One year

[marcb]

Hi,

It has been nearly one year since I have been overwhelmed with this issue convicting myself of "unpardonable sin." During this time, God has been so gracious to me. I have experienced many signs and wonders of His love and forgiveness.
Looking back to where I was a year ago, there has been a dramatic improvement, thanks be to God.

I still struggle, however, with this issue every single day. Some days more than others. My mind will seem to conjure up a new way to "commit" this blasphemous sin and depending on my mood, sleep, stress level, etc, I handle it in ways that range from letting it go to reaching a high level of frustration that approaches despair.

I don't feel the self-condemnation, but I often feel an overwhelming sense of guilt when I have these thoughts, or when I do even the smallest things wrong. The kicker is that often when I am not struggling, I wonder what happened. It's like I am so used to the battle, that when I catch a break and relax I begin to wonder, where is my faith? Where is that feeling I had when God met me and I knew everything was going to be okay?

I guess my problem is my emotions are running my faith. This is only a perception, because I know God doesn't leave, ever. I struggle with not "feeling" His presence and I can feel incredibly empty at that time. Has anyone experienced this? Any comments or suggestions?

I love to read scripture, and this helps tremendously, but what about when I'm working and can't access them? I pray constantly and feel it's never enough. I feel like I am constantly missing opportunities to reach out to witness, even though I am doing this more. I guess the problem is I am putting this on me and not God....thoughts?

 

[seajoy]

Hi,

It has been nearly one year since I have been overwhelmed with this issue convicting myself of "unpardonable sin." During this time, God has been so gracious to me. I have experienced many signs and wonders of His love and forgiveness.
Looking back to where I was a year ago, there has been a dramatic improvement, thanks be to God.

I still struggle, however, with this issue every single day. Some days more than others. My mind will seem to conjure up a new way to "commit" this blasphemous sin and depending on my mood, sleep, stress level, etc, I handle it in ways that range from letting it go to reaching a high level of frustration that approaches despair.

I don't feel the self-condemnation, but I often feel an overwhelming sense of guilt when I have these thoughts, or when I do even the smallest things wrong. The kicker is that often when I am not struggling, I wonder what happened. It's like I am so used to the battle, that when I catch a break and relax I begin to wonder, where is my faith? Where is that feeling I had when God met me and I knew everything was going to be okay?

I guess my problem is my emotions are running my faith. This is only a perception, because I know God doesn't leave, ever. I struggle with not "feeling" His presence and I can feel incredibly empty at that time. Has anyone experienced this? Any comments or suggestions?

I love to read scripture, and this helps tremendously, but what about when I'm working and can't access them? I pray constantly and feel it's never enough. I feel like I am constantly missing opportunities to reach out to witness, even though I am doing this more. I guess the problem is I am putting this on me and not God....thoughts?

Dear Marc....wonderful child of our Lord!

Everthing you said, I have experienced along my OCD road. Please remember that your road to recovery has not been that long yet. In time, these feelings will be a memory.

You will come to see that only God's strength and grace is sufficient. You (or I) can never do enough...can never feel enough. Thankfully, what we do is not needed. It was all done at the cross.

Please Marc, know that Jesus holds on to you. You have OCD, not a problem with God. God has a special understanding of those of us with OCD. We must leave it all at Jesus feet, because we can't take all this stuff, and fix it. How blessed we are, indeed! Our faith is a gift....we cannot make it happen. God takes care of that gift.

Feeling empty is the beginning of healing in OCD. What was once filled with unwanted thoughts, is now an empty place for God to fill with His love and promises.

Marc....remember to say..."oh well, that thought is no big deal," to all the OCD stuff...every bit of it. It is the key, and answer.

Rest easy my friend.
seajoy

 

[polishmanmike]

hey marcb
what is awesome to do when you dont have access to the Scripture just dwell on it. When you can hide in your heart the Scripture and His works and dwell on them, think and ponder, also meet with other Christians, break bread that helps a lot. and remember that we cant put God in a box, i used to think that i have to read my Bible to spent time with God but I believe the Word says about reading the Word, praying (talking to God or interceding for urself or others), fellowship and breaking the bread with other believers, and communion ... examining ourselves getting clean before the Lord and remembering His death with wine and bread,
remember to do the communion in a right way not with light heart, get REAL before the Lord confess your sins and really remember the death of Christ (dwell on it) and then take bread and wine, because if its done right it brings healing, if wrong it can bring even death, thats what the Word says when one of the Apostoles is talking about it (Paul I believe)
all those are how you can hang with God, i dont know why I am telling you this but maybe it will come in handy
^^ i believe that comes from Acts

also plz dont let the devil knok ur sox of with this "I offended the Holy Spirit and am going to hell thing" look devil tries to get every1 on the same lie, that should show us that devil is a liar. If its guilty heavy feeling remember that Jesus said my burden is light and my yoke is easy.....Jesus will draw us withous guilt or the condemnation.\
if ur worried about all that stuff that means that u care, but you cant add another day to ur life by caring so much.
We all need to cry out to the Lord that He would reveal to us His Kingdom which is now, realm in which Jesus is the King and we are servants surrendering to Him everything that we have
Matt 13:45"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

we need to have that pearl and that pearl only and Reign of Jesus in our lifes, only He as a just and awesome Lord and King can bring everything unto the right places, stuff like problems, marriage, ocd, etc

remember that its not until Jesus got into the boat when the sea was calmed..... the disciples saw Jesus at the distance and were still freaking out....we need Him in our boats being the Cpt. Jesus

Lol, didnt mean to preach here, just felt like droppin something here, if u like it or dont, take it to God, heheh He is the author and finisher

in Christ
Mike

 

[HeatherG]

I agree with everything Seajoy and Mike said. Thanks be to God indeed that you have been able to see Him at work over the past year, in spite of everything.

About emotions running our faith, I wonder if when we go through those times when we can't "feel" God if it isn't a kind of test to prove if our faith is genuine. I'm sure it pleases the heart of God when we keep pressing on even we don't feel anything. Maybe it will help us to be mature in our faith. And it helps us appreciate those special times when God is so close all the more.

If you are still thirsty for God even when you pray a lot, I would say that was a good thing. It is surely better that way than to not be bothered about spending time with God. And isn't it true that the closer we get to God, the more conscious we become of our own unworthiness? (Not in a bad way, but in a way that makes us appreciate God's amazing love and mercy even more) Feeling the need to witness more also sounds healthy to me. The danger comes when you start to condemn yourself for not being good enough, because that kind of condemnation is not from God. God wants to see us moving on with Him but doesn't condemn us when we don't do so perfectly.

Memorizing scripture as suggested by Mike is a good idea.

I hope this time next year you will be looking back at how God has brought about your total healing.

Heather