Ouch

[Carri20]

I feel a little stupid and awkward making this post, but I'm hurting in the worst kind of way. I just came from the the thread about apologizing to your future bf/gf for not being a virgin. A lot of people believe that if a person has sinned by having sex outside of marriage, that person should never marry anyone other than the person they sinned with...or just not marry at all. Or at least that's the impression I get. And that's ok, I'm not complaining about peoples' beliefs. In fact I'm not complaining at all. They might be 100% right. I'm just confused. I'm so sick of hearing all these different viewpoints, all claiming to be Bible-based. One minute someone will encourage me to go out and fall in love with a good Christian guy and get married and be happy, and the next minute someone else is telling me that I would be committing adultery if I did that. One person lifts me up, and another flings me down into the dirt. Then another lifts me up, and another flings me into the dirt again. I'm sick of this rollercoaster effect. It's torturing my self-esteem and confidence. The Bible isn't helping me and I don't know what to do!! If I'm meant to stay face-down in the dirt then FINE but I'd at least like to be certain that's where I belong. I don't even know what's the right thing to do anymore. If I get married I'll live in misery and fear because I might be living a sinful lifestyle, and if I stay single I'll live in misery and fear because I'll be a lone and unloved and possibly missing out on God's best for me. I honestly hope God takes me soon. I stopped wearing seatbelts weeks ago. Maybe a car wreck will kill me. If you're reading this and you're still a virgin, DON'T SCREW IT UP!!!

Edit: Okay maybe I am sort of complaining...but I don't want anyone to think I'm criticizing or disagreeing with their interpretation of scripture. I just don't know.

 

[waterbear]

My views on this:

1 - For those who inisist on a Biblical reason, consider that if sex is marriage and you've separated and then he has sex with someone else, he's an adulterer and you're off the hook.

2 - Do something because you believe in it, not because of what you read or what someone else tells you. Acting different from what you believe won't fool an omnipotent being anyway

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Carri20, let me be the first to tell you that the opinions on CF (especially those in this forum) are not representative of the entire body of Christ. I hate to se other believers tear others down or do things that are not representative of Christ, under the preferace that they are just "telling the truth", without really asking themselves, "is this what I believe to be true or God"?. Anyway, remember, that just because someone post on here and says they are a Christian does not mean that they are 100% surefooted in their walk and know all the answers (or even is a Christian at that). You are going to get posts from people who are at varying stages in their walk with Christ - which means what they think today may not be the case tomorrow.

Anyway, I don't know what your specific situation is but I can tell you to seek counsel in what the bible says....and not what someone on here says based on their experience.

If you are looking for some specific examples concerning an area (ie divorce, singleness, virginity, etc.) and you do not have a pastor, elder, or christian friend that you trust, I recommend that you go to www.biblegateway.com - click on the "topical index" - and do a search on whatever topic it is that applies to your situation. It has topics broken down with all the scriptures that apply to them. Read the word for yourself for then YOU will know what it says. After reading/studying if you still have questions, then seek out someone (preferebly a pastor, elder, etc.) for clarification - for now, at least you are armed with the knowledge of the word so you will be able to discern God's word from man's opinion.

ETA: I pray that the Father in heaven imparts unto you the wisdom and knowledge of His word, as well as His spirit of peace and love. Also, In the name of Jesus, I rebuke the spirit of death on you, right now! Carri20, you are here for a reason, for a DIVINE purpose and no amount of trickery,lies or deceit is going to stop God from using you. Every experience, emotion you are feeling right now, is serving the purpose of shaping you into your destiny. I am here to call the devil a liar when he tells you that its ok to wish to be dead. Everytime he tries to knock you down, take it as a reminder that he is only making you a stronger soldier for Christ. Your kids need you as well as those people on this earth who may be a banana peel step away from going down the same path as you - that is until you step into their life (like Ester 4:14 for you may have been create for such a time as that).

 

[Diane_Windsor]

Carri20,

1. Click it or Ticket
2. My advice is that you really need to discuss this with your pastor or deacon.

Diane

 

[B®ent]

Carrie, if you haven't done so already, read my response here:
http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=16103003#post16103003

God bless,
Johannes

 

[rebel_conservative]

For those who inisist on a Biblical reason, consider that if sex is marriage and you've separated and then he has sex with someone else, he's an adulterer and you're off the hook.

well, the "adultery clause" only exists in Matthew. It is not in Mark, Luke or 1 Corinthians. I am not saying it is invalid, but it does give me pause for thought.

Acting different from what you believe won't fool an omnipotent being anyway

surely God will judge us by what we do, not by what we want to do? we should try to follow His will, regardless of what we want.

-----
but as the man you slept with is an unbeliever, 1 Corinthians 7:15 says that you are free to act.

 

[the_man]

Carri20, sex does not equal marriage. There is always the distinction made whenever sex is mentioned in the Bible. Especially in cases of fornication/adultery. It usually goes like "he lay with her, they got caught or are having a baby and then they married". That distinction is always made between the act of sex and being married. Contrary to popular belief, sex does not create the "One flesh" relationship everyone throws around here. You haven't been married yet and you will not be commiting adultery when you do.

 

[Eagle_Wings]

I must say and to BeautyforAshes and the_man!
the_man took the words right out of my mouth.

 

[m4dskillz]

I think it's very clear in the Bible that ALL sins are forgiven so they aren't hanging over our heads, like some people make them out to be.

 

[Niels]

This is a tough one. The internet does have a way of bringing out the best, and the worst, in people. It's easy to get carried away, and word things a little stronger than one might in person, or read too much into somebody else's posts. Though easier said than done, and there are exceptions, I think it's best not to take most of what's online to heart. In any event, Jesus will meet you with grace, wherever you are in life. And what's between you and God is much more important than what other people may or may not say in an anonymous web forum.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Why is it to some people that virginity, or lack there of rather, is the one sin that cannot be forgiven?

Carrie, God has forgiven me of my past, my future husband knows that and doesn't even hold it above my head. He sees me how God sees me--forgiven. The fact that people cannot get over that their intended isn't a virigin for them!! (How COULD they?!?!) is more of an ego issue than anything else. They can't get over that their intended was tainted. Mind you, if we really dig into their life, we'll find all sorts of interesting, tainted things, too. A sin is a sin is a sin. If they cannot forgive you, that's their issue--not yours.

(**Disclaimer: I'm not stating that it's okay for premarital sex. If I could change the past I would, but I can't. I'm forgiven and clean. I do strongly urge people to wait.)

Ultimately, I strongly suggest not to bring such topics to CF. The people on here will tear you up and spit you out. I know you were just looking for help, but usually we end up more hurt. If you're having a great deal of struggle with this, pray, pray, pray and is there someone else you can trust to discuss this issue with?

Also, if you're a reader, I suggest reading a fictional book by Francine Rivers, "Redeeming Love." It's a retelling of the story of Hosea. It may be hard to read and get through, but hopefully it will help you.

 

[JPPT1974]

Have a relationship for biblical reasons is first and foremost important as God only looks out for only your best interests. He doesn't want you to make a mistake. And that He wants you to make sure that you stay a virgin and pratice absistance until it is time for you to get married. That is if and when.

 

[Sketcher]

Why is it to some people that virginity, or lack there of rather, is the one sin that cannot be forgiven?

You're misreading most of those opinions. I believe it is definitely forgiven. However, the consequences of that sin could still bite you and anyone you marry, because two people become one. Now, I personally believe that the OT commands are still in effect, but since forgiveness erases your sin record, I won't be protesting the marraiges of repentant sexual sinners. To be on the safe side however, I am limiting my selection to other virgins. Besides, if I marry a virgin, the devil won't have any Scripture to use against me. Yes, he is always wrong, but he is very convincing. Why give him an opening?

Carri20, you are forgiven. Whether that means you are free to marry someone else or not, I'm not 100% sure. But your forgiveness is 100% sure. How is the Bible not helping you? I have non-virgin friends who have taken their problem to the Bible and found peace. Just be fully convinced of what you're going to live by, because what does not come from faith is sin.

Please read:
Romans 14:22-24
James 1:5-8
Psalm 103

 

[waterbear]

well, the "adultery clause" only exists in Matthew. It is not in Mark, Luke or 1 Corinthians. I am not saying it is invalid, but it does give me pause for thought.

There's definately that school of thought. I'd have no interest continuing a marriage with infidelity so I lean towards divorce being okay for "sexual immorality".

surely God will judge us by what we do, not by what we want to do? we should try to follow His will, regardless of what we want.

I suppose you could follow His will without understanding (in your own limited sense of course) why His will is perfect. I don't agree with that approach since it seems too "carrot on a stick" (e.g. I'll do this so I can get into heaven, but if there was no later reward I wouldn't do it. I like to think of values as rewards in themselves).

 

[hischildsindik]

Also, if you're a reader, I suggest reading a fictional book by Francine Rivers, "Redeeming Love." It's a retelling of the story of Hosea. It may be hard to read and get through, but hopefully it will help you.

This book is excellent. God used it to work in me, all 5 times I have read it thus far, each time He drew out something new to show me, to heal in me.

God is loving and forgiving, if you've confessed and turned from that way, you are forgiven. And as Caelda said, if someone else can't forgive you, it is their problem, not yours.

 

[B®ent]

I'm growing quite tired of this assertion that preferring a virgin is somehow "unforgiving." Not wanting to marry any given person has nothing to do with unforgiveness. Is sending a criminal to jail unforgiving? Is divorcing an adulteress wife unforgiving? Forgiveness != no consequences. I'm tired of people implying that I am an unforgiving person because I prefer the idea of marrying a girl who remained entirely pure for me. Since when do we have to marry someone?

For the record, I am not closed-minded about this issue; and my posts in the other topic can attest to that fact. But nor am I one to criticize the beliefs/convictions of others. This is a personal decision between the person and God. SO STOP JUDGING THEM!!!

Ironically, I bet some of those who claim it is unforgiving to prefer a virgin have no problem with basing their dating-life on physical attraction. Something to think about, perhaps?

Johannes

 

[johnnystaycool]

Sex outside of marriage is forgivable, but not forgettable. It's true that she will probably have a harder time finding a Christian to marry, but all hope isn't lost. I wouldn't recommend setting yourself up to die though, I'm sure God will find you someone.

 

[B®ent]

Sex outside of marriage is forgivable, but not forgettable. It's true that she will probably have a harder time finding a Christian to marry, but all hope isn't lost. I wouldn't recommend setting yourself up to die though, I'm sure God will find you someone.

I agree 100%. God has forgiven her - now is the time to forgive herself - and I do believe God will bless her with a husband. Most people, virgin or not, do marry.

Johannes

 

[Tink]

Johannes,

I often read your replies. I've decided that I respect you, and even admire you a little. (Not in the romantic sense, that I know of. LOL) Good job.

In His love,
Tink

 

[B®ent]

TinkHeartsJesus,

Thank you. I appreciate your compliment.

God bless,
Johannes