This is a first for me, posting on a forum about a 'problem' I have. I browsed the internet looking for a site that maybe I can share my burden to similar persons. I have read some of the posts and replies in this forum and I can identify with what is being said. Excuse me if this message seems to ramble but I am trying to convey how I this 'problem' effects me and how I feel. I have read up about OCD and know I have it, now I consider myself reasonably intelligent, here in also lies my problem. I am in a job where treatment by medication is not possible and what I have would be considered 'weak', and to some extent I agree, although I know this is not really factual. My OCD is that I pray constantly and obssessively. It effects my work and personal life, although I have managed to minimise the effects at work. I have had this probelm now for in excess of 20 years but always felt ashamed and weak to seek any assistance. It is also effecting my marriage and relationships with my children as it is not really considered 'normal'. I pray not once about what I think but many times in the same period as I have these thoguhts that I don't mean it or I did not say it right the first time and hence the repetition. I would really like to end this but it started in my teenage years. I sometimes close my eyes and 'pretend' not hear anything else during these prayers and repeat the same phrases at times. As I said I know it is not 'normal' but I have these overwhelming urges to keep doing it. I know it started due to the fact that I thought if I died and had not asked forgiveness for some 'sin' I did prior to dying then I would not go to heaven. I also have these thoughts that I know are wrong and I try to blockt hem but they keep coming into my head and then I have to prayer for thinking of them. I believe I am a good person and strongly believe in God and Jesus, the problem is that anything I think is sinful, even remotely, I have to prayer. I have tried to stop but every time I don't prayer I think I am doing something wrong and being a sinner. My job is a stressful one and this may contribute to it but I had the OCD prior to my present employment. I know this site is not for professional help but would like to hear from people who have had a similar problem and how they overcame it. I know this will not be easy, especially since I am too embarrassed to seek profesional assistance or take medication. Hopefully by unburdening myself to people in similar situations who will also not judge me, may help even in some small way. Thank you all for listening. 
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seajoy
