Overly Focused on Church

[Gentle Lamb]

I was suicidal when I surrendered my life to Christ some years ago, about 7. I came to the end of myself. I was singing in a praise group at a church, not living my life right, but the spirit of the Lord began to convict me. I grew up in a "Christian" home, traumatic abusive upbringing, hence I was suicidal from childhood. After giving my life to Christ I had such a desire to serve and live for God and used to listen to sermons by David Wilkerson online before I found a better church that I switched to, and some years later I switched churches again. I've had terrible experiences in church and I've been in positions of active service in church departments all these years. But now I'm ready to step down. I'm not taking my focus off of Christ or off of His kingdom, but I want to take my focus off of "church" and focus more on the relationships that I have with people. I've learned profoundly through these life experiences that the strongest and most effective testimony in a life lived for Christ is the way that I live my life day to day. How do I address relationships with friends that have fallen into disrepair when I was never too good at communicating the inner turmoil I was experiencing? I think that my communication skills have suffered as a result of over dependence on texting/social media. How do I get authentic? I've had to re-learn how to connect with others/have peaceful relationships with others as I had this traumatic upbringing and then experienced much spiritual abuse in one of the churches I went to.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

How do I get authentic?

Love, joy, and peace. Are all fruits of God's Spirit. People need to be loved, they need strength. These things come as we spend time with Jesus. But not everyone will respond to this "positively", as the bible says "everyone who wants to live Godly will suffer persecution". I guess what I am suggesting is none of us will be able to please everyone, but seeking after God, I have found helps with communication and relationships.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Love, joy, and peace. Are all fruits of God's Spirit. People need to be loved, they need strength. These things come as we spend time with Jesus. But not everyone will respond to this "positively", as the bible says "everyone who wants to live Godly will suffer persecution". I guess what I am suggesting is none of us will be able to please everyone, but seeking after God, I have found helps with communication and relationships.

I'm experiencing first hand how seeking after God helps with the communication and relationships. I grew up erroneously being taught in church that friends/friendships are not important and basically that you can't serve God if you have friends so you have friends so you have to get rid of them. What an awful lie. No man is an island.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I'm experiencing first hand how seeking after God helps with the communication and relationships. I grew up erroneously being taught in church that friends/friendships are not important and basically that you can't serve God if you have friends so you have friends so you have to get rid of them. What an awful lie. No man is an island.

Yes. Jesus was known as a friend of sinners. He influenced people for good through relationships.

 

[Tolworth John]

How do I get authentic?

by being open, honest and vulnerable.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

by being open, honest and vulnerable.

That's always been so hard. I grew up being taught/believing you shouldn't talk about the deep things or be vulnerable with people about them. Vulnerability is what my parents prey upon especially my mom.

 

[Ramon]

How do I address relationships with friends that have fallen into disrepair when I was never too good at communicating the inner turmoil I was experiencing?

Jesus never taught something that He didnt do Himself, in a sense He only preached what He practiced. I believe that the best way to preach sometimes is by setting an example that either forces people to raise the bar or to question if they are in fact becoming cold.

but I want to take my focus off of "church" and focus more on the relationships that I have with people.

In the new testament, a church was never a building where people met on Sunday or Saturday. It was homes with Christians who lived together and fellowshipped with one another daily. If the people that surround you and call themselves Christians yet are only seen once a week for an hour or 2 then i wouldn't really consider them family in the Christian definition of things. Find others who want to be in your life and you in theirs as Christians who have the same goal, to follow Christ. Find the ones that will cry with you and rejoice with you, that if things go bad they don't leave your side. If you cant find that type of Christian then its a good indication that they are not your brother or sister in Christ.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Jesus never taught something that He didnt do Himself, in a sense He only preached what He practiced. I believe that the best way to preach sometimes is by setting an example that either forces people to raise the bar or to question if they are in fact becoming cold.




In the new testament, a church was never a building where people met on Sunday or Saturday. It was homes with Christians who lived together and fellowshipped with one another daily. If the people that surround you and call themselves Christians yet are only seen once a week for an hour or 2 then i wouldn't really consider them family in the Christian definition of things. Find others who want to be in your life and you in theirs as Christians who have the same goal, to follow Christ. Find the ones that will cry with you and rejoice with you, that if things go bad they don't leave your side. If you cant find that type of Christian then its a good indication that they are not your brother or sister in Christ.

Thank you @Ramon, this gives me a good idea of what church should really look like and points me in the right direction. I do realize that there's a problem when the people I fellowship with I don't see often, just once a week. I realize there's great importance in fellowship as a family, but do to parental abuse, I stopped fellowshipping with my family years ago and I attend church with other people. I think it would be better to see the people that I fellowship with more often, I think the relationships would be more supportive all around that way if that were the case.

 

[Tolworth John]

That's always been so hard. I grew up being taught/believing you shouldn't talk about the deep things or be vulnerable with people about them. Vulnerability is what my parents prey upon especially my mom.

Yet it is your experiences that enable you to identify with and have compassion for those going through what you have gone through.

It is the reality of your pain as you share with them that will enable you to build bridges and help them.

No it won't be easy and you will relive many of your experiences, hopefully it will help you settle those experiences.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Yet it is your experiences that enable you to identify with and have compassion for those going through what you have gone through.

It is the reality of your pain as you share with them that will enable you to build bridges and help them.

No it won't be easy and you will relive many of your experiences, hopefully it will help you settle those experiences.

That makes a lot of sense, thanks a lot @Tolworth John , I always appreciate your input.

 

[Tolworth John]

That makes a lot of sense, thanks a lot @Tolworth John , I always appreciate your input.

Thank you.

As you seek to reach out and help others do keep your own feet firmly on the ground and inyour church family.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

I think part of the problem is that I've just been trying too hard with church. I mean, don't get me wrong, everything I have done I have done out of my heart for God. But I see everybody just either doing what they can in terms of their efforts, or even just doing whatever (living in blatant sin). So it makes me rethink things and makes me to think that maybe I've been trying too hard and I don't need to try so hard with church. I think it may be better for me to focus my efforts on developing my own personal relationship with God and working out issues with my own self.

 

[Avniel]

It sounds like you're moving from religion and moving towards a way of life.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

It sounds like you're moving from religion and moving towards a way of life.

Hmm... maybe that's what it is... I thought about the religion aspect... but there's also the fact that I've held on to God tightly the best way that I have known how and in spite of the things that have happened, it has helped me. So I thank God for that and for keeping me in the midst of much evil. It hasn't been easy!!! Serving God in this corrupt world is a true task.