Prayer for Direction

[Faith78]

Hello everyone.

I have made the decision to step down from pastoring for the time being.
This has been one of the hardest decisions of my life as I love my congregation with all my heart and to be honest, I am doing it for them.

Ministering the gospel is my life. I live for sharing God's word with others however.
I am suffering terribly from PTSD or something? with what happened last May.

I am embarrassed to say this because I have been trained in so many ways how to help those affected by suicide and you would think I would be able to breeze through something like this.

But I just can't get these images out of my head, Every day is spent going over what my and Dads last words were and the conversations we shared together.

I am the type to keep things quiet for the most part when it comes to me, But right now my mind is so cluttered with these terrible images along with everything else that is going on in my life.

Only Mom and my brother will have anything to do with me, The rest of my family all hate me.
Daily I wonder if my Dad left me everything and then had me to come find him after shooting himself as a direct punishment to me.

I don't know, But guys I hurt so badly inside, It is a raging sea of torment. I break down a lot because I live alone and yet when anyone comes around, I will put on the happy face and pray with them and preach, All the while swallowing the lump in my throat that is like a rock.
I do not believe that I can effectively be a good pastor to my precious church while I am so burdened and suffering so greatly inside.

I feel that this is the correct step for me at this time, I need to let healing come and I believe it will through God's way and in His time.

I shouldn't have came back to the ministry as quickly as I did but I thought keeping my mind off the subject as much as possible was the correct method,
However it is still there when everyone leaves and I have to deal with it anyway
Every morning it is a struggle just to get out of bed.

Prayer for direction please
Love all of you guys and thank you
@Faith78

Well Scott we love you so much. You know just because we arent blood, you are Family to Me, Lucas and Sue. Your always welcome to come over. Our doors are always open. I know you are doing the right thing as hard as it is for you and us. We LOVE our congregation and it just feels like home. We have been blessed even in your struggles with so many good things. Scottie accepting the Lord and he absolutely loves coming to church. I lnow the struggles with PTSD. I will tell you from another a professional counselors mouth. You can councel others, but when you have something like that you need to seek help and also seek God for healing. I've dealt with alot of aspects of my PTSD and both counseling and also Our Lord have helped me so much. I pray for you and we love you. I know that one day our church will be back together and stronger because we Love our congregation and you! Praying for you brother and can't wait too see you later this week.

 

[LoricaLady]

Well, I pray first of all for your healing, for you to get off that mental hamster wheel that is tormenting you. I pray for guidance on how to do that, and on your life's direction from here on.

 

[Stephanie7]

Southernscotty, I really believe God is okay with you resting. It's okay to take a break and rest. I pray that in time You will find peace with your father's passing and that God will provide you with the strength and ability to accept what happened to him. You will come back stronger than ever.

Heavenly Father, please heal the emotional and painful scars left behind in Scotty's heart. I ask that You will heal him, and give him a brand new start, "Behold I will bring it health and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth" Jeremiah 33:6, in Jesus Name, Yes LORD, this brother needs Your peace and closure to move on, thank You LORD, Amen

 

[Deborah D]

I didn't see this prayer request until now. My heart is breaking for you. That's what the body of Christ is for. We weep with those who weep!

Grieving takes as long as it takes. There is really no set time. I've been grieving my husband's death for 5 years because the circumstances of his death were very tragic. Give yourself all the time you need--all the time God needs to bring about healing in your heart and mind.

Please reach out for prayer as often as you need it! You know what a blessing it is to pray for others. Let us support you in prayer!

I pray that you will feel God's strong arms holding you up and that He will give you the peace that passes all understanding. I know that He will!

 

[inquiring mind]

I don't have the words... but praying for you during this trying time.