ok new schizo in town! :)

[lutherangerman]

Hi there,

I am a new member and I have schizophrenia too.

I am a baptized christian since last Easter. I found that some things got easier since my baptism. I can't quite name it, I don't know what exactly has changed, but I have a better sense of being right with God, and that in baptism He has done something about me. I feel more optimistic spiritually, I feel like I can rely on God now, in the knowledge that He has indeed saved me and will always save me, if I just remain faithful to Him.

Recently I have found that I should not always expect miraculous encounters with God. You see, at least in my case I have found that the schizophrenia means that I have a damaged sense of reality. The problem is, the christian walk is one of faith, not of seeing, but having schizophrenia means that you want to see so badly that you neglect faith and always tumble into delusions.

Some say a walk by faith is harder than a walk by reason, but many christians give testimony to life with faith being actually easier than always having to employ reasoning.

I have always identified myself more with people who have great intelligence than with others. And certainly, intelligence is nothing bad. But just like simplicity poses challenges, being intelligent means that you have special challenges in life. I myself am fairly intelligent, got an IQ of 140, but I made much more mistakes in life than my mother who is not as intelligent.

One challenge of being intelligent is that you overestimate yourself, that you think yourself as great because of your intelligence and do not develop the essential virtues which you need like everyone else to lead a good and honorable life.

Schizophrenia means, as I said, a skewed sense for reality. Sometimes you feel like being a great prophet, and then you feel like a devil. Sometimes you feel like you are the most adorable man on Earth, then you feel like the worst criminal.

What I have understood since a while is that I absolutely need the bible for a successful christian walk. I don't need many spiritual encounters, I don't need to see visions. The bible contains the lessons I need to hear for living life with God. The bible is the voice by which God normally speaks - to hear Him speak to you personally really is an exception. Yes, there are obviously christians who are prophets that hear God speak daily. But this isn't the case with all of us.

Another of my flaws as a schizophrenic is that I want to make rash generalizations. This is what made me an atheist many years ago. Instead of patiently studying the subject, I simply decided there must be no God because I felt no need for Him, and without recognizing why I would not want to believe I instead manufactured elaborate reasons why I would not want God in my life. I still labor on sometimes not wanting God when I feel well - but I'm seeing the problem with that now. For in fact God is a joy that I need to let in always. God is not our instant rescue - He is our Father with whom we must have daily communion. And since my baptism I am feeling a need for that.

Church is very important. It's not good to want to be a lone ranger. Yes it looks cool in the cinema, but in reality living such a life is low and painful. In fact I need people who love me and who carry the load with me, and whose load I can also carry with them. The church is the family into which God has entrusted me, and which God entrusts in my heart as well. And what an awesome family it is! It is Christ's empathy, it is where we meet both our christian brothers and sisters, and even God Himself.

Yes, God loves the individual too, but it is the church which God puts the greatest emphasis on. The whole family shall be saved, not just me and you.

These were just some of my thoughts. I hope I can be a good member on this forum, it's the only christian forum on schizophrenia which I have found so far.

Thank you and God bless!

Daniel

 

[GodsSalvation]

Daniel, I enjoyed reading some of your thoughts and hope for more.

"... but having schizophrenia means that you want to see so badly that you neglect faith and always tumble into delusions." Well said.

Welcome!

 

[maybenotcrazy]

That is what happened to me. Ironically, it was trying to convert me to islam and I became a muslim but the false god still wouldn't forgive me at all and treated me like dirt so I became a christian. I was going to become christian before it started but had it not been for the sickness I would have been a heretical christian in all its entirety. I am at least by many people's standards now a non heretic. Thank God. Nothing like schizophrenia to get you reading the bible. Many people with schizophrenia are very intelligent. I wonder what it is about us that makes us also so gullible. With me it was the sheer credibility of something that could create and change history, manipulate me and hear my thoughts. What about you?

 

[lutherangerman]

Maybenotcrazy, well, I was always suspicious about the voices I heard. At first I did believe they came from God, in fact I tried to listen to these voices a lot. But after a while I realized that the stuff came from the devil.

My problem was that for a long time I thought that my illness proved that the devil cannot be resisted, that I needed Jesus to help me out there. But last year I learned that not Jesus but I need to resist the evil one. That's when I learned that the devil is not hard to resist, if you resist at all.

I think it's certainly true that often the schizophrenic is his own enemy, he makes mistakes where it should be easy enough to avoid them.

My challenge these days is to keep the faith even when I am well. You know, it's become habitual for me to muster courage and faith when I am suffering from delusions. God is very real for me then. But when I happen to have a day without delusions and all such, I am tempted to consider the faith a mental adventure which is not necessary to undertake, ie I am tempted to call all of this a great illusion and to return to atheism.

But it's getting better. I am trying to understand God, and I learned that He is a gentle and patient master. The devil tries to deceive us away from the knowledge that God is good and holy. He tried that with me many times. That's where I discovered that faith is also the exercise of the duty of keeping what I have learned.

I have a help in the christian virtues. Faith, love, humility, if you develop these things, help much in the christian walk, and without them I think no successful christian life with God is going to be possible.

 

[maybenotcrazy]

Maybenotcrazy, well, I was always suspicious about the voices I heard. At first I did believe they came from God, in fact I tried to listen to these voices a lot. But after a while I realized that the stuff came from the devil.

My problem was that for a long time I thought that my illness proved that the devil cannot be resisted, that I needed Jesus to help me out there. But last year I learned that not Jesus but I need to resist the evil one. That's when I learned that the devil is not hard to resist, if you resist at all.

I think it's certainly true that often the schizophrenic is his own enemy, he makes mistakes where it should be easy enough to avoid them.

My challenge these days is to keep the faith even when I am well. You know, it's become habitual for me to muster courage and faith when I am suffering from delusions. God is very real for me then. But when I happen to have a day without delusions and all such, I am tempted to consider the faith a mental adventure which is not necessary to undertake, ie I am tempted to call all of this a great illusion and to return to atheism.

But it's getting better. I am trying to understand God, and I learned that He is a gentle and patient master. The devil tries to deceive us away from the knowledge that God is good and holy. He tried that with me many times. That's where I discovered that faith is also the exercise of the duty of keeping what I have learned.

I have a help in the christian virtues. Faith, love, humility, if you develop these things, help much in the christian walk, and without them I think no successful christian life with God is going to be possible.

What I recommend for you because God is so loving and will do it for you after your terrible experience is that you pray to become more righteous than you are, not that you're not righteous. In this you will find that God is not only real but willing to help you. To paraphrase (because I can never remember exactly where I read something) blessed are those who thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled. believe me, this got me over the post insanity atheism hurdle. In addition Ask God to take over every aspect of your life. It is so cool where he will lead you! Don't make a single decision for yourself until after you've prayed numerous times for days. I still struggle with making decisions but more and more I find myself trusting where God puts me. After all, he is our shepherd and as it says in the psalms he will lead us to green pastures, whatever is good for us spiritually.

Peace my friend.

 

[Jeshu]

Maybenotcrazy, well, I was always suspicious about the voices I heard. At first I did believe they came from God, in fact I tried to listen to these voices a lot. But after a while I realized that the stuff came from the devil.

My problem was that for a long time I thought that my illness proved that the devil cannot be resisted, that I needed Jesus to help me out there. But last year I learned that not Jesus but I need to resist the evil one. That's when I learned that the devil is not hard to resist, if you resist at all.

I think it's certainly true that often the schizophrenic is his own enemy, he makes mistakes where it should be easy enough to avoid them.

My challenge these days is to keep the faith even when I am well. You know, it's become habitual for me to muster courage and faith when I am suffering from delusions. God is very real for me then. But when I happen to have a day without delusions and all such, I am tempted to consider the faith a mental adventure which is not necessary to undertake, ie I am tempted to call all of this a great illusion and to return to atheism.

But it's getting better. I am trying to understand God, and I learned that He is a gentle and patient master. The devil tries to deceive us away from the knowledge that God is good and holy. He tried that with me many times. That's where I discovered that faith is also the exercise of the duty of keeping what I have learned.

I have a help in the christian virtues. Faith, love, humility, if you develop these things, help much in the christian walk, and without them I think no successful christian life with God is going to be possible.

Hey friend your life sounds like mine, or at least until a few years ago.

Indeed Satan is horrible, using our illness to lead us astray and hurt us to the max without showing any mercy when we fall for his lies.

While our God is great, merciful and loving, and a totally reliable Being, at least in my life for He is the fountain of all my inner goodness, which is a lot these days.

I used to doubt God in my good times, but not any more, I may love him even during such times now, as He has completely convinced me convinced me He exists and loves me heaps. And so without putting any demand or force on me to do anything I don't or didn't wanted to do, He set me free from my own doubt and unbelief. He is an amazing God that's for sure.

Be greatly encouraged and blessed with love and truth in your life.

 

[lotuseskimo]

I also went about a year thinking that the voices were from God, till I was just plainly told God would not want you to be distracted all day long!! Your personal life lesson stood out to me, the lesson that you are supposed to resist the Devil and not want God to do it for you. That will really help me, thank you for sharing that , thank you for sharing a bit of your story.

 

[ERice2nd]

I remember a few years ago I was in a state of despair, I didnt hear God's voice but I was hearing his call, it was like God was putting thoughts and ideas in my head, all day and all NIGHT :O. I couldnt sleep and had to write everything down. I was typing and writing everything and then I had to share it with others and make them see it was all real and true and from God. I know now it was a delusion, all of it. but at the time I felt like a prophet, a messanger of God and I had the answers, imagine my horror when others didnt want to listen or see what I had writen :O. I was nearly devastated with disbelief when they didnt want to hear it. it was a dangerous delusion, I know that now and I struggle to keep it from happening again and I manage with God's help. I know he is helping me stay stable because I have not had a delusion for years now. not a major one anyway. was paranoid for a few months awhile back.

"...till I was just plainly told God would not want you to be distracted all day long!!" I will definately remember this Lotuseskimo thanks for that bit of wisdom . if I had known this a long time ago, my last major delusion (the one I spoke of in the previous paragraph) could have been averted maybe .

 

[lotuseskimo]

I remember the day it happened to, I had loved to make breakfast for my fiance, and was cooking bacon, well in my dellusion of talking to these voices, from my mind, I let the bacon burn up completely I mean chared black, and I freaked out so bad, and I told my fiance I had been taling with the voices, see there is this man Emual Swedenborg who made ventures to heaven and hell and described the spirits ect. and I thought I was just one of those special people, well in his writings I found lies, so he wasn't real I think, or was just delusional with a very expansive imagination, this idea that he did this kept me thinking I was just special, but just washing the dishes stressed me out in that I had to keep talking! So my fiance finally sat me down, and began with it is not normal to talk to spirits, then explained, obviosly if wanted to live my own life, I would have to cease talking with whatever. Then went as far to explain that it was just absurd to talk with spirits all day long, Iam so thankful my fiance put me straight!

 

[lutherangerman]

Lotuseskimo,

I'm so glad you have such a responsible and caring fiance. Do everything he tells you, he obviously really loves you. Tell him everything you experience, and PRAY TOGETHER! Difficulties like this, if handled lovingly, can only make you grow together really thick. And that's wonderful.

I try not to listen to these voices too. Normally I manage quite well, but sometimes I have panic attacks within which I am scared and don't quite know what I am doing. But lately it has occured to me that these attacks only come when I am about to grow closer to God, when I am about to grow spiritually. This is what the demons wants to undermine and to prevent. Then I am just trusting God, and try to read a psalm aloud and pray and such. Lately these attacks are always becoming shorter and shorter, and then in the next morning there is no trace of them anymore. I get through them, by God's grace.

I hope Abba will keep this up with me. He knows I love Him, and I know He loves me deeply. In a way He protects me.

I have the gift of tongues, and sometimes when I am so attacked, and still have faith, and try to remain upright, I speak in tongues and it sounds so lovely, encouraging and pleased. If we stay upright in such challenges, and keep the faith, God is proud of us.

To please God is like having the most expensive perfume on you. And when you hear His voice and you notice the love within and the gladness He has about you, that is worth more than being healthy and free of troubles.

God knows exactly what love is, and He knows that He can demand a little from us for the sake of the love between us being real.