? On ROCD

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

Hi all. For those specifically with ROCD, or who have been or are currenly in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer, what advice would you give to a person in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer?
Gee, that was a long question.
Hope that was understandable.

 

[disciple1]

Hi all. For those specifically with ROCD, or who have been or are currenly in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer, what advice would you give to a person in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer?
Gee, that was a long question.
Hope that was understandable.

I don't know what it is, but I think prayer.

Luke chapter 18 verse 1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

I don't know what it is, but I think prayer.

Luke chapter 18 verse 1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Relationship Obsessive compulsive disorder.
Amen

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

Relationship Obsessive compulsive disorder.
Amen

Its a form of pure O OCD

 

[Mari17]

I don't have ROCD myself (just other forms of OCD) so I'm not super familiar with it, but I can imagine it must be frustrating to live with a partner who has it! Here are some resources that may be useful:
Families: “What Can I Do to Help?”
I'm not necessarily into all the meditation stuff etc. that Hershfield is into, but this podcast looks relevant:
When a family member has OCD | The OCD Stories
Sorry I don't have time to post more now but hopefully these are useful.

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

I don't have ROCD myself (just other forms of OCD) so I'm not super familiar with it, but I can imagine it must be frustrating to live with a partner who has it! Here are some resources that may be useful:
Families: “What Can I Do to Help?”
I'm not necessarily into all the meditation stuff etc. that Hershfield is into, but this podcast looks relevant:
When a family member has OCD | The OCD Stories
Sorry I don't have time to post more now but hopefully these are useful.

Thanks I will look into those.
Im not frustrated by it at all, Im just looking to find what the best way to approach this is, not for me but for him.

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

Hi all. For those specifically with ROCD, or who have been or are currenly in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer, what advice would you give to a person in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer?
Gee, that was a long question.
Hope that was understandable.

Doing some reading on this and someone said "no reassurance is important". Can anyone tell me just what this means? Just want to make sure I am understanding correctly.

 

[Mari17]

Doing some reading on this and someone said "no reassurance is important". Can anyone tell me just what this means? Just want to make sure I am understanding correctly.

Reassurance about the obsession. Reassurance seeking is a type of compulsion, and feeds the obsession. So, for example, if I am worried about germs, I might say to my parent/spouse, "I washed my hands; do you think they're clean?" After getting a yes, I will feel better, but not for long. Soon I will have another doubt: "Well, I only washed my hands for 30 seconds; do you think I should have washed them longer?" Then, "What about this website that says you have to wash for 2 minutes?" etc. With OCD there is NEVER any permanent relief until you stop the cycle. Because, OCD wants a person to be afraid, so for everything they do to feel better, it will bring up another doubt. Always. So basically, the obsessive person has to stop compulsions. That means things they do to feel better - handwashing, asking for reassurance, obsessively researching, ruminating (mentally analyzing the issue), etc. They're thinking with a trees vs. forest mentality, and are unable to use common sense and logic, until their obsession dies down - which won't happen until they stop their compulsions and let themselves live with the ensuing anxiety (and eventually realize that nothing bad comes of it!). So, I think your part as a partner is to lovingly refuse to provide reassurance. So, if they've already asked once about something, refuse to keep answering the same question again and again, even if they come up with different angles on the same question. If this isn't clear please feel free to ask me to clarify.
This article looks helpful:
http://www.accounseling.org/uploaded/Mental_Health/WHEN_REASSURANCE_IS_HARMFUL.pdf

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

Hi all. For those specifically with ROCD, or who have been or are currenly in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer, what advice would you give to a person in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer?
Gee, that was a long question.
Hope that was understandable.

Wulp, doing some more reading. Getting a picture of what to expect. But now have another question, do all OCD suffers ask questions/seek reassurance or do some just internalize? If so, I wonder if personality plays a role in that. Knowing myself, I am pretty certain that if I was an OCD sufferer I would ask questions until I was blue in the face. Im normally the type to turn to friends for advice or seek opinions so, I think I would worry everybody to no end. But a friend of mine kinda internalizes everything. She does not ask for advice much, she prefers to handle things alone. I wonder if a person with her personality type would internalize her OCD obsessions as well (if she had it). Or does personality not play a role and anyone and everyone afflicted with either classic, or pure O OCD will ask questions in search of reassurance?

 

[Mari17]

Wulp, doing some more reading. Getting a picture of what to expect. But now have another question, do all OCD suffers ask questions/seek reassurance or do some just internalize? If so, I wonder if personality plays a role in that. Knowing myself, I am pretty certain that if I was an OCD sufferer I would ask questions until I was blue in the face. Im normally the type to turn to friends for advice or seek opinions so, I think I would worry everybody to no end. But a friend of mine kinda internalizes everything. She does not ask for advice much, she prefers to handle things alone. I wonder if a person with her personality type would internalize her OCD obsessions as well (if she had it). Or does personality not play a role and anyone and everyone afflicted with either classic, or pure O OCD will ask questions in search of reassurance?

Interesting question! I don't really know...but it makes sense that personality could play into compulsions. I'd imagine it probably is different for every person, and every situation. I know that I had parents that I loved and trusted a lot, so I did a LOT of reassurance seeking by asking them questions. But compulsions are usually so strong that a person does them even if they're painful. Meaning that even if my parents weren't easy to talk to, I might still have asked for reassurance even if they got angry. (Although I have heard of cases when people were so embarrassed by their obsessions that they internalized them. I guess I felt open enough with my parents that I just told them everything.) Basically a person with OCD does whatever they thinks will make them feel better with that particular obsession, I think. For some obsessions, I've done more reassurance seeking, others I've done more ruminating/researching. For some, I felt compelled to avoid things that I thought were bad, or things I felt I was sinning by doing (even though I actually wasn't). Oh yeah, and I had the classic handwashing too.

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

Interesting question! I don't really know...but it makes sense that personality could play into compulsions. I'd imagine it probably is different for every person, and every situation. I know that I had parents that I loved and trusted a lot, so I did a LOT of reassurance seeking by asking them questions. But compulsions are usually so strong that a person does them even if they're painful. Meaning that even if my parents weren't easy to talk to, I might still have asked for reassurance even if they got angry. (Although I have heard of cases when people were so embarrassed by their obsessions that they internalized them. I guess I felt open enough with my parents that I just told them everything.) Basically a person with OCD does whatever they thinks will make them feel better with that particular obsession, I think. For some obsessions, I've done more reassurance seeking, others I've done more ruminating/researching. For some, I felt compelled to avoid things that I thought were bad, or things I felt I was sinning by doing (even though I actually wasn't). Oh yeah, and I had the classic handwashing too.

I am sure that the cumpolsion to constantly seek reassurance just leads to mental anguish, but I imagine that a person who solely ruminates or internalizes their OCD would be suffering silently. And I know how awful that is, not due to OCD, but other reasons. Also the people around the sufferer may not be aware of the doubts and fears they are having and may unknowingly trigger more anxiety. This is certainly something I want to avoid. So Im working on learning as much as I can.
Thanks much for your input.

 

[Mari17]

No problem, keep asking questions as you have them! I really admire the fact that you're learning all you can and wanting to be supportive!

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

No problem, keep asking questions as you have them! I really admire the fact that you're learning all you can and wanting to be supportive!

Absolutely! The person I know with OCD is someone I love very deeply so finding out as much as I can is very important to me. Mainly for him and not me, and by that I mean that I don't want to respond in ways that increase or trigger more anxiety or worsen symptoms.
I appreciate you taking time to respond.

 

[Celticroots]

Its a form of pure O OCD

I have OCD, "Pure" O. I find that to be a misnomer. With this type, compulsions are still present, but are often mental, like arguing with oneself over the validity of the thoughts, asking for reassurance. "Would you ever cheat on me?" Or phrased some other way. Mental compulsions can take as many forms as there are people with OCD.

Like other compulsions, reassurance, in whatever form, makes the OCD worse, even if it eases the anxiety in the short term.


Reassurance can also come through research. Some who is obsessed that their partner is or will cheat on them, will read everything they can get their hands on cheaters, signs someone is cheating, etc. Someone who obsesses over whether they really love their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse, could spend hours online reading about falling out of love with someone to assure themselves they aren't. These are few examples out of many. OCD

With the internet, this type of compulsion is easier than ever to get stuck in.

I haven't dealt with this type of OCD. Yet.

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

I have OCD, "Pure" O. I find that to be a misnomer. With this type, compulsions are still present, but are often mental, like arguing with oneself over the validity of the thoughts, asking for reassurance. "Would you ever cheat on me?" Or phrased some other way. Mental compulsions can take as many forms as there are people with OCD.

Like other compulsions, reassurance, in whatever form, makes the OCD worse, even if it eases the anxiety in the short term.


Reassurance can also come through research. Some who is obsessed that their partner is or will cheat on them, will read everything they can get their hands on cheaters, signs someone is cheating, etc. Someone who obsesses over whether they really love their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse, could spend hours online reading about falling out of love with someone to assure themselves they aren't. These are few examples out of many. OCD

With the internet, this type of compulsion is easier than ever to get stuck in.

I haven't dealt with this type of OCD. Yet.

Oh man that is so much to go through.

 

[Aba1612]

I suffered with relationship OCD for 2 years whilst dating my now husband. It was excruciating as I consistently doubted our relationship and felt that God was trying to tell me something. After years of suffering, I searched online for months and found a forum where someone suggested creating a truth book. This changed my perspective on everything.

In the truth book, you write a list of fears/thoughts/doubts that come into mind about the relationship. Alongside that you find a scripture that directly answers that fear so for example:

Thought: There are so many “signs” both from people, church and the world that point to me breaking up with my partner, therefore it must be true.

Scripture: Matthew 6:4 - an evil and adulterous generation seeks for signs but no sign will be given to it.

2 Thessalonians 2:9 - Satan will use all sorts of displays of power through signs and wonders that serve the lie”‭

I have many more examples, as I found myself inundated with so many thoughts, doubts and worries and even believed that the confusion about my relationship was from God because he didn’t want me in the relationship. But as Christians, we know God is not the author of confusion.

The truth book exercise greatly helped me alongside therapy. I meditated on the word and combatted any lies the enemy was telling me with the truth, Gods word.

I am now happily married and about to celebrate my first anniversary We thank God for his goodness and this testimony.

I’m not an expert but definitely know how horrible it can be, so if anyone needs some guidance - you can email me at nanawilson29@gmail.com, let’s have a chat!

Hi all. For those specifically with ROCD, or who have been or are currenly in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer, what advice would you give to a person in a relationship with a ROCD sufferer?
Gee, that was a long question.
Hope that was understandable.