OCD/guilt/confession

[ST673]

My husband did something unintended that upset me but I feel like I can't be upset because I'm not perfect. It seems like lately anytime I'm upset with him I get consumed with my own guilt and feeling compelled to tell him things in my head so that I will have the right to be upset with him. I've already told him I know that I'm not perfect but this upset me. However that doesn't make me feel better. Sound like ocd?

 

[rockytopva]

In looking over your picture I cannot imagine a prettier woman.... If E = mc2 then we can divide and conclude that...

Mass (m) = Energy (E/c2)

And there are three varieties...

Natural E/c2 - All mass is basically cooled plasma
Mental E/c2 - Mentally, A mathematical formula, but this has chemical and spiritual properties as well.
Spiritual E/c2 - E (motivation, warmth, love) / c2 (faith, hope, charity, joy)

I would begin studying things that will build character and a good sound mindset.

 

[ViaCrucis]

My husband did something unintended that upset me but I feel like I can't be upset because I'm not perfect. It seems like lately anytime I'm upset with him I get consumed with my own guilt and feeling compelled to tell him things in my head so that I will have the right to be upset with him. I've already told him I know that I'm not perfect but this upset me. However that doesn't make me feel better. Sound like ocd?

The association with guilt sounds a lot like scrupulosity to me (based on my limited understanding), which may or may not be a form of OCD. And if I had to hazard a guess, it also sounds like there may be self esteem issues; feeling guilty because you aren't perfect and thus feel unjustified to communicate things which upset you to your significant other comes across as a feeling of low self-worth coupled with anxiety and guilt arising from one's own perceived moral shortcomings (which would be a form of scrupulosity).

Consider my opinion here, of course, non expert and I am merely armchairing it; as such please don't consider this definitive by any means, it is merely an observation.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[HereIStand]

If your husband upsets you, it's fine to tell him. Try to let some things go too, if possible. That way there's less wear on the relationship.

 

[Bluerose31]

My husband did something unintended that upset me but I feel like I can't be upset because I'm not perfect. It seems like lately anytime I'm upset with him I get consumed with my own guilt and feeling compelled to tell him things in my head so that I will have the right to be upset with him. I've already told him I know that I'm not perfect but this upset me. However that doesn't make me feel better. Sound like ocd?

Praying that God heal you.

 

[Dave G.]

In looking over your picture I cannot imagine a prettier woman..

Yes she is gorgeous, reminds me of one of my grand daughters.

To the OP: you're stressing too much over self, just turn it all over to Jesus.

 

[ST673]

The association with guilt sounds a lot like scrupulosity to me (based on my limited understanding), which may or may not be a form of OCD. And if I had to hazard a guess, it also sounds like there may be self esteem issues; feeling guilty because you aren't perfect and thus feel unjustified to communicate things which upset you to your significant other comes across as a feeling of low self-worth coupled with anxiety and guilt arising from one's own perceived moral shortcomings (which would be a form of scrupulosity).

Consider my opinion here, of course, non expert and I am merely armchairing it; as such please don't consider this definitive by any means, it is merely an observation.

-CryptoLutheran

I've just learned about scrupulousity in the last few months and it seems to be something I've struggled with my whole life. This forum helps me and I've started seeing a Dr. Thank you for the reply

 

[ST673]

I've just learned about scrupulosity in the last few months and it seems to be something I've struggled with my whole life. This forum helps me and I've started seeing a Dr. Thank you for the reply

 

[ViaCrucis]

I've just learned about scrupulousity in the last few months and it seems to be something I've struggled with my whole life. This forum helps me and I've started seeing a Dr. Thank you for the reply

As someone who struggled with scrupulosity in my younger days, and who continues to struggle with forms of anxiety and depression I wish you the best, and will keep you in my prayers. The Lord bless you and keep you.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Mari17]

I'm not married so not sure how much advice I can give on this one. However speaking from my experience with other relationships I would say...maybe try to think of what a healthy response would be? I think it's easy, in close relationships, to get too consumed with what someone did to hurt us. We need to be able to have our own sense of worth, joy, and confidence in ourselves and God outside of any other relationships. So some stuff it's good to just let go. However, I don't think it's wrong to calmly tell someone that what they're doing has bothered us. I guess I would think of it in terms of whether or not it's constructive to tell the person. Will it help make them more aware of how they can interact with you better, or will it help them change something for good? If the purpose is just for you to vent, then I don't think that's always constructive - if the result will just make you feel better and the other person feel worse. As far as guilt/OCD goes, we are all imperfect. That doesn't mean we are not justified in getting upset when someone hurts us. It's OK to be upset, and not feel like you have to justify your anger just because you are not perfect. That doesn't mean we always have to tell the other person about our anger, though. Sometimes, especially as Christians, we choose to love and forgive the other person and decide to let a matter go. Other times, the healthy response might be to confront someone in a loving way. But in either case, it's probably best not to dwell on the matter too much. Maybe ask God to help you decide on a healthy response, and then let it go? Like I said, I don't have a lot of experience with this type of thing, so if any of these thoughts are off track or not helpful, just ignore them!! I'm basically just guessing.

 

[ST673]

Yes....all of it ❤ thank you

 

[faroukfarouk]

If your husband upsets you, it's fine to tell him. Try to let some things go too, if possible. That way there's less wear on the relationship.

Sounds good advice.

 

[faroukfarouk]

As far as guilt/OCD goes, we are all imperfect. That doesn't mean we are not justified in getting upset when someone hurts us. It's OK to be upset, and not feel like you have to justify your anger just because you are not perfect. That doesn't mean we always have to tell the other person about our anger, though. Sometimes, especially as Christians, we choose to love and forgive the other person and decide to let a matter go. Other times, the healthy response might be to confront someone in a loving way. But in either case, it's probably best not to dwell on the matter too much. Maybe ask God to help you decide on a healthy response, and then let it go?

Some good points there! Forgiveness and the aspiration to do so is at the heart of a loving relationship between husband and wife; John's First Epistle does remind us that it's the vertical Godward relationship that comes first, which if on a sound footing, immensely blesses the horizontal, interpersonal ones.