ok.... does she like me?

[SonicBOOM]

Maybe you really don't. Maybe it's the old game us men know very well, the play by numbers. We deal with rejection because either "She's just not that into you" or "She really is that into you". And you just happened to hit the rejection. Almost every guy will tell you that you have to get 10 no's for every 1 yes.

makes sense

 

[Jacqulene]

I am not so sure. I have been friendly to guys before and that may have been misconstrued as flirting. Infact there was one guy I knew was having a very rough time, so I gave him advice and continually checked up on him to see if he was okay, and he ended up wanting more than friendship with me when I was not interested that way. I only saw him as a friend.

Take some time getting to know this girl before you ask her out.

This is what I was thinking as well.

 

[Thunder Peel]

I can't say for sure but personally I think she's just being friendly. I'm obviously no expert but I've talked to girls before who were both friendly and outgoing but that doesn't mean they were interested. You may just have to take your best shot and let the chips fall where they may.

One thing I don't understand is why guys are so afraid of being "friend zoned". Maybe it's because I've been in that position all my life but I don't really see what's so bad about it. Some of my best friends are girls and I'm thankful for their friendship; they're not interested in me or see me as dating material and I'm fine with that. I'm much rather have a good friend than turn them away if they don't like me. Even if things don't work out with this girl just be glad to have someone to talk to and someone who takes the time to check up on you. A friend is better than nothing.

 

[GloryOfTheLamb]

she thanked me for opening up on facebook like that because she felt she was the only one in the world who dealt with that.

She likes you, because this statement is a lie.

 

[K9_Trainer]

I'd say she's interested.

I totally agree with the other ladies in that I too would not be checking up on a guy's facebook like that if I didn't have an interest in him. I will check up on guy friends that I know struggle with depression, but it's periodic and usually its just a little note or comment that lets him know that he's loved. Its definitely not entire conversation exchanges or any "I can totally relate to you, I feel like you're the only person that understands" stuff.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I think she was just being friendly.

 

[lostaquarium]

Ask her out.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I can't say for sure but personally I think she's just being friendly. I'm obviously no expert but I've talked to girls before who were both friendly and outgoing but that doesn't mean they were interested. You may just have to take your best shot and let the chips fall where they may.

One thing I don't understand is why guys are so afraid of being "friend zoned". Maybe it's because I've been in that position all my life but I don't really see what's so bad about it. Some of my best friends are girls and I'm thankful for their friendship; they're not interested in me or see me as dating material and I'm fine with that. I'm much rather have a good friend than turn them away if they don't like me. Even if things don't work out with this girl just be glad to have someone to talk to and someone who takes the time to check up on you. A friend is better than nothing.

Being friend zoned is fine if all you want is to be friends. If you want more than that... not so much.

 

[TheHealer86]

There are a couple of questions I'd ask first. How big is your young adults group and how much attention does she show you vs the other guys.

If she is only showing this much attention to you, I'd say that she is interested in you and that you should act on it. In the case that she isn't interested, she's probably already decided on it and wouldn't likely become interested at a later date.

 

[TanteBelle]

thanks guys all of your words I'm finding very helpful

well I agree with you on the most part. The problem is I always do what you describe and always end up blowing it..... I'm obviously doing something wrong I'm just not sure what it is

however I when I do go slow I get freind-zoned like you said.... man I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong..... how come girls are so hard to figure out?

You've known her 3 weeks and you are wanting to get romantic with her already???? To what end?

Okay, I'll admit, she does sound similar to me at this point in time. I met a bloke once - we only met once - but we did 'click' if you get what I mean. No, I don't like him in that way, but I am grateful to him for what he did for me; I was in a bit of a dark spot at the time and just being around him and talking to him was such an encouragement to me that yes, I do want to get to know him better. So, quite naturally, I want to talk. Only problem is that has left me confused! But just because I want to be friends and want to talk doesn't mean that I like him in that way. I don't see how you are doing anything wrong! Other than wanting to date her after 3 weeks of knowing her!

 

[gzt]

You've known her 3 weeks and you are wanting to get romantic with her already???? To what end?

...

Other than wanting to date her after 3 weeks of knowing her!

Dude, it's not like he's saying, "I will ask her right now to be my girlfriend." Asking somebody out is basically saying, "I think you are cool and would like to get to know you a little better so I can tell if we would like to take this further and eventually consider marriage." I know it sounds a bit heady at the end there, but you're just at the "like to get to know you a little better" stage. You don't need to know somebody for longer than three weeks to be beyond "like to get to know you a little better".

 

[SonicBOOM]

You've known her 3 weeks and you are wanting to get romantic with her already???? To what end?

for lack of better words...... no..... besides I don't beleive in the idea of being freinds first for the first 20 years of your life. My idea of "asking someone out on a date" is TO get to know them better.....

 

[TanteBelle]

Dude, it's not like he's saying, "I will ask her right now to be my girlfriend." Asking somebody out is basically saying, "I think you are cool and would like to get to know you a little better so I can tell if we would like to take this further and eventually consider marriage." I know it sounds a bit heady at the end there, but you're just at the "like to get to know you a little better" stage. You don't need to know somebody for longer than three weeks to be beyond "like to get to know you a little better".

Isn't that what dating is about? Isn't dating a 'romantic' thing that folks do when you want to find out if this person is the one? What is wrong with keeping it at a friendship level and getting to know her better? Then you can make up your mind about whether you want to have a romantic relationship with her or not.

By the way, I ain't a dude. I know, these days dude refers to anyone, but just for the record, I don't like being called that.

 

[SonicBOOM]

Isn't that what dating is about? Isn't dating a 'romantic' thing that folks do when you want to find out if this person is the one? What is wrong with keeping it at a friendship level and getting to know her better? Then you can make up your mind about whether you want to have a romantic relationship with her or not.

By the way, I ain't a dude. I know, these days dude refers to anyone, but just for the record, I don't like being called that.

look this might work for you.... but do you really think you have the right to judge my character just because I do things differently!?

I ask for dates early to get things out in the open first so I can avoid confusion! There are plenty of girls who I'm freinds with who I do not like.... but the ones I do I get out of the way first so if they say "no" than the friendship isn't clouded by questions. Dating is a way to get to know someone better...

 

[gzt]

To TanteBelle: Hey, man, there are several steps between "going out on a date" and "dating". Part of the problem with your advice is that a lot of women have a sort of defense mechanism which is, in the larger scheme of things, typically a good idea: if a guy doesn't indicate romantic interest fairly soon into the relationship, they presume he is not interested and let their interest go elsewhere because otherwise they may develop a tragic secret crush on a guy who just strings them along. The first few weeks of seeing somebody is, or at least should be, little more than getting to know her better as a friend except with the caveat that you're expressing enough romantic interest to let her know that you're not just some jerk who's enjoying her attentions without any investment on your own part.

 

[SonicBOOM]

To TanteBelle: Hey, man, there are several steps between "going out on a date" and "dating". Part of the problem with your advice is that a lot of women have a sort of defense mechanism which is, in the larger scheme of things, typically a good idea: if a guy doesn't indicate romantic interest fairly soon into the relationship, they presume he is not interested and let their interest go elsewhere because otherwise they may develop a tragic secret crush on a guy who just strings them along. The first few weeks of seeing somebody is, or at least should be, little more than getting to know her better as a friend except with the caveat that you're expressing enough romantic interest to let her know that you're not just some jerk who's enjoying her attentions without any investment on your own part.

^for lack of better words

"guy likes girl"

"girl likes guy"

"girl isn't allowed to ask guy out at all"

"guy isn't allowed to ask girl out until they have been friends for AT LEAST 50 years first"

"don't even think about even feeling romantic interest anytime before the 50 year period, you sinner"

what kind of foolishness is this??

 

[Labayu]

Ok I'm pro going to regret this!

I'll venter from SinicBoom's other posts that the answer is "no"... she doesn't fancy you.

Frankly you come accros as a bit like a typical message bord poster... a little geeky... and she's prob just being nice!

Dude, I don't want to be mean but...

1) Choose the non-negtables in a future girlfreind.. you have some dumb ones but if you don't want her to have been raised in a christian home them stick out for that!

2) Don't be apologetic for who you are... if you are a little ADD or a bit strange or in a sub-culture that the "cool kids" think is strange then stick to your gus; be who yu are

3) If you are in anything close to a mega church (which I think you are) freeking ask them out... wrse they can say is n and if there are 1k+ members chances are it won't affect your rep!

 

[SonicBOOM]

Frankly you come accros as a bit like a typical message bord poster... a little geeky... and she's prob just being nice!

holy dude..... look I'm willing to take rebuke.... but don't pretend you know me. Yeah I can have a bit of low-self-esteem.... but I'm one of the most extroverted and sporty guys in my entire group of friends. I take things by the horns and can not stand being idle. I don't wear 2 inch thick glasses or grey and white stripped t-shirts with a geeky fake smile. I wear a beanie and bandana... I have a gotee.... and about the geeky smile? I don't smile..... hardly at all.... unless I'm cracking a joke. [oh yeah I crack jokes, I make people laugh].

I may have geeky tendencies..... but most people would not label me a geek.....

 

[TanteBelle]

look this might work for you.... but do you really think you have the right to judge my character just because I do things differently!?

I ask for dates early to get things out in the open first so I can avoid confusion! There are plenty of girls who I'm freinds with who I do not like.... but the ones I do I get out of the way first so if they say "no" than the friendship isn't clouded by questions. Dating is a way to get to know someone better...

Whoa! Wait a minute there mate! I wasn't putting your character under fire at all! Forgive me if that's how you got that, but that sure isn't what I was aiming for!

I think I've realized from your post and by others here that to some, dating is no longer a romantic thing but rather an additive to friendship. Can't say I'm any more clear on the issue; still mindboggled by it all.

^for lack of better words

"guy likes girl"

"girl likes guy"

"girl isn't allowed to ask guy out at all"

"guy isn't allowed to ask girl out until they have been friends for AT LEAST 50 years first"

"don't even think about even feeling romantic interest anytime before the 50 year period, you sinner"

what kind of foolishness is this??

Oh crikey mate! Who ever said that a long time is necessary before anyone can feel anything! I don't like it when folks keep their emotions all tucked away and I don't believe in long term engagements, so clearly I don't find your '50 years' appealing either. And have mercy on my 3 elder siblings who are now married! Strewth!

 

[Oddish]

Ok I'm pro going to regret this!

I'll venter from SinicBoom's other posts that the answer is "no"... she doesn't fancy you.

Frankly you come accros as a bit like a typical message bord poster... a little geeky... and she's prob just being nice!

Dude, I don't want to be mean but...

1) Choose the non-negtables in a future girlfreind.. you have some dumb ones but if you don't want her to have been raised in a christian home them stick out for that!

2) Don't be apologetic for who you are... if you are a little ADD or a bit strange or in a sub-culture that the "cool kids" think is strange then stick to your gus; be who yu are

3) If you are in anything close to a mega church (which I think you are) freeking ask them out... wrse they can say is n and if there are 1k+ members chances are it won't affect your rep!

Not only have you been rude to SonicBoom, you have been rude to two other posters here lately. What is your problem? You do not even know SonicBoom, so to judge him like that is completely out of line.