Parents and family members support thread

[Alive again]

Hi everyone
I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and prayers and to give a little update. Last week, mom was having what I call a "bad chemical day". She went into one of her rages, and when I asked her to go back to her quarters, she rushed at me with her fist raised as if to hit me. I happened to be holding my two year old at the time. I don't know what made her stop before she actually hit me. Anyway, I took the baby and left the house, filed a police report (in my state, threatening someone with a fist is considered assault). By the time the police went to talk to her, she had calmed down and denied everything. Hubby, baby and I packed our things and went to stay in my mother-in-law's house, which is vacant while she is out of the country. Two days later, mom called hubby (I am currently not communicating with her for my own mental health) and said she knew her rages were abnormal and she needed to talk to her doctor.

Meanwhile, she's still looking for a place to live. I'm not sure when I'll be able to have contact with her again. I need time to heal. Hubby has agreed to filter all communication from mom for a while.

This is hard. I feel relieved and depressed at the same time. Would appreciate your continued prayers.

Michelle

It is hard, very hard. I will continue to pray that God will meet all of your needs, yours, your hubby's, your children's and your Mom's. I will pray especially that she willl follow thru with going to the doctor and getting help, because it is those steps that finally begin to make the difference!!!

 

[Oliane]

Hi everyone
Just when I start to feel a little peace, mom e-mailed me asking if I could bring my daughter to a neutral place so she can see her. I don't want to see mom, but I am also not trying to deprive my daughter of her grandmama. any advice?

Thanks
Michelle

 

[JoshuaM]

i have a close friend who suffers from bipolar for various reasons. What are some good resources? How are some good ways to support her?

 

[Alive again]

Hi everyone
Just when I start to feel a little peace, mom e-mailed me asking if I could bring my daughter to a neutral place so she can see her. I don't want to see mom, but I am also not trying to deprive my daughter of her grandmama. any advice?

Thanks
Michelle

Michelle, You have the right to decide if it is safe for you to see your mother. If you are not ready to then just have your hubby or email her and say. We are not avaialbe to see you. No justification needed. No indication of when you will be ready or if you will eer be ready. That is an okay option. If you feel it is safe for your daughter to see her and there is someone you trust to make sure your daughter is safe, such as your hubby, or close friend, anyone you can trust to not only keep your daughter safe, but your confidences, then they can supervise the visit. Otherwise, nothing requires you to visit or explain why with your Mother. So then the question for you to decide is what is God asking you to do in this situation? Will you someday be at the place where if you meet in public you will feel safe meeting with your mother. No one can answer that for you. God does not expect you to put yourself or your daughter at risk to see your mother. He does ask that you forgive her, but reconciliation is not always safe. You can honor your mother and choose not to see her unless it is a safe situation that you are comfortable in.

Thus someone who is abused physically or sexually may be able to forgive their abuser, but would not want and ongoing relationship with them.

In some situation a reconcilation occurs but the relationship is different. I have this relationship with my mother. I respect her and talk with her, but do not trust her with details as she uses them to try and control me and my hubby and others.

I would encourage you to find a good Christian counselor who can help you work through this situation, so you can understand that helathy boundaries are Christian (took me 40 plus years to learn that one).

Blessings and prayers!!!

 

[Alive again]

i have a close friend who suffers from bipolar for various reasons. What are some good resources? How are some good ways to support her?

Joshua, There are many good resources out their from magazines to books that can help you understand the illness bipolar. Many of the post here will also help you, so spend some time checking them out. Especially check out the sticky that describes symptoms of this illness.

One of the most important things you can do is just be a good friend.

Come here with questions anytime. ASK your friend what they know and what helps them in situations. They are alwasy the best source of info about what helps them and what makes things worse.

Did something specific happen you need help understanding???

 

[Oliane]

Michelle, You have the right to decide if it is safe for you to see your mother. If you are not ready to then just have your hubby or email her and say. We are not avaialbe to see you. No justification needed. No indication of when you will be ready or if you will eer be ready. That is an okay option. If you feel it is safe for your daughter to see her and there is someone you trust to make sure your daughter is safe, such as your hubby, or close friend, anyone you can trust to not only keep your daughter safe, but your confidences, then they can supervise the visit. Otherwise, nothing requires you to visit or explain why with your Mother. So then the question for you to decide is what is God asking you to do in this situation? Will you someday be at the place where if you meet in public you will feel safe meeting with your mother. No one can answer that for you. God does not expect you to put yourself or your daughter at risk to see your mother. He does ask that you forgive her, but reconciliation is not always safe. You can honor your mother and choose not to see her unless it is a safe situation that you are comfortable in.

Thus someone who is abused physically or sexually may be able to forgive their abuser, but would not want and ongoing relationship with them.

In some situation a reconcilation occurs but the relationship is different. I have this relationship with my mother. I respect her and talk with her, but do not trust her with details as she uses them to try and control me and my hubby and others.

I would encourage you to find a good Christian counselor who can help you work through this situation, so you can understand that helathy boundaries are Christian (took me 40 plus years to learn that one).

Blessings and prayers!!!

Thanks...that's just what I needed to hear. Hubby has agreed to supervise a visit...for our daughter's sake. She misses her grandmama and doesn't understand what's going on.

Thanks again, and thanks for the prayers.

Michelle

 

[tpony298]

My son is bipolar/// a very big man (33 yrs old..300 lbs.) and goes through violent streaks.

Just before Christmas he came into my house where i live with my daughter and my husband. He went into my daughters bedroom (She is also an adult) and hit her in the face so hard it broke her cheek.
she had him arrested we went to court and she got a PFA against him. He told the court it was all my fault.

Everytime he get's in one of these moods he hates me.
Then walks in one day and is calm and a laughing about the incident. and expects it to all be forgiven.

Since when is illness an excuse for bad behavior?

I am sorry...I am just tired of being the victim.

love Joyce

 

[Alive again]

Great Class for Family members to help them understand and problem solve and learn boundaries of how to live with some one with a mental health illness.

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Se...rce/fam2fam/ftf_course_schedule.cfm&lstid=607

Also check out Visions for Tommorow for help in dealign with children or adolescents.

 

[aigiqinf]

Great Class for Family members to help them understand and problem solve and learn boundaries of how to live with some one with a mental health illness.

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Se...rce/fam2fam/ftf_course_schedule.cfm&lstid=607

Also check out Visions for Tommorow for help in dealign with children or adolescents.

NAMI! I've been to one of those classes My dad is really in to NAMI and has taught a few courses.

 

[Tinkerbell33]

This is a great idea. I suspect my mother has BP--don't know, because she won't go for help. I do have one question for all of you--are delusions a part of BP disorder? In addition to displaying the symptoms for BP, she also believes my husband and I (and our friends) are conspiring against her. She also believes herself to be allergic to practically every substance known to man. She goes into two week long rages, accusing us of everything under the sun. Then she goes on spending sprees, then she'll be depressed, then normal.

Does any of this sound familiar?

It sounds to me like she has Schizophrenia - not bi-polar. Schizophrenia can be misdiagnosed as bi-polar - shizophreniacs suffer from delusions and irrational false beliefs.

 

[aigiqinf]

It sounds to me like she has Schizophrenia - not bi-polar. Schizophrenia can be misdiagnosed as bi-polar - shizophreniacs suffer from delusions and irrational false beliefs.

My mom always believes she's said things she hasn't and that she didn't say things she did.

 

[rgill]

Hello all,

Sorry to hear of all the trials you all endure. Perhaps you have some insights you could share about my family's situation.

I have two family members who are BP. My younger brother takes his meds and understands his illness well, so he has been in good shape. I wish my mom would even acknowlege that she has it after 30 years of sometimes very severe episodes. Instead she blames her depression on dad and doesn't admit to having mania (though, when she was well, I know she has had deep regret for things she has given away and will talk about how she was sick at that time) "This is the real me" she always says. I don't blame her, who wants to be depressed. The confidence and buzz that comes from her mania must feel good. Too bad it leads to really bad consequences.

Any lesser man would have left her years ago, so I have great respect for him. Nonetheless, there may indeed be things in their relationship that set her off, their marriage has never been perfect in the best of times. Old gender issues to start with. She is always furious at dad when she's manic and wants to leave. Blames him for conspiring with the doctors to put her in the hospital. This time she really hurt him badly (not physically, but no need for details here). After 5 wks hospitalized, not much change and they can't keep her much longer. As soon as she gets her wallet and car, she'll be apartment hunting. None of us think she will be able to live safely or happily on her own (nor do I think she would want to in her well state). Little chance she will continue medication. We're scared to death she will loose her life savings and health insurance. They are both well into their retirement years.

I really wish I had made noises years ago to have her money put into a trust, but when she was well, there seemed no point. Wishful thinking I suppose. Now we are faced with the risk of letting her live alone, or really burning our bridges forever by attempting to legally force a trust upon her.

ps, probably unwise for anyone to give advice here one way or the other, but I'm interested in any wisdom you feel comfortable offering. My inclination is not to let fear make decisions for us, but we do have responsibility here too.


Richard

 

[pureasgold]

I took many years, through my own struggles, to learn what a friend is.

Your husband, your children, God, your parents and Everyone that you touch, are your friends.

The order makes no difference to God. You're here, like all of us. We love and care for you the same.

Take our strength of love, for you and all of your's. Use it for yourself and for your family. We've got SO MUCH MORE, to help you with, for as long as you need and beyond.

We know that you are grateful for the love and advice. We expect nothing, but are SO grateful, when you simply love us back.

You're life, and your Family, will be OK. Trust the Physicians, trust the people in your church, trust friends and family. Mostly, trust your heart. God knows when you give it your best. (The best you can, is good enough.)
Stephen

Hi, Stephen, I am a new member who joined a few days ago. I'm still trying to understand how it works and all those signs! I am a bipolar father with 2 bipolar/depressive teen girls.

I like your meaningful words. They are helping me tonight to go back to the basics. Making friends and mostly nurturing a relationship has been a challenge for me. It seems it's time lost as I have always other things to do. I have difficulty also to deal with my two girls of 14 and 17. I know I need to relate to God, but I am a bit resentful.

thanks for reading this post,

pureasgold

 

[OneOfHisOwn]

Hello all,

Sorry to hear of all the trials you all endure. Perhaps you have some insights you could share about my family's situation.

I have two family members who are BP. My younger brother takes his meds and understands his illness well, so he has been in good shape. I wish my mom would even acknowlege that she has it after 30 years of sometimes very severe episodes. Instead she blames her depression on dad and doesn't admit to having mania (though, when she was well, I know she has had deep regret for things she has given away and will talk about how she was sick at that time) "This is the real me" she always says. I don't blame her, who wants to be depressed. The confidence and buzz that comes from her mania must feel good. Too bad it leads to really bad consequences.

Any lesser man would have left her years ago, so I have great respect for him. Nonetheless, there may indeed be things in their relationship that set her off, their marriage has never been perfect in the best of times. Old gender issues to start with. She is always furious at dad when she's manic and wants to leave. Blames him for conspiring with the doctors to put her in the hospital. This time she really hurt him badly (not physically, but no need for details here). After 5 wks hospitalized, not much change and they can't keep her much longer. As soon as she gets her wallet and car, she'll be apartment hunting. None of us think she will be able to live safely or happily on her own (nor do I think she would want to in her well state). Little chance she will continue medication. We're scared to death she will loose her life savings and health insurance. They are both well into their retirement years.

I really wish I had made noises years ago to have her money put into a trust, but when she was well, there seemed no point. Wishful thinking I suppose. Now we are faced with the risk of letting her live alone, or really burning our bridges forever by attempting to legally force a trust upon her.

ps, probably unwise for anyone to give advice here one way or the other, but I'm interested in any wisdom you feel comfortable offering. My inclination is not to let fear make decisions for us, but we do have responsibility here too.


Richard

I have a similar circumstance with my mother and father. He has been a wonderful example of faithfulness in the storms. Mom still does not fully accept her condition but has listened some (she is now using an anti-depressant and anxiety medications - it has helped some) but it took years and my own experience (which she saw firsthand) to finally make some effort to get help. All you can do is hold out a helping hand and pray that God will bring her to a place where she can ask and accept help. Even after I was diagnosed, it took several years to really "get it". It is a tough situation. No easy answers. Lots of pain watching a loved one self destruct. Only God's grace and mercy can change things in the end.

 

[rgill]

I have a similar circumstance with my mother and father. He has been a wonderful example of faithfulness in the storms. Mom still does not fully accept her condition but has listened some (she is now using an anti-depressant and anxiety medications - it has helped some) but it took years and my own experience (which she saw firsthand) to finally make some effort to get help. All you can do is hold out a helping hand and pray that God will bring her to a place where she can ask and accept help. Even after I was diagnosed, it took several years to really "get it". It is a tough situation. No easy answers. Lots of pain watching a loved one self destruct. Only God's grace and mercy can change things in the end.

Thanks for your kind words of hope. Mom is actually coming home today and has decided to give Dad another chance, though I still sense the effects of mania. She also seems to have admitted she was sick now and is even entertaining the idea of joining a local bipolar support group, which I never thought would happen. Due to the stress, Dad had gone in for a medical procedure thinking he had a heart condition and I suspect it gave Mom a chance to really reflect on their relationship. Fortunately, nothing wrong with Dad except stress. I'm joining them for a few days to help things settle, but I'm convinced something has got to change in their lifestyle to prevent things from going this far again. Just not sure what.

Richard

 

[OneOfHisOwn]

Thanks for your kind words of hope. Mom is actually coming home today and has decided to give Dad another chance, though I still sense the effects of mania. She also seems to have admitted she was sick now and is even entertaining the idea of joining a local bipolar support group, which I never thought would happen. Due to the stress, Dad had gone in for a medical procedure thinking he had a heart condition and I suspect it gave Mom a chance to really reflect on their relationship. Fortunately, nothing wrong with Dad except stress. I'm joining them for a few days to help things settle, but I'm convinced something has got to change in their lifestyle to prevent things from going this far again. Just not sure what.

Richard

Wow, that is really good news. I hope it all works out - keep on prayin' , if she is like so many of us with this disorder, denial is often a problem even after a diagnosis. I hope not but don't give up if that happens. The first step she has made is something to be happy about.

 

[rgill]

Wow, that is really good news. I hope it all works out - keep on prayin' , if she is like so many of us with this disorder, denial is often a problem even after a diagnosis. I hope not but don't give up if that happens. The first step she has made is something to be happy about.

I am not a believer in intercessory prayer, but I do appreciate the thought. Thank you.


Richard