Odd Wedding Question

[sarahsssnake]

Hello,

I am new to Orthodoxy, as I have been raised as a non-denominational Christian, and my fiance is Greek Orthodox.

Some background: We are planning on getting married next year in the church, and I am 100% on board with having and raising children in the faith. I am contemplating converting, but I am not quite there yet. My fiance has diabetes and other health problems while being uninsured, and I have a great job with benefits that I can cover him on once we are legally married.

Now here is the question (and we do plan to speak with the priest before making up our minds, our priest is just on vacation for a month): would it be possible/allowed for us to get married at the courthouse on paper months before the church wedding? It is very important to us both to have the church ceremony, but there is no way for us to move that up in order to get him insured faster. We plan on not telling a soul that we are married on paper before the wedding, because the main purpose is really to make sure that he is getting good health care without jeopardizing our financial future.

 

[All4Christ]

Hello,

I am new to Orthodoxy, as I have been raised as a non-denominational Christian, and my fiance is Greek Orthodox.

Some background: We are planning on getting married next year in the church, and I am 100% on board with having and raising children in the faith. I am contemplating converting, but I am not quite there yet. My fiance has diabetes and other health problems while being uninsured, and I have a great job with benefits that I can cover him on once we are legally married.

Now here is the question (and we do plan to speak with the priest before making up our minds, our priest is just on vacation for a month): would it be possible/allowed for us to get married at the courthouse on paper months before the church wedding? It is very important to us both to have the church ceremony, but there is no way for us to move that up in order to get him insured faster. We plan on not telling a soul that we are married on paper before the wedding, because the main purpose is really to make sure that he is getting good health care without jeopardizing our financial future.

You aren’t married in the eyes of the Church until the marriage service. That said, you could talk to the priest to see if you could get legally married according to the state beforehand. You couldn’t consummate the marriage or live together though until you are married in the Church.

That said, it’d be an Ask Your Priest question My answer is based on my own understanding - and the priest would be able to answer it better.

Btw, welcome to The Ancient Way! I was raised in a Pentecostal Evangelical Church, so I know how different it can be. I’m so thankful for Orthodoxy though

 

[buzuxi02]

My parents had it done that way but this was in 1970 which was the norm at the time and I believe church wedding were not tied to state licenses . Obviously they did not view this political hearing as a wedding ceremony or a marriage just a licensing and legal procedure. Heck my mom still remembers when the person asked for the wedding ring and they were like, 'what for we didn't bring it'.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Congratulations on your engagement, and welcome to CF.

That said, I'm withdrawing my advice because I misread what forum I was in. I was just in Christian Advice a minute ago, and thought I still was.

My apologies for the intrusion.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Hello,

I am new to Orthodoxy, as I have been raised as a non-denominational Christian, and my fiance is Greek Orthodox.

Some background: We are planning on getting married next year in the church, and I am 100% on board with having and raising children in the faith. I am contemplating converting, but I am not quite there yet. My fiance has diabetes and other health problems while being uninsured, and I have a great job with benefits that I can cover him on once we are legally married.

Now here is the question (and we do plan to speak with the priest before making up our minds, our priest is just on vacation for a month): would it be possible/allowed for us to get married at the courthouse on paper months before the church wedding? It is very important to us both to have the church ceremony, but there is no way for us to move that up in order to get him insured faster. We plan on not telling a soul that we are married on paper before the wedding, because the main purpose is really to make sure that he is getting good health care without jeopardizing our financial future.

Hello and welcome to CF!

Yes, you'd have to ask your priest. IF they considered it a Sacrament (I mean the civil wedding) that would be a serious problem. But it's possible they may allow it as a matter of getting paperwork done, and of course you wouldn't be married in the eyes of the Church.

It likely will be the call of your particular bishop. So yes, you'd have to ask.

Welcome to CF and to TAW btw. We are very glad to have you!!!

 

[sarahsssnake]

Thank all of you for your replies! I am trying to get a hang of this whole "you need to talk to a priest" thing. The first time my fiance said that to me, I burst out laughing because I didn't think he was serious.

A secondary question that I have is (not as religious of a question, more of a perspective): is it okay for us to keep the civil marriage a secret from family and friends? Do you think people would react poorly if they knew we had already had the legal paperwork done months before the wedding?

 

[~Anastasia~]

This is just me talking ... but I would not mention a civil wedding to folks in Church as long as your priest approves.

Reasons are something like this. Folks likely know that the penalty for rebelling and marrying outside the Church is to be barred from receiving the Eucharist for a time. If you are given permission to do this, and then there is no penalty, folks may not understand and it may cause - thoughts that need confessing. So it's best, IMO, not to tempt folks that way.

But ask your priest.

 

[gzt]

Hello,

I am new to Orthodoxy, as I have been raised as a non-denominational Christian, and my fiance is Greek Orthodox.

Some background: We are planning on getting married next year in the church, and I am 100% on board with having and raising children in the faith. I am contemplating converting, but I am not quite there yet. My fiance has diabetes and other health problems while being uninsured, and I have a great job with benefits that I can cover him on once we are legally married.

Now here is the question (and we do plan to speak with the priest before making up our minds, our priest is just on vacation for a month): would it be possible/allowed for us to get married at the courthouse on paper months before the church wedding? It is very important to us both to have the church ceremony, but there is no way for us to move that up in order to get him insured faster. We plan on not telling a soul that we are married on paper before the wedding, because the main purpose is really to make sure that he is getting good health care without jeopardizing our financial future.

This is definitely an ask-your-priest question, I've known of situations where it's been done but don't want to get you thinking that this will be just a walk in the park.

As for secrecy, I would just note that civil marriages and such are a matter of public record and often put in the newspaper or other such records, so you may want to tell at least close family so they don't, like, get blindsided if it comes up - but make sure they understand the situation. Such situations in general are more common than you think, actually.

 

[ArmyMatt]

as others have said, ask your priest what to do.

 

[FenderTL5]

Welcome!

My advice would be to ask your priest.

 

[Antony in Tx]

We had a very similar problem and spoke to our priest. He granted us economia to do the civil marriage so that my now wife could be put on my insurance several months before our church wedding. He made sure to caution us not to live as a married couple or to hold ourselves forth as being married in any other way. We kept this secret from everyone until after our church wedding. Now we somewhat jokingly have our "two anniversaries per year" to celebrate.