One Month, no substances, ok.

[TheMainException]

My counselor has told me before and continues to encourage me to remember whatever I can about my childhood. I know that it's linked in very deeply to why I do the things I do not. It's very important to deal with and understand, and actually even remember, since so much of it is just gone. I've focused long enough on my thoughts and feelings of now and gotten close to no where. (I've come somewhere, but not far enough to get me to any particular place). There's hidden roots that I can't dig alone for and ever find...I need help...these are healthy roots that, if not cut, will feed my present awful evil vile things no matter how hard I work. This time, it's got to be a battle on all three fronts and not just one.

 

[madison1101]

My counselor has told me before and continues to encourage me to remember whatever I can about my childhood. I know that it's linked in very deeply to why I do the things I do not. It's very important to deal with and understand, and actually even remember, since so much of it is just gone. I've focused long enough on my thoughts and feelings of now and gotten close to no where. (I've come somewhere, but not far enough to get me to any particular place). There's hidden roots that I can't dig alone for and ever find...I need help...these are healthy roots that, if not cut, will feed my present awful evil vile things no matter how hard I work. This time, it's got to be a battle on all three fronts and not just one.

Working in childhood issues ini therapy is entirely different from beating oneself up for slips and relapses. I have done a ton of childhood work, and have learned to separate my childhood issues from my recent negative behavior. What happened in the summer is different than what happened when I was in high school, or elementary school. Does that make any sense?

 

[TheMainException]

Yea...I'm not beating myself up for slips and failures...I'm trying to remember my childhood. I can't remember it. Most people remember blips and situations, names and places. I remember a lot more things about school than my actual home life.

That makes a lot of sense, Trish, thanks.

 

[madison1101]

Yea...I'm not beating myself up for slips and failures...I'm trying to remember my childhood. I can't remember it. Most people remember blips and situations, names and places. I remember a lot more things about school than my actual home life.

That makes a lot of sense, Trish, thanks.

Memories do not come automatically. They take time to surface. Drinking and drugging keep them repressed, and hidden from our current experience. The longer we stay sober, and do not chemically alter our thinking in any way, the better we are at remembering things. Keeping a journal each day, and jotting down our feelings about current relationships or situations with other people helps me, because I am able to see that my reaction to person X in today's experience reminds me of how I felt when a parent or someone in my childhood did behavior B. That helps me remember things I found difficult to deal with as a child, and helps me face my childhood and today sober.

Hang in there. It does not happen overnight.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[TheMainException]

ARGH....seeing people drunk and happy on tv makes it so hard to not want to drink...good times...I love them. Wow...I just REALLY got REALLY sad for some reason...logically, I can't figure that out. I may just be tired and being sick doesn't help...but that was strange to get upset over that. Maybe it's the thought that I won't have that for a while, that I have to restrain myself...or maybe it's that I lost that fun joy and pleasantness when I started to drink too often and too much. I'm not really sure right now...but man, seeing that happiness just oozing all out after a nice bit of scotch...looked so nice...it wasn't even the actual act of drinking that spiked my attention but the after effect of the happy drunk guy. I guess I gotta remove some primary emotions from certain things and reform where they belong.

 

[BobW188]

Funny how TV doesn't show them throwing up, or having the shakes, or in court (divorce, criminal, you name it.)

Remember: you've lived the part that's not on-camera; and those actors are actually stone sober. Do you think any producer would be crazy enough to put real drunks on camera? Who'd forgotten their lines and couldn't pronounce them anyway? Who might throw up?

Again: Satan is going to pull out all the stops; and at first glance his lies are quite persuasive. Check them against your experience! What you're going through is the "reality show"!