Not Getting a Girlfriend, Worn Out Body, Pain - both Physical and Emotional

[liars_paradox]

I think that it's been 3 years since I began my membership on this forum. I was 27 at the time, and had not had a girlfriend yet. I am 29 and will turn 30.

Not so successful in this department, and I am beginning to hate my life. On top of that, I have arthritis in my neck, feet, and elbows.

I am finding myself in increasingly more physical pain, and the fact that I am so lonely adds to the emotional pain.

I do wonder if I should abstain from inappropriate content at all, because I do think that I won't ever get married. And, why should I? I appear to have something wrong with me. I think that I would likely pass my bad genes down to the next generation.

The world continues to turn. People do not care if I have a bad life or not. If I die then it won't matter.

Everything appears to be meaningless right now. What is the point of everything?

Is God apathetic? Does God care about me at all? If so, then why am I still like this after three years?

Or, how about all of the time before I was on this site? My dad suggested that I try to find community in church when I went to college and was so far away from home. Yet, church didn't work out for me in college. And, I still am unsure if it will ever work out for me.

I did get through some of my challenges in my life, but I still have quit a few problems now that kind of discourage me. Namely, the ones regarding my body. Even if I do find someone, I might not have much longer on this earth to spend time with them.

It might be better off if I never get a girlfriend and don't worry about marriage. But, what is the point of all the work that I am doing then?

And, what about the biological urges that I have? God gave me a body which desires these things, but it seems that the world might be better off not using my body like that.

I have learned that the world is filled with evil people. Even from among self-proclaimed Christians, I find mostly just evil people.

I rarely meet a good person, and it seems that it's mostly on-line, because Christians in person aren't usually that nice to me.

And, in spite of everything, my entire life might not have any meaning.

 

[Linus]

I'm sorry that you are hurting brother!

I think you should stay away from inappropriate content, for every step we take closer to God, He takes two steps towards us.

Before I met my wonderful Christian wife, I dated and was together with girls that were non-believers and those relationship made me realize why God wants us to marry a believer. So when my last relationship ended, I prayed to God that He would bless me with the right girl and if it wasn't meant for me, that He would keep me strong and happy still. I decided not to "look" for a girl and fully trust God. The answer to my prayers didn't last very long.

Praying for healing and that special one in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You Lord!

 

[nicedream]

prayers for fellowship and help with emotional and physical pain. also, praying for progress in your relationships, so that you can be ready for a committed relationship.

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

Praying for all your needs of body, mind, and spirit.
Keep the faith and stay close to the Lord.
May He bless your life in His Merciful Love, perfect will, and Divine Providence

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying!

 

[cristylynn83]

Hello,
I am sorry that you are going through this, I want to encourage you to keep on keeping on. I have learned that if you want something, anything, you must put God first. In all things out Him first. If you want a wife, put God first and then everything else falls into place. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." That means put God first, and everything else will come to you. God knows the desires of your heart, he knows what you have need of, so out Him first, and watch Him move in your life. When you stop looking, you will find it. Another thing, try to stay positive, a negative attitude will produce a negative life. A positive attitude will produce a positive life. The Bible says, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7 and Matthew 8:13 says , "It shall be done for you as you have believed." Have faith, stay positive. Instead of saying, I can't do this, or I can't do that, or I am nothing, I have nothing, I am no good, nobody wants me. Try saying, I am blessed! Jesus loves me and he will make thinks right for me! I might not be able to see it now but I will be blessed! I am handsome! I am healed! If you believe it then that's what it will be. As for the pain, keep praying for healing and confess with your mouth that you are healed.

Dear heavenly Father in Jesus name,
I lift this man up to you right now. I declare that he is healed by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that you would give him wisdom and understanding, teach him to be positive and give him a peace that passes all understanding. Show him that he is loved and that he will be healed. I also pray that you would touch him and minister to him, teach him the way that he should go, in Jesus name I pray amen and amen!

 

[mytel]

Have you tried cod liver oil for your arthritis? I know someone that did this and helped them alot with their arthritis. I might be able to track down the amounts etc if you are interested?

 

[whitebeaches]

im sorry you are hurting. you are in my prayers

 

[Sean611]

Praying for all your needs

 

[liars_paradox]

I'm sorry that you are hurting brother!

I think you should stay away from inappropriate content, for every step we take closer to God, He takes two steps towards us.

Before I met my wonderful Christian wife, I dated and was together with girls that were non-believers and those relationship made me realize why God wants us to marry a believer. So when my last relationship ended, I prayed to God that He would bless me with the right girl and if it wasn't meant for me, that He would keep me strong and happy still. I decided not to "look" for a girl and fully trust God. The answer to my prayers didn't last very long.

Praying for healing and that special one in the name of Jesus Christ. Thank You Lord!

Not to look for a girl? I don't know if that's something that I can actually follow. I mean, I am kind of already there. It seems that maybe I should be more active in looking for a girl.

I just suck at talking to people and thus going to a bar to pick up chicks wouldn't really work out for me so well.

 

[liars_paradox]

And, no one response?

If I'm not meant to find a girlfriend, then I do hope that God helps me find a means to become happy without having to resort to sin or doing things which harm myself or others.

But, if I'm not meant to have a girlfriend, then what am I working for?

I'm already unhappy, if it somehow becomes apparent that I am just not meant to have a girlfriend, I hope that God will give me the strength not to spiral down worse than where I am already. And, hopefully, regardless of what happens, I will finally become happy.

 

[saved24]

Praying for you. I am sorry you think you need a girlfriend to make you happy. I have learned that only Jesus can make me truly happy. I hope you find Jesus to be your all in all, and that He will make you happy again.

Praying that in God's time He will send you the perfect girl to be your wife. God bless.

 

[ForeverHopeful]

hello...praying that you will find peace during your wait for God's will and perfect timing. It is also my experience that when I stopped looking or a man to make me happy and turned to our Father and prayer instead, that I was finally lead to my current husband. You must find contentment alone in order to attract the one God has in store for you. I pray in agreement with others for discernment and peace for you.

Amen!

 

[REPHAIAHPEDAHEL]

Piece of cake for Jesus. I command your body in Jesus' Name to lie up with God's Word which states that by His stripes you were healed.

 

[nicedream]

foreverhopeful - that was my experience, too. when i re-dedicated my life to God, and decided that i was going to follow Him first, and try to find a husband second...that's when He brought my husband into my life.

praying again for growth in relationships and for mercy and the gift of wisdom to understand God's will for your life.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

And, no one response?

If I'm not meant to find a girlfriend, then I do hope that God helps me find a means to become happy without having to resort to sin or doing things which harm myself or others.

But, if I'm not meant to have a girlfriend, then what am I working for?

I'm already unhappy, if it somehow becomes apparent that I am just not meant to have a girlfriend, I hope that God will give me the strength not to spiral down worse than where I am already. And, hopefully, regardless of what happens, I will finally become happy.

You're probably not going to just wake up one day and be happy. Being happy takes work. Believe it or not, you can spend just as much (if not more) energy on being unhappy than being happy. Sometimes the amount of effort we spend on being unhappy isn't readily apparent to us, but may be screamingly obvious to everybody else around us. I went through depression for several years when I was younger and know this from experience. When people are depressed, they actually FIGHT being happy. People try to say uplifting things to them and they might knock down any suggestions that are made, for example. People might invite them out and they may turn them down, etc. It doesn't even have to be an interaction involving other people - it can be a fight in your own mind. You've been doing it in your own mind as is evidenced by your posts in various threads. You say things like:

"Why should I get married? I may have something wrong with me and pass down bad genes..."

"People do not care [...] if I die, it won't matter"

"Church did not work out for me in college [...] I'm not sure it will ever work out"

"I can't become a part of a community because people won't warm up to me"

You are just shooting things down and not giving yourself a chance.

You are showing hostile attributional bias in several scenarios - including your interaction with me on my profile wall today. I said you should talk to a pastor and it was very obvious from your response that you felt me saying that was like saying "leave me alone" or something when I simply did not feel qualified to answer such an in depth question. You show it with the people at church who do not approach you because you assume that they do not like you.

There are a lot of things like those I give examples of above going on cognitively with you that are probably very much in the way of you moving forward in relationships with other people (friendships and otherwise). It would really be a good idea to seek counseling so that you can identify some of these misleading thoughts and work on replacing them. It will help your outlook and the way you carry yourself and will ultimately help you in your interactions with others. You also need to see someone because, earlier in this thread, you mentioned a concern about harming yourself or others. That is a great big red flag that you need some help. You're clear enough to recognize the danger and the possibility of spiraling, so don't let it get to that point. Get some help now and head it off way before hand.

I'm just telling it like I see it. It is as plain as day to me because I've been there (and worse than there). Therapy was one of the things that was immensely helpful to me.

 

[liars_paradox]

hello...praying that you will find peace during your wait for God's will and perfect timing. It is also my experience that when I stopped looking or a man to make me happy and turned to our Father and prayer instead, that I was finally lead to my current husband. You must find contentment alone in order to attract the one God has in store for you. I pray in agreement with others for discernment and peace for you.

Amen!

That sounds right. If I stink with loneliness then people will be repelled by me.
Yet, that's not an easy thing to do. Also, does finding contentment in being alone mean that I should not try dating sites or going out and meeting people?

How do I make the distinction of being content with being alone and not trying at all? Because, I don't do alot to become social and to meet other people. I really could just sit alone on my own computer and play video games all day if given the chance.

 

[Wingdizzle]

That sounds right. If I stink with loneliness then people will be repelled by me.
Yet, that's not an easy thing to do. Also, does finding contentment in being alone mean that I should not try dating sites or going out and meeting people?

How do I make the distinction of being content with being alone and not trying at all? Because, I don't do alot to become social and to meet other people. I really could just sit alone on my own computer and play video games all day if given the chance.

Im gonna take the opposite route here. Yes you need to be content with being alone, but there is a limit If your near suicidal or something because of how alone you feel, thats not good.

God made Adam a partner so that he didnt go it alone. You do indeed need to place your faith in God. But this doesnt mean sitting on the couch waiting for a girl to fall into your lap. Get out in the world, meet people. You are slowly getting to an age where females are getting desperate. Single moms, other lonely singles, etc. etc. all waiting for someone like you! Do you have any idea how many pages upon pages of online dating sites host for people in your age bracket?

Do something, dont just sit there and say "God I sure hope I dont sin because of how bad stuff is getting". Get out of the house, relocate to a brand new town if thats what it takes. Dont just sit there How will God arrange the meeting if you dont do anything? And I dont care how fat, ugly, or bad your genes may be. Somebody, SOMEWHERE is out there waiting for someone like you. You might not get a media dubbed super model, but if you are loving and viewing your partner/potential wife through the eyes of love, with the holy spirit.....she will look smoking hot no matter what traits she carries.

We got your back brother!

 

[liars_paradox]

You're probably not going to just wake up one day and be happy. Being happy takes work. Believe it or not, you can spend just as much (if not more) energy on being unhappy than being happy. Sometimes the amount of effort we spend on being unhappy isn't readily apparent to us, but may be screamingly obvious to everybody else around us. I went through depression for several years when I was younger and know this from experience. When people are depressed, they actually FIGHT being happy. People try to say uplifting things to them and they might knock down any suggestions that are made, for example. People might invite them out and they may turn them down, etc. It doesn't even have to be an interaction involving other people - it can be a fight in your own mind. You've been doing it in your own mind as is evidenced by your posts in various threads. You say things like:

"Why should I get married? I may have something wrong with me and pass down bad genes..."

"People do not care [...] if I die, it won't matter"

"Church did not work out for me in college [...] I'm not sure it will ever work out"

"I can't become a part of a community because people won't warm up to me"

You are just shooting things down and not giving yourself a chance.

You are showing hostile attributional bias in several scenarios - including your interaction with me on my profile wall today. I said you should talk to a pastor and it was very obvious from your response that you felt me saying that was like saying "leave me alone" or something when I simply did not feel qualified to answer such an in depth question. You show it with the people at church who do not approach you because you assume that they do not like you.

There are a lot of things like those I give examples of above going on cognitively with you that are probably very much in the way of you moving forward in relationships with other people (friendships and otherwise). It would really be a good idea to seek counseling so that you can identify some of these misleading thoughts and work on replacing them. It will help your outlook and the way you carry yourself and will ultimately help you in your interactions with others. You also need to see someone because, earlier in this thread, you mentioned a concern about harming yourself or others. That is a great big red flag that you need some help. You're clear enough to recognize the danger and the possibility of spiraling, so don't let it get to that point. Get some help now and head it off way before hand.

I'm just telling it like I see it. It is as plain as day to me because I've been there (and worse than there). Therapy was one of the things that was immensely helpful to me.

Thanks for your nice words, you seem like a truly good person. And, I believe that you're right that counseling could be helpful for me.

However, I don't trust psychologists, clinical sociologists, guidance counselors, advisers from the Students with Disabilities Center, or anyone else in that line of work. Throughout later teens and young adult life, I have tried getting therapy, and yet the results have been very bad.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm skeptical of the field itself. I took an intro to psychology course, took a psychology lab, and took a learning of psychology course and thought that the entire subject was fascinating. I have read about cognitive behavioral therapy and thought that this sort of treatment might actually work if applied correctly.

However, I have never seen a psychologist who actually cared, or at least tried to improve my life. And, I'm not the only one that I know about who's had a bad experience with them.

The daughter of one of my mom's friends also had seen psychologists for depression, eventually was prescribed medication for depression, and was at some point hospitalized because she tried to kill her self. It seemed that for her, therapy didn't work.

And, in my case, I have had battles with guidance counselors and psychologists throughout my academic career. Right, I sometimes say things that might give them the impression that I could be a "danger" to other people. But, in reality I am not. They have me there, spilling all my thoughts, of course I get angry that people reject and some of those thoughts are revealed.

Yet, it's not like I would every actually act out on any of them. And, besides, I've heard worse from people other people who DON'T get into altercations with any kind of shrink or an authority of any kind, because they're socially normal. They can say crazy things and everyone just laugh and think that they're just joking.

But, I vent to someone and they might think that I'm being for real. Even if I tell them that I am not, they're not convinced. And, when I was having a super hard time in college where my grades were falling, and I was constantly fighting my brother who was also my roommate at the time, the student counseling center wanted me to sign some sort of contract which would ban me from the school until a board would decide that I was fit to re-enroll.

This would be the alternative to academic suspension. But, there's no clear criteria that would make me eligible to re-enter school. So, I knew that would potentially mean that I might never return to school, especially when it comes to my luck with people. So, I did the smart thing and took the academic suspension.

Right, I get depressed. I honestly believe that anyone in my position would as well. However, I really do have some strong reservations when it comes to seeking professional counseling. I don't think that these people really do care about my well-being. It's the same with any health-care professional.

How many of us have had to deal with arrogant doctors who didn't do the best job in the past? They sometimes over look something and you have to deal with their insistence that they're right. Yes, you can always get a second opinion, but that still costs more money.

It isn't just me who's like this. Some people do well with therapy, but not everyone. I don't want to go waste my money on a shrink who's ultimate goal is to make money off of me regardless of whether or not my life is any better from seeing them.

 

[Ave Maria]

I think that it's been 3 years since I began my membership on this forum. I was 27 at the time, and had not had a girlfriend yet. I am 29 and will turn 30.

Not so successful in this department, and I am beginning to hate my life. On top of that, I have arthritis in my neck, feet, and elbows.

I am finding myself in increasingly more physical pain, and the fact that I am so lonely adds to the emotional pain.

I do wonder if I should abstain from inappropriate content at all, because I do think that I won't ever get married. And, why should I? I appear to have something wrong with me. I think that I would likely pass my bad genes down to the next generation.

The world continues to turn. People do not care if I have a bad life or not. If I die then it won't matter.

Everything appears to be meaningless right now. What is the point of everything?

Is God apathetic? Does God care about me at all? If so, then why am I still like this after three years?

Or, how about all of the time before I was on this site? My dad suggested that I try to find community in church when I went to college and was so far away from home. Yet, church didn't work out for me in college. And, I still am unsure if it will ever work out for me.

I did get through some of my challenges in my life, but I still have quit a few problems now that kind of discourage me. Namely, the ones regarding my body. Even if I do find someone, I might not have much longer on this earth to spend time with them.

It might be better off if I never get a girlfriend and don't worry about marriage. But, what is the point of all the work that I am doing then?

And, what about the biological urges that I have? God gave me a body which desires these things, but it seems that the world might be better off not using my body like that.

I have learned that the world is filled with evil people. Even from among self-proclaimed Christians, I find mostly just evil people.

I rarely meet a good person, and it seems that it's mostly on-line, because Christians in person aren't usually that nice to me.

And, in spite of everything, my entire life might not have any meaning.

I am sorry that you are hurting. However, I want to assure you that God does indeed love you and He does care about you. He is not apathetic. Also, there are people on these forums, including myself, who love you as a brother in Christ. You are wanted. Please do not give up. As for the inappropriate content, you absolutely must give it up. inappropriate content use is a grave sin and can send you to Hell. I don't say this to be mean, I say it out of concern for you and your soul. You must be chaste and that means: no inappropriate content, no masturbation, no premarital sex, and no dwelling on lustful thoughts. It involves other things after you are married as well.

I am praying for you.