It's only a few more days until I start seeing a new therapist, so until then, please just bear with me. I appreciate the help and support from this community so much.
So, I get panic attacks. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what's happening. I'll get a thought, and it seems horrible and inescapable, and my mind just latches onto it. I'll start breathing fast--by choice at first, but then that sort of feeds into itself and makes it worse. The overall experience is ad though the world is ending.
However, that "breathing fast by choice" part is important. I've gotten pretty emotionally upset about things in front of my boyfriend before, and I have been so emotional that I almost threw up. But there's bits to my panic attacks that are "hammed up," so to speak. By that I mean that I choose to breathe fast, or get myself worked up physically by the emotional problem at hand, and then it's a self fulfilling cycle.
(Coincidentally, this realization hit me earlier this evening, and I stood there in the kitchen feeling like the world was ending--panic attack--because the thought was basically "I'm a liar.")
I need to get better control over my emotions, because yes, I DO experience pretty strong anxiety. A couple bad panic attacks have happened when I'm all by myself. But the thought that's in my head now is: I need to tell my boyfriend that my panic attacks aren't 100% real all the time...but yes there is a REASON why I'm upset and I'm not just pretending to be upset when I'm not... it's just that some of the emotional upheaval is exaggerated sometimes (and then becomes real)...
That's hard to explain. So I'm not sure if it would be productive or not.
But then I feel like I need to come clean because I think it's a big deal.
So, I get panic attacks. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what's happening. I'll get a thought, and it seems horrible and inescapable, and my mind just latches onto it. I'll start breathing fast--by choice at first, but then that sort of feeds into itself and makes it worse. The overall experience is ad though the world is ending.
However, that "breathing fast by choice" part is important. I've gotten pretty emotionally upset about things in front of my boyfriend before, and I have been so emotional that I almost threw up. But there's bits to my panic attacks that are "hammed up," so to speak. By that I mean that I choose to breathe fast, or get myself worked up physically by the emotional problem at hand, and then it's a self fulfilling cycle.
(Coincidentally, this realization hit me earlier this evening, and I stood there in the kitchen feeling like the world was ending--panic attack--because the thought was basically "I'm a liar.")
I need to get better control over my emotions, because yes, I DO experience pretty strong anxiety. A couple bad panic attacks have happened when I'm all by myself. But the thought that's in my head now is: I need to tell my boyfriend that my panic attacks aren't 100% real all the time...but yes there is a REASON why I'm upset and I'm not just pretending to be upset when I'm not... it's just that some of the emotional upheaval is exaggerated sometimes (and then becomes real)...
That's hard to explain. So I'm not sure if it would be productive or not.
But then I feel like I need to come clean because I think it's a big deal.
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