Post here when you feel like cutting

[bubblefish]

I living home alone for a while now, no one to stop me and that makes it really hard. I scratched today but I dont want to go further but sometimes its hard not to at the moment just because I'm alone with my thoughts and feelings, with no distraction of my parents anymore

*hug* Praying for you Hun.

How are you doing?

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

*hug* Praying for you Hun.

How are you doing?

still not good, I'm on my own until the 11th of jan but dont know how long i can last

 

[goldenviolet]

bless your hearts.

you can practice stopping yourself. when i was stopping, i use to call the crisis line and get help talking myself out of those tempting sensations. DBT thereaphy really helped too. maybe you can ask your doctor about it. xo dee

did you see my post? i was talking about when i didn't have home support. it really helped to call the crisis line. it gave me someone exsperianced in helping me clear my thoughts from unhealthy/hurting to healthier/ hopeful and determined. xo dee

 

[bubblefish]

still not good, I'm on my own until the 11th of jan but dont know how long i can last

*hug* Dee gave great advice.. I know what it is like to struggle when alone, not with SI recently but other things.

Is there possibly a friend or someone who can stay with you for at least a few days? Someone who can be there when you are struggling. Or can you try and keep yourself busy doing things? Have things ready to do so when you are triggered you have something prepared. I have found that helps

Also sis, I am sure that I gave you my number. If you ever want to talk or are struggling please don't hesitate to call me any time.. or text me and I will call you back. *hug*

Still praying Hun.

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

I'm trying to keep busy here but there is not a lot to do, I have yet to find a stero so I can play music to distract myself and there silly computer doesnt want to play my cd's. as for a friendI was going to have one stay but she is no longer allowed and all the others have jobs so they can't stay. I have your number but not allowed to call as it is not my house, and i can't text international numbers on my phone because its a stupid phone.

 

[Leechness]

hey, im in need of clarity.

i struggle with asking for help when i have the urge to self harm. my mind race through thoughts that if i start asking for help once, and everytime i feel i cant prevent myself, i would annoy or fustrate my only friends away.

im most annoyed at myself for this one incident cutting in an area more noticable than usual resulting a friend founding out, and i still struggle to accept its for my benefit.

i wrestle with the thought that if i do commit the act and he asks im devaluing our friendship - and its been the main reason ive havent for a while. i cant lie when he asks because thats not honouring to our friendship. i wish at most he would forget then i wouldnt be so paranoid about seeing him. sometimes it feels more safe on my own, but i like hanging out with him.

ive forgotten where/what i should follow through with after prayer.

 

[bubblefish]

I'm trying to keep busy here but there is not a lot to do, I have yet to find a stero so I can play music to distract myself and there silly computer doesnt want to play my cd's. as for a friendI was going to have one stay but she is no longer allowed and all the others have jobs so they can't stay. I have your number but not allowed to call as it is not my house, and i can't text international numbers on my phone because its a stupid phone.

Have you tried listening to the radio online? Or free music somewhere online? That might help
I know you like writing as well, is that something you can do when you are struggling?
I know you can get through this Hun. You are doing great! I know it's not easy.

hey, im in need of clarity.

i struggle with asking for help when i have the urge to self harm. my mind race through thoughts that if i start asking for help once, and everytime i feel i cant prevent myself, i would annoy or fustrate my only friends away.

im most annoyed at myself for this one incident cutting in an area more noticable than usual resulting a friend founding out, and i still struggle to accept its for my benefit.

i wrestle with the thought that if i do commit the act and he asks im devaluing our friendship - and its been the main reason ive havent for a while. i cant lie when he asks because thats not honouring to our friendship. i wish at most he would forget then i wouldnt be so paranoid about seeing him. sometimes it feels more safe on my own, but i like hanging out with him.

ive forgotten where/what i should follow through with after prayer.

*hug* Talking about your struggles can be hard, but I don't think you would be annoying your friends. If they are your friends, they would care about you and want to help in any way possible. I don't think they would mind you coming to them when you are struggling. They probably just want to help you

 

[ChristInAction]

hey, im in need of clarity.

i struggle with asking for help when i have the urge to self harm. my mind race through thoughts that if i start asking for help once, and everytime i feel i cant prevent myself, i would annoy or fustrate my only friends away.

im most annoyed at myself for this one incident cutting in an area more noticable than usual resulting a friend founding out, and i still struggle to accept its for my benefit.

i wrestle with the thought that if i do commit the act and he asks im devaluing our friendship - and its been the main reason ive havent for a while. i cant lie when he asks because thats not honouring to our friendship. i wish at most he would forget then i wouldnt be so paranoid about seeing him. sometimes it feels more safe on my own, but i like hanging out with him.

ive forgotten where/what i should follow through with after prayer.

Hey hun,
if he's your friend, he should understand that you'll fall sometimes. Dont beat your self up about it.
We all fall, but we just need to climb up again.

I have the same trouble with worring about driving a friend away with my stuff, especally when I feel I'll one day & then the next night worse.
If you need to talk, I'm always here. I'm a friend that you be promised, you will never drive away & I'll reply asap.
But try not to worry about it, chances are they want to know & support you, that what friends are there for.
They love you.

I'll be praying for you & your friend that things work out ok & you can find strength in God to get passed the tempation & rest in His loving arms.

Ally xox

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

Have you tried listening to the radio online? Or free music somewhere online? That might help
I know you like writing as well, is that something you can do when you are struggling?
I know you can get through this Hun. You are doing great! I know it's not easy.

I a little miscomunication it won't play my cds because it can't play sound, but the dvd player does so atleast I have my music back. Writing when I'm struggling isn't a good idea because my main focus at the moment is on a novel about SI and other things so yeah it can make things worse, however I will write in my CF blog sometimes when I'm struggling.

I just don't know right now some days I wake up and I'm sore and achy and just don't want to do anything, others days I wake up and remain angry at nothing for the day and I never know which is going to hit when. It's just making dealing with struggling a lot harder, I fell so stupid as well because on one of my trips back home I grabed my blades and took them back to where I'm staying there is nothing stopping me except for two things myself and fear of dispointing someone, but sometimes it is just the fear not anything else. I don't want to seem weak or that I can't handle things but I don't know what to do any more.

 

[Leechness]

*hug* Talking about your struggles can be hard, but I don't think you would be annoying your friends. If they are your friends, they would care about you and want to help in any way possible. I don't think they would mind you coming to them when you are struggling. They probably just want to help you

true, cat_goes_meow. i suppose their fustration would be more directed at the "problem" than the person itself.
thanks for your encouragement.

Hey hun,
if he's your friend, he should understand that you'll fall sometimes. Dont beat your self up about it.
We all fall, but we just need to climb up again.

I have the same trouble with worring about driving a friend away with my stuff, especally when I feel I'll one day & then the next night worse.
If you need to talk, I'm always here. I'm a friend that you be promised, you will never drive away & I'll reply asap.
But try not to worry about it, chances are they want to know & support you, that what friends are there for.
They love you.

I'll be praying for you & your friend that things work out ok & you can find strength in God to get passed the tempation & rest in His loving arms.

Ally xox

thanks for reaching out Ally and offering your time, i do appreciate it, truely. the night i posted i had strong cravings, and i promised my friend i would try and prevent the more extreme forms of self harm.

my concern is that im not convinced its wrong, and its affect it has on our relationship. its not often he brings it up or asks if ive recently commited the act. but i cant help get annoyed by his beliefs, and he doesnt care if im annoyed. i suppose its proof he is concerned and care despite our occassional dispute.

he has said its not enough for me to stop because of him but if its all i can manage for now its better than having no reason. my fear is that our friendship will drift, though i somewhat know it wont as our friendship is deeply rooted in love. it doesnt stop me having paranoid thoughts though. he never regrets knowing, where as i do. im part hoping to see the fruits of it.

i sound confused, now that im trying to type it out, like almost my thoughts contridict each other.

im also scared esp when i hve moments like now (i suppose deep down, where the spirit prompts, it is wrong) i cant remembe why it is wrong dispite the many times ive been told truths to prevent myself.

im able to prevent myself from embracing the craving when stirred by negative thoughts. when its just an out of the blue craving though its harder...i try to distract myself by going online or reading a book, or for a walk. i can never remember anything true or i become skeptical.

maybe im going through the period where my beliefs on what relieves me is changing...and my thoughts are caught in the middle. God does want to mould his people he loves...sigh.

 

[Arianna]

I need to cut. I'm angry and I need to make it go away. I'm so fed up of not being allowed to cut >:-(

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

I a little miscomunication it won't play my cds because it can't play sound, but the dvd player does so atleast I have my music back. Writing when I'm struggling isn't a good idea because my main focus at the moment is on a novel about SI and other things so yeah it can make things worse, however I will write in my CF blog sometimes when I'm struggling.

I just don't know right now some days I wake up and I'm sore and achy and just don't want to do anything, others days I wake up and remain angry at nothing for the day and I never know which is going to hit when. It's just making dealing with struggling a lot harder, I fell so stupid as well because on one of my trips back home I grabed my blades and took them back to where I'm staying there is nothing stopping me except for two things myself and fear of dispointing someone, but sometimes it is just the fear not anything else. I don't want to seem weak or that I can't handle things but I don't know what to do any more.

Hun, you can always write to me when you're struggling too . I won't have internet connection from the 4th, but text me if need be after then too.

When it comes down to it Nat, emotions aren't evil. Sometimes it feels like they'll drown us if we let them out, but it's only by letting them out that you can come to control them. Feeling isn't a weakness. Only you can make the decision to throw your blades away, but when you're triggered, make yourself go and do something else. If it's during the day, go for a walk (or a jog). Spend some time noticing the things around you. Scream and throw things (that aren't too valuable). This is something I'm having to re-learn at the moment - for me, the best thing I can do when I feel like I'm about to lose it is put on some warm clothes and walk through the forest near here. I can run, yell, throw sticks...do whatever I need to until I feel ok to go back.

true, cat_goes_meow. i suppose their fustration would be more directed at the "problem" than the person itself.
thanks for your encouragement.

I'll second that. I can only talk from personal experience, but I get frustrated because I know my friend is hurting and I can't click my fingers to stop it. Give him the chance to be your friend .

I need to cut. I'm angry and I need to make it go away. I'm so fed up of not being allowed to cut >:-(

Why are you angry Ari? What can you do to let it out safely?

 

[katey]

i cant fight it any more.I need some help and support.

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

Hun, you can always write to me when you're struggling too . I won't have internet connection from the 4th, but text me if need be after then too.

When it comes down to it Nat, emotions aren't evil. Sometimes it feels like they'll drown us if we let them out, but it's only by letting them out that you can come to control them. Feeling isn't a weakness. Only you can make the decision to throw your blades away, but when you're triggered, make yourself go and do something else. If it's during the day, go for a walk (or a jog). Spend some time noticing the things around you. Scream and throw things (that aren't too valuable). This is something I'm having to re-learn at the moment - for me, the best thing I can do when I feel like I'm about to lose it is put on some warm clothes and walk through the forest near here. I can run, yell, throw sticks...do whatever I need to until I feel ok to go back.

No emotions aren't evil and neither is feeling them, but sometimes when I let them out I end up hurting others to, I say things I don't mean or that I do mean but just would never say. Throwing my blades away is something I'm planning on doing when Gaylene comes down soon, I'm going to give them to her to get rid of so therefore someone knows that I have gotten rid of them. At the moment the only smart time to outside is late evening or early morning if you don't want to get burnt or boil, we are having 25 degree days which is rather warm for NZ. Right now to stop my self i go and make myself concertrate 0on practising guitar because I'm learning it at the moment, it helps because it takes all my attention to get things right. You made me laugh with that post because I could just imagine you running through a forest yelling like you were insane and tearing up the place and then someone seeing you and saying that girl is insane lol.

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

No emotions aren't evil and neither is feeling them, but sometimes when I let them out I end up hurting others to, I say things I don't mean or that I do mean but just would never say. Throwing my blades away is something I'm planning on doing when Gaylene comes down soon, I'm going to give them to her to get rid of so therefore someone knows that I have gotten rid of them. At the moment the only smart time to outside is late evening or early morning if you don't want to get burnt or boil, we are having 25 degree days which is rather warm for NZ. Right now to stop my self i go and make myself concertrate 0on practising guitar because I'm learning it at the moment, it helps because it takes all my attention to get things right. You made me laugh with that post because I could just imagine you running through a forest yelling like you were insane and tearing up the place and then someone seeing you and saying that girl is insane lol.

I recently had a fight with my parents...I told them all I'd wanted to say for the past few years, but never did because I didn't want to hurt them. Now I've finally told them and it's up to them to decide what they do from here. I know you don't want to hurt anyone Nat, but when you hold it all in, you're still hurting someone - you're hurting you. And believe it or not, you are important too.

And hey, you guys get burned at 25'C? We are going to get you a whole lot of sunscreen when you come visit us in Australia (or move here ). We usually get up to 40'C...that's when you get burned.

Playing the guitar sounds like an awesome idea - as does giving Gaylene your blades. (Tell her I said hi when you see her too).

And I am insane, remember? But they'd probably tell me that in German, so I'd pretend I didn't understand them and keep going. (Actually, I didn't run around screaming last time...I took photos instead. I love taking photos!)

 

[Leechness]

I'll second that. I can only talk from personal experience, but I get frustrated because I know my friend is hurting and I can't click my fingers to stop it. Give him the chance to be your friend .
quote]

funny to hear you word it that way "give him a chance to be your friend". i was thinking the other night why it bothered me so much that he knew, and it occured to me its a form of pride. it sounds incredibly unattractive, but i feel i use to pride myself having no one know about the habit. what kind of person holds such sick and distorted beliefs?

now someone has found out, i reluctantly accept they may feel accountable to my choice of an outlet. or have gone about understanding it wrongly? i must have a poor self image.

is it human nature to be prone to self-destruction, or am i once again deluded from reality?

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

To be honest, I'm believe everyone has their addictions. Some are more harmful than others, but in the end it comes down to the control of it. We talk ourselves into believing that we control our addictions - that they make us feel good and are therefore good for us. When we tell others about our addicitons, we're sharing a part of ourselves with them...but we're also sharing what we believe keeps us afloat, and, in doing so, open the possibility that someone might ask us to stop. Or that they might not see it the same way we do, or they might reject us for being different. Sometimes it happens - people are scared off by what they don't understand. Sometimes though they'll stick around to see if they can help .

I grew up not trusting people - I had friends, but it worked in a way that I would be there for them, but never let them be there for me. Then a little over a year ago, a friend of mine got really frustrated with me because I was getting really sick and nobody knew why. She told me I had to let her be my friend too - that a friendship went both ways and I couldn't ask her to trust me if I didn't let myself trust her. That's why it's worded like that. Only you can make the choice to let another person be your friend .

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

I recently had a fight with my parents...I told them all I'd wanted to say for the past few years, but never did because I didn't want to hurt them. Now I've finally told them and it's up to them to decide what they do from here. I know you don't want to hurt anyone Nat, but when you hold it all in, you're still hurting someone - you're hurting you. And believe it or not, you are important too.

And hey, you guys get burned at 25'C? We are going to get you a whole lot of sunscreen when you come visit us in Australia (or move here ). We usually get up to 40'C...that's when you get burned.

Playing the guitar sounds like an awesome idea - as does giving Gaylene your blades. (Tell her I said hi when you see her too).

And I am insane, remember? But they'd probably tell me that in German, so I'd pretend I didn't understand them and keep going. (Actually, I didn't run around screaming last time...I took photos instead. I love taking photos!)

Yeah i know I hurt myself but then I know how much, I have said things I wish I never did because it ruin my relationship with my dad and also friends. I don't know sometimes I will say sometimes I wont it depends on my mood a lot.

Yeah we have a ozone hole right above us so our sun can be a lot worse for you than Aussies depending on the positioning of things.

I know I have fallen in love with the guitar lol. And on a very good note all my blades from both houses have been given to Gaylene so now I don't have any which I'm glad about.

That would be you even though chances you would understand them lol and taking photos is awesome.

I doing a lot better so I'll stop chatting to Steffi on this thread and let it get back on track lol

 

[rowy]

not sure why im posting again. I just want my hurt away.

 

[rowy]

i badly just want the hurt away.