Pastor/Missionary husband is addicted to gaming

[emily cross]

My husband is on his phone watching people playing the game he is playing. Then he moves on to his laptop and plays. It's a survivor gun battle thing. Then he eats. Then sleeps. Then sleeps some more. He sleeps almost at daybreak then wakes up in the afternoon. He only opens his Bible on Sundays. We haven't witnessed yet except to some guys who went to church one time and I told them the good news because my husband can't speak english well and refuses to learn the local language. We often don't pray together because he's busy gaming. I tried to talk to him about his gaming but he said he can't help it. I have to cook and clean and take care of our toddler with eating and sleeping disorder and all he does is stay at home and play and sleep. it is so frustrating. Our ministry is going nowhere. He doesn't even have a plan on how or where to witness. I had to make the tracts we are handing out because he said he will just wait for people to go inside the church and talk to them about the Bible. HE IS NOT DEPRESSED. He was just spoiled by his parents who still support him financially up to now. His dad lets him sleep a lot while his mom would often yell at him and they'll both have a shouting match that all the neighbors can hear. He is prideful and a busybody. He doesn't have love for the people we are currently serving. When he's driving he cusses a lot and I have never saw him drive without getting angry for every little thing. I am so frustrated I feel like dying. Help please.

 

[Albion]

I'm sorry for your situation and do appreciate the problem. While it is hard for us to know all that is involved, I would like to pass along one thought.

It looks like the mission you speak of is one that has been self-assumed. That may mean that it's unstructured, which in turn makes it easier for him to slide, delay, whatever. My feeling is that you might do well to find a well-regarded organization that will take you on as a representative and which would have expectations, make assignments, and generally give order to your ministry so that he cannot let things slide in the way that you described.

 

[dreadnought]

My husband is on his phone watching people playing the game he is playing. Then he moves on to his laptop and plays. It's a survivor gun battle thing. Then he eats. Then sleeps. Then sleeps some more. He sleeps almost at daybreak then wakes up in the afternoon. He only opens his Bible on Sundays. We haven't witnessed yet except to some guys who went to church one time and I told them the good news because my husband can't speak english well and refuses to learn the local language. We often don't pray together because he's busy gaming. I tried to talk to him about his gaming but he said he can't help it. I have to cook and clean and take care of our toddler with eating and sleeping disorder and all he does is stay at home and play and sleep. it is so frustrating. Our ministry is going nowhere. He doesn't even have a plan on how or where to witness. I had to make the tracts we are handing out because he said he will just wait for people to go inside the church and talk to them about the Bible. HE IS NOT DEPRESSED. He was just spoiled by his parents who still support him financially up to now. His dad lets him sleep a lot while his mom would often yell at him and they'll both have a shouting match that all the neighbors can hear. He is prideful and a busybody. He doesn't have love for the people we are currently serving. When he's driving he cusses a lot and I have never saw him drive without getting angry for every little thing. I am so frustrated I feel like dying. Help please.

If I were in your shoes, I might leave him.

 

[High Fidelity]

I'd recommend he seeks guidance from one of his professors at the seminary he attended.

 

[PollyJetix]

He needs a serious wake-up call.
He's living in a pretend world. Pretending to be a missionary/minister.
Is he also pretending to be a Christian?

1 Timothy 5:8 "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."

How badly do you want him freed from this addiction?
What are you willing to do, to shock him into reality?

 

[Kit Sigmon]

My husband is on his phone watching people playing the game he is playing. Then he moves on to his laptop and plays. It's a survivor gun battle thing. Then he eats. Then sleeps. Then sleeps some more. He sleeps almost at daybreak then wakes up in the afternoon. He only opens his Bible on Sundays. We haven't witnessed yet except to some guys who went to church one time and I told them the good news because my husband can't speak english well and refuses to learn the local language. We often don't pray together because he's busy gaming. I tried to talk to him about his gaming but he said he can't help it. I have to cook and clean and take care of our toddler with eating and sleeping disorder and all he does is stay at home and play and sleep. it is so frustrating. Our ministry is going nowhere. He doesn't even have a plan on how or where to witness. I had to make the tracts we are handing out because he said he will just wait for people to go inside the church and talk to them about the Bible. HE IS NOT DEPRESSED. He was just spoiled by his parents who still support him financially up to now. His dad lets him sleep a lot while his mom would often yell at him and they'll both have a shouting match that all the neighbors can hear. He is prideful and a busybody. He doesn't have love for the people we are currently serving. When he's driving he cusses a lot and I have never saw him drive without getting angry for every little thing. I am so frustrated I feel like dying. Help please.

Exactly how is it that the two of you are doing mission work when it appears that you all lack the necessary skills/training/support needed?
If you be connected with a missionary board/home church/other church leaders etc... talk to them about the situation asap.

 

[Andy centek]

My husband is on his phone watching people playing the game he is playing. Then he moves on to his laptop and plays. It's a survivor gun battle thing. Then he eats. Then sleeps. Then sleeps some more. He sleeps almost at daybreak then wakes up in the afternoon. He only opens his Bible on Sundays. We haven't witnessed yet except to some guys who went to church one time and I told them the good news because my husband can't speak english well and refuses to learn the local language. We often don't pray together because he's busy gaming. I tried to talk to him about his gaming but he said he can't help it. I have to cook and clean and take care of our toddler with eating and sleeping disorder and all he does is stay at home and play and sleep. it is so frustrating. Our ministry is going nowhere. He doesn't even have a plan on how or where to witness. I had to make the tracts we are handing out because he said he will just wait for people to go inside the church and talk to them about the Bible. HE IS NOT DEPRESSED. He was just spoiled by his parents who still support him financially up to now. His dad lets him sleep a lot while his mom would often yell at him and they'll both have a shouting match that all the neighbors can hear. He is prideful and a busybody. He doesn't have love for the people we are currently serving. When he's driving he cusses a lot and I have never saw him drive without getting angry for every little thing. I am so frustrated I feel like dying. Help please.

 

[Andy centek]

Blessings Be Unto You!

It sounds like, from your description of your husband, that he indeed has a problem. People can become addicted to many things and his computer seems to be one addiction.

What I tell you here is not from any medical degree that I have; for I do not have one. Rather, I can only suggest the following.

Pro 6:5-19 Deliver yourself as a roe from the hand of the hunter, and as a bird from the hand of the fowler.Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise:Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provides her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest.

How long will you sleep, O sluggard? When will you arise out of your sleep?

Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep:So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.

A naughty person, a wicked man, walks with a froward mouth. He winks with his eyes, he speaks with his feet, he teaches with his fingers; Forowardness is in his heart, he devises mischief continually; he sows discord.

Therefore shall his calamity come suddenly; suddenly shall he be broken without remedy.
These six things doth the LORD hate: yew, seven are an abomination unto Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaks lies, and he that sows discord among brethren.

Eph 5:25-30 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.
for no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church:For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

You said he is a minister of church. That being so he needs to adhere to loving his wife first, not second.

Col 1:9 For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that you might be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;

I pray that the Holy Spirit may grant peace to you and your household.

Andy Centek

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

My husband is on his phone watching people playing the game he is playing. Then he moves on to his laptop and plays. It's a survivor gun battle thing. Then he eats. Then sleeps. Then sleeps some more. He sleeps almost at daybreak then wakes up in the afternoon. He only opens his Bible on Sundays. We haven't witnessed yet except to some guys who went to church one time and I told them the good news because my husband can't speak english well and refuses to learn the local language. We often don't pray together because he's busy gaming. I tried to talk to him about his gaming but he said he can't help it. I have to cook and clean and take care of our toddler with eating and sleeping disorder and all he does is stay at home and play and sleep. it is so frustrating. Our ministry is going nowhere. He doesn't even have a plan on how or where to witness. I had to make the tracts we are handing out because he said he will just wait for people to go inside the church and talk to them about the Bible. HE IS NOT DEPRESSED. He was just spoiled by his parents who still support him financially up to now. His dad lets him sleep a lot while his mom would often yell at him and they'll both have a shouting match that all the neighbors can hear. He is prideful and a busybody. He doesn't have love for the people we are currently serving. When he's driving he cusses a lot and I have never saw him drive without getting angry for every little thing. I am so frustrated I feel like dying. Help please.

Have you talked to him and let him know exactly how you feel? Based on what you've mentioned, he needs to get his priorities straight, what he's doing will not work out especially in the long run. He needs to come to terms with his selfishness and work at being a husband and father, because it is work, and more than that duty, accepting the responsibilities that come with marriage and fatherhood. It is mostly on him, but you might try finding ways to get him away from the game and being persistent in that, though it will ultimately be up to him.

Throughout the course of my marriage, I've had problems with addiction to a MMORPG for a couple of extended periods of time. In the case of both times I quit playing this particular game, part of the reasoning came out of seeing how playing the game effected my marriage, it hurt both of us (in many ways), so as difficult as it was, I broke away and stay away. It was/is a poor use of time, and as a person gets older especially, comes the pressing realization of how quickly time passes.

 

[Sketcher]

So you're living with his parents?

 

[JoeyChris]

My husband is on his phone watching people playing the game he is playing. Then he moves on to his laptop and plays. It's a survivor gun battle thing. Then he eats. Then sleeps. Then sleeps some more. He sleeps almost at daybreak then wakes up in the afternoon. He only opens his Bible on Sundays. We haven't witnessed yet except to some guys who went to church one time and I told them the good news because my husband can't speak english well and refuses to learn the local language. We often don't pray together because he's busy gaming. I tried to talk to him about his gaming but he said he can't help it. I have to cook and clean and take care of our toddler with eating and sleeping disorder and all he does is stay at home and play and sleep. it is so frustrating. Our ministry is going nowhere. He doesn't even have a plan on how or where to witness. I had to make the tracts we are handing out because he said he will just wait for people to go inside the church and talk to them about the Bible. HE IS NOT DEPRESSED. He was just spoiled by his parents who still support him financially up to now. His dad lets him sleep a lot while his mom would often yell at him and they'll both have a shouting match that all the neighbors can hear. He is prideful and a busybody. He doesn't have love for the people we are currently serving. When he's driving he cusses a lot and I have never saw him drive without getting angry for every little thing. I am so frustrated I feel like dying. Help please.

He needs spiritual correction - who is he accountable to? More mature men need to take control of this situation. He cannot be permitted to remain like this.

 

[R. Hartono]

Does he get a job ?

 

[Greg J.]

I have no medical credentials, the following are just my thoughts based on what I've experienced and seen/read.

Based only on the information in the original post, the comments that follow that suggest possibilities for a short-term fix are bad advice. The problem he has is that "normal" real life is too painful. This is why addictions form, and from what you say, he may have a full-blown genuine addiction. If is the case, you need to understand that it is not within his capability to stop. He needs help from others. In general, the first step is for him to concretely acknowledge he has a problem. A typical test for addiction is whether it is hurting the other aspects of his life (which he is, significantly).

You say he doesn't have depression, but feeling down in only one of many symptoms of depression. You might look up what the other symptoms are and see if he has any. I am disabled from depression, but I don't feel down most of the time. I have all the other symptoms I've seen listed for depression, though. (And occasionally I have a negativity/pessimism that is clearly from depression.) If he has a significant form of this kind of depression (or whatever label doctors give it), there won't be any way for him to force himself to be productive, including focus on missionary work or learn a new language. What he would do while he couldn't play games would be revealing about his problem. You might ask him to stop completely for a week. If he cannot find anything to do, that is a sign of depression. If he is able to do other things reasonably well, then it may be a different kind of problem rooted in past experiences.

The spiritual issues potentially involved are many, and I can't really comment without more information.

 

[Andrew77]

My husband is on his phone watching people playing the game he is playing. Then he moves on to his laptop and plays. It's a survivor gun battle thing. Then he eats. Then sleeps. Then sleeps some more. He sleeps almost at daybreak then wakes up in the afternoon. He only opens his Bible on Sundays. We haven't witnessed yet except to some guys who went to church one time and I told them the good news because my husband can't speak english well and refuses to learn the local language. We often don't pray together because he's busy gaming. I tried to talk to him about his gaming but he said he can't help it. I have to cook and clean and take care of our toddler with eating and sleeping disorder and all he does is stay at home and play and sleep. it is so frustrating. Our ministry is going nowhere. He doesn't even have a plan on how or where to witness. I had to make the tracts we are handing out because he said he will just wait for people to go inside the church and talk to them about the Bible. HE IS NOT DEPRESSED. He was just spoiled by his parents who still support him financially up to now. His dad lets him sleep a lot while his mom would often yell at him and they'll both have a shouting match that all the neighbors can hear. He is prideful and a busybody. He doesn't have love for the people we are currently serving. When he's driving he cusses a lot and I have never saw him drive without getting angry for every little thing. I am so frustrated I feel like dying. Help please.

I would kick him out. Sounds like he's utterly useless, and make it simple... either get a job, and start working, or find a new place to sleep until you do.

Honestly, this is what I would advise. Kick the man out. If you don't, you'll eventually divorce him anyway. Why not try and save the marriage with some strong love. Love him enough to let him suffer until he changes.

 

[frater_domus]

Man, I feel ya. I struggled a lot with very similar issues as your husband. Well, mainly the gaming thing. From what I experienced though, I can safely say that gaming is neither the cause nor the problem. It is the result. I used to be obsessed with games. But after a painful development and plenty of prayer God helped me on my way to diligence. I still like to game. However, now it is no longer an obsession, but an enjoyable hobby that God uses to teach me things, and a fun experience I thank God for. It rarely interferes with my duties any longer.

The issue is what goes on in the heart and soul. Most problems are merely a consequence of this distance from God. I am thus not sure how to help. Only God can change people. All we can do is pray :/

 

[Mountainmanbob]

My husband is on his phone watching people playing the game he is playing. Then he moves on to his laptop and plays. It's a survivor gun battle thing. Then he eats. Then sleeps. Then sleeps some more. He sleeps almost at daybreak then wakes up in the afternoon. He only opens his Bible on Sundays. We haven't witnessed yet except to some guys who went to church one time and I told them the good news because my husband can't speak english well and refuses to learn the local language. We often don't pray together because he's busy gaming. I tried to talk to him about his gaming but he said he can't help it. I have to cook and clean and take care of our toddler with eating and sleeping disorder and all he does is stay at home and play and sleep. it is so frustrating. Our ministry is going nowhere. He doesn't even have a plan on how or where to witness. I had to make the tracts we are handing out because he said he will just wait for people to go inside the church and talk to them about the Bible. HE IS NOT DEPRESSED. He was just spoiled by his parents who still support him financially up to now. His dad lets him sleep a lot while his mom would often yell at him and they'll both have a shouting match that all the neighbors can hear. He is prideful and a busybody. He doesn't have love for the people we are currently serving. When he's driving he cusses a lot and I have never saw him drive without getting angry for every little thing. I am so frustrated I feel like dying. Help please.

Seek help ASAP for this serious addiction.
M-Bob

 

[FireDragon76]

Maybe he really has no desire to be a "missionary" or to be overseas, but he did so to fulfill some kind of assumed cultural expectation, and video games are a way to escape that.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I would suggest you have a chat, you need to let him know that it is not acceptable for a pastor to be living in such a way that he neglects prayer, and seeking God for guidance for your people. The apostles, in the bible appointed others to the task of general provision, so they could be dedicated more to prayer and the gospel. The point of being a pastor is to be free to seek God for direction and guidance to lead God's people.

He needs to make a decision does he want to be a leader, or does he want to go back to the natural life. It is not wrong to game, but it is wrong to do it at the neglection of a church, or family. If he can't control gaming maybe it is time to leave the ministry, until the desire for ministry becomes greater than the desire for gaming.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

If I were in your shoes, I might leave him.

What God has joined let no man separate.