So it's been a while since I've posted. A long while. I'm going through something new, well, it's been going on for a while now. I'm having extreme anxiety about the number 6. I can't do anything during any time that ends in that number, like 2:46 for example. I also can't do anything I thought of at that time or while I did something for the sixth time, or while I'm listening to the the sixth song, etc. etc. and it's really starting to mess up my life. I can't stop what I'm doing every ten minutes, and I also have to do math and other things.
Here's a great example:
I've been going to get started on a new workout regimen for a while now. I need to lose weight and would really like to be in a relationship but no one wants me because I look awful, and I don't blame them. Right now I'm six feet and about 190 lbs, which isn't bad, but bad enough to keep me out of a relationship. My shoulders are rounded and I'm widest at my waste, it's just horrible. So I had this workout regimen on my hard drive and I was ready to put it in action. We have a full gym setup downstairs with free weights, machines, a treadmill, even a sound system.
So today I get up and am sitting around, and had made some coffee that I wasn't drinking. It was sitting on my desk. Later I decide that I want to listen to a certain song. I start playing it and notice that it's xx:x6 AM. I figure out that I got the idea to play the song at xx:x5 and started it then, so I was fine, but it still worried me. Then I picked up the coffee and started drinking it. Now here's where it gets crazy:
I realized that I was drinking the coffee because I stood up, because I played that song. Coffee is riddled with caffeine, which would affect me for roughly 8 hours. This would mean that for the next 8 hours, all my decisions would be different because I would have the effects of the caffeine, which would slightly affect my thinking, etc.
Now this type of things happens a lot. Normally I just sit there all day because I beleive that anything I did would be somehow influenced by the devil. So lets say I went for a walk, and loved it, and walked every day for the next year, and got somewhat in shape, I would worry that my being in shape, and everything to do with it would be from the devil.
Because of the frequency this crap happens it really makes me mad. Later on I convinced myself that my decision to play the song in fact happened at xx:x5 and there was nothing to worry about. Then I looked at the clock, it was xx:x6. Therefor I then worried that my lack of worry about the situation was from the devil, so that anything I did because I wasn't worried about what happened would be influenced by the devil.
Later on I was feeling crappy because of something that happened, and I really wanted to work out in response to it. At first I thought to wait till tomorrow so I didn't get this involved with my OCD, but I didn't want to wait. I started that new routine and it was great. But now I'm worried if I continue it and get in shape, it will be because of the devil, and all the things that come from me being in shape will be badly affected as well.
I hate this. Any advice?
Here's a great example:
I've been going to get started on a new workout regimen for a while now. I need to lose weight and would really like to be in a relationship but no one wants me because I look awful, and I don't blame them. Right now I'm six feet and about 190 lbs, which isn't bad, but bad enough to keep me out of a relationship. My shoulders are rounded and I'm widest at my waste, it's just horrible. So I had this workout regimen on my hard drive and I was ready to put it in action. We have a full gym setup downstairs with free weights, machines, a treadmill, even a sound system.
So today I get up and am sitting around, and had made some coffee that I wasn't drinking. It was sitting on my desk. Later I decide that I want to listen to a certain song. I start playing it and notice that it's xx:x6 AM. I figure out that I got the idea to play the song at xx:x5 and started it then, so I was fine, but it still worried me. Then I picked up the coffee and started drinking it. Now here's where it gets crazy:
I realized that I was drinking the coffee because I stood up, because I played that song. Coffee is riddled with caffeine, which would affect me for roughly 8 hours. This would mean that for the next 8 hours, all my decisions would be different because I would have the effects of the caffeine, which would slightly affect my thinking, etc.
Now this type of things happens a lot. Normally I just sit there all day because I beleive that anything I did would be somehow influenced by the devil. So lets say I went for a walk, and loved it, and walked every day for the next year, and got somewhat in shape, I would worry that my being in shape, and everything to do with it would be from the devil.
Because of the frequency this crap happens it really makes me mad. Later on I convinced myself that my decision to play the song in fact happened at xx:x5 and there was nothing to worry about. Then I looked at the clock, it was xx:x6. Therefor I then worried that my lack of worry about the situation was from the devil, so that anything I did because I wasn't worried about what happened would be influenced by the devil.
Later on I was feeling crappy because of something that happened, and I really wanted to work out in response to it. At first I thought to wait till tomorrow so I didn't get this involved with my OCD, but I didn't want to wait. I started that new routine and it was great. But now I'm worried if I continue it and get in shape, it will be because of the devil, and all the things that come from me being in shape will be badly affected as well.
I hate this. Any advice?
