Plot twist ...

[bluegreysky]

So a new year began, and I started my
Daniel Fast again. Each week, a serious prayer topic for 3 weeks.
The first week, my topic was the marriage.
It almost failed last year.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m close to my PNR and divided... some days, I want to make it work with him. I want it to heal and I imagine us in 2 years looking at the sunset together saying
“Wow we did it glad we stayed together”. Other days, I wanted to pack up and leave again.

So at a low point, after yet another fight, my prayer for that day was “God heal our marriage and intervene in a big way. I promise no more straying thoughts to friends I shouldn’t have or to running away just bring us togehter”.

Of course, I didn’t know what god would do I left it to him.

And now, I, the anti-kid person, the one who’s always said no to planning a family for various reasons..... am apparently 5 weeks pregnant.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Well congrats, of course, are in order. Will your husband be excited or not?

While I won’t deny pregnancy/kids can be a great uniting and binding factor for partners, I will issue one word of caution... Take every second you can during his pregnancy to get your marriage and partnership to a good place. A baby presents new challenges that increase dramatically as the baby gets older. A baby can be a blessing, but it will never be an effective band-aid.

Having been close to somebody who deployed a “save our marriage” pregnancy/baby and watching it all implode before the baby was 6 months old and now watching it play out with impending implosion with a now 14 month old “bring us together” infant... It’s a mess. And that’s not even diving in to my personal experience or my husband’s, which isn’t great either.

 

[Favourofone]

And now, I, the anti-kid person, the one who’s always said no to planning a family for various reasons..... am apparently 5 weeks pregnant.

Usually newborn brings insane amounts of stress and fatigue so better be prepared for it. All the problems look way harder when you sleep two hours a night.

Plus side, the child will look adorable when she /he sleeps. Good luck.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

My son cried non-stop for the first 14ish months, but honestly looking back, I still think that was the easy part. For me, when he started walking is when it got waaaaaaay harder. Even with the crying you could put him in his crib and close the door to his room if you needed a moment to find sanity, or put him in a stroller or a rocker chair... Because he’d stay there.

Mobility? That changed the game. You put him down, then he lets himself out, follows you around, sits outside the bathroom door... All while crying. It was so much easier when he stayed put.

I was prepared for the baby stage being hard because that’s what everybody said, but was not at all prepared and felt very betrayed to find out it gets way harder as they grow up, until like age 5-6 or so when it starts evening out a bit and they can do more help/self-care.

 

[bluegreysky]

Lol thanks for scaring me.
I wasn’t trying to start a family. In fact, my husband always wanted a baby but I didn’t.
This isn’t a “save our marriage” attempt, it happened by accident.
It just happened to be found out a week after I prayed for help.
So I guess this is the help?

 

[DZoolander]

Congrats on the baby.

I pretty much agree with TW - so I won't reiterate the same thoughts about take this time to get your marriage in order.

As a guy I'll probably be scoffed at a little bit by saying this, but truthfully infants aren't that hard in the whole scheme of things. For the first six months or so they're basically just a bump on a log. The biggest problem will be the lack of sleep...because they are literally up every two hours or so every night.

What worked for my wife and I was to go in two day shifts. I'd take the baby for two nights, she'd take the baby for two nights. We found that two nights of decent sleep worked better than alternating every other night.

So you'll get about six months of that. It really doesn't become a pain until they get mobile, yeah.

You also will be tempted to overbuy with your first kid. We bought everything for our first child. We had a crib, a changing table, this kind of bouncer, that kind of bouncer, a rocker, special pads for the changing table, etc.

What you really need is food (which is a non issue if you're breast feeding), diapers, wipes, a few changes of clothes, a crib (pack and play with a changing table works just as well too), a few blankets and a bouncer. That's it. The bed or the carpet works great for changing the kid, so unless you get a pack and play with an attached changing thing, don't bother getting a changing table.

You then have about 6ish months to get ready to start really childproofing your place - because that's when they will start to get mobile...and that's when the fun begins.

 

[DZoolander]

If you're breast feeding - you'll also want to get a pump, storage bottles and a heater - so that you can put food in the fridge for your husband to use when it's his nights to wake up with the kid.

 

[bluegreysky]

Wait... so like... my husband can’t just breastfeed the baby himself?

 

[DZoolander]

Wait... so like... my husband can’t just breastfeed the baby himself?

He can try!

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Lol thanks for scaring me.
I wasn’t trying to start a family. In fact, my husband always wanted a baby but I didn’t.
This isn’t a “save our marriage” attempt, it happened by accident.
It just happened to be found out a week after I prayed for help.
So I guess this is the help?

Help it may be, but perhaps not in the way you expect. And even if it is help, it doesn’t mean it will be easy, convenient, or a solution. Also, any help sent our way still required the knowledge and discipline to make of it what God hoped we would. As has been proven since the beginning of humanity, people consistently have issues executing God’s perfect plan for us.

 

[Ana the Ist]

Lol thanks for scaring me.
I wasn’t trying to start a family. In fact, my husband always wanted a baby but I didn’t.
This isn’t a “save our marriage” attempt, it happened by accident.
It just happened to be found out a week after I prayed for help.
So I guess this is the help?

You mentioned in the OP that you've been praying the last 3 weeks...and sometime during that was the "low point" you prayed to god for help.

Then you find out you're five weeks pregnant.

So either god planned this out at least two weeks before you asked for help...or you just happened to get pregnant one of the many times you prayed for help from god.

I can't honestly say I've ever heard of a baby fixing a relationship...I've heard of it ending relationships, many times, but never saving one.

The upside is you've got 8 months or so to really put in the work on fixing your marriage issues before you have a whole lot more to deal with.

Good luck.

 

[Favourofone]

It just happened to be found out a week after I prayed for help.
So I guess this is the help?

I wouldn’t presume too much.

 

[bluegreysky]

Well I could be getting ahead of myself. All I have to go on are a missed monthly visit from “aunt flow” and a positive Home test. I haven’t even seen a doctor yet. I went into the doctor office and told them what’s going on and they said wait a week take another test if it’s still positive call them. I can’t even find out until maybe early February if it’s viable and has a heartbeat.

I know it’s terrible, but part of me wants all this to be a big crazy fluke. Like a false positive.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Um... Get a different doctor. Never in the history of doctors and pregnancy tests and early pregnancy is that ever how that has ever played out in the history of ever. Especially since a doctor can detect pregnancy via blood tests before home pregnancy tests can, when they suspect pregnancy the first thing they do is take blood, find out your hormone levels, give prenatals, and talk diet changes and prep. No doctor heads “I peed and got a positive test” and says “wait a week and try again.”

 

[bluegreysky]

Well at this point all the lady-issues-doctors in town have a waiting period for new patients so I’d be put off even longer than early February. Thankfully, there is google so I already looked
Up all the things I was doing wrong.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Not trying to be "that guy" but if you are for sure pregnant I probably wouldn't tell a ton of people like friends and family just yet. Most people wait until about 26 weeks into it (if I recall right) since a first pregnancy often has a higher risk of miscarriage. I say this because a few months ago when my wife found out she was pregnant (about over a month into it) she told the world on facebook, she started talking about all sorts of plans...etc. Only until about a week later when we had to go to the ER and we found out we lost the baby. It crushed my wife, more so because she then had to tell everyone we lost the baby.

Obviously I pray you do not have this issue.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

By 26 weeks, you won’t need to tell people you’re pregnant... They will be able to tell by looking at you.

As far as doctors go, Planned Parenthood can see you usually within 48 hours of calling and if memory serves, won’t charge you for pregnancy tests and early pregnancy prenatal care.

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah, gotta say I was kinda surprised to hear that a pregnancy was already known/determined by the 5 week point. Most people don't really even know/suspect until around the 8 week point.

Then as the other guy said - there's the issue about whether or not to tell anyone just yet - because pregnancies are often fragile at the very start. So, it's best to wait for a bit. We waited until around the 12 week point.

 

[bluegreysky]

Haha it's 12 weeks not 26 and it's ok my husband already told everybody for me... e_e
I told him he shouldn't do that until we can see if it's viable... which I find out tomorrow (1/29) at this point with an ultrasound that will see where it is, if it has a heartbeat and if it's growing normally.
If it's not, he will have to un-tell everyone I guess.
TBH, if it's not... I get more time to find a career and get my life in order and then probably not too long from now, we can try again.
I am already emotionally/mentally prepared for whatever.
Probably on account of the fact that this happened to someone who 1) wasn't ready and 2) didn't picture having a baby anytime soon if at all.
Not saying I wouldn't be sad though... I've had alot of failures in my adult life and a lost baby would be one more thing to add to the list.


The reason I can know at 5 weeks is because of an app that tracks your last visit from "aunt flow". My "visits" were always like clockwork, I never ever missed one. So that was the first clue something was wrong with me. It would be hard to get all the way to 8 weeks without knowing because that's this week and I started feeling very very sick at 6 weeks. I used to be kind of sickly with frequent flu like symptoms or sinus infections and then I fixed all that. But even then I didn't feel like this. It's awful.. It's a nauseous, fatigued, drained feeling that creeps up on me fast and reminds me of the 2-3 days after a bad stomach virus... except those things I have to avoid eating except for some plain oatmeal or the nauseous feeling gets worse. With this, I have to eat and eat until it hurts to get that to just go away somewhat. I also have to eat crackers throughout the night so I don't wake up sick. I have NEVER felt like that for so many days so even if my monthly thing wasn't clockwork this sickness would have clued me in around week 6.

 

[faroukfarouk]

So a new year began, and I started my
Daniel Fast again. Each week, a serious prayer topic for 3 weeks.
The first week, my topic was the marriage.
It almost failed last year.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m close to my PNR and divided... some days, I want to make it work with him. I want it to heal and I imagine us in 2 years looking at the sunset together saying
“Wow we did it glad we stayed together”. Other days, I wanted to pack up and leave again.

So at a low point, after yet another fight, my prayer for that day was “God heal our marriage and intervene in a big way. I promise no more straying thoughts to friends I shouldn’t have or to running away just bring us togehter”.

Of course, I didn’t know what god would do I left it to him.

And now, I, the anti-kid person, the one who’s always said no to planning a family for various reasons..... am apparently 5 weeks pregnant.

Congrats on the expected baby!