Hi. I am new. Ive been looking for answers to this overall problem in my life. To be blunt, Ive had ups and downs all my life, and its driving me crazy. One day I feel like a strong new person, and the next day everything comes crashing down on me. It feels like I have to start over every day. Sometimes I would rather choose a 100% horrible life, than to be jerked back and forth, and to be teased. Ive had many huge disappointments all my life, and these disappointments seem to be constant.
My relationship with God is unknown. Ive prayed and prayed for quite a while. Ive fought addictions, and kept them away for a long time. I basically try to do everything right that I can. I just dont seem to get much help, from my prayers.
Life is very difficult for me, more so in a social sense. I have trouble functioning around multiple people. I believe I am a manic depressive. I used to take medication, but it did not feel right to me. I am doing much better than before when I was on medication.
I think what makes me unique, is that my faith is very strong. I was brought up in a very pessimistic background. Ive done a 180, and turned my influences, and habit of worrying and being pessimistic, into optimism. I feel very strong at times, and confident. Others, I feel just the opposite, but I keep fighting.
I mainly pray, that God will help me find someone. A social companion. I have only a few true friends. Some can say that their family, or their parents can be friends, but I feel I need someone my own age. This particular friend, is very far away. We have everything in common, and we were on the verge of dating. We were so close to comming together, then all of a sudden, my "bad luck" seemed to kick in, and she changed her mind. With all of my patients, and maturity, its still very difficult to accept the fact we will only be friends. Not only friends, but very distant friends. This friend is wonderful. Its just very hard to deal with not physically being there for them.
My heart feels very confused right now. I feel like I am suffering emotionally. I dont know what to do, except be patient. I have been patient for years. I just have this horrible lonely feeling inside me. I pray for help, but it never seems to come. I have trouble sleeping, and I have nightmares all the time now.
I could go on forever with more detail, but I dont want to bother you all with a book of my life. I just need some advice, and probably some prayers. I do feel, that if I had someone close to me, it would solve many of my problems. I have accepted the possibility that I may never be able to love my friend, like I wish to. The horrible part of this is, she is my first "true" love. We have all experienced lust, and it is sometimes hard to determine which. I am certain I care for this person, and it seems obvious that she needs me, yet she is so far out of reach. I try not to think about it so much, but I cant help it.
I just need some advice on what to do about this empty, lonely feeling. Im very tired of fighting. I would just like to relax and be happy for once in my life. I am greatful for many things, but yet it still feels I have a curse over my head, and I do not know why.
My relationship with God is unknown. Ive prayed and prayed for quite a while. Ive fought addictions, and kept them away for a long time. I basically try to do everything right that I can. I just dont seem to get much help, from my prayers.
Life is very difficult for me, more so in a social sense. I have trouble functioning around multiple people. I believe I am a manic depressive. I used to take medication, but it did not feel right to me. I am doing much better than before when I was on medication.
I think what makes me unique, is that my faith is very strong. I was brought up in a very pessimistic background. Ive done a 180, and turned my influences, and habit of worrying and being pessimistic, into optimism. I feel very strong at times, and confident. Others, I feel just the opposite, but I keep fighting.
I mainly pray, that God will help me find someone. A social companion. I have only a few true friends. Some can say that their family, or their parents can be friends, but I feel I need someone my own age. This particular friend, is very far away. We have everything in common, and we were on the verge of dating. We were so close to comming together, then all of a sudden, my "bad luck" seemed to kick in, and she changed her mind. With all of my patients, and maturity, its still very difficult to accept the fact we will only be friends. Not only friends, but very distant friends. This friend is wonderful. Its just very hard to deal with not physically being there for them.
My heart feels very confused right now. I feel like I am suffering emotionally. I dont know what to do, except be patient. I have been patient for years. I just have this horrible lonely feeling inside me. I pray for help, but it never seems to come. I have trouble sleeping, and I have nightmares all the time now.
I could go on forever with more detail, but I dont want to bother you all with a book of my life. I just need some advice, and probably some prayers. I do feel, that if I had someone close to me, it would solve many of my problems. I have accepted the possibility that I may never be able to love my friend, like I wish to. The horrible part of this is, she is my first "true" love. We have all experienced lust, and it is sometimes hard to determine which. I am certain I care for this person, and it seems obvious that she needs me, yet she is so far out of reach. I try not to think about it so much, but I cant help it.
I just need some advice on what to do about this empty, lonely feeling. Im very tired of fighting. I would just like to relax and be happy for once in my life. I am greatful for many things, but yet it still feels I have a curse over my head, and I do not know why.