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[partinobodycular]

You honestly don't understand.

Thank you for your perspective, but I'm officially in lurker mode.

Where's that popcorn eating emoji when you need it.

 

[Paidiske]

The OP's thoughts and feelings are what we're dealing with. He doesn't like the fact that his girlfriend put a price on herself if she was single. How exactly is he in a position to forgive her, let alone to apologize for how he feels? As far as I'm aware, a Christian is no more obligated than a non-Christian to date somebody who says things that they don't like.

To me, it's the strength of the OP's reaction that's a concern. He doesn't like the comment, fine. He's not obliged to. The fact that he sees it as "a big red flag" seems to put it in another category.

A red flag? That his girlfriend realises that a (very hypothetical) situation might tempt her to do something with which he disagrees? Does he not realise that that's part of being human? All of us have something which would tempt us to sin. It might not be money and it might not be sexual sin, but if he's going to see being honest about potential temptation as a dealbreaker in a relationship, he's going to have difficulty sustaining an honest relationship.

I think part of the reaction in this thread is many people realising that if the OP has this strong a reaction to something like this, and doesn't work through that, he's likely going to find it difficult to sustain a long term relationship; and it's particularly galling that he seems to see that as entirely the fault of the woman concerned, than a situation to which he is contributing.

 

[Niels]

To me, it's the strength of the OP's reaction that's a concern. He doesn't like the comment, fine. He's not obliged to. The fact that he sees it as "a big red flag" seems to put it in another category.

A red flag? That his girlfriend realises that a (very hypothetical) situation might tempt her to do something with which he disagrees? Does he not realise that that's part of being human? All of us have something which would tempt us to sin. It might not be money and it might not be sexual sin, but if he's going to see being honest about potential temptation as a dealbreaker in a relationship, he's going to have difficulty sustaining an honest relationship.

I think part of the reaction in this thread is many people realising that if the OP has this strong a reaction to something like this, and doesn't work through that, he's likely going to find it difficult to sustain a long term relationship; and it's particularly galling that he seems to see that as entirely the fault of the woman concerned, than a situation to which he is contributing.

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. Perhaps I'm not accurately gauging the OP's reaction. The way it comes across to me is that he finds the idea of having a price to be repugnant. That she is so lacking in self-worth as to consider selling her body to be rich. If she said she'd do it to avoid death, that's one thing, or if she was tempted for other reasons, but for the extra cash? Not everybody sees money that way.

While I might handle things differently, and I can't speak for the OP, I can understand why it might turn him off. The song Head Like a Hole, by Nine Inch Nails, captures the sentiment. There are better ways, if it's that important to her.

Everybody is tempted to sin one way or the other, but not everybody shares the same temptations to the same degree. This is an important aspect of compatibility.

People should be tactful yet express what bothers them, or it will fester under the surface and potentially blow up later on. Would you prefer that he not say a word, to pretend that everything is fine, if it bothers him so much? Likewise, if she perceives his reaction as a big red flag in turn, she might be the one who reconsiders the relationship. The fact that it's being spoken about at all, however, gives it a better chance at being worked through.

And, like you said, it's hypothetical. Situations like this rarely happen in real life, at least not with so much money at stake, so how serious can this be? That's one of the reasons why I'd first respond with humor. To underscore the absurdity of it all, and maybe win her over to the "not a chance" side if all goes well.

 

[Paidiske]

The way it comes across to me is that he finds the idea of having a price to be repugnant.

Maybe. I think it's hard not to read the OP and come away with the impression he finds her repugnant now. That's probably part of the reaction too.

People should be tactful yet express what bothers them, or it will fester under the surface and potentially blow up later on. Would you prefer that he not say a word, to pretend that everything is fine, if it bothers him so much? Likewise, if she perceives his reaction as a big red flag in turn, she might be the one who reconsiders the relationship. The fact that it's being spoken about at all, however, gives it a better chance at being worked through.

Oh, for sure they should talk about it. Absolutely. I just hope he can do so without it being very accusatory and judgemental of her (which is how the OP read).

 

[mama2one]

interestingly, same thread was started in engagement & wedding

 

[Walk K.]

post removed

 

[mama2one]

What is the Christian thing to do in my situation?

are you engaged since you posted this same exact posting in "engaged/wedding section?"

 

[Walk K.]

No, not engaged.

 

[Paidiske]

What are your thoughts on this? How would you'll respond to this hypothetical $10 million dollar proposal question? What is the Christian thing to do in my situation?

Can you love her for the flawed human being that she is? Because if not, that doesn't bode well for being able to build a marriage with anyone, because - newsflash! - we're all flawed.

I think her response was about the best you could have hoped for. It wasn't cavalier, it wasn't taking sexual sin lightly, it affirmed that your values on this are shared. But that she was honest that ten million dollars was a pretty big temptation to her. I think that kind of insight and honesty is a pretty good trait, in the long run, even if you don't like what she said on this occasion. Would you rather she lie to you about it?

And, to be fair, I suspect most of us can relate to that temptation on some level. I can think of quite a few things I'd be tempted to do by ten million dollars. Fortunately for us all, very few of us are ever going to be confronted with that kind of temptation in real life.

 

[partinobodycular]

Thanks for the input everyone, still REALLY struggling with this. Maybe I'm struggling with accepting the darker realities of the human condition.

An update:

I spoke with the GF at length yesterday in a very serious conversation about what she said. She said that she thinks having sex with a stranger for $10 million is wrong, and not what she SHOULD do, as the bible says this is wrong. She said she would feel guilty about it. She said the she is a brutally honest person, and she told me what she probably WOULD realistically do. She said that she certainly would not teach her kids that such an action is the right thing to do, emphasizing that what she would realistically do vs. what you would teach your children is different. She said she would teach her children values of sexual morality to which we were on the same page about. She agreed with me that we should both aim at being people who don’t accept that offer, and that it is not a scenario that she hopes or wants to happen.

She asked me what I would do in such a situation, and my gut reply was “I would decline as that money is not important to me”. But on second thought I think its unrealistic that I wouldn’t consider it. At the end of the day, I think I would turn it down as you’ve got to draw the line somewhere and it’s a serious stain on your soul and character. I’m no angel in terms of my sexual past, and neither is she, but to me there are just some lines I don’t think I can cross. She asked that I just love her for the flawed human being that she is.

I asked her to seriously reconsider her answer, and she replied that she would think about it, but her answer probably wouldn't change.


What are your thoughts on this? How would you'll respond to this hypothetical $10 million dollar proposal question? What is the Christian thing to do in my situation?

I think that there's something very important that you may be overlooking. Something that may be even more important than her answer to a hypothetical question.

She was honest. So yes, she may have flaws, we all do, but if she can be honest, even knowing what's at stake, that should tell you a whole lot about her character.

In the end it's your decision. You have to do what you think is right. But I can't help but think of the story of the drowning man. Who when he got to heaven asked God why God hadn't answered his prayers. To which God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

Sometimes what God sends us, isn't what we want, but what we need.

 

[Walk K.]

I think that there's something very important that you may be overlooking. Something that may be even more important than her answer to a hypothetical question.

She was honest. So yes, she may have flaws, we all do, but if she can be honest, even knowing what's at stake, that should tell you a whole lot about her character.

In the end it's your decision. You have to do what you think is right. But I can't help but think of the story of the drowning man. Who when he got to heaven asked God why God hadn't answered his prayers. To which God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

Sometimes what God sends us, isn't what we want, but what we need.

Not really following what you are saying with the drowning man story. Could you explain?

 

[Robban]

Thanks for the input everyone, still REALLY struggling with this. Maybe I'm struggling with accepting the darker realities of the human condition.

An update:

I spoke with the GF at length yesterday in a very serious conversation about what she said. She said that she thinks having sex with a stranger for $10 million is wrong, and not what she SHOULD do, as the bible says this is wrong. She said she would feel guilty about it. She said the she is a brutally honest person, and she told me what she probably WOULD realistically do. She said that she certainly would not teach her kids that such an action is the right thing to do, emphasizing that what she would realistically do vs. what you would teach your children is different. She said she would teach her children values of sexual morality to which we were on the same page about. She agreed with me that we should both aim at being people who don’t accept that offer, and that it is not a scenario that she hopes or wants to happen.

She asked me what I would do in such a situation, and my gut reply was “I would decline as that money is not important to me”. But on second thought I think its unrealistic that I wouldn’t consider it. At the end of the day, I think I would turn it down as you’ve got to draw the line somewhere and it’s a serious stain on your soul and character. I’m no angel in terms of my sexual past, and neither is she, but to me there are just some lines I don’t think I can cross. She asked that I just love her for the flawed human being that she is.

I asked her to seriously reconsider her answer, and she replied that she would think about it, but her answer probably wouldn't change.


What are your thoughts on this? How would you'll respond to this hypothetical $10 million dollar proposal question? What is the Christian thing to do in my situation?

You wrote you spoke with your GF yesterday,

do you mean she still wants to know you?

How would you like it if you were hung out on the line,

up fpr discussion among strangers.

 

[partinobodycular]

Not really following what you are saying with the drowning man story. Could you explain?

Sorry, I thought that it was a story that everyone was familiar with. Just in case, here it is.

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”​

The point that I was attempting to make (obviously not very well) was that sometimes we're so focused on what we expect, or want, that we fail to see or appreciate what's right in front of us. Maybe God doesn't want to simply "give" you the perfect wife. Maybe God's trying to do more than that. Maybe He's also trying to give her the perfect husband. You're focused on changing her, maybe God is also focused on changing you.

Like the drowning man, we often mistake God's answer, for no answer.

 

[Peter J Barban]

Thanks for the input everyone, still REALLY struggling with this. Maybe I'm struggling with accepting the darker realities of the human condition.

An update:

I spoke with the GF at length yesterday in a very serious conversation about what she said. She said that she thinks having sex with a stranger for $10 million is wrong, and not what she SHOULD do, as the bible says this is wrong. She said she would feel guilty about it. She said the she is a brutally honest person, and she told me what she probably WOULD realistically do. She said that she certainly would not teach her kids that such an action is the right thing to do, emphasizing that what she would realistically do vs. what you would teach your children is different. She said she would teach her children values of sexual morality to which we were on the same page about. She agreed with me that we should both aim at being people who don’t accept that offer, and that it is not a scenario that she hopes or wants to happen.

She asked me what I would do in such a situation, and my gut reply was “I would decline as that money is not important to me”. But on second thought I think its unrealistic that I wouldn’t consider it. At the end of the day, I think I would turn it down as you’ve got to draw the line somewhere and it’s a serious stain on your soul and character. I’m no angel in terms of my sexual past, and neither is she, but to me there are just some lines I don’t think I can cross. She asked that I just love her for the flawed human being that she is.

I asked her to seriously reconsider her answer, and she replied that she would think about it, but her answer probably wouldn't change.


What are your thoughts on this? How would you'll respond to this hypothetical $10 million dollar proposal question? What is the Christian thing to do in my situation?

Thanks for the update. I would never consider sex for money. I don't even fantasize about it. Nor would I want a partner who would consider this. I would not compromise on this issue unless God intervened.

But we all walk different paths, so if you can put up with her brutal honesty over things that repel you, I guess you can make this relationship work. At least she' not rejecting you and your sensibilities.

 

[Sketcher]

Thanks for the input everyone, still REALLY struggling with this. Maybe I'm struggling with accepting the darker realities of the human condition.

An update:

I spoke with the GF at length yesterday in a very serious conversation about what she said. She said that she thinks having sex with a stranger for $10 million is wrong, and not what she SHOULD do, as the bible says this is wrong. She said she would feel guilty about it. She said the she is a brutally honest person, and she told me what she probably WOULD realistically do. She said that she certainly would not teach her kids that such an action is the right thing to do, emphasizing that what she would realistically do vs. what you would teach your children is different. She said she would teach her children values of sexual morality to which we were on the same page about. She agreed with me that we should both aim at being people who don’t accept that offer, and that it is not a scenario that she hopes or wants to happen.

She asked me what I would do in such a situation, and my gut reply was “I would decline as that money is not important to me”. But on second thought I think its unrealistic that I wouldn’t consider it. At the end of the day, I think I would turn it down as you’ve got to draw the line somewhere and it’s a serious stain on your soul and character. I’m no angel in terms of my sexual past, and neither is she, but to me there are just some lines I don’t think I can cross. She asked that I just love her for the flawed human being that she is.

I asked her to seriously reconsider her answer, and she replied that she would think about it, but her answer probably wouldn't change.


What are your thoughts on this? How would you'll respond to this hypothetical $10 million dollar proposal question? What is the Christian thing to do in my situation?

Given what she said, I think she still has decent enough morals to continue the relationship, everything else the same. If I thought she sounded like a potential cheater or a potential encourager of promiscuity, I wouldn't be telling you this.

 

[dzheremi]

What are your thoughts on this? How would you'll respond to this hypothetical $10 million dollar proposal question?

I would question why I'm still single, if I am in fact the type of person who would get offered $10 million for that!

What is the Christian thing to do in my situation?

To be serious, this question is basically "What would it take to get you to compromise your morals?"

I've compromised them in the past for far, far less than $10 million, but I always try to out-do past me (that guy...man...don't get me started), so I'm not sure. I'm sure there's something, probably related to my own personal neuroses and background rather than a desire to be rich. The idea that "everyone has their price" is true, but metaphorical.

But the Christian thing to do in your situation I think is largely what you're already doing: talk to her, make sure you're on the same page, etc. If there's anything to be improved, I would say that the snap judgment (which may not have been a snap judgment, but seemed that way in your OP, to me; sorry, OP -- that's a judgment of mine, and may not reflect what actually happened) is not something we should do as Christians. If you know the story of Abba Moussa the Ethiopian and the basket of sand (see here, the story that begins "A certain brother committed an offence in Scete"), then you know that we are to first judge ourselves, and to do so with an eye towards looking beyond whatever faults may lie in others. When we recognize that we are the chief of sinners (which is what the celebrating priest proclaims himself to be during every Coptic liturgy), and act accordingly in our relationships, it makes it very difficult to judge anyone.

We are probably most at peace when we fill our lives with those who love us more than they judge us. All Christians (myself included, of course) should strive to be such a person in the lives of those around them.

 

[SoldierOfTheKing]

Ask her if she’d do it for $100.00. If she gets offended and asks what kind of person you think she is, tell that’s already been established and now you’re just trying to determine the price…

 

[Kylie]

I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about exhorbant sums of money people pay for sex after seeing an instagram post on the subject. She joked about having sex with a stranger for $1 million. I didn't find this funny, and I asked her seriously if she would do that. She replied that she would not. But she followed up with "if someone offered me $10 million, and I wasn't in a relationship, I'd consider it depending on the person. I am seriously disgusted by this, and I'm considering ending things over it. I'm concerned that we are seriously misaligned in terms of values. I view this as selling your soul.

All of my secular friends think I'm WAY overreacting to this hypothetical that will never happen. What do you'll think? Am I blowing this out of proportion? I do have a tenancy to do so. How should I go about discussing this with her?

Some background: We are both somewhat Christian, but have not attended church in a while. I grew up Catholic, but consider myself non denominaltional now. We have both expressed desire to find a church in our area and attend together. We are in our late twenties and have been dating for about a year. We love eachother, but this is seeming like a big red flag to me in terms of compatability.

I'm married and I'd do it today if I was given the opportunity.

 

[Freodin]

Ask her if she’d do it for $100.00. If she gets offended and asks what kind of person you think she is, tell that’s already been established and now you’re just trying to determine the price…

Calling your girlfried a... professional... is definitly a good way to preserve your relationship.