Opinions on non-Christian specific online dating sites

[Mars88]

Hi all,

I moved to a new city about six months ago. I've made some good friends through church. However there's not that many single men in the congregation - mostly couples and/or families.

I've thought about giving online dating a try in the past but never actually gave it a shot. I'm just not sure. Even though I'm 27 I'm still old-fashioned. I'd rather meet someone in everyday life rather than behind a computer screen. However my main social setting outside of work is church activities and they're aren't many prospects there. I'd rather not go out to the bars to meet people either. Work has no potential either.

I've thought about Christian-specific dating sites. Remember I said I thought about online dating but never actually did? Well I have an old profile on a Christian site. No picture or anything - I never finished it. Chickened out if you will. I made a mistake when "window shopping" to see if there were men I'd possibly be interested in after I moved to my current city. I viewed a few of their profiles with my old account. However I forgot to change my location on my own profile. I moved here from a random state and city. Some of these guys in return viewed my profile and saw my location. If I ever legitimately sign up they may catch on that I viewed their profile in the past. Might think I'm stalkerish...

I like the idea of a Christian site but might have burned this bridge by being nosy. What to you think of non-Christian sites? I'm hesitant of these just because the men might not be sharing the same Christian values. Or are more likely to be looking for less serious flings.

Thanks for your thoughts!

 

[SnowyMacie]

Hi all,

I moved to a new city about six months ago. I've made some good friends through church. However there's not that many single men in the congregation - mostly couples and/or families.

I've thought about giving online dating a try in the past but never actually gave it a shot. I'm just not sure. Even though I'm 27 I'm still old-fashioned. I'd rather meet someone in everyday life rather than behind a computer screen. However my main social setting outside of work is church activities and they're aren't many prospects there. I'd rather not go out to the bars to meet people either. Work has no potential either.

I've thought about Christian-specific dating sites. Remember I said I thought about online dating but never actually did? Well I have an old profile on a Christian site. No picture or anything - I never finished it. Chickened out if you will. I made a mistake when "window shopping" to see if there were men I'd possibly be interested in after I moved to my current city. I viewed a few of their profiles with my old account. However I forgot to change my location on my own profile. I moved here from a random state and city. Some of these guys in return viewed my profile and saw my location. If I ever legitimately sign up they may catch on that I viewed their profile in the past. Might think I'm stalkerish...

I like the idea of a Christian site but might have burned this bridge by being nosy. What to you think of non-Christian sites? I'm hesitant of these just because the men might not be sharing the same Christian values. Or are more likely to be looking for less serious flings.

Thanks for your thoughts!

I've never used a Christian site, but have used eharmony and match pretty extensively last year. Personally, I have no complaints I have about those sites. Eharmony's founder is actually a Christian who used to teach at Fuller Theological Seminary (fun personal fact: one of my prof's in college had him as his doctoral adviser), and if I remember correctly, you can get pretty specific on your Christian affiliation on that site, and almost to that same degree on match. As long as you place it at a high priority level, I can guarantee all of your matches will fit your religious criteria. I was never once matched with someone who wasn't Christian. As far as the seriousness of the relationship, it's pretty much the same.

 

[NOTWHATIWAS]

Hi all,

I moved to a new city about six months ago. I've made some good friends through church. However there's not that many single men in the congregation - mostly couples and/or families.

I've thought about giving online dating a try in the past but never actually gave it a shot. I'm just not sure. Even though I'm 27 I'm still old-fashioned. I'd rather meet someone in everyday life rather than behind a computer screen. However my main social setting outside of work is church activities and they're aren't many prospects there. I'd rather not go out to the bars to meet people either. Work has no potential either.

I've thought about Christian-specific dating sites. Remember I said I thought about online dating but never actually did? Well I have an old profile on a Christian site. No picture or anything - I never finished it. Chickened out if you will. I made a mistake when "window shopping" to see if there were men I'd possibly be interested in after I moved to my current city. I viewed a few of their profiles with my old account. However I forgot to change my location on my own profile. I moved here from a random state and city. Some of these guys in return viewed my profile and saw my location. If I ever legitimately sign up they may catch on that I viewed their profile in the past. Might think I'm stalkerish...

I like the idea of a Christian site but might have burned this bridge by being nosy. What to you think of non-Christian sites? I'm hesitant of these just because the men might not be sharing the same Christian values. Or are more likely to be looking for less serious flings.

Thanks for your thoughts!

Start a trend. Even though this site isn't a dating site, participate and build friendships. God's choice for you may be on one of these forums. Have faith and be encouraged. I will keep you in prayers. God bless you.

 

[Servant68]

I have a love/hate relationship with dating sites. I met my ex-wife at church in Sunday school. Now, in my 40's and single after 20 years of marriage, it's very tough to meet other singles my age and demographic. I don't go to bars, my hobbies are solitary for the most part(home improvement, fishing, hiking, shooting). Church is where I go to worship Christ and using it as a place to meet other singles seems to cheapen it, IMHO. So, I drift in and out of dating sites. It's pretty challenging since my area is bereft of Christian single women in their 30's and 40's.

That being said, I like dating sites that ask a lot of questions that reveal your personality and character and lets you connect with other people that share similar values. OKCupid has hundreds of questions you can answer and it sets a pattern for your personality.

 

[Eannie Soul]

Let me just start by saying that DATING SITES ARE PROM TO SCAM.
Why choose a girl/boy on that site?

IS ANYTHING ON EARTH TOO HARD FOR THE LORD?
If He could bring froward a child to Sarah (Abraham's wife) at a very old age, then He could provide you a partner.
Why worry?
just be patient and be happy.
keep praying at least.
The reason why i am saying this is that Sites online provides 100% fake reports and images. God provides 100% faithful, true-loving partner more than what you think.

God knows what's best for you. Your whole life is in His hand.

 

[Tull]

People have odd attitudes towards online dating,they seem to think the odds of meeting a "bad" person are greater online....bad people are everywhere and you can meet them just as easily in the more traditional way as you can online.

The people you see on dating sites are the same people you see in the streets,stores,churchs,at work,at parties.....everywhere.

 

[timewerx]

It might work if you have good discernment.

From one experience I have. I determined many are not even using their own pictures (some even use celebrity pictures!). Some of the profiles look very copy-pasted.

Just be very careful especially for women. I probably won't recommend it for women as it can be dangerous even with all precautions taken.

 

[Tull]

Why would it be any more dangerous for women,women don't bring their share of greif,pain and misery to mens lives ?

 

[timewerx]

Why would it be any more dangerous for women,women don't bring their share of greif,pain and misery to mens lives ?

It's those predators you have to be wary of. Men only need to be wary of money scammers in dating sites.

 

[Tull]

It's those predators you have to be wary of. Men only need to be wary of money scammers in dating sites.

What evidence is there that these predators exist on line anymore than they do anywhere else ? and money is not the only problem women can cause for men by a long shot,an ex boyfriend of a woman I met online tried to pay somebody to do me great bodily harm when he found out we were together....she giggled like a little girl about and thought it was funny,i do not buy into the myth of feminine moral superiority.

 

[Citanul]

Let me just start by saying that DATING SITES ARE PROM TO SCAM.
Why choose a girl/boy on that site?

IS ANYTHING ON EARTH TOO HARD FOR THE LORD?
If He could bring froward a child to Sarah (Abraham's wife) at a very old age, then He could provide you a partner.

And there's no reason why He couldn't provide someone with a partner through an online dating site.

The reason why i am saying this is that Sites online provides 100% fake reports and images.

No they don't. The women I've been on dates with as a result of first interacting on a dating site have looked like their pictures and been basically been how their profiles described them.

That's not to say that there aren't fakes, but to say it's 100% fake profiles and/or images is completely incorrect - in fact I wouldn't be surprised if it's only a small percentage of fakes. While I obviously can't say with absolute certainty, most of the profiles I've seen appear to be real women who are genuinely looking for a long-term partner (sadly I don't ever seem to fit the bill but that's a different matter).

 

[Tull]

Good and bad people are everwhere,thinking otherwise makes your chances of meeting the former vs the latter no better.

 

[timewerx]

What evidence is there that these predators exist on line anymore than they do anywhere else ? and money is not the only problem women can cause for men by a long shot,an ex boyfriend of a woman I met online tried to pay somebody to do me great bodily harm when he found out we were together....she giggled like a little girl about and thought it was funny,i do not buy into the myth of feminine moral superiority.

Yes predators are everywhere but they are actually quite endemic in the internet. In social networking and especially dating sites.

The warning is for women to minimize their chances of being victimized. Not totally eradicate but reduce which is still far better than not taking precautions.

Evil exists in both genders but if we look at statistics, if you need to roll the dice, women are in a more dangerous position in an online dating site than compared to men.

 

[timewerx]

IS ANYTHING ON EARTH TOO HARD FOR THE LORD?
If He could bring froward a child to Sarah (Abraham's wife) at a very old age, then He could provide you a partner.
Why worry?
just be patient and be happy.
keep praying at least.
The reason why i am saying this is that Sites online provides 100% fake reports and images. God provides 100% faithful, true-loving partner more than what you think.

God knows what's best for you. Your whole life is in His hand.

Your faith is admirable.

But often it's just down to factors where clear correlations can be found.

People who end up being single for a very long time (not by choice) often have no idea how to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex. I'm not just talking about the looks but also things like demeanor, manners, social activities. And even looks can be improved by having good hygienic practices, clean and healthy lifestyle, choice of clothes, hairstyle, etc.

I'm sorry it's just the truth. Sometimes, you just got to help the Lord make the miracle happen.

 

[Eannie Soul]

Your faith is admirable.

But often it's just down to factors where clear correlations can be found.

People who end up being single for a very long time (not by choice) often have no idea how to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex. I'm not just talking about the looks but also things like demeanor, manners, social activities. And even looks can be improved by having good hygienic practices, clean and healthy lifestyle, choice of clothes, hairstyle, etc.

I'm sorry it's just the truth. Sometimes, you just got to help the Lord make the miracle happen.

Nice one but not looking forward for a husband this early.
God will be the judge.

 

[kevintri99]

Hi all,

I moved to a new city about six months ago. I've made some good friends through church. However there's not that many single men in the congregation - mostly couples and/or families.

I've thought about giving online dating a try in the past but never actually gave it a shot. I'm just not sure. Even though I'm 27 I'm still old-fashioned. I'd rather meet someone in everyday life rather than behind a computer screen. However my main social setting outside of work is church activities and they're aren't many prospects there. I'd rather not go out to the bars to meet people either. Work has no potential either.

I've thought about Christian-specific dating sites. Remember I said I thought about online dating but never actually did? Well I have an old profile on a Christian site. No picture or anything - I never finished it. Chickened out if you will. I made a mistake when "window shopping" to see if there were men I'd possibly be interested in after I moved to my current city. I viewed a few of their profiles with my old account. However I forgot to change my location on my own profile. I moved here from a random state and city. Some of these guys in return viewed my profile and saw my location. If I ever legitimately sign up they may catch on that I viewed their profile in the past. Might think I'm stalkerish...

I like the idea of a Christian site but might have burned this bridge by being nosy. What to you think of non-Christian sites? I'm hesitant of these just because the men might not be sharing the same Christian values. Or are more likely to be looking for less serious flings.

Thanks for your thoughts!

no do not go on thoes sites. They are bad and the people on there are hurtful and self centered. I was on two.

 

[ChristianMatchmaking]

Online matchmaking is a perfectly legitimate, useful and efficient way of meeting prospects, but you have to exercise basic caution and common sense. Problem is, some people don't have enough of that even if they think they do, and they have to get it, so pray, and consult with others, and do a little Internet research about online dating safety. We are to "be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves." In case anyone hasn't noticed, that is stated as a command, not optional. You can perhaps meet the right person for you online, "destiny," divine blessing, and so forth, but you can also meet bad apples and worse, or wolves dressed up like sheep.

 

[cant_think_of_a_name]

Ok Mars88, I could have literally written your post. (Including the part about having once started a profile but never finishing it then moving states.) I feel like I'm in the same boat.

Because I have absolutely no originality in my life, I decided after New Years, the year I will turn 30, to actually try online dating for the first time. I'm doing a one-week trial on a secular website and paid for a month on a Christian website.

So far it's been miserable. I don't know what's worse - realizing how shallow guys are, or realizing how shallow you are. I was always sensitive about the fact that well, I don't look like Jessica Alba, let me say that. But I'm getting all these messages that make me feel uncomfortable, and I don't know what to do!

I can say with full honesty that I don't judge anyone who's done online dating, but why does it make me feel so weird? I feel like I'm shoe-shopping. I guess, we do this in real life anyways; this just makes it more obvious.

I'd also appreciate feedback on christian vs. secular websites, for anyone who's tried both.

 

[Servant68]

I've been on at least a dozen different sites off and on over the past three years. If you can name it; I've been on it.

However, I've only had paid memberships for three, I believe. ChristianMingle, OKCupid, and Match.com.

Even with my extensive exposure to a wide variety of dating sites, I have very little experience actually dating women from those sites. Why? Because my area is the Bermuda Triangle of single women over the age of 30. Every single site I've been on and entered the required parameters of age 32 to 48, widowed, divorced, or single. Non-smoker, Christian, any body type except obese, gets me between three and 12 results within 25 miles of my zip code (99161).

I met one woman with whom we both liked each others profiles. We met at a church for services. We agreed there was no spark and we are still friends on Facebook, but nothing more.

I have found that there are plenty of women on both secular and Christian sites that while claiming to be Christian are far from it. Though I admit it is difficult to often discern just from a profile, there are plenty of clues available for someone like me with a former law enforcement career.

And I'm not talking about someone who drinks occasionally or smokes; I'm not aware of anything in the Bible that says your salvation isn't real if you have a beer while watching football or smoke cigars or cigarettes.

Ironically, on most dating sites, you will get much more favorable views if you smoke pot than if you smoke tobacco; such a twisted world we live in.

I do know that women will get inappropriate pictures and messages no matter what site they use; it's a sad fact that a lot of men are pigs. I also know that women will deceive and use men for material gain no matter what site you use.

Heck, just today I was on ChristianCafe.com, which has zero women within 50 miles of me, but they do have forums which are great at getting to know people better. In one of the threads, a woman was on there opining about the ups and downs of long distance relationships, but that her boyfriend was going to be in town this weekend. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with her being on a dating site talking with other men when she currently had a boyfriend. That is what I would call a red flag...

However, if you are in a fairly populated area, I would at least try to stick with a Christian site. ChristianCafe and Eharmony(if you can afford a paid membership) seem to do a better than average job of weeding out the scammers and sickos.

Soon after my wife asked for a divorce and I moved back to Idaho, I tried to join Eharmony to see if there were any women in my new area, even if I wasn't about to date since I was still technically married and still in shock. While trying to sign up, I answered truthfully that I was still married. They denied me membership and blocked my IP address. I had to email them a copy of my divorce decree a few months later to even get an account. That was impressive...