On Grief.

[Jehane]

I was wondering how everyone here dealt with their grief when a loved one dies. In the past 18 months I've lost my grandfather, father, favourite aunt & the cat we've had forever & my grief seems to be getting worse rather than better. It's as if each new death just gets added to the weight of grief until it seems overwhelming. It doesn't help that I'm not sure 2 of the people were saved. I think I'm doing o.k then something will trigger & I'm reliving deathbed scenes in vivid detail - awful if I happen to be in a public venue. My girls are great & very protective but I really feel as if I should be getting a handle on this by now.

The Lord has been really good to me. He gave me a wonderful verse after my dad died . I know I've got an overactive imagination but this is reaching the silly stage.

 

[~InHisHands~]

Sweet one, you can't trouble yourself now over something you really had no control over. Plus, you have to remember, it was their time to go. It hurts yes, but we have to let it go. If you spend the rest of your life grieving, it won't bring them back. I'm not saying you can't grieve. You just have to remember, they're gone. No amount of tears is going to bring them back. You loved them. They lived their lives. Then it came time to go. I have a loss in my life that I will likely never be able to let go of. But, my sorrow won't change anything. It won't bring her back. I have to focus on what lies ahead. Do I stumble on my grief from time to time? Yes, I do. And every time that happens, who can I go to for comfort? Go to the open arms of the Lord, Jehane. That's what he's there for. *Gentle Hug*

 

[Jehane]

Yes, I know logically but my emotions don't seem to want to line up with my brain. Then there's the subconcious which is really out of control...!

Thanks for the hug.

This is sorta along the lines of something else we were discussing. I have the knowledge of the process of grief but actually dealing with it wisely seems to be escaping me. I was doing o.k at first then it was like I got pole-axed from behind.

 

[~InHisHands~]

Just pray dear. He's the only one who can really help you. Exercise your faith a little. That's your words of wisdom for the day. Night sweetie.

 

[Jehane]

Sweet dreams.

 

[MrJim]

I've led a somewhat sheltered life when it comes to deaths of loved ones. In the past two years though there have been two close people die.

The first was my wife's little brother. He died of lung cancer at 42 about two years ago. He was living across the street for during the last year or so, moving into their grandmother's house after she went to the nursing home. He had lived a rough life but a little girl with cancer (who since recovered) played a big role in his life turnaround and he confessed Christ as saviour though he didn't get involved in church. It seemed that it just didn't get time. He hadn't played a large role in our lives until that last year or so when he moved in and it seemed that it was so brief. He died in that house and my wife was there with him...it was a tough deal.

Then the grandmother died a few months later. Her last year or so she was pretty much mentally out of it though she lived alone until she was 96 or so. Dearest saint you would ever meet, full of wisdom and love, it was tough to see her just "snap" one day and sort of be gone.

So when I pass by or look at the house I am reminded of them. I trust God is caring for them now.

I'm sorry for the grief you continue to deal with, wish I was wiser and could give you some good words but Red already did. One good thing to do is to talk some more about it.

 

[~InHisHands~]

I've lost two in the past 5 yrs. that were very special to me. It's been difficult. But, you have to allow yourself the time to grieve. For some it takes longer. And I understand all too well the grief of even losing a pet. I pray that the Lord wraps you in his arms and covers you in his love and comforts you through this time of grief.

 

[Danfrey]

I have been grieving the lost of Candice for about a year now. It is never easy to lose one of our loved ones. We had a wonderful experience during the last couple of months that she was preparing to move on to paradise. In my head I know that she is now without pain and doesn't have to deal with our fallen world. With all that said, I still miss her and I don't think that will ever go away. When the tears come, I embrace them as still feeling connected to her. I just find a place that I will not make a scene and let the tears flow. I believe if you try to fight it, it will actually make the grieving harder. Don't deny yourself the chance to outwardly express what is happening inside. God gave us the ability to cry for a reason. Nobody will be able to tell you when it will get easier. For each of us this is different.

 

[Jehane]

Hey, Danfrey. You sure know when to show up! Missed ya, bud.

You are probably right; I have a large household, dad died just before Christmas & my household pretty much doubled in size with visitors. Life doesn't stop for these things & I probably didn't take any time to grieve properly & now it's come back to bite me. Lesson learnt (I hope.)