Hello, as many of you know I have struggled with doubting my salvation, but here lately it has hit a new extreme.
No matter how many scriptures I read, no matter how much I pray, I cannot conquer my doubts.
I keep having bad thoughts as well, thoughts like maybe God doesn’t exist, even thought I know He does and I don’t mean any of these thoughts! But it makes me doubt even more.
Also I’ve started remembering that a couple years ago a message from the Holy Spirit was given out that God was about to remove the chance of being saved from someone. I’m worried that person was me and now I’m doomed for eternity.
No matter how many times I try to keep myself from doing it I keep praying over and over for Jesus to save me, I’ll worried I didn’t do it right the last time or wasn’t sincere enough or was doing it for the wrong reason.
If any of you can offer some help please do, I’m feel very scared and alone right now.
I had a repetitive nightmare for decades about monsters chasing me. No matter where I ran, they would find me. The faster I would try to run, the more slowly I would go. Then one night I dreamed it differently than I ever had. I turned around and I faced them. And the strangest thing happened. They all stopped, and they went away. I haven't dreamed about them since.
I'm not offering you any cheap easy solution. But perhaps the time has come to stop trying to pray this away. Maybe you need to face your doubt.
I am a firm believer in the integrity of the spiritual journey. I believe that wherever it takes us will bring us ultimately closer to God.
That you are wrestling with this over a long period of time with no relief despite seeking God is evidence of a spiritual journey. No one asks for one. Basically, Gandalf knocks on the door of your quiet little hobbit hole one morning and invites you on an adventure and before you know it your life is in danger of giant spiders, man eating goblins, and firey dragons. You may never come back. But if you do, you will come back transformed, and for the better. The one piece of advice that Gandalf gives that you must remember is this: don't leave the path!
Quite simply, you are on a hero's quest for the truth. Your question? Let's put it bluntly: What if God doesn't exist?
What if I have imagined it all? Am I correct that this is what has gone through your had a thousand times?
A hero needs companions in his quest to help him in his battles. People he can trust. You need people who you can trust to be:
1. Caring that you become the best person that you can be. IOW they are not into it to make points in an argument. They are into it because they care about YOU.
2. Objective, able to look at things outside their own point of view. Everyone will have an agenda with you. But you will want people that will not PUSH their agenda. You do not want someone that will SHOVE atheism or SHOVE theism on you, but will respect your personal integrity to sort things out for yourself, even if it means you making a mistake.
3. Knowledgeable about philosophy and psychology and religion. It may be hard to find folks that know about all three (although they are out there) which is why "a wise man has many counselors," so they say.
Don't expect your journey to be short, easy, or simple. And don't expect the "truth" that you end up finding to be anything you expected -- it almost always turns out to be surprising.
Now, I would like to volunteer to walk with you a ways on your journey, since I too asked this question many times in my life, and have come to my own sense of peace. Amazingly, I remain a Theist, even a Christian, although I am highly tolerant of atheists and agnostics. I have some knowledge of philosophy (the arguments for and against the existance of God) but my strong suit is psychology and religion (why we need God and why some people don't, what an existential vacuum is, etc., possible underlying reasons that can cause a spiritual crisis like this to come on... etc.).
So I would like to talk with you. I could share a little of the doubts I've had, and how I've managed them and still manage them. And I'd like to hear more from you.
Would you like that?
If so.... Tell me where this started...
Please quote part of this post, so that I get your reply in my alerts. It's the only way I'll know you answered.
God bless.
