Potty Training is just getting out of hand!

[BeautifulGrace]

My son is 3 years old. We have been potty training (with some breaks) for a YEAR! I am to my limit!

He can do everything on the potty but refuses to tell me when he has to go. He has told me in the past and we have had some days of dry pants. But, the novelty wears off in a day or two and we are back to square 1! I am so frustrated with this I could just lose it.

I am too the point where I am going to put him in diapers and make him earn his big boy undies back after he tells me he has to go for a period of time. I am tired of asking all the time and hearing "no" and then seeing wet pants. I think I will just not say anything and make it his choice not my request.

I feel like such a failure that I can't potty train my kid! What is wrong with me! He is ready to be potty trained he just refuses to tell me.

I am just so sick of this I could scream!

 

[lucypevensie]

Does he have to deal with the consequences of wet pants? Not saying you should punish him, but you should have him change his own clothes, put them in the washer, wipe up his own puddles, etc. And do you use cloth pants? They're often more motivating than Pull-ups. And I'd stop taking any more breaks too. No more diapers, he can do it, he just needs to know that you know he can do it.

 

[Momzilla]

I understand your frustration--my older son turned 4 last week, and he's still wetting himself on a regular basis. I really don't have any advice. I just keep telling myself that he'll learn sometime before he goes to college...

Actually, I do have one thought. For Andy, I just don't think it upsets him to be wet. Never in all his time in diapers did he get fussy when he was wet or poopy. His baby brother, on the other hand, will fuss until we change a dirty diaper. Knowing that Andy really doesn't care much about being wet has made it easier for me to accept the wetting, because I know I can't *make* him care. He'll just have to get there on his own.

 

[Zoomer]

First of all, you are not a failure. The average age that a boy potty trains is 3.5. I know plenty of mothers who still have yet to potty training their 3 year olds.
The only suggestions that I can offer are-
You could try setting a timer for every 20-30 minutes and take him to the bathroom. Maybe he gets so busy playing that he forgets and the timer could be used a reminder.
If you are both getting frustrated it may be good to take a break again. He may not have the bladder control yet. He will potty train eventually so don't worry. My DD didn't train until 3 and my son I am not starting until he turns 3.

 

[FroggyJK]

I am in the same boat with my 3 1/2 year old.

I think I have pretty much come to the conclusion that it is a power thing (at least with my little boy). This is the one thing that he has complete power over. I can not make him go on the potty. He is the only one who can do it.

He is getting there slowly. He now will go pee pee on the toilet and rarely has an accident. But he has only pooped on the toilet a few times and has no problem just going in his underwear. I find that the more I try to push him the more resistant he gets. Once I leave him alone about it he starts to want to do it on his own. Anyway, that's my experience.

Good luck to you.

 

[Jenna]

I have a little girl, not a boy, but I know how frustrating it can be to have a suddenly wet little one when they just said they didn't have to go. I found that with my daughter, it was best for me to not give her the option of saying 'no' and running off to play. I make her stop every so often and take her to the bathroom, even if she just ends up sitting there for a minute. More often than not, she'll go at least a little. Even those little tinkles, I make a deal of, and she's happy that I'm happy.

 

[selune]

I'm with Jenna, don't have the option, they sit down and try no matter what. That being said, My oldest, now 10 was the one who didn't care if she was wet even after sitting and trying she'd have an accident 10 min later. She wouldn't tell either, she was too busy playing.
You're not a failure and neither is your son. Some kids just take longer. I've been fed up with the older generation telling me that I'm somehow doing something wrong because my kids wasn't potty trained by 18 months! Yes I've had that said to me. Now I know some people have the patience and kids who will sit through that training, but I certainly don't and I really don't think it hurts the kids to wait if they're not quite ready. Best of luck and remember, he'll get there. We're still having night accidents with our 4 year old on a regular basis, he sleeps so soundly that he doesn't notice the wet sheets. He'll wake up and change and move to a dry spot on his bed.

 

[bliz]

Lucypensive's got the right idea! Give natural consequences a try. It is a very effective tool in many situations.

In this situation natural consequences mean cleaning up after himself... the floor needs to be wiped up, the clothing needs to be washed out by hand (a 3 year old can do this) and he needs to wash himself. Then, while the washed clothes are in the dryer, he has to sit and wait. Put a waiting chair near the dryer where he can sit (bare bottomed) and wait for his cloting to be dry. This will take a fairly large chunk of his time and he is sure to be bored waiting on the dryer.

You should be nothing but sympathetic - "I'm so sorry this happened to you. Here, let me show you how you are to clean this up..." No punishment is involved, just the natural consequences. Be sure you pick a time to start this when you can spend a several days at home to get things off to a good start.

Hang in there! It is such a hard time! You are not alone in struggling to get through this with your son in one piece; I think every mother has almost gone round the bend on potty training!

 

[BeanMak]

Momzilla, you used my words exactly when I was frustrated with potty training...

I really don't have any advice. I just keep telling myself that he'll learn sometime before he goes to college...

Guess what, :fixed: he is now 20 and hasn't had an accident in YEARS
These are great suggestions, especially about not taking no as a request to potty. He has to at least try. Bliz, you gave me a smile picturing a little bare bottom on a little chair waiting for the dryer!

 

[desi]

Consequences are the way to go. Children generally get sick of work fast. If its more work to have 'accidents' than to go potty the choice becomes clear.

 

[IslandBreeze]

If I'm not mistaken, child experts recommend waiting to potty train until the child is ready--not when Mom and Dad are ready. And when they're ready, they're much more likely to be cooperative, where it wouldn't be such a chore. I was 3 1/2 when my parents started potty training my sister and I. Notice I said starting. From what I understand, we got the hang of it pretty quickly. Now again, I don't know much about kids, but I am surprised that someone would even suggest trying to potty-train a 2-year-old. I have yet to see a 2-year-old have much control over anything--much less their bladders.

Be patient, hang in there. He'll get the hang of it sooner or later. And if it's causing you that much stress, maybe you both could benefit from a break from potty training until your child is really ready.

 

[sunnyshine]

My oldest is 2 and 1/2 years and we haven't started potty training him yet since I've read that 3 - 3 and 1/2 yrs. is the best time for boys to start learning, but when I do, I'm going to get one of those dolls that pees when you push on it's stomach. Make it pee in the little potty, then throw a little party for it, blowing party horns and dancing around. Tell your child that when he/she is ready to go potty, they'll get a party too! A friend of mine had a lot of success with this! She learned it from watching Dr. Phil ... it worked for her son...

 

[BeautifulGrace]

Thanks for all of your comments. Since my son does know how to pee and poop on the potty and we will go days with dry pants then restore back to accidents a few times a day...I think that the break is a good thing right now.

I did use the natural consequences of having accidents in the pants to a certain extent. I did make him take off the dirty underwear. Howeve I never thought to have him clean and wait to dry them. VERY GOOD IDEA! Boy that is an Ah-HA for me. I think when we do start up again that will definately be what I use.

I think that I do need a break. So I will do that and then it is the ole sittin' by the dryer bare bottomed on a stool! I really like that idea!

 

[NoneyaBiznezz]

I hear the frustration!! I am also in the process of potty training a 3 year old boy. The beggining was the worst, but now things are going much better I haven't had to change a dirty diaper in a month or so!! Patience is the key I guess. I became very impatient about 4 months ago when it seemed like he could careless if he was clean or not. About a month ago it was like someone flipped a switch. He still wears a pullup for his naps and at night but for the most part he is staying dry throughout the day. Now if I could just teach him to clean himself up properly when he gets done using the "potty".

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel after years of diaper changing...wooooooohoooooo. Just remember that if your potty training at 3-4 your almost done! I am looking forward to the day of never having to change a diaper again Patience, patience, patience.

My wife and I have always used "potty treats" with some success. We have a big bag of candy with all of my son's favorite items in it. If all else fails, you can sneak a chocolate bar as a door prize if you have to change a stinky diaper

 

[bliz]

Patience is very important and remember that bad potty training experiences can have unintended negetive consequences on psycho-sexual development.
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One of the reasons I love my husband so much is becasue when our brocolli loving daughter was clinging to pooping her greenish and really skinky poo in her diapers, and I was pregnant with our youngest, my husband took over every single diaper change he was home for. He was able to remain calm and loving with her and I was nauseated, angry and on the edge of loosing it. He rescued me and our daughter as much as any knight in shinning armour ever rescued a maiden in distress.

 

[Bunker]

Hi.....first of all, it does not matter if anyone else tells you it's time to train your son.....it really is just like bashing your head against the wall if your son is not ready. There is no 'right' age..and though it seems like such a huge mountain right now..it really is not. Childhood is so fleeting and I think we really miss out on a lot when we become so focused on one or two things. We have 3 boys....our two oldest are 15 months apart....I potty trained them both in 2 days at the very same time....one was almost 4 and the other was 3. I did not use anything fancy....no pull ups...those are such a scam in my opinion...I did this....I dedicated 2 whole days to nothing but potty training. I had the boys only wear t-shirts....no diaper...no undies...nothing....butt naked....it was such a different feeling than what they were used to...which makes them pay more attention to what's going on...and it was done.......no battles, no tears or threats from Mommy.....our oldest wet the bed a few times.....our middles son never did...but he would have a few accidents...not a big deal, really. I mean, in the whole scheme of life, a few wet pants is not a big crisis. Our youngest son was a little different. I did the same thing with him...he was trained in 2 days as well......BUT only for peeing...he would not use the potty for pooping for nothing! No big deal...he would ask for a diaper and I would put one on him and for a whole year this is how he pooped! Then one day...he used the potty and again, no tears, no battles, he was just ready. I am sorry this is so long...it's just that our boys are now 12, 11 and 7 and it goes by SO FAST!!!!....If I could do it again, there are so many things that I would enjoy instead of stressing out over..so many things I thought were so important that really were'nt. Bottles and Binkies and Blankies and Potties....these are some of the things that we stress so much over and really, we should not waste the energy....we should just enjoy our gifts from God. Let your son lead you on this issue......believe me...there will be much bigger things to worry about with your child in the future......this will seem like a cake walk in comparision!!!!