Party for one...

[jenelis]

Okay so I think I just want to share what's been going on in my life.

I'm 34-- almost qualify for "mature" single-- but trust me, I reached mature a long time ago.

Seems like lots of singles have trouble filling their time-- not my problem! I have a little girl who just turned seven. I seemingly got a promotion recently (although you would not know looking at my slight raise for an onslaught of new duties); I just built and moved into a new house; and JUST got back from an extended family vacation to Oahu, Hawaii.

My daughter whom I ADORE is with her dad for a few weeks (summer contact time) and I am thoroughly enjoying the down time. I was dating a guy for roughly 3 1/2 years and we broke up a few months ago. I started seeing him again.

I have successfully grounded my child in Christ, but have recently strayed from my church (still rooted in faith). I want to start back to Wednesday night services-- but have lacked motivation.

A few years ago, I went through an incredibly traumatic break-in to my home and was attacked by a mostly naked sexual predator who had been following me (of course I didn't know). That experience left me empty for a LONG time. I drive by the criminals brother's house everyday and I'm most angry at the police for their incompetence and cover up (criminals brother is good friends with a Lieutenant). Don't worry, criminal was sentenced to 5 years.

I look around and see all kinds of immensely happy couples. I never had that and think that I may never have it. I'd like to not be envious, but I am. I think my ideal man probably died at birth. My ex says I'm difficult to deal with. He's probably right. i should work on meeting more people.

God has performed many miracles for me. His love and guidance has given me the wisdom to make good choices and I am grateful.

Anyone else feel like sharing their life???

 

[BeautyForAshes]

I had to think about his question for a while....

I've been in relationships before and they were ok, but obvisouly they weren't THAT great or healthy for me because I wouldn't be single right now. LOL
I'll be 31 (literally) at the end of the year (but don't look or feel a day over 24 LOL) and I'm ok with being single.

Even when I "tried" to find someone, every guy I met had been a complete jerk or perv, so I'm sure that helped me to just say "forget it", give it to God and just not deal with it anymore. I did think that maybe it was me (am I not dressing modestly enough - not that I dress all "sexy" to begin with ) or what, but I've just quit worrying about it. I got tired of walking around like 4 year old, pouting with my arms folded across my chest mad at God. LOL

But anyway back to your question, God has spared me from some pretty scary things in past and he continues to show me favor with lots of things. Why, I don't know because I deserve not a bit of it.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I'm 35 and really struggling at the moment...not necessarily with being single but with being ALONE. I have been single again since 1994 and have only dated a couple of people...dates I'm not proud of. They were idiots and at the time I was mad at God for allowing me to marry someone who obviously didn't love me and used me to get ahead in their own life. Oddly enough I realized later it was me at fault because in the back of my mind I felt I would ALWAYS be single. God made me very ugly and not loveable. I accept this fact and wish others would.

A couple of months ago my kid brother celebrated a year of being out of college. I then realized it had been seven years for me and I tried to figure out what I had accomplished or enjoyed during those seven years....let me tell you....NOT MUCH. My biggest accomplishment was buying my own house last fall although it still needs a lot of work that I don't have the money, time and in some cases...skills...to do.

However, I am feeling very restless. It's not that I want a mate....I'm petrified at the thought! But....I want to go out and do things and I would like to have friends to do them with. I have one person who I hang around (refer to 'friends' post of mine) and its not exactly the best friendship in the world. I feel like I want to enjoy roller coasters and beaches and hiking trips and all these other 'adventures' but I'm not sure I want to do them alone. However, I don't know anyone who is even remotely interested in these things. People around my home state are BORING with a CAPITAL 'B'. I feel like life is passing me by. I've decided that if I want to do any of these things then I will just do them alone. I've gotten so bitter and just not caring. I want to live like a hermit and totally shut out the outside world. The people in these threads are the nicest and smartest people I come into contact with AT ALL. I wish some of you lived closer to me. God Bless you all and thank you for letting me vent!

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Group hug for everyone

HoosierCanuck, if you're ever in Kansas look me up!

I can understand how you feel. One one hand, in a way, I would like a partner because (and this is purely superficial) it would make attending work-related events so much more easy. There have been some that I have wanted to go to SO BAD (ie jazz dinners, parties, film festival, etc) but didn't because I had no one to go with. This frustrates me to NO END!

One the other hand, none of my friends that are single (which is one) like to go to museums. I could spend hours wondering around those places. Its ok alone, but a lot more fun to have someone with you there to discuss it with.

Ok, let me stop complaining....

 

[jenelis]

Thanks for responding to my thread BeautyforAshes and HoosierCanuck. I wasn't sure anyone cared to cut through the fluff and chat.

It's funny how we learn the heaviest things when we least expect it.

HoosierCanuck - Beauty has MUCH more to do with the inside than the out. People who can't see past the packaging aren't very deep people.

I personally feel out of place going most places alone. I'm not interested in sitting in any restaurant, movie or social scene place alone. I'd rather sit at home-- partially the reason that I rekindled with my ex-boyfriend. He's the sweetest guy in the WORLD, dumb as a box of rocks (I don't say this to be mean-- its just true) and loves me with all his soul. I sometimes feel wrong for continuing te relationship. We've only been back together about two weeks-- and were together 3 1/2 years-- although he likes to say 5. My new rule is that he can't sleep over. We'll see how long that lasts.

I honestly do wish I'd meet the man of my dreams. I resent my ex-husband for not being what he packaged himself to be. I should have realized I was shopping in Walmart and not Macy's.

And not to sound down-- I am blessed for many, many, many things and in no way resent others or God for the things I lack. Like I said, my daughter is my absolute pride and joy! On that note, I miss her SO MUCH and just want her back. She brings joy in a millions ways to my life.

Hang in there ladies. God's got a plan. We're just not privy to it!

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Beauty for Ashes...I'll definitely have to look you up if I ever make it there. lol My friends sound like yours....don't want to do anything 'fun.'

jenelis, it is difficult to get used to going places alone if you're not used to it. I guess I'm probably more like a loner so it doesn't bother me to go to restaurants alone and so on. Honestly, this may sound like I'm stereotyping or something but I remember going to my favourite restaurant on a Friday night (alone of course) and I remember looking over at another table and seeing this attractive blonde lady also sitting at a table alone and thinking to myself "why is SHE sitting alone on a Friday night?" I guess I was shocked that even pretty girls sometimes have to go it alone. Okay, not really sure where I was going with that but I guess maybe to say have confidence. I have gone to the movies alone only a couple of times (because I REALLY wanted to see it and had nobody to go with) and yeah, it's a little weird.

Please forgive me, I forgot to say earlier that I am sorry to read about what happened to you with the break in. That had to be traumatic. God will heal you in time.

 

[jenelis]

I'm having a bad night.

My ex picked up my daughter for another summer contact week. It's hard to see her frantically crying and upset with *having* to go to daddys. He's just so self-absorbed that he can't see what he's doing to her. I took him back to court a few weeks ago (filed initial paperwork in January!) and ex has been a HUGE jerk since then. The judge was all over him for his negative behaviors. This whole incident that I really don't feel like writing again (see my entry in Lifestages, divoced if you want to hear me rambling and crying) happened and I called my mom for advice and she was critical of me. I got mad and yelled at her. She hung up on me. That's NEvER happened before.

I'm so mad and bitter.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Jenelis,

I'm sorry to hear about the things that are happening to you with respect to the divorce/custody, etc... I'm sorry to hear that your mum was critical of you and that you had this awful time. I know (from experience unfortunately) that it's even worse when someone who loves you and normally supports you doesn't. It's surprising, confusing and hurtful among other things. I pray that things work out well for you and that your mum comes around and realizes that regardless of her opinion on the matter, she needs to support her daughter. Bless you! HC

 

[BeautyForAshes]

(((((jenelis)))))

 

[jenelis]

Jenelis,

it's even worse when someone who loves you and normally supports you doesn't. It's surprising, confusing and hurtful among other things.

WOW! You nailed it!

I'm happy to report that I called the next night and apologized. I just blew up at her for being critical when I wanted and needed support.

I don't think the ex situation is ever going to change. So.... I guess its put up and shut-up time. Probably will save TONS and TONS of aggravation in the longrun. I pray he wakes up and smells the cat food-- but he likely won't.

I think the worst part is that he claims to be a youth pastor. He's not and his actions are not made in gods reflection either. That part urks me beyond belief. I just thank GOd every day for the gifts I have and that he continues to provide for me and my daughter. We are TRULY blessed and not a day goes by that I don't give thanks in prayer and out loud <-- so my daughter knows I'm thankful.

 

[kellyc]

have any of you ever noticed that confidence is EVERYTHING? i have seen many a not so classically attractive person seem amazingly gorgeous because he/she is happy and pleased with life. everyone is the way they are for a reason, and being single is not a disease you get well from or get over. it's just your life, and this IS your life, you don't get another

 

[jenelis]

kellyc-- I agree. Confidence can take you far. So can ignorance.

I've been having both good and bad days lately. My life is such a yo-yo. I work hard and I play hard and I put tons of energy into being the best mom I can be.

My ex doesn't understand the commitment I have to my daughter. I'd say "our' but he doesn't have that commitment. He takes her on weekend because he's supposed to and he walks the steps, but he's not a good dad by any means. It breaks my heart to have him as her father role model. She'll grow up and wanna marry a jerk!

 

[kellyc]

jenelis, she won't. she does need good male role models but i know you are committed to making sure she knows enough to make good decisions. i'm sorry you are having a tough time.

 

[silkamilkamonico]

Sooner or later Jenelis, as long as your daughter keeps her 1/2 solid parenting foundation, she will realize just what kind of parent her father is.

As long as she is getting her positive view on life through you, she won't necesarily end up with someone like her father.

OT: I just don't know what it is with you women and jerks. Sometime I'm going to start being a jerk so I can get all the women too......

 

[BeautyForAshes]

OT: I just don't know what it is with you women and jerks. Sometime I'm going to start being a jerk so I can get all the women too......

Don't do that. As you can see, us women do not like jerks. If we did, we wouldn't be single (or at least I wouldn't) because they are plentiful. LOL

Don't worry. Ms. "Right for You" will come along.

 

[jenelis]

OT: I just don't know what it is with you women and jerks. Sometime I'm going to start being a jerk so I can get all the women too......

I think you're on to something. I find *jerks* sexy-- like I can change them or something. It's the romantic *I can change him* thing.

God works in the funniest ways-- like sending angels to whisper in our ears which I never believed until the attack. That night i'll NEVER forget. I know for certain, just as plain as day, I had helpers. It's been one year since the close of the trial. I'd celebrate, but that would be like recognizing it as a special day... and its not. 9/11 is special day. This should not even be remembered.

I'm not fat, but I need to lose some weight. I have been doing well... eating right, not oversizing portions, less soda... and had a really big meeting today with about 25-30 people who all think they're the cat's meow. It's an intimidating group. Just before the meeting, I dropped off library books. Lady in library out of the blue says to me... you look really pretty today. Made my day <-- being vain and all. I think it was Gods way of giving me the self-confidence I needed to get through meeting

 

[silkamilkamonico]

I think you're on to something. I find *jerks* sexy-- like I can change them or something. It's the romantic *I can change him* thing.

I knew it.



The key is to suck them in by being an ------, then be oh so sweet on them, and being the perfect bf.

Then they get upset because you now changed on them and "that's not why I went out with you..."

It's always something you know.


...and btw, you should really just quit drinking soda entirely. If there was 1 single type of food that would be the absolute worst for you, it's soda. Has absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever. It's like drinking concentrated sugar, just sitting in your body for days and days accumulating over time because your body doesn't know what to do with it.

....pollution to the body, then mind, finally soul.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Please keep in mind that every woman is different.

Those of us that have spent most of our single life dating our fair share of jerks are really tired of them. In fact, we run when they come around.

When I was younger (early 20s) I use to think that I could "change him" or (and this was my favorite LOL) think that "he would NEVER treat me the way he treated those other women because I'm different" LOL. But you eventually learn and sometimes the hard way that you can't.

Unfortunately at my age all the nice guys are married - or don't live anywhere near Kansas. lol

 

[pumpkinking]

You know, I was tempted to believe that being the "jerk" just to have a woman would be worth it... until I started listening to just what they had to say about those jerks!

I don't think I could stand the psychic backlash of having women talk about me that way, anywhere in the world!

Ouch!

Jay