

 

[Edial]

...

Flipper, I never wanted to bear children but, when the Doctor told me that I was going to lose my uterus, I mourned for the loss of the possibility. I cried one day while at Mom and Dad's and Mom asked why I was crying. "I don't know", I sobbed, "I don't want kids but...I'll never have the choice again!"

...

I know one woman who was already older and lost that part too, and she would cry on occasions despite of the fact that she could not have children anyway due to her age.
Emotional aspect of a human being appears to be so very complex and delicate. It is like handling a fine watch with no casing.
I see emotions as a unique aspect of a human being.
It is not psychology, not medical. Not physical in nature.
I suspect it is spiritual in nature, since one's soul appears to react to it.

Weren't David's Psalms packed with emotions? Wasn't he directly addressing, talking to his soul in Psalm 103?

Many people dismiss emotions like something foolish.
I think the ones who dismiss them are the ones who are foolish.

Emotions are not foolish - they are hard to explain by our naturalistic (simplistic) minds.

Why women are more emotional? Because they are more delicate and sensitive? Or because they are more spiritual in many ways?
Don't we see many more women in church than men? Why?

I am hijacking the thread.

Thanks for some ideas to ponder on.


Ed

 

[Edial]

Hey seajoy.

Sorry for my "medication" post.

I was simply upset at medications, doctors and inflamations.

Praying for you.

Ed

 

[Jim47]

My Pastor came and visited me...and read from Psalm 73. It was a real comfort for me. I try not to ask "why me" anymore. God knows best. But this was sure a rough one. I felt like I was dying inside.

.

Thats one of my favorite Psalms, and it also helped me when I was so sick many years ago. It gave me peace that I was unable to find.

We shall never know this side of heaven how great God's love for us is, but keeping close in His word helps us much.

 

[seajoy]

Hey seajoy.

Sorry for my "medication" post.

I was simply upset at medications, doctors and inflamations.

Praying for you.

Ed

It's ok, Ed. Medications, for mental health, are tricky things. I've tried many. This new drug has several side effects. I'm already showing some of those signs. The doctor told me I will need to overlook the side effects in order to feel better mentally. I have accepted that.

If I had to choose - a healthy brain seems more important than a healthy body right now. As much as I would like health in both areas it seems that I just don't have either one. But there are people much worse off than I. I saw that in the hospital. Mental illness is so difficult, and hard to explain to one who's never been through it. It hurts very far inside you.

 

[seajoy]

Thats one of my favorite Psalms, and it also helped me when I was so sick many years ago. It gave me peace that I was unable to find.

We shall never know this side of heaven how great God's love for us is, but keeping close in His word helps us much.

Thanks for your kind words, Jim.

 

[Flipper]

Got more bloodwork back for DH - it shows that the medicine the doctor thought might fix the infertility probably will probably not work, so we are back to where we were, but with a little more of an understanding of what's going on, and a treatment of the immediate problem that brought him there in the first place (which was not the infertility).

Unfortunately, he's back to saying that he's broken. Took me 4 years to reassure him before, I guess I can take 4 more to reassure him again.

 

[Edial]

Got more bloodwork back for DH - it shows that the medicine the doctor thought might fix the infertility probably will probably not work, so we are back to where we were, but with a little more of an understanding of what's going on, and a treatment of the immediate problem that brought him there in the first place (which was not the infertility).

Unfortunately, he's back to saying that he's broken. Took me 4 years to reassure him before, I guess I can take 4 more to reassure him again.

For some odd reason we all try to associate ourselves to our ... ahem ... "Biblical places" ...

So. it is broken - biiiig deal. Could have been worse.

I wonder how we would feel in Heaven when there will be no places to cover with fig leaves.

Thanks,
Ed

 

[Flipper]

It's not literally broken.

He just thinks he's broken because he's a male. He's not broken.

 

[Edial]

It's not literally broken.

He just thinks he's broken because he's a male. He's not broken.

So smack him over his head and tell him to stop talking nonesense.

... (thinking how to avoid Mr.Flipper so not to get smacked himself at the next reunion).

Ed

 

[Flipper]

I do - quite often.

He doesn't read this, so don't worry.

 

[seajoy]

ps....my blood tests did not come out well at the rheumatologist. I have to have more tests on Oct 23rd. I have inflamation somewhere in my body, but they don't know where or why.
Sorry about your diabetes, Kae.

I had to go to see the rheumatologist early (today), due to my hands swelling, burning and numbness. I now have the diagnosis of arthritis along with the fibro. My dr is not sure which type I have yet. But the drug he gave me is for rheumatoid arthritis (I checked on the net).

I fear I talk too much about ailments around here. Sometimes I just need to let it out. Sorry if it's too often.

Emotionally, I feel pretty good. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Hope you are doing well, Kae. What you have is surely no fun either. May God bless you, my friend.