Dowlers, to defray a little of the mystery, I glanced at some of your other posts. I didn't read the responses, so forgive me if I repeat anything others said.
I really appreciated your honesty, and it's refreshing to see someone participate while they are still analyzing what they believe. There is no way that someone can suddenly change their whole thought patterns to fit an organizations--there should be no way. You brought up cults; that is how cults keep such loyalty, by intimidating weaker believers.
Whether you faked your premise or not, gee, I'll bet there were others on the trip who were borderline believers too. Don't be hard on yourself. Do you mind if I quote you?
I want to believe rather than pretend to believe but I have a mind that always questions what I am taught. I cannot be told something and just believe that. I have to understand why something is the way it is to believe, if that makes sense.
That was beautiful.
The culture of Christianity often has methods and processes that we expect others to follow along with. Jesus was vocal about things like this. Although he promoted baptism, he also shook up the religious leaders and slapped their wrists over insincerity and holding people to rules that went beyond scriptures.
When Jesus hung on the cross, a man on a cross beside him gave him some words of sympathy, indicating that he knew Jesus was who he said he was...and Jesus responded, "surely today you'll be with me in paradise."
The man didn't follow the baptism rules, the synagogue rules, circumcision, offerings, four spiritual laws, or confirmation class. He just communicated his understanding to Jesus, and was saved by the limited amount of faith he had.
Luke 23
About serving others in Kenya...it was a wonderful thing you did. Look through the Old Testament, and you will see how passionately our Father defends the poor and gets outraged when people oppress them.
Proverbs 14:31
He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.
Proverbs 17:5
He who mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker; whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished.
Proverbs 19:17
He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done.
Deuteronomy 15:11
There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.
Deuteronomy 24:12
If the man is poor, do not go to sleep with his pledge in your possession.
Deuteronomy 24:14
Do not take advantage of a hired man who is poor and needy.
Deuteronomy 24:15
Pay him his wages each day before sunset, because he is poor and is counting on it. Otherwise he may cry to the LORD against you, and you will be guilty of sin.
Matthew 10:32 Every one, therefore, who shall confess in me before men, I also will confess in him before my Father who is in the heavens.