Gerry, I've had panic attacks since I was five. My first psychosis was treated when I was 17 (although at that point I thought it was normal, so I don't know how long I'd actually had it going on).
How are you doing today?
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Laura, good to hear from you. How's the pain? manageable, I hope.
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I'm doing okay. Struggling to get schoolwork done when I am anxious, flustered, uncomfortable, and scared. Plus, being exhausted definitely doesn't help any.
AND I'm trying to get lunch down. Don't feel like eating much, but I have to... drat.
Got really shaky at tutoring today. Didn't feel too good. I took a Klonopin and came home and lay down for awhile.
Anyway, back to work............
Poor April, panic attacks and fear are mighty enemies to beat that's for sure. (1 John 4)
When I was young, as young as I can remember, fear attacked me, for these horrible monsters were chasing me all the time - it was really bad.
However I got over my major fears by challenging them - I used to walk in the darkest scariest places just so I would learn not to be frightened. I even visited the graveyard at night, all alone, challenging my demons.
Then years later with medications the fear attacks came back and all my attempts to master fear fell by the wayside! Yet in faith I overcame it again - even though fear kept coming year after year - very bad even.
You see I've got a heart condition - irregular heartbeats, skipping, jumping and stand still exercises - especially when I haven't been sleeping for month in month out and am manic.
It took me awhile but now when the fear of death comes past - I start rejoicing and praising God spontaneously - one can always
hope that misery will past
for good any second. (However I have laid drenched in sweat waiting for my heart to start-up again countless times (sometimes many times a night) - and Satan screaming during such times - no fun as you can imagine.)
After I got over my worst fears - the fear for dying - for each time my heart would stop this fear would shoot in - especially when was awakened it was hard to master ("I come like a thief at might" - how true this is) - the medication was removed and fear stopped altogether - I have had only one small panic attack since then - in over 12 months.
The best method, I found working for me was NOT to respond to fear, taking your inabilities to Jesus and asking for fearlessness - letting fear to pass - no matter how demanding it becomes - and doing something different than fear demands you do! (like go, hide, run, take pills whatever!)
Listening to Truth I call that - the truth of your own inability and the truth of God's ability.
Sure this method sounds easy, but trust can be hard to get by when you can hear no heart beat - or when your heart jumps out of your chest - and you feel dizzy and nauseated from fear - sweaty times, call for a good wash though, and so Jesus comes in handy time and again.
April be greatly encouraged, I was totally unable to overcome my fear, as I had this unfaithful one dwelling/hiding within, and unfaithfulness is fearful of God's wrath - so my fear was assured. However in The End the fear attacks brought me closer to Jesus than anything else - the ultimate trust - to lay down your life for Him - so my unfaithful one died in The End and fear has not been able to grill me again receiving God's loving joy instead.
So please try - while you are on meds - to fight your fear by NOT HEEDING IT -
keep on telling yourself God's truth - I'm safe, even if I die - I'm safe in Him - (no need to be scared though I know I am!)
- as that is your faith and it
MUST work for you in The End - Behold He is coming SOON!
So when you learn to hold onto this truth right throughout a panic attack you will become more and more thankful and love God for being with you - even when you are freaking -
as His love over you is assured. Yet please understand that panic doesn't go -
but ability to cope comes - the fear will be killed by God's love in The End -
God's ability coming more and more alive inside your chest because you are thankful to Him for your deliverance - fear has no chance against that!
Key things to climb up on when fear drags you down into that bottomless pit:
-Love
-Faith
-Trust
-Prayer
-Endurance
-Faithfulness
-Knowledge (of God's promises and truths.)
-Willingness (to fight Satan and your own inability.)
Gerry
Something to eat!
Eph 6:10-20
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
(19"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." - Please do pray that the spirit of Paul may work in your heart - so you will be as fearless as he is - so you can preach the Gospel to yourself - when your heart and mind are divided so badly by wrong because you are freaking.)
by the end of the night. I have been pretty steady mood wise, I'm just not too sure, I mean I have a few triggers and moments that I just feel like crying, but over all I feel remotely better than I ever have in my life. I feel like a burden has been lifted and I can finally live my life in peace. Even better is I have family and friends supporting my decision. I am thankful for that. 
)
