Please help

[blacksheep78]

I'm posting here only because my membership hasn't updated yet and I can't post in the proper forum yet.
I am REALLY struggling. I have been seeking God for three months straight, after ignoring Him for quite awhile. I am having so much trouble with assurance of salvation, because I can't feel much love for God/Christ. I feel like I really want nothing to do with any of this, it is so hard. But I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth, to seek God so that I CAN love Him and have a real relationship based on love and not on fear.
I try to read the Bible, but I end up crying because I feel so afraid when I read it. Everything is so life and death and so scary and I can't find any comfort in the Word. It doesn't feel like love to me. It feels like pressure and scary warnings and all. When I pray I usually end up in tears too. I don't know what to do. The one positive thing is that I have done some research on things that REALLY bug me like the problem of evil, harsh penalties in the OT, and hell - and my research has been helping me understand these things better - thank God! But really I am so full of fear and doubt all the time. I plead with God to give me a right heart so I can be what a Christian is supposed to be. I just want to be able to hate sin, feel truly sorry for it, own my culpability - which I really struggle with, and feel truly grateful for Christ's redeeming work. I don't know how to get out of this hardness of heart. There is so much resistance in me. When I read the Bible I get nasty blasphemous thoughts against God and against Jesus. I am so discouraged and afraid.

 

[God is good]

I'm posting here only because my membership hasn't updated yet and I can't post in the proper forum yet.
I am REALLY struggling. I have been seeking God for three months straight, after ignoring Him for quite awhile. I am having so much trouble with assurance of salvation, because I can't feel much love for God/Christ. I feel like I really want nothing to do with any of this, it is so hard. But I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth, to seek God so that I CAN love Him and have a real relationship based on love and not on fear.
I try to read the Bible, but I end up crying because I feel so afraid when I read it. Everything is so life and death and so scary and I can't find any comfort in the Word. It doesn't feel like love to me. It feels like pressure and scary warnings and all. When I pray I usually end up in tears too. I don't know what to do. The one positive thing is that I have done some research on things that REALLY bug me like the problem of evil, harsh penalties in the OT, and hell - and my research has been helping me understand these things better - thank God! But really I am so full of fear and doubt all the time. I plead with God to give me a right heart so I can be what a Christian is supposed to be. I just want to be able to hate sin, feel truly sorry for it, own my culpability - which I really struggle with, and feel truly grateful for Christ's redeeming work. I don't know how to get out of this hardness of heart. There is so much resistance in me. When I read the Bible I get nasty blasphemous thoughts against God and against Jesus. I am so discouraged and afraid.

Just know that you're not alone, as a christian I also struggle with prayer and bad thoughts and it's really hard to deal with. I have also been struggling in my relationship with Jesus and God and I know how hard this can be. God loves you and He is always with us, Jesus died for us, that is a lot of love and I just want you to know that you're not alone and you can pray about this, which I'm sure you are, you can also message me whenever you want. God bless you and Jesus is our Lord and savior forever.

 

[blacksheep78]

Just know that you're not alone, as a christian I also struggle with prayer and bad thoughts and it's really hard to deal with. I have also been struggling in my relationship with Jesus and God and I know how hard this can be. God loves you and He is always with us, Jesus died for us, that is a lot of love and I just want you to know that you're not alone and you can pray about this, which I'm sure you are, you can also message me whenever you want. God bless you and Jesus is our Lord and savior forever.

Thank you

 

[paul1149]

I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth, to seek God so that I CAN love Him and have a real relationship based on love and not on fear.

Perfect. Sometimes the feelings come so easily. Other times they are a million miles away. When they're far away, you have two choices. You can chase them, or you can accept what is and deal with it using what you have been given.

We are to ask for our needs, but focusing too much on the feelings can be very counterproductive. Essentially, it's self-focus. It's better to focus on the completed work of Christ, and on following Him as best we can right now. If we are faithful on this level, more will be given.

You are doing exactly what you should. Keep at it. Some things take time and effort. Don't give up. Fearing hell is a fine way to come into the Kingdom, but don't stay there. There is so much more, and much higher ground to be taken. Right now, you are seeing the Word through a filter of fear. If you adopt this attitude, you may be able to calm down and see more clearly.

It will all come to you in time. Read some of the Psalms to ease your spirit. The first 20 have a lot of mentions about waiting patiently and enlarging your heart. Ps. 37 is a favorite as well. Also, Eph 6 says to pray with "all prayer". That's all types of prayer. It's ok to just be silent and listen at times, and let faith calm your heart.

 

[God is good]

Thank you

Your most welcome. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[dreadnought]

I'm posting here only because my membership hasn't updated yet and I can't post in the proper forum yet.
I am REALLY struggling. I have been seeking God for three months straight, after ignoring Him for quite awhile. I am having so much trouble with assurance of salvation, because I can't feel much love for God/Christ. I feel like I really want nothing to do with any of this, it is so hard. But I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth, to seek God so that I CAN love Him and have a real relationship based on love and not on fear.
I try to read the Bible, but I end up crying because I feel so afraid when I read it. Everything is so life and death and so scary and I can't find any comfort in the Word. It doesn't feel like love to me. It feels like pressure and scary warnings and all. When I pray I usually end up in tears too. I don't know what to do. The one positive thing is that I have done some research on things that REALLY bug me like the problem of evil, harsh penalties in the OT, and hell - and my research has been helping me understand these things better - thank God! But really I am so full of fear and doubt all the time. I plead with God to give me a right heart so I can be what a Christian is supposed to be. I just want to be able to hate sin, feel truly sorry for it, own my culpability - which I really struggle with, and feel truly grateful for Christ's redeeming work. I don't know how to get out of this hardness of heart. There is so much resistance in me. When I read the Bible I get nasty blasphemous thoughts against God and against Jesus. I am so discouraged and afraid.

You said you'd been away from the Lord for a period of time, so maybe there's some catching up to do. The Bible is a mixture of warnings and comfort. The warnings are for our own good. The Lord created you and is trying to lead you to heaven. There is good reason to love him.

 

[blacksheep78]

Perfect. Sometimes the feelings come so easily. Other times they are a million miles away. When they're far away, you have two choices. You can chase them, or you can accept what is and deal with it using what you have been given.

We are to ask for our needs, but focusing too much on the feelings can be very counterproductive. Essentially, it's self-focus. It's better to focus on the completed work of Christ, and on following Him as best we can right now. If we are faithful on this level, more will be given.

You are doing exactly what you should. Keep at it. Some things take time and effort. Don't give up. Fearing hell is a fine way to come into the Kingdom, but don't stay there. There is so much more, and much higher ground to be taken. Right now, you are seeing the Word through a filter of fear. If you adopt this attitude, you may be able to calm down and see more clearly.

It will all come to you in time. Read some of the Psalms to ease your spirit. The first 20 have a lot of mentions about waiting patiently and enlarging your heart. Ps. 37 is a favorite as well. Also, Eph 6 says to pray with "all prayer". That's all types of prayer. It's ok to just be silent and listen at times, and let faith calm your heart.

Thank you . I will try.

 

[paul1149]

Thank you . I will try.

Never forget God's love. Maybe read Romans 8. I'll be praying for you as well.

 

[blacksheep78]

Never forget God's love. Maybe read Romans 8. I'll be praying for you as well.

Thank you.

 

[Simon_Templar]

I'm posting here only because my membership hasn't updated yet and I can't post in the proper forum yet.
I am REALLY struggling. I have been seeking God for three months straight, after ignoring Him for quite awhile. I am having so much trouble with assurance of salvation, because I can't feel much love for God/Christ. I feel like I really want nothing to do with any of this, it is so hard. But I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth, to seek God so that I CAN love Him and have a real relationship based on love and not on fear.
I try to read the Bible, but I end up crying because I feel so afraid when I read it. Everything is so life and death and so scary and I can't find any comfort in the Word. It doesn't feel like love to me. It feels like pressure and scary warnings and all. When I pray I usually end up in tears too. I don't know what to do. The one positive thing is that I have done some research on things that REALLY bug me like the problem of evil, harsh penalties in the OT, and hell - and my research has been helping me understand these things better - thank God! But really I am so full of fear and doubt all the time. I plead with God to give me a right heart so I can be what a Christian is supposed to be. I just want to be able to hate sin, feel truly sorry for it, own my culpability - which I really struggle with, and feel truly grateful for Christ's redeeming work. I don't know how to get out of this hardness of heart. There is so much resistance in me. When I read the Bible I get nasty blasphemous thoughts against God and against Jesus. I am so discouraged and afraid.

Something important to keep in mind is that feeling is not the most important thing. In fact, in a certain sense what you feel at any given moment is largely unimportant. Feelings are physical, temporary things that come and go. They are influenced by hormones, moods, whether you've slept enough, if you are hungry, etc. The point is feelings are not what make something genuine.

What really matters is your will. What you choose and what you decide, those things matter. How you feel is less important. Also, feelings follow our decisions. If you choose to go one way but you don't feel it yet, eventually your feelings will fall into line and you will begin to feel it.

We often think of "the heart" as how we feel but it isn't. Our heart is ultimately our will. It is what we choose, what we want, etc. Not how we feel.

 

[blacksheep78]

Something important to keep in mind is that feeling is not the most important thing. In fact, in a certain sense what you feel at any given moment is largely unimportant. Feelings are physical, temporary things that come and go. They are influenced by hormones, moods, whether you've slept enough, if you are hungry, etc. The point is feelings are not what make something genuine.

What really matters is your will. What you choose and what you decide, those things matter. How you feel is less important. Also, feelings follow our decisions. If you choose to go one way but you don't feel it yet, eventually your feelings will fall into line and you will begin to feel it.

We often think of "the heart" as how we feel but it isn't. Our heart is ultimately our will. It is what we choose, what we want, etc. Not how we feel.

Thank you. This reminds me to be more intentional about which thoughts I choose to dwell on (or rather not dwell on).

 

[heyanne]

Know that you are not alone and the Lord is always there to guide you. Always seek him and you shall prevail.

 

[riesie]

Maybe it helps to know that the harsh penalties in the OT mostly followed after hundreds of years of warning. The people where extremely serious to hurt God doing just the opposite of what he commands us to do. God did not ever 'just' punish his creation. The people were extremely deprived.

The fact you worry so much you're not doing the right thing means you're on the right track!

And remember when you forbid yourself to think bad thought they will start knocking at your door immediately! Try to let the thoughts be for what they are. Try to not give them more attention then they deserve. In a lot of cases they will become less and less intrusive. Later you can start to work on them by thinking back at them like: "is this thought also really what I believe"? Personally I think the devil loves to plant seeds of doubt in our thoughts. Giving them a lot of attention is just what he wants.

Pray that God opens your eyes more to understand what you read. I will pray for you too. In the past I was also very afraid but when I more and more started to understand what the bible really says my anxiety started to transform to delight and rest. Of coarse I sometimes feel it too but I've grown in my faith. Maybe it sound easy, it's not. I used to think I could never achieve where I am now, so don't be to hard on yourself.

You are a child of God and when children behave badly, then like any father, he would still love you just as much as before. Children are supposed to not understand things, to make mistakes and slowly grow up. And then you get puberty, adolescence, young adult, adult, etc., etc. Writing this I myself may still be in the baby-diaper-stage and I just would like to start as an experienced senior adult but it's not how it works.....

I hope it makes any sense. Be patient, be kind to yourself, may God bless you with rest, wisdom, love and much more!!

 

[1watchman]

I'm posting here only because my membership hasn't updated yet and I can't post in the proper forum yet.
I am REALLY struggling. I have been seeking God for three months straight, after ignoring Him for quite awhile. I am having so much trouble with assurance of salvation, because I can't feel much love for God/Christ. I feel like I really want nothing to do with any of this, it is so hard. But I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth, to seek God so that I CAN love Him and have a real relationship based on love and not on fear.
I try to read the Bible, but I end up crying because I feel so afraid when I read it. Everything is so life and death and so scary and I can't find any comfort in the Word. It doesn't feel like love to me. It feels like pressure and scary warnings and all. When I pray I usually end up in tears too. I don't know what to do. The one positive thing is that I have done some research on things that REALLY bug me like the problem of evil, harsh penalties in the OT, and hell - and my research has been helping me understand these things better - thank God! But really I am so full of fear and doubt all the time. I plead with God to give me a right heart so I can be what a Christian is supposed to be. I just want to be able to hate sin, feel truly sorry for it, own my culpability - which I really struggle with, and feel truly grateful for Christ's redeeming work. I don't know how to get out of this hardness of heart. There is so much resistance in me. When I read the Bible I get nasty blasphemous thoughts against God and against Jesus. I am so discouraged and afraid.

It is good to be concerned, so then one needs to turn to God as He ordained. That means such as John 14; and one needs to also know: "...this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is IN His Son. He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not (that) life" ---1 Jn. 5:10-12. Trust God, friend, and receive the Lord Jesus as your Savior and best Friend.

 

[Dan61861]

I'm posting here only because my membership hasn't updated yet and I can't post in the proper forum yet.
I am REALLY struggling. I have been seeking God for three months straight, after ignoring Him for quite awhile. I am having so much trouble with assurance of salvation, because I can't feel much love for God/Christ. I feel like I really want nothing to do with any of this, it is so hard. But I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth, to seek God so that I CAN love Him and have a real relationship based on love and not on fear.
I try to read the Bible, but I end up crying because I feel so afraid when I read it. Everything is so life and death and so scary and I can't find any comfort in the Word. It doesn't feel like love to me. It feels like pressure and scary warnings and all. When I pray I usually end up in tears too. I don't know what to do. The one positive thing is that I have done some research on things that REALLY bug me like the problem of evil, harsh penalties in the OT, and hell - and my research has been helping me understand these things better - thank God! But really I am so full of fear and doubt all the time. I plead with God to give me a right heart so I can be what a Christian is supposed to be. I just want to be able to hate sin, feel truly sorry for it, own my culpability - which I really struggle with, and feel truly grateful for Christ's redeeming work. I don't know how to get out of this hardness of heart. There is so much resistance in me. When I read the Bible I get nasty blasphemous thoughts against God and against Jesus. I am so discouraged and afraid.

It is healthy and good to fear God. In fact He is the only one we should fear. Jesus said, fear Himy that can kill the flesh and the soul. It's actually a fear that shows you love life and want to live. We should all fear Him.

As for your thoughts, your sin, God forbid that any of us do sin. Yet when we do, we confess and turn to Christ. There is only one that is good, one that is righteous. God is that one. All of us are unworthy, all of us fall far short of His Glory. He is glorified in the mercy He has shown to each of us. In His grace our love for Him grows. As wretched as I am, as vile as I am, when I am touched with His love and mercy. My love for Him grows.

I remember the first times I read the bible, my tears flowed. I still have days when I cry while reading His word. I still sin, yet I grow more and more to hate that part of me. I still have intrusive thoughts, I try rebuking when they appear. Yet, I than remind myself only He is good.

In Christ
Daniel

 

[Dan61861]

One more thing. The Law is a school master, it points us to Jesus. It teaches us what we truly are, it humbles us before God.

In Christ
Daniel

 

[Tomm]

...I can't feel much love for God/Christ. I feel like I really want nothing to do with any of this, it is so hard. But I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth

Some saints* were like you, initially motivated by the fear of hell. But their love for God gradually grew and grew so much.

* Read "Lives of the Saints"

 

[riesie]

Dear @blacksheep78
It's important to ask yourself this question.
Do you or do you not want to spent an eternity with Jesus?

If you do not, why bother to build a relationship with Jesus now?

If you do, why do you hesitate to build a relationship with Jesus now?

I hope this helps maybe a bit. I pray that you'll find rest under the wings of the Father!
Don't give up and be blessed.

 

[brinny]

I'm posting here only because my membership hasn't updated yet and I can't post in the proper forum yet.
I am REALLY struggling. I have been seeking God for three months straight, after ignoring Him for quite awhile. I am having so much trouble with assurance of salvation, because I can't feel much love for God/Christ. I feel like I really want nothing to do with any of this, it is so hard. But I have to because I don't want to go to hell. I know that is a terrible reason, but I am doing everything I can - reading the word, prayer, reading theology and so forth, to seek God so that I CAN love Him and have a real relationship based on love and not on fear.
I try to read the Bible, but I end up crying because I feel so afraid when I read it. Everything is so life and death and so scary and I can't find any comfort in the Word. It doesn't feel like love to me. It feels like pressure and scary warnings and all. When I pray I usually end up in tears too. I don't know what to do. The one positive thing is that I have done some research on things that REALLY bug me like the problem of evil, harsh penalties in the OT, and hell - and my research has been helping me understand these things better - thank God! But really I am so full of fear and doubt all the time. I plead with God to give me a right heart so I can be what a Christian is supposed to be. I just want to be able to hate sin, feel truly sorry for it, own my culpability - which I really struggle with, and feel truly grateful for Christ's redeeming work. I don't know how to get out of this hardness of heart. There is so much resistance in me. When I read the Bible I get nasty blasphemous thoughts against God and against Jesus. I am so discouraged and afraid.

God has not forgotten, rejected, or condemned you. He hateth you not. The "love for God" is a gift from God Himself. We cannot love God on our own. Keep seeking God. Tell Him ALL that is in your heart. It DELIGHTS Him when we come to Him and confess all that is in our hearts. PRAY to Him. TELL Him all about it.

We are told that when we seek God with all of our hearts we WILL find Him, for it is God Himself, Who gives us the unction to seek Him even if we do because we fear going to hell (such was my own beginnings in seeking God). His grace WILL intercede. KEEP seeking Him brother. Remember ALWAYS that He LOVES you more than you can fathom. Praying that you see His Light breaking through the murkiness of all that is swirling around you and that His peace and His joy becomes yours, and that you find yourself DELIGHTING in the Lord, as He surely DELIGHTS in you, as He rejoices over you with singing. Father may this be so. Shoo away ALL that is distracting and causing the fear that shrouds him all around, and clear his spiritual vision. Grant him wisdom, discernment, and clarity, as all of heaven celebrates his heart for You, in the name of Jesus, amen (((hug)))

 

[riesie]

Wow, very powerful and amazingly well put @brinny ! Thank you!