Potty Training

[LovingMother]

I guess I'm looking for support here rather than just advice. I have tried so many things, I'm not sure there's any more advice out there, but perhaps I am wrong.

Anyway, my little guy started potty training on his own around the age of one (not long after I taught him to sign "change" when he wanted a diaper). He regularly peed and pooed on the potty along with some piddles and poos in his diaper. I bought pull ups to phase out diapers and everything was going well.

Not long after my daughter was born, my son went for a number of days without messing in his pants at all and I bought him some big boy underwear. This went well for a few days until he was laying in Daddy's arms and he said "are you my baby?" at which point, my little guy stopped using the potty consistently. He would use it if we put him on it, but would not tell us when he had to go anymore.

About six months later, he wouldn't go to the potty at all without kicking and screaming. He knows how to use the potty, but he is deciding not to. I tried having him go without pants, but he has no problem dumping on the floor. I have tried a number of different rewards and reward structures. Those have worked far less often than not, but more often than anything else.

Really, I'm just at my witts end. It has been over a year and a half since he stopped using the potty. I have tried to be patient and let him come back to it with only gentle guideance, but he is determined not to use the potty.

*sigh* I'm completely at a loss and totally frustrated!

 

[mamaneenie]

How old is your son now? I have read that most people recommend you not to start potty training until at least 2.

I will admit I am no expert on this, as my son is 23mths old and we are about to embark on "the potty training journey" but it seems to me as though you may have started him too early, he started to regress when the second baby was born and still hasn't gotten the hang of using a potty yet.

Please understand I am new to this too, and will admit I don't have all the answers. But I do understand what you are going through.

 

[Kelly]

Yeah, 1 is early. That's great that he was doing it that early but it sounds like he has issues about being 'the baby' now that you have another child. He wants to be special too (not that you don't give him equal attention!).

He'll grow out of it, yeah...1 ... that's early.

 

[LovingMother]

Well, that's the thing. I didn't potty train him. He wanted to do it on his own, I just followed his lead. He's always been that way, wanting to do things at his pace. I try to accomidate as long as it doesn't compromise parental direction. I hadn't intended to start until he was at least two. He is three now. I don't think it would bother me if he was still just learning, I understand the learning process. I just don't understand why he won't go even though he knows how. He is even very articulate on the subject and explains to me where the appropriate place to go is. He often promises that he will start going in the potty again, but then continues to refuse to do so. This child is an enigma!! LOL

 

[lucypevensie]

Does he get consequenses for messing his pants? I think he should have to clean up the puddle, dump the congealed poo in the toilet, etc. To the best of his childlike ability of course. You can go back later and use the Lysol or bleach or whatever.

Also use cloth training pants if you're not doing that already. It's much more uncomfortable to wear those soaking wet than one of those super-absorbent Pull-ups. More incentive to stay dry.

It sounds like he is capable and can take on this exciting responsibility of being a big boy.

 

[HeatherJay]

Well, I really have nothing much to offer in the way of advice. But it sounds like it's a combination of a few issues.


#1 He's not the baby anymore, so he's trying to get more attention from you guys. My Emily did this when her little sister was born (they're 2 1/2 years apart). She was on the right potty training track, going to the potty during the day and only having accidents at night. But as soon as Eden came along, we practically had to put Emily back in diapers again. We gave in because we were tired and sleep deprived, but things eventually got back to normal.

#2 It's a control issue. There are very few things toddlers can control, but this is one of them (another is food). One thing that helped to encourage Emily along was pre school. She wanted desperately to go to play with her friends, but we told her that only kids who knew how to go to the potty could go to school. Well, that changed her mind really quick. She straightened up right away.

#3 I agree that 1 is way early, but I understand that you were only following his lead. My Eden has been sitting on the potty since about 1 1/2. Sometimes she would go, sometimes not, but she knew what it was for. At such a young age, it's impossible for them to control their bodies enough for potty training to be effective.

I don't know if any of that was helpful or not...but here's a hug . Be patient and take lots of deep breaths.

Love, Heather

 

[LovingMother]

Yes, he has to clean up after himself. This doesn't serve as much of a consequence for him, though, becuase he loves cleaning up. I think, for him anyway, that it is more of a consequence if I am upset because I have to do it and not let him do it.

I did try cloth pants with him, but they didn't seem to help at all and I tired of continuously washing them, especially since we have moved to a place where we have to pay for water.

 

[Evening Mist]

Neither of my son's learned to use the potty until they were 3 years old. We didn't even introduce the idea until then, but then they learned very quickly. A couple of weeks really.

I do think its a control issue, and I think that in your shoes I would do my best to make it "non-issue." I think I woudl just go back to using diapers and behave as if it were no big deal. Call his bluff. Act as if I didn't care one way or another. Not even mention the word "potty" until he brought it up.

Then what is he controlling? Nothing. Its not important anymore. He's not getting a reaction. At the same time, there is no pressure.

Then when he is sick of having poop and pee in his diaper, and sick of laying still for diaper changes -- maybe he'll decide to use the potty again on his own.

I think its worth the chance anyway. Worst case, you can go back to pressing the issue after a trial period.

 

[allieisme]

So is this your sons way of getting attention from you, since the arrival of your new baby? I guess I was lucky, my daughter never had a problem like this, when my 2nd was born. I hope it gets better for you.. Although I'm sure thats aggrivating to hear from someone else.

 

[LovingMother]

I don't know if it is an attention thing or not. He is very very close to his father and daddy doesn't pay nearly as much attention to the babies as he does his little guy. I could understand if he wants more attention from me since I don't shower him with it like his daddy does, but Daddy is the one that said "are you my baby" and that ended his using the potty. I don't know. He's always been my challenging child, in other areas, too. Thanks for all the advice. I will just keep being patient and trying to guide him to the toilet.

 

[karla]

What if daddy started with "are you my big boy", if he loves the attention from his dad, then he may be more willing to use the potty again. Rewards like a special "guys day out" might do the trick. I know that it is frustrating! Make it a non issue and eventually he will use it, there aren't too many grown men still wearing diapers I wish you much luck! My daughter was so easy to potty train, but I fear I will not be so lucky with my son. He is on the go all the time.

 

[LovingMother]

Thanks karla. That is something we wanted to try, but Daddy has been working long hours lately and isn't home enough. His hours are supposed to slack off at some point, so I hope we can give this a try. My little guy has been going more, now. Occasionally, he will ask to go to the potty now, so I am just waiting and hoping that his momentum keeps moving in the toilet direction.