ok.... does she like me?

[SonicBOOM]

Whoa! Wait a minute there mate! I wasn't putting your character under fire at all! Forgive me if that's how you got that, but that sure isn't what I was aiming for!

I think I've realized from your post and by others here that to some, dating is no longer a romantic thing but rather an additive to friendship. Can't say I'm any more clear on the issue; still mindboggled by it all.



Oh crikey mate! Who ever said that a long time is necessary before anyone can feel anything! I don't like it when folks keep their emotions all tucked away and I don't believe in long term engagements, so clearly I don't find your '50 years' appealing either. And have mercy on my 3 elder siblings who are now married! Strewth!

heheheh!! I can be a bit extrme I'm sorry and your forgiven as well

good points

 

[TanteBelle]

heheheh!! I can be a bit extrme I'm sorry and your forgiven as well

good points

Thanks mate! I think I just hit a nerve on you.

But I will stand on my belief of what dating is. While I don't like dating full stop, I'm the kind who sticks to the origins of what something is. While you see it as an 'additive to friendship', that's not what it originally was, so I tend to see it still as it traditionally was but still do understand your point of seeing it.

 

[SonicBOOM]

Thanks mate! I think I just hit a nerve on you.

thats a common nerve for people to hit and no matter how many times it happens I always seem to respond like a fool.... I'm like that darn fly crashing into the window

But I will stand on my belief of what dating is. While I don't like dating full stop, I'm the kind who sticks to the origins of what something is. While you see it as an 'additive to friendship', that's not what it originally was, so I tend to see it still as it traditionally was but still do understand your point of seeing it.

and thats totally ok

 

[gzt]

I don't really see it as an additive to friendship. The way I see it, when you are interested in a woman, you go through a few stages directed towards marriage: seeing if it's worthwhile to get to know each other more intimately with a view towards discerning whether you ought to marry each other, getting to know each other more intimately with a view towards discerning whether you ought to marry each other, discerning whether to marry each other, and then marriage. When I suggest that he ask her out, I am suggesting that he do step 1 and signal his intention to begin this process. I suppose you can do part of step 1 without telling her you're interested, and you probably should do some of the groundwork of step 1 before telling her you're interested, since, well, the alternative is asking her out the moment you meet her (which isn't a terrible idea, but it's not a wildly successful one). Anyway, I married my wife a little over a year after meeting her, so, make of my advice what you will.

And your argument is a little absurd. Traditionally, people didn't date. The stuff you see in Jane Austen novels was commonplace among the upper classes. The lower classes usually had even less dithering about and marriages were frequently arranged. It was terribly common for people of some short acquaintance to become engaged, and quite often the first open expression of romantic interest was a marriage proposal. "Dating", where people express romantic interest in each other, "go steady", eventually get engaged, and get married is a thoroughly modern activity, modern enough that I think it's silly to refer to its "origins". And note that even in its origins people got engaged rather quickly by our post-modern standards. Which doesn't really have any bearing on anything you're saying, but it bears mentioning.

Anyway, the template I mentioned above should take between 1 and 2 years. With me and my wife, it was a little over a year from when I met her that we got married.

 

[TanteBelle]

thats a common nerve for people to hit and no matter how many times it happens I always seem to respond like a fool.... I'm like that darn fly crashing into the window

and thats totally ok

Well, at least I've found your boundary! LOL! Ah, we are all fools!

I don't really see it as an additive to friendship. The way I see it, when you are interested in a woman, you go through a few stages directed towards marriage: seeing if it's worthwhile to get to know each other more intimately with a view towards discerning whether you ought to marry each other, getting to know each other more intimately with a view towards discerning whether you ought to marry each other, discerning whether to marry each other, and then marriage. When I suggest that he ask her out, I am suggesting that he do step 1 and signal his intention to begin this process. I suppose you can do part of step 1 without telling her you're interested, and you probably should do some of the groundwork of step 1 before telling her you're interested, since, well, the alternative is asking her out the moment you meet her (which isn't a terrible idea, but it's not a wildly successful one). Anyway, I married my wife a little over a year after meeting her, so, make of my advice what you will.

And your argument is a little absurd. Traditionally, people didn't date. The stuff you see in Jane Austen novels was commonplace among the upper classes. The lower classes usually had even less dithering about and marriages were frequently arranged. It was terribly common for people of some short acquaintance to become engaged, and quite often the first open expression of romantic interest was a marriage proposal. "Dating", where people express romantic interest in each other, "go steady", eventually get engaged, and get married is a thoroughly modern activity, modern enough that I think it's silly to refer to its "origins". And note that even in its origins people got engaged rather quickly by our post-modern standards. Which doesn't really have any bearing on anything you're saying, but it bears mentioning.

Anyway, the template I mentioned above should take between 1 and 2 years. With me and my wife, it was a little over a year from when I met her that we got married.

Okay, so to take what you said before; you meet a girl and you are interested. You ask her to 'date' you in the hopes that she may be a future partner (though you've only recently just met her). So your in it in the hopes of getting married ... 'but by the way, you aren't my girlfriend!' At what point in the 'dating' do you call her your girlfriend? Please, I am not trying to get on your nerves too, but I really am confused as to how you folks work this thing out!

I'm not talking about courting; I'm talking about dating! SonicBoom has just redefined what dating is to him; I'm taking it from what it's always been. I realize that dating is only a new thing, but I'm talking about the traditional look on this modern practice of marrying.

 

[gzt]

Well, see, the thing is, asking her out is not asking her to date, it's asking her out on a date. That's, um, the way it's always been with "dating". It's not until you've been on several dates that you can usually be said to be "dating" and at that point you have a conversation about being her boyfriend etc. And at this point you're in the second stage.

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

dating and a date are two very different things...

If you like the girl, I say ask her out for coffee to chat about (insert some topic you both show an interest in).

You aren't going to be able to scrutinize if she likes you a) over the internet and b) at church. You're better off putting yourselves in a social situation away from all that in order to determine it for yourself.

At least if she doesn't seem to be interested, it was only a friendly coffee in the end. Nothing lost, plenty to gain.

Or, you could sit here on the fence and think about it, not getting anywhere at all in either direction

Hey, your choice.

 

[TanteBelle]

Okay, now I'm boggled! LOL!

 

[Guy Incognito]

dating and a date are two very different things...

If you like the girl, I say ask her out for coffee to chat about (insert some topic you both show an interest in).

You aren't going to be able to scrutinize if she likes you a) over the internet and b) at church. You're better off putting yourselves in a social situation away from all that in order to determine it for yourself.

At least if she doesn't seem to be interested, it was only a friendly coffee in the end. Nothing lost, plenty to gain.

Or, you could sit here on the fence and think about it, not getting anywhere at all in either direction

Hey, your choice.

Coffee date ftw, to be honest.

Coffee date's are perfect as they are almost entirely platonic, and are a good way to see if there are some romantic undertones in the other person, as you spend the entire time talking.

 

[Irrkunst]

You are in friendzone because you have not shown her your worth as a potential boyfriend. You had some chit-chat at a meeting and online, all of which is friendzone stuff. In spite of what women will tell you, it is almost impossible to go from friendzone to dating.

I'm gonna get my butt kicked for this, but I recommend watching the movie "The Tao of Steve" a few times. That movie will teach you everything you need to know.

 

[trentlogain2]

You are in friendzone because you have not shown her your worth as a potential boyfriend. You had some chit-chat at a meeting and online, all of which is friendzone stuff. In spite of what women will tell you, it is almost impossible to go from friendzone to dating.

I'm gonna get my butt kicked for this, but I recommend watching the movie "The Tao of Steve" a few times. That movie will teach you everything you need to know.

Is that movie's content in any way related to the garbage that Ross Jeffries put(s) out? edit:

I guess I should explain who he is. He's a some sort of hypnosis guru that teaches men how to get women of their dreams into bed in less than a month. Stuff like that..

 

[Irrkunst]

Is that movie's content in any way related to the garbage that Ross Jeffries put(s) out?

No, not really. Jeffries basically advocates tricking women into liking & sleeping with you. What I'm talking about is understanding the differences between men and women. Most men are clueless about the signals that women put out so we think they like us when they just want to be friends and vice versa.

In "The Tao of Steve" both the ladies man and the shy guy he is advising end up in monogamous relationships. Ross Jeffries would not approve.

 

[TLSF]

I am not sure that we can really help you on the information you have given us. The most accurate way to judge if she likes you is to observe her body language. If you don't know what to look for you have some research to do.

Long period of talking = "Let's just be friends"

 

[xDenax]

Okay, so to take what you said before; you meet a girl and you are interested. You ask her to 'date' you in the hopes that she may be a future partner (though you've only recently just met her). So your in it in the hopes of getting married ... 'but by the way, you aren't my girlfriend!' At what point in the 'dating' do you call her your girlfriend? Please, I am not trying to get on your nerves too, but I really am confused as to how you folks work this thing out!

Each couple is different. With my husband we saw each other for a month then decided we wanted to see each other exclusively. A few months later we were pretty set on getting married (however we waited until I graduated college).

With the guy I was with in high school we didn't "date" first. We were friends for ten years and at some point I realized I was crazy about him. After a couple months of consideration he decided the same and that was that. We didn't go on any dates first...we just made the decision to be in a relationship.

 

[SonicBOOM]

I asked her if she'd like to get some coffee and she said "yes"

she however said that she wanted me to know that it was gonna be a hang out between freinds. Honestly though? I think this is because that we have only talked for about a month or so..... so I think anything beyond freinds would be moving to fast [to say the least]. It's a step in the right direction

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

I asked her if she'd like to get some coffee and she said "yes"

she however said that she wanted me to know that it was gonna be a hang out between freinds. Honestly though? I think this is because that we have only talked for about a month or so..... so I think anything beyond freinds would be moving to fast [to say the least]. It's a step in the right direction

Good stuff

If nothing else, true good friends are hard to come by, so either way you stand to gain something good.

My relationship with my husband started off as him not even being sure he wanted a relationship at all (with me or with anyone), just for the record So you never know what the future holds.

Hope all goes well!

 

[Guy Incognito]

I asked her if she'd like to get some coffee and she said "yes"

she however said that she wanted me to know that it was gonna be a hang out between freinds. Honestly though? I think this is because that we have only talked for about a month or so..... so I think anything beyond freinds would be moving to fast [to say the least]. It's a step in the right direction

Congrats sir

Hope it goes well

 

[SonicBOOM]

You are in friendzone because you have not shown her your worth as a potential boyfriend. You had some chit-chat at a meeting and online, all of which is friendzone stuff. In spite of what women will tell you, it is almost impossible to go from friendzone to dating.

I'm gonna get my butt kicked for this, but I recommend watching the movie "The Tao of Steve" a few times. That movie will teach you everything you need to know.

you can't move to fast either man. Exprience has taught me that in order to have success you gotta REALLY learn how to time these things! Jump in to soon? Your screwed..... wait to long? Your screwed..... it's an art I gotta learn, and an art I'm getting better at. Honestly I'm learning if you listen to your heart and than mix that with a little wisdom, you'll be able to discern the right time everytime.

How do I know this? Well I asked her and she said "yes"**. I highly doubt she would've said yes if I would've asked her the moment I saw her [I would've came across as desperate]. However I highly doubt she would've said "yes" if I would've waited much longer [she would've assumed I had no interest in anything]

**she may have said "yes" as a friend, she wanted to make sure we were on the same page which FYI, we are. but what she said "yes" to was an invitation to go get coffee with me, and only me, with no one else around. At the very least she's at least open to getting to me know on a one-to-one basis. Which is incredibly encouraging

edit: I do kind of think she's interested though at least a little bit I highly doubt she would've said "yes" if she wasn't at least a little bit interested.... I don't think she would've ran the risk of leading me on.... but either way it's coffee as friends and thats honestly what I want I think it's a perfect opportunity for us both to really see what the other person is like

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

I think it's a perfect opportunity for us both to really see what the other person is like

I totally agree

I've been in the situation before. I've told a guy I would hang out with them just as friends, but if I had zero.. absolutely zero interest.. I would have told them "no", just flat out no. I wouldn't even risk it being misinterpreted.

And the exact reason I said "yes" was to get to know them better one-on-one, because if you don't do that, you never really get to know someone. You can play guessing games over the internet or you can try to judge them in a group setting, but it's not ever the same as good old fashion one-on-one time.

Actually, this particular guy (this was about.. meh, 8 years ago now I guess?) I went to the "just friends" coffee outings a few times and I actually turned him down when he brought up the potential for a dating relationship for the first time.. but we kept hanging out and I ended up falling for him and we did date for about a year. Funny how things go, you just never know. It didn't work out in the end but he was a good guy, we still talk today.

So I think it's encouraging, as long as you keep your head about it. Measured excitement is fine, you just don't want to get so invested that your world becomes crushed if what you hope to happen never happens.

 

[Sunset2009]

I agree with Morning Glory. If she had absolutely zero interest in you, she probably would not run the risk of leading you on by saying yes. A very persistant man has asked me for coffee several times, and I said no, even as friends. Because I have absolutely zero interest in him, and even though he IS a friend, I don't want to spend one-on-one time like that with someone unless I really do care about getting to know them better. Her asking you if it's "just as friends" though, does say that's all she wants right now. But that's the beginning of forming healthy relationships.

Reading your OP, I honestly thought you were about 16, lol. Don't focus so much on SHE'S SUPER CUTE!!!!! BLUSH!!!!! and focus on getting to know her, as an individual, looks aside. Good luck.