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[partinobodycular]

Slavery is not based on fidelity, it's based on power. Fidelity is not a choice for a slave.

But oftentimes marriage is based on the same thing. Especially historically, but even today.

How many wives do you think have remained married to their husbands simply because some church said they had to? What about a woman forced into marriage, as has long been the custom in many cultures. How is that different than slavery? How is it fidelity if the woman has no choice?

And what about a twenty-five year old woman who marries an eighty-five year old man simply because he's rich. How is that different than prostitution?

The problem with pointing out the sins in others, is that it's often a very thin line.

Judging people is something best left to someone more qualified than us.

 

[RDKirk]

But oftentimes marriage is based on the same thing. Especially historically, but even today.

How many wives do you think have remained married to their husbands simply because some church said they had to. What about a woman forced into marriage, as has long been the custom in many cultures. How is that different than slavery? How is it fidelity if the woman has no choice?

And what about a twenty-five year old woman who marries an eighty-five year old man simply because he's rich. How is that different than prostitution?

The problem with pointing out the sins in others, is that it's often a very thin line.

Judging people is something best left to someone more qualified than us.

I'm not judging anyone, and nothing I've said leads to judgment.

 

[partinobodycular]

I'm not judging anyone, and nothing I've said leads to judgment.

So you wouldn't consider it your place to judge the actions of a prostitute, as compared to those of a loyal wife?

 

[RDKirk]

So you wouldn't consider it your place to judge the actions of a prostitute, as compared to those of a loyal wife?

Doing your best to pick a fight, aren't you?

 

[partinobodycular]

Doing your best to pick a fight, aren't you?

No doing my best to make a point...we judge...when we shouldn't.

The OP seems to have accepted that he needs to forgive his girlfriend...when the real problem is that he seems to think that she needs it.

She doesn't.

 

[partinobodycular]

She's not supposed to be a saint, hopefully she's supposed to become a wife, with all the idiosyncrasies and foibles that come with being human. Part of his job is to accept them, because that's part of being a husband.

Being a good husband means accepting the other's faults. What the OP needs to contemplate, is why he couldn't. And the best thing for him to do is to tell her. My guess is that she'll be just as sorry as he is...and that's how relationships are strengthened.

 

[partinobodycular]

Okay, this is my last post...I promise. (I do get preachy sometimes)

I just wanted to suggest that the OP goes and reads 1 Corinthians 13. Yes, we're all aware of what it says, but sometimes it just helps to go and reread it. I think that for the OP, this might be one of those times.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I think that the girlfriend may realize she could be tempted and often it is best to consider you could sin and not than you are immune from the idea of sin and fall prey to it. I think in reality many of us deal with fantasy different and that when such things do become reality your choices would be different than that of fantasy consideration.

I've personally found in life confessing to either myself or others that something someone else is doing is wrong and I wouldn't do it and later fall prey to the same thing, even worse. I think I would be tempted at the idea as most of us could fantasize about the sex and about the money but many of us would realize the implications of the end result and human nature.

There are many problems with this situation in that human nature is likely involved and that someone willing to pay for sex would likely not be satisfied with the arrangement and that there will always be a chance that the truth of it gets out and it could be a future relationship disaster for sure and hiding the income source of 10 million dollars would be challenging even if you were to pay proper taxes people could find out that you indeed sold yourself like a high priced prostitute. Imagine finding someone to marry and they find out that your wealth is from that one act it could be devastating. Would you like to try and compete with that in mind? Would you be worried that you couldn't "pay" or make your act of love/sex on that level?

In other words this one decision could make life easy financially but a mess socially as the stain on your character may be more than 10 million dollars could compensate for. In reality one could probably get by better selling yourself for a few hundred and write that off as poor judgment and immaturity etc and turn over a new leaf and move on vs it totally changing their lives from poor to rich. Perhaps the only way to redeem oneself over this decision would be to give away all the money and start over thus pretty much negating things entirely.

 

[Sketcher]

No doing my best to make a point...we judge...when we shouldn't.

The OP seems to have accepted that he needs to forgive his girlfriend...when the real problem is that he seems to think that she needs it.

She doesn't.

If he thinks she needs it, whether she does or not is immaterial - he needs to forgive her either way. Whether the offense is true or only perceived, forgiveness still needs to happen.

 

[Paidiske]

That being said, what do you think the appropriate reaction I should have is? How would you'll react if your partner told you something like this? Am I right to feel hurt by this statement?

I think you should be grateful that your girlfriend had enough insight to recognise this about herself, and enough trust in you to be honest with you. I agree with others that it is a good thing that she is aware of the possibility of temptation. I think you might perhaps take it as a prompt to work on being similarly aware of your own weaknesses.

You feel what you feel, but a better question than whether you are right might be to probe exactly why it is that you feel hurt. What's the underlying issue for you?

As for the side discussion about marriage vs. prostitution, from my point of view, marrying simply for financial security is basically a lifetime prostitution contract ("I'll give you sex in exchange for money"). They have indeed been common historically (and in some places today), and that reality is one of the reasons the social conditions which leave women vulnerable enough that that's their best option need reform.

 

[Sketcher]

Thanks for the input everyone. It seems like most people think I am overreacting. Although, I'm a little confused as to why this being a hypothetical makes much of a difference in terms of what it says about someone's values.

Self-awareness is a big part of the answer, too.

I might not have sex with a stranger for $10 million, but if someone offered me $10 million to commit one of the sins I commit already, that would be a tempting offer. I'm not saying I would take it because I would feel bad about it and I know I would have to return that money, which I don't want to have to do.

I wonder if she thought that far ahead. But you also want to tread carefully here. I'm not saying there's no good way to explore that further, or to explore what the price of cheating would be for her, but I sure can't think of one.

So, if she's telling the truth and if it doesn't change (big "ifs" I know), $10 million wouldn't be enough for a stranger to get her to cheat. That's a good thing.

What is more relevant is:

• Would she cheat on you with someone who isn't a stranger, either for money or not?
• Would she advise a single friend or relative, especially a daughter you might have together to sleep with a stranger if they were going to get $10 million or whatever monetary amount?

Those would be clear problems.

That being said, what do you think the appropriate reaction I should have is? How would you'll react if your partner told you something like this? Am I right to feel hurt by this statement?

The way I have reacted to similar conversations among male co-workers, where the premise was "everyone has a price for everything" was to up the ante on whatever the degrading behavior was and ask what their price would be until the conversation ended. This was a roundabout effort to prove the point that some things really are priceless. I don't advise doing this with your girlfriend.

 

[coffee4u]

I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about exhorbant sums of money people pay for sex after seeing an instagram post on the subject. She joked about having sex with a stranger for $1 million. I didn't find this funny, and I asked her seriously if she would do that. She replied that she would not. But she followed up with "if someone offered me $10 million, and I wasn't in a relationship, I'd consider it depending on the person. I am seriously disgusted by this, and I'm considering ending things over it. I'm concerned that we are seriously misaligned in terms of values. I view this as selling your soul.

All of my secular friends think I'm WAY overreacting to this hypothetical that will never happen. What do you'll think? Am I blowing this out of proportion? I do have a tenancy to do so. How should I go about discussing this with her?

Some background: We are both somewhat Christian, but have not attended church in a while. I grew up Catholic, but consider myself non denominaltional now. We have both expressed desire to find a church in our area and attend together. We are in our late twenties and have been dating for about a year. We love eachother, but this is seeming like a big red flag to me in terms of compatability.

If you are after Christian advice I would suggest posting this in the Christian section and not in an open debate area.

Unlike most I would say this depends, was she joking or serious?

 

[Niels]

You're not overreacting, and you don't owe anyone an apology. The answer that you're looking for, the one it sounds like you personally want to hear, is that she wouldn't do it for any amount of money. Saying anything other than "never" is the wrong answer under these circumstances. Some guys might not care about this, but you do and that's okay. Not everybody has a price, or likes to think that people can be bought, regardless of whether they're secular or devout. Your feelings are legitimate, and your values are misaligned on this subject. The exact dollar value isn't the point. May as well have been $1.

Is this a red flag or worth breaking up over? Only you can say for sure.

 

[partinobodycular]

You're not overreacting, and you don't owe anyone an apology. The answer that you're looking for, the one it sounds like you personally want to hear, is that she wouldn't do it for any amount of money. Saying anything other than "never" is the wrong answer under these circumstances. Some guys might not care about this, but you do and that's okay. Not everybody has a price, or likes to think that people can be bought, regardless of whether they're secular or devout. Your feelings are legitimate, and your values are misaligned on this subject. The exact dollar value isn't the point. May as well have been $1.

Is this a red flag or worth breaking up over? Only you can say for sure.

I know I promised... but dang I hope you're only 16 or 17 years old, because life isn't as idyllic, or people as perfect as you seem to think they can be. The world...and the people in it...can be hard, and disappointing, and imperfect..and if you can't learn to forgive them, and accept them, then that name you've chosen over there..."Christian"...is going to be awfully hard to live up to.

And for that reason...I wish you pain...

I hope that you have to pick someone you love up out of the street, or out of jail, or out of the psyche ward. That you have to listen to them scream with every step that you take down the hallway, with tears streaming down your face. I hope they cuss you, and hit you, and spit on you...while all that you want to do is hug them.

Maybe then you'll know what it means to love someone, and what it means to forgive them. But if you can't find it in your heart to forgive someone for a few words that you find inappropriate, then I wish you luck. May life bless you with someone who'll love and forgive you more than you seem to be able to love them.

 

[Niels]

I know I promised... but dang I hope you're only 16 or 17 years old, because life isn't as idyllic, or people as perfect as you seem to think they can be. The world...and the people in it...can be hard, and disappointing, and imperfect..and if you can't learn to forgive them, and accept them, then that name you've chosen over there..."Christian"...is going to be awfully hard to live up to.

And for that reason...I wish you pain...

I hope that you have to pick someone you love up out of the street, or out of jail, or out of the psyche ward. That you have to listen to them scream with every step that you take down the hallway, with tears streaming down your face. I hope they cuss you, and hit you, and spit on you...while all that you want to do is hug them.

Maybe then you'll know what it means to love someone, and what it means to forgive them. But if you can't find it in your heart to forgive someone for a few words that you find inappropriate, then I wish you luck. May life bless you with someone who'll love and forgive you more than you seem to be able to love them.

I haven't shared how I would respond in a similar situation, and I'm older than you assume. Let's tone-down the assumptions & ad hominem attacks, and keep things civil.

The OP's thoughts and feelings are what we're dealing with. He doesn't like the fact that his girlfriend put a price on herself if she was single. How exactly is he in a position to forgive her, let alone to apologize for how he feels? As far as I'm aware, a Christian is no more obligated than a non-Christian to date somebody who says things that they don't like.

Look at it this way, if you think I'm being unforgiving: Even if she was a former prostitute, the answer the OP is looking for could be that she won't entertain the thought of selling herself again. Not all former prostitutes are willing to keep a price on themselves. Or are you also assuming that a former prostitute can't remove the price from herself entirely? I like to think that she can.


Regarding how I might respond if I found myself in the OP's shoes, I'd probably start by treating it like a joke. Asking, what if he offered $9,999,999? If she didn't joke along, and was actually serious, I would be somewhat disappointed in her. While I try to be forgiving and honor my commitments, dating is only a "getting to know you" phase, and there are other women out there. A girlfriend isn't family, and I know my limits. If enough of these disappointments piled up, if I could discern a pattern, I'd cut my losses and look for someone with better wife potential.

The fact that I call myself a Christian has more to do with seeking wisdom in Christ than with being a perfect reflection. While I may strive to be a good person, I often fail at doing so. I'm not God. What good I do encounter in this life, and any strength and foresight I can muster to avoid disaster and have a positive impact on those around me, is a blessing. A bonus. Every day that I don't go through what you describe, I give thanks because I know just how precarious things in this world can be.

I wish you well. That that you would experience the fullness of God's blessings. There may be darkness around us, but there is also light if you look for it.

 

[partinobodycular]

and I'm older than you assume.

No, I checked your profile.

I appreciate your response, and I'm doing my best not to get preachy again. And with that in mind I just want to quote the following.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.​

A pretty familiar sentiment huh, but dang it can be tough. There's something that I would add to it though.

Forgiveness is something you should give, even when you don't think it's deserved. And you should ask for, even when you don't think it's needed.

 

[chad kincham]

I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about exhorbant sums of money people pay for sex after seeing an instagram post on the subject. She joked about having sex with a stranger for $1 million. I didn't find this funny, and I asked her seriously if she would do that. She replied that she would not. But she followed up with "if someone offered me $10 million, and I wasn't in a relationship, I'd consider it depending on the person. I am seriously disgusted by this, and I'm considering ending things over it. I'm concerned that we are seriously misaligned in terms of values. I view this as selling your soul.

All of my secular friends think I'm WAY overreacting to this hypothetical that will never happen. What do you'll think? Am I blowing this out of proportion? I do have a tenancy to do so. How should I go about discussing this with her?

Some background: We are both somewhat Christian, but have not attended church in a while. I grew up Catholic, but consider myself non denominaltional now. We have both expressed desire to find a church in our area and attend together. We are in our late twenties and have been dating for about a year. We love eachother, but this is seeming like a big red flag to me in terms of compatability.

You’re overreacting.

And you’d probably do it yourself if you weren’t in a committed relationship and were offered ten million.

If she said she’d do it now, when in a relationship with you, that would be a little different story.

 

[dzheremi]

Not to date myself too much, but my first serious girlfriend when I was in my late teens/early 20s once told me that she'd cheat on me if the opportunity came up to sleep with Eddie Vedder from the band Pearl Jam. No $10 million involved -- just the 'right' guy. I didn't break up with her, but I did think that she should get better taste in cheating partners. And having the opportunity to meet a rock star is much more realistic than being offered $10 million (albeit still unlikely). I never saw it, but I think the guy in the movie Indecent Proposal only offered $1 million. That's inflation, I guess. (Thanks, Biden.)

Point is it's not uncommon for couples to have these kinds of silly conversations (the "I'd cheat on you with Eddie Vedder" conversation didn't come up out of nowhere, I'm sure), and usually that's what both people recognize them as being. Maybe a problem for the OP is actually that you two have fundamentally different ideas of what being together entails? If one of you is more about keeping things lighthearted and silly and the other isn't, it's easy to have these kinds of disagreements and doubts pop up. I still think the OP is overreacting, but within that there's probably something he could work on so that his future relationships aren't similarly tanked by what is ultimately (possibly) meant to be a rather inconsequential, even humorous remark.

 

[bekkilyn]

Not to date myself too much, but my first serious girlfriend when I was in my late teens/early 20s once told me that she'd cheat on me if the opportunity came up to sleep with Eddie Vedder from the band Pearl Jam. No $10 million involved -- just the 'right' guy. I didn't break up with her, but I did think that she should get better taste in cheating partners. And having the opportunity to meet a rock star is much more realistic than being offered $10 million (albeit still unlikely). I never saw it, but I think the guy in the movie Indecent Proposal only offered $1 million. That's inflation, I guess. (Thanks, Biden.)

Point is it's not uncommon for couples to have these kinds of silly conversations (the "I'd cheat on you with Eddie Vedder" conversation didn't come up out of nowhere, I'm sure), and usually that's what both people recognize them as being. Maybe a problem for the OP is actually that you two have fundamentally different ideas of what being together entails? If one of you is more about keeping things lighthearted and silly and the other isn't, it's easy to have these kinds of disagreements and doubts pop up. I still think the OP is overreacting, but within that there's probably something he could work on so that his future relationships aren't similarly tanked by what is ultimately (possibly) meant to be a rather inconsequential, even humorous remark.

Also, many people are happy with just the fantasies and don't truly want them to become reality. Nothing can ruin a perfectly good fantasy like actually meeting the real thing!

 

[coffee4u]

No, I checked your profile.

I appreciate your response, and I'm doing my best not to get preachy again. And with that in mind I just want to quote the following.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.​

A pretty familiar sentiment huh, but dang it can be tough. There's something that I would add to it though.

Forgiveness is something you should give, even when you don't think it's deserved. And you should ask for, even when you don't think it's needed.

You honestly don't understand. Christianity isn't about a persons past its about their present and future. She could have been a prostitute in the past, that should not matter.
Isaiah 1:18
“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
Christianity is a personal relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit dwelling within.
Unless you have experienced this you can't know.
It's isn't about his love for her or forgiveness, its about her walk with Christ and he rightly has some concerns about that.
Once someone is buried and raised with Christ their outlooks changes. Practiced sin should no longer be a part of their life. Christians still sin and still struggle with sin but if a Christian should begin to think about future planned sin the Holy Spirit should niggle and prod them until they repent of such thoughts.
If he is thinking of a future marriage to her, to be one flesh spiritually, this is something he needs to know. This is completely different to judging.