Please Forgive Me For This Thread

[IAMANOBODY2015]

I have a confession to make to you. I struggle with same-sex attraction. I know that this is a perversion. I love myself obviously but I do not like myself very well. I still struggle with lust, which is disgusting. I am disgusted with myself. But I do not engage in sexual activity with a human being.

(And yes, I realize I deserve death. I have had Christians use the Old Testament against me saying that the church should execute me if it wasn't illegal.)

I have gotten angry and bitter towards Christians that speak the truth when they say that homosexuality is sin. Some of them have even used harsh words like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and queer.

But I also know that the church did not create the laws of God. Even if the Christian church decided to accept homosexuality, it won't change the fact that homosexuality is sin. So I know that they are speaking the truth.

Now, this is not saying that gay people are not hateful. They are suing Christians that won't provide for their gay services; Christians have gotten fired for their stance on homosexuality; I saw a man get arrested in the UK for saying homosexuality is sin. Oh, and there is Kim Davies who got arrested. Just to let you know, I think all of these thing are a sign that Jesus is coming back. But I could be wrong.

But here is also another truth. Christians are also doing the same thing. Gay kids get kicked out of their Christians homes; gays have gotten kicked out of Christian homeless shelters; they have gotten fired from jobs as well, but they probably shouldn't be working in Christian schools; they have gotten beaten by other Christians (kids have gotten beaten by their baptist fathers more then once).

I don't know how true these stories are. I just did some research.

I hate this gay vs Christian. I don't want to be part of this. I don't want to be rejected or hated because of my struggles. But I also don't want to hate the people of God as well. Scripture tells me that I can't reject Christians and embrace Christ, for it doesn't work like that.

I am scared of going to church, and having people find out. My mannerism will give me away. I don't even have to say that I am gay; they will know. I don't want to be lonely and miserable. Some gay people that were trying to turn their life around in the church ended back in the gay community because they did not feel love in the church. And the gay community is a tight knit community.

Sometimes it seems like that Christians love every other sinner except the gay sinners. This hurts me.

I don't know why I wrote this thread, except to be honest. People were trying to help me when I confessed that I struggle with lust. And they thought I was talking about lusting after women.

I am trying not to hate Christians or be bitter towards them. But I just don't know if the church is a good environment for me. I may have to be a solitary Christian (if I am able to be a Christian).

 

[Root of Jesse]

I have a confession to make to you. I struggle with same-sex attraction. I know that this is a perversion. I love myself obviously but I do not like myself very well. I still struggle with lust, which is disgusting. I am disgusted with myself. But I do not engage in sexual activity with a human being.

Every man and woman struggles with some sort of sexual attraction. They only get lost in the weeds when they succumb to them. Welcome to the club. If you want a friend, I can do that with you.

(And yes, I realize I deserve death. I have had Christians use the Old Testament against me saying that the church should execute me if it wasn't illegal.)

Those would be wrong...Jesus told the Pharisees "Let you who is without sin cast the first stone."

I have gotten angry and bitter towards Christians that speak the truth when they say that homosexuality is sin. Some of them have even used harsh words like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and queer.

Homosexuality is a sin. The act. If you don't act on it, it's a temptation.

But I also know that the church did not create the laws of God. Even if the Christian church decided to accept homosexuality, it won't change the fact that homosexuality is sin. So I know that they are speaking the truth.

Speaking the truth in love is important. Sometimes the truth really hurts. But it will set you free, too.

Now, this is not saying that gay people are not hateful. They are suing Christians that won't provide for their gay services; Christians have gotten fired for their stance on homosexuality; I saw a man get arrested in the UK for saying homosexuality is sin. Oh, and there is Kim Davies who got arrested. Just to let you know, I think all of these thing are a sign that Jesus is coming back. But I could be wrong.

Those are probably secular, not religious.

But here is also another truth. Christians are also doing the same thing. Gay kids get kicked out of their Christians homes; gays have gotten kicked out of Christian homeless shelters; they have gotten fired from jobs as well, but they probably shouldn't be working in Christian schools; they have gotten beaten by other Christians (kids have gotten beaten by their baptist fathers more then once).

Yes, humans are wicked toward each other. I think the thing is that, if you identify solely by your sexuality, that's what people harp on. If you say "I'm a doctor" first, and later on, much later, come out with I'm gay but celibate, it's taken much better.

I don't know how true these stories are. I just did some research.

I hate this gay vs Christian. I don't want to be part of this. I don't want to be rejected or hated because of my struggles. But I also don't want to hate the people of God as well. Scripture tells me that I can't reject Christians and embrace Christ, for it doesn't work like that.

So don't emphasize the SSA. Emphasize your Christianity and what you do in your life.

I am scared of going to church, and having people find out. My mannerism will give me away. I don't even have to say that I am gay; they will know. I don't want to be lonely and miserable. Some gay people that were trying to turn their life around in the church ended back in the gay community because they did not feel love in the church. And the gay community is a tight knit community.

I know that if someone at my church doesn't bring up their sexuality, I won't. Besides, what's that topic doing while we're worshiping God?

Sometimes it seems like that Christians love every other sinner except the gay sinners. This hurts me.

Christians tend to hate other people's sins, but love their own.

I don't know why I wrote this thread, except to be honest. People were trying to help me when I confessed that I struggle with lust. And they thought I was talking about lusting after women.

Welcome to the club. I struggle with lust too. Opposite sex, but still any lust is a sin.

I am trying not to hate Christians or be bitter towards them. But I just don't know if the church is a good environment for me. I may have to be a solitary Christian (if I am able to be a Christian).

You'd be welcome in my Church...

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

Every man and woman struggles with some sort of sexual attraction. They only get lost in the weeds when they succumb to them. Welcome to the club. If you want a friend, I can do that with you.
Those would be wrong...Jesus told the Pharisees "Let you who is without sin cast the first stone."
Homosexuality is a sin. The act. If you don't act on it, it's a temptation.
Speaking the truth in love is important. Sometimes the truth really hurts. But it will set you free, too.
Those are probably secular, not religious.
Yes, humans are wicked toward each other. I think the thing is that, if you identify solely by your sexuality, that's what people harp on. If you say "I'm a doctor" first, and later on, much later, come out with I'm gay but celibate, it's taken much better.
So don't emphasize the SSA. Emphasize your Christianity and what you do in your life.
I know that if someone at my church doesn't bring up their sexuality, I won't. Besides, what's that topic doing while we're worshiping God?
Christians tend to hate other people's sins, but love their own.
Welcome to the club. I struggle with lust too. Opposite sex, but still any lust is a sin.

You'd be welcome in my Church...

Thank you very much.

 

[Root of Jesse]

Thank you very much.

Let me know if I can help you in any way.

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

Let me know if I can help you in any way.

I will. Thank you

 

[Runswithdogs]

You are not a nobody and God loves you just as much as he loves me (& Im pretty sure thats a lot more than either of us could imagine)

A lot of people are very quick to point out others flaws while acting like they're holy eunuch with not so much as an impure thought in there head.. sadly being Christian dosent always seem to be a cure for general azzhatery

Everybody deals with temptation. sometimes we win the fight, sometimes we dont, If you fall then you get back up ask for forgiveness & try again, were all human & God knows that (He did create us after all)
You might want to look up a guy called Sy Rogers on Youtube & watch some of his videos. They may help give you some perspective.
*Hugs* (from a not so perfect Christian )

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

You are not a nobody and God loves you just as much as he loves me (& Im pretty sure thats a lot more than either of us could imagine)

A lot of people are very quick to point out others flaws while acting like they're holy eunuch with not so much as an impure thought in there head.. sadly being Christian dosent always seem to be a cure for general azzhatery

Everybody deals with temptation. sometimes we win the fight, sometimes we dont, If you fall then you get back up ask for forgiveness & try again, were all human & God knows that (He did create us after all)
You might want to look up a guy called Sy Rogers on Youtube & watch some of his videos. They may help give you some perspective.
*Hugs* (from a not so perfect Christian )

Thank you and God bless you.

 

[ToBeLoved]

You are not a nobody and God loves you just as much as he loves me (& Im pretty sure thats a lot more than either of us could imagine)

A lot of people are very quick to point out others flaws while acting like they're holy eunuch with not so much as an impure thought in there head.. sadly being Christian dosent always seem to be a cure for general azzhatery

Everybody deals with temptation. sometimes we win the fight, sometimes we dont, If you fall then you get back up ask for forgiveness & try again, were all human & God knows that (He did create us after all)
You might want to look up a guy called Sy Rogers on Youtube & watch some of his videos. They may help give you some perspective.
*Hugs* (from a not so perfect Christian )

I agree.

God works with us through the Holy Spirit through our lifetimes.

(from another not perfect Christian also)

 

[ToBeLoved]

I have a confession to make to you. I struggle with same-sex attraction. I know that this is a perversion. I love myself obviously but I do not like myself very well. I still struggle with lust, which is disgusting. I am disgusted with myself. But I do not engage in sexual activity with a human being.

(And yes, I realize I deserve death. I have had Christians use the Old Testament against me saying that the church should execute me if it wasn't illegal.)

I have gotten angry and bitter towards Christians that speak the truth when they say that homosexuality is sin. Some of them have even used harsh words like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and queer.

But I also know that the church did not create the laws of God. Even if the Christian church decided to accept homosexuality, it won't change the fact that homosexuality is sin. So I know that they are speaking the truth.

Now, this is not saying that gay people are not hateful. They are suing Christians that won't provide for their gay services; Christians have gotten fired for their stance on homosexuality; I saw a man get arrested in the UK for saying homosexuality is sin. Oh, and there is Kim Davies who got arrested. Just to let you know, I think all of these thing are a sign that Jesus is coming back. But I could be wrong.

But here is also another truth. Christians are also doing the same thing. Gay kids get kicked out of their Christians homes; gays have gotten kicked out of Christian homeless shelters; they have gotten fired from jobs as well, but they probably shouldn't be working in Christian schools; they have gotten beaten by other Christians (kids have gotten beaten by their baptist fathers more then once).

I don't know how true these stories are. I just did some research.

I hate this gay vs Christian. I don't want to be part of this. I don't want to be rejected or hated because of my struggles. But I also don't want to hate the people of God as well. Scripture tells me that I can't reject Christians and embrace Christ, for it doesn't work like that.

I am scared of going to church, and having people find out. My mannerism will give me away. I don't even have to say that I am gay; they will know. I don't want to be lonely and miserable. Some gay people that were trying to turn their life around in the church ended back in the gay community because they did not feel love in the church. And the gay community is a tight knit community.

Sometimes it seems like that Christians love every other sinner except the gay sinners. This hurts me.

I don't know why I wrote this thread, except to be honest. People were trying to help me when I confessed that I struggle with lust. And they thought I was talking about lusting after women.

I am trying not to hate Christians or be bitter towards them. But I just don't know if the church is a good environment for me. I may have to be a solitary Christian (if I am able to be a Christian).

We all sin. People just hate your problem sin more than other sins.

I know it hurts. I have a mental illness that no one understands either.

May I ask why the people in your church know this struggle? It is not wrong not to offer the most personal information about yourself. Being a diagnosed clinically depressed Christian is odd to. No one understands that does not deal with the same thing. People think, especially in the church "How can she have Jesus and not be happy?". "Depression doesn't really exist", "Taking medication is wrong. Wait for God to heal you".

Do you pray about this? I mean not just pray, but break down in tears with the Lord. Cry out to Him, King David did and God loved King David. King David actually wrote many Psalms and he cried out to God. You need to get that hurt out. Allow yourself to feel all that hurt during prayer. Give it all to Jesus, He says "His yoke (carrying our problems) is light, ours is heavy".

Get all that hurt out, ok? Cry, cry cry. Do that alone, just you and God. That will allow you to hopefully move past some of the hurt.

God bless you brother. You are very brave to post this knowing how people will come down on you. Another verse says "Guard your heart". I prayed many years ago and God kept bringing that verse back to me. I hope it helps you. Don't let all people into your heart. Love is not letting others hurt you. You know they will, so try to avoid it.

 

[Extraneous]

This will be as a shock to some, but you dont need anyone but God. Some people will teach you that its ok, while others will judge you without mercy. Seek Gods truth, not people.

 

[Sketcher]

If you are a Christian, your identity isn't with your sin anymore. No matter what the sin.

 

[Lover of Jesus]

Thank you very much.

You are a "Somebody" wonderfully and skillfully made. It is a " daily struggle" to resist the temptations of sin. But, in our week ness He is Made Strong. We should ALL strive to uplift one another and carry one another's burdens...

 

[Lover of Jesus]

If you are a Christian, your identity isn't with your sin anymore. No matter what the sin.

Absolutely!

 

[dayhiker]

To the OP ... I'd recommend that you keep your faith simple ... love God and love people.
If people put all kinds of other expectation on you then smile and keep on loving the people around you.

 

[jwilliams190800]

I'd like to say that if God had wanted everyone to only be attracted to members of the opposite sex, then He would not have allowed people to be attracted to their own sex

 

[sonofedward]

I have a confession to make to you. I struggle with same-sex attraction. I know that this is a perversion. I love myself obviously but I do not like myself very well. I still struggle with lust, which is disgusting. I am disgusted with myself. But I do not engage in sexual activity with a human being.

(And yes, I realize I deserve death. I have had Christians use the Old Testament against me saying that the church should execute me if it wasn't illegal.)

I have gotten angry and bitter towards Christians that speak the truth when they say that homosexuality is sin. Some of them have even used harsh words like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and queer.

But I also know that the church did not create the laws of God. Even if the Christian church decided to accept homosexuality, it won't change the fact that homosexuality is sin. So I know that they are speaking the truth.

Now, this is not saying that gay people are not hateful. They are suing Christians that won't provide for their gay services; Christians have gotten fired for their stance on homosexuality; I saw a man get arrested in the UK for saying homosexuality is sin. Oh, and there is Kim Davies who got arrested. Just to let you know, I think all of these thing are a sign that Jesus is coming back. But I could be wrong.

But here is also another truth. Christians are also doing the same thing. Gay kids get kicked out of their Christians homes; gays have gotten kicked out of Christian homeless shelters; they have gotten fired from jobs as well, but they probably shouldn't be working in Christian schools; they have gotten beaten by other Christians (kids have gotten beaten by their baptist fathers more then once).

I don't know how true these stories are. I just did some research.

I hate this gay vs Christian. I don't want to be part of this. I don't want to be rejected or hated because of my struggles. But I also don't want to hate the people of God as well. Scripture tells me that I can't reject Christians and embrace Christ, for it doesn't work like that.

I am scared of going to church, and having people find out. My mannerism will give me away. I don't even have to say that I am gay; they will know. I don't want to be lonely and miserable. Some gay people that were trying to turn their life around in the church ended back in the gay community because they did not feel love in the church. And the gay community is a tight knit community.

Sometimes it seems like that Christians love every other sinner except the gay sinners. This hurts me.

I don't know why I wrote this thread, except to be honest. People were trying to help me when I confessed that I struggle with lust. And they thought I was talking about lusting after women.

I am trying not to hate Christians or be bitter towards them. But I just don't know if the church is a good environment for me. I may have to be a solitary Christian (if I am able to be a Christian).

Firstly good on you for having the courage to come on here and seek help and words of wisdom. Everyone struggles with lust and the flesh to some degree. You just happen to be attracted to the same sex. Don't be hard on yourself. Just have faith in the Lord and talk with him about it. Just do not act on these desires. All of us need to be the masters of our own flesh. Do not let pleasure control you especially when it's done in a sinful way. I do not believe that homosexuality is something you are born with but something that you have been conditioned to. If that is the case it's possible to re-condition yourself.

God bless you and try to relax and don't make it more then it is. remember everyone is sinful and can not save themselves.. always look to the cross and Jesus Christ.

 

[Endtime Survivors]

Hi "iamnobody". Thanks for such a humble post. It sounds like, despite your ongoing challenges, you've got a pretty good handle on dealing with them. I'm happy to hear that you recognize the feelings of bitterness and that you're trying to deal with it. Bitterness is hidden hatred so it's usually pretty hard to recognize. Keep up the good work!

I don't think you need to feel (or be) alone. Something I've learned over the past few years is that, despite many Christians' good intentions in dealing with homosexuality, they've still not put themselves in the other person's shoes. In essence, what they promote is that the gay person cannot act on their feelings and emotions. They cannot become involved romantically, they cannot touch the person they love and they cannot share in the same intimacy that heteros experience. That's a pretty heavy burden for creatures who are designed to crave intimacy. If heterosexuals were to put themselves in that same circumstance they would probably view the situation with a lot more empathy.

You may not be aware, but Jesus was a bachelor and taught that the superior option, even for heterosexuals, is to stay single for God.

MT 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
MT 19:11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
MT 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Paul followed up on this with...

1COR 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
1COR 7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
1COR 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
1COR 7:35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

So, it's not a sin for heteros to get married, but the spiritually better option is for them to stay single. Jesus did say that it's a teaching for those who are "able to receive it", which, to me, suggests a certain amount of personal will power and choice in the matter.

There are people who want the kind of "free-from-distractions" spirituality Paul and Jesus referred to, but they still struggle with lust and personal desire to get married despite feeling in their conscience that God wants them to stay single. I know this because I'm in such a situation (along with a few fiends). I believe God wants me to stay single and I'm committed to that principle, but I still feel those desires for intimacy etc.

Anyway, I'm not sure what your commitment is to staying single, but perhaps we can be some encouragement to one another.

 

[retlaw]

And yes, I realize I deserve death.

When I read this I could hear one of my favourite quotes from the movie Unforgiven.

"We all have it coming kid"

None of us really know how dirty and messed up we are. We are like pigs wallowing in mud, one pig pointing to a spec of dirt on the other pigs nose. This is not to excuse sin, Sin equals death and if you refuse to live a righteous life there will be a heavy price to pay and it starts now, not in eternity, This I know from experience. But thank God almighty that his grace is sufficient to cleanse me of all my sin. One day nobody will be pointing fingers any more.

 

[ToBeLoved]

So frustrating when the OP bails.

 

[IAMANOBODY2015]

We all sin. People just hate your problem sin more than other sins.

I know it hurts. I have a mental illness that no one understands either.

May I ask why the people in your church know this struggle? It is not wrong not to offer the most personal information about yourself. Being a diagnosed clinically depressed Christian is odd to. No one understands that does not deal with the same thing. People think, especially in the church "How can she have Jesus and not be happy?". "Depression doesn't really exist", "Taking medication is wrong. Wait for God to heal you".

Do you pray about this? I mean not just pray, but break down in tears with the Lord. Cry out to Him, King David did and God loved King David. King David actually wrote many Psalms and he cried out to God. You need to get that hurt out. Allow yourself to feel all that hurt during prayer. Give it all to Jesus, He says "His yoke (carrying our problems) is light, ours is heavy".

Get all that hurt out, ok? Cry, cry cry. Do that alone, just you and God. That will allow you to hopefully move past some of the hurt.

God bless you brother. You are very brave to post this knowing how people will come down on you. Another verse says "Guard your heart". I prayed many years ago and God kept bringing that verse back to me. I hope it helps you. Don't let all people into your heart. Love is not letting others hurt you. You know they will, so try to avoid it.

Sorry I didn't answer right away. I didn't have access to a computer for a while.

I don't have a church yet. But a lot of ex-gays have experience this kind of hurt. I have been hurt by other people, yes. But not by the church yet. This is just my fear.

My mannerism is very effeminate. And it's hard for me to act like a man. This is how they would know.

Yes, I have cried to Jesus a couple times. But I do need to be consist in my prayers.

Thank you for your response. This was very helpful. God bless you. I have read your posts in the past, and I have enjoyed reading them.