Hi. I'm gracefulmouse. I'm 23, and just finished college a while ago. I'm married (April of last year) to a very gentle, loving husband. I am so thankful for him and for Him guiding me towards him.
I've taken a fairly long walk to get where I am now, which is attending a friendly church and getting involved in Christian volunteering, reading and meditating on scripture regularly, praying carefully and joyfully, reading some quality Christian literature, and so on.
I grew up in a family where the church was revered, respected, and seen as the central guiding point for right action and service. My family was actively involved in our church, and I greatly enjoyed my experiences as a youngester and pre-teen. I can recall praying meaningfully and sincerely, and feeling a relationship to God and an awe for Jesus. However, my parents ran into various issues in their marriage and by the time I was in my mid-teens we weren't attending or part of a formalized Christian community. This is complicated, because in a lot of senses we were still following the 10 c's, serving the community based in the knowledge of our call to do so (both my parents are in medicine, I volunteered), and so on. But it is now apparent that their marriage was not following a Christian ideal. So I benefitted still from the teachings & our (by then) unchurched beliefs, but obviously not as fully as I would have otherwise. I hope that makes sense.
I still worshipped at times, but I wasn't connected to any sort of individual or group observances in or out of church (we had also moved to a different place away from our old church). I did not pray or read scripture regularly. I drifted in my belief. I fell into politics and activism (first on the Left, then on the Right) for several years and through most of college. I had a couple of dating relationships that were somewhat inappropriate, though with basically moral guys (and both seekers). The more I saw of politics (including interning at a legislature) the more skeptical I became that it could provide the answers I was seeking. I wanted to find something that would unite people, not divide- that would take a higher road in its discourse. I was skeptical that I could find this in any denomination, but I started feeling pulled towards God. This was partly because I met a few Christians around my age who really impressed me with their love, words, standards and beliefs. It was also "just" this amazing pull I had towards Christianity... I can't really explain it in words. I was pulled to pray and to start a concerted search.
This paragraph is sort of a side-note (because I was already searching and seeking) but then (only 2 years ago) my parents' marriage visibly broke apart (they stopped living together). I have to say that quite a bit of the responsibility falls with my mother, who had been irresponsible with her marriage and mothering for years. My father continually forgave her, but finally requested her to take responsibility- she then left him ("the very next day"). This is a whole other story and certainly something I have quite a lot of mixed emotions about. Anyway, this got me thinking even more about the integrity of the family and the importance of careful, loving living. And responsibility as a woman to those around me. As I said, though, this is sort of a side-note, because I was already searching and seeking.
So I started trying to search and change my view of the world. Then I was brought into dating my future husband. He too was (and still is, but more "slowly" than me) a seeker, but having been raised in a family that was still intact and routinely worshipping. Over the course of our dating, I met some of his Christian guy friends (unfortunately not dating girlfriends for me to bond with!), and again I was taken by their principles and their unashamed belief. Now my husband's family themselves are a bit complicated... they aren't very accessible in terms of discussing their beliefs (I've tried all kinds of ways, with his mother and his sister). They are also regular worshippers at their church but not really active in it outside of that (and a social club they are part of). His parents have been at the church for 25 years but aren't really into stuff in some ways. They aren't very joyful in their faith, either, and don't believe in even gentle evangelizing (apparently even to daughter-in-laws!) But it gave me a backdrop for further seeking and renewing because I started to see in some ways the value of church community and formalized worship (even though as I wrote, they aren't 100% into it). I don't want to mention their denomination, but apparently it is known to be pretty insular (their Pastor later told me this lovingly, to sort of encourage me to keep searching and not let it put me off).
My husband and I started going there (to their church) regularly, and also to Anglican churches (my background) at times. We were married in that (theirs) church and the Pastor was amazing. We took marriage classes with him and it was terrific. Close to the wedding, I was struggling with my in-laws and he told me frankly (but lovingly) that my in-laws are somewhat known for standing on the side-lines and not always being very loving in their words to others... but also tried to give me some insight into forgiving it (which I was seeking to do). This was said to keep heading in my direction on my journey and that I was correct in believing in the importance of love and active service.
We were married and I continued to search. By then I was into the refreshing well of scripture reading and prayer. My husband recently started picking up the bible occasionally, and I regularly try to engage us in spiritual conversation. He seems to have trouble getting out of some of the impressions he had growing up about the church. For example, the notion of God's Love is not something that he grew up with regularly being discussed- it was more about the avoidance of sin, period. Don't get me wrong, I see right-living as central to our calling, but I believe there's supposed to be love and sheer joy involved as well! Anyway, so we do Grace in the evenings and I treasure that.
We moved basically across the continent for a new job for my husband just a little while ago. That seems to be going well and in time I look foward to working as well. I have found several meaningful volunteering opportunities (including a Christian one very suited to my interests literally around the corner from our apartment!) I am setting up our home. Best of all, I have found a very, very friendly and welcoming church. It's Anglican, so it includes the liturgy that I remember from the meaningful times I had as a kid (that I think originally planted the seed in me). I love the kneeling, praying outloud, responses, and communion. My husband's family's church was not at all like that so it is taking him some time to get used to it (like people didn't kneel or pray outloud much together), but there is an informal service offered that I think he's going to warm up to. But the most important part is that there seem to be a lot of very enthusiastic and sincere worshippers there. A whole mix of ages and backgrounds.
Anyway, this past weekend I took communion for the first time. I haven't been formally confirmed and I don't feel the greatest about that. I hope no formal Catholics or Anglicans will take offence at this. But the priest doesn't mind and all those who have accepted Christ in themselves are welcome. The last few times we've been there I have been really pulled to take it (but my husband says he isn't ready, so I've been holding back). It was just an amazing experience when I reached out my hand and the priest put the wafer into it and said "the body of Christ, given for you", grinning at me. I was teared up and I just wanted to "freak out" in joy. (In fact, just typing this I want to freak out again!) I didn't, but the great thing is that I think if I had no-one there would have minded and they would have rejoiced with me. I have come to a place where Christ and Our Heavenly Father are central to me and I am growing in leaps and bounds. I need a church setting where people can teach me new things and clarify some of my questions.
Ok, so that's sort of my story.... I wonder if I'm meant to be posting it in the other section. I apologize if I've put it in the wrong place. But thank you for reading it.
Love,
Gracefulmouse