Not a happy Valentine's

[MKFBC]

I am one of the many Christian singles that have hit the 30 milestone.

This is the first time I am not looking forward to Valentine's Day.

For the past two years, I have been in six weddings. It has led to a desire, the first was in college, to wanting to meet Miss Right. I am not ready to get married or engaged right now.

I asked a Christian single about going to the church Valentine banquet. Just as friends. I would get an e-mail, which was honest, but it had an arrogant and cold hearted approach to it. I was told that she hoped that I was not given the impression that we could be more than friends. I was considered a friend but nothing more. I am wondered, after hearing this, what ever happened to a friendly Christian get together.

I hate this attitude and practice of Christian singles prejudging and being closed minded about this. JUST AS FRIENDS. We are not all sex offenders or thugs. This kind of attitude and practice HURTS and MAKES US LOOK BAD. Most in the singles department know me as friendly, understanding, caring, and someone with a heart. She knows me as this too. No wonder Christian dating can be difficult, especially with Christian singles like this.

How should handle this? I do not want to see her as my friend now or want to talk to her. I am willing to say I am sorry but I will not make any more apologies. What can I say to her? Her tone and attitude just offended me. I am open to answers and suggestion.

Right now, I am hurt and do not have the happy feeling associated with the Valentine's Day holiday.

{edit}

 

[smash_kate]

I think you would remember that it was an email..and when people email..there is lack of emotion behind the statements and thus they sound harsh. Over the phone, it could be less harsh of a statement.

Also as a woman, I feel compelled that if someone asked me to a "Valentines" date but just as friends I would feel that I would need to underline the fact ,"but just as friends". This may not be intended to hurt you. She may not be looking for a husband either or doesn't want it to turn serious for she may be prone to falling in love quickly.

But why would you ask a woman for a friendly christian get together to a valentines dinner? the people going there are couples.

 

[wvmtnkid]

My Sunday School class is going as a group to our Valentines dinner at church. So, not all people going to a Valentines dinner are going to be going as couples. We range in age from 27 to 70's. I don't think it was an odd request, assuming you two are pretty good friends.

As for her response, well, it could be that she just wanted to make sure that there were no mis-understandings between you two. It could be that she has been in the situation in the past when friendship was seen as more and someone ended up getting hurt and she didn't want that to happen again. She just chose the direct approach by putting it all on the line in the beginning. And I do agree that e-mails do sometimes come across being more insensitive than what they are meant to be.

As to what to say to her, you could re-inforce the idea that you were asking her to the dinner as friends, that is what your intentions were, you were not trying to mis-lead her. You just wanted to spend the evening with a good friend. Maybe she read more into your invitation then what you intended. I don't know. But, just be honest with her. Forgive her and give her the benefit of the doubt this time. We all make mistakes.

 

[Breetai]

Ya, just tell her straight up that she mis-read into things. Tell her that if you wanted her for more then friends, you would've made it known to her. Be straight up.

 

[Snowhite]

From a woman's perspective an evening with a guy a velentines day seems a little more than a friendly thing...like sending someone a dozen red roses as a token of friendship She obviously misread you...Valentines day is a red flag in a girl's mind.

 

[vibrant]

if one of my friends, who had long expressed his desire to marry and his unhappiness with singlehood, asked me to be his date to a valentine's day dinner, presumably for couples, i wouldn't just stress the "as friends part", i'd decline.

i think it's somewhat telling that you consider it merely "a friendly Christian get together", but reject her so vehemently, as even a friend, when she wants to clarify that point; or, perhaps you're so upset cause she questioned your integrity.

either way, just love.

love covers a multiude of sins, forgives, bears no ill-will, and is very appropriate for this holiday.

 

[esseJ]

MKFBC - I can kinda see why you reacted the way you did because I've been in your shoes, your intent was questioned. I don't like that either...but before you jump on her for reply, you should talk to her...reaffirm that you are only going as friends and that you don't want more than that. Emails don't convey tone very well, so talk to her...

And I agree with the women...maybe Valentines day isn't such a good time to ask someone out "as friends"...would you be leery if she asked you out?

BTW, what apologies do you have to make? Are you going to apologize for not conveying your intent good enough?

esseJ

ps...did she say yes?

 

[desi]

From a woman's perspective an evening with a guy a velentines day seems a little more than a friendly thing...like sending someone a dozen red roses as a token of friendship She obviously misread you...Valentines day is a red flag in a girl's mind.

Ditto. If you ask her out on Valentines day the conotation's are huge and obvious. She was right to let you know how she feels. If you can't handle the truth that's your bust.

 

[klewlis]

From a woman's perspective an evening with a guy a velentines day seems a little more than a friendly thing...like sending someone a dozen red roses as a token of friendship She obviously misread you...Valentines day is a red flag in a girl's mind.

lol. not necessarily. I am hanging out with a guy friend that night just for fun.

 

[shania]

If you never asked her out before and you picked valentine's day to do it, yeah I can see how she thought you might be interested in something more than friends.

It makes me think how secular dating is different. Usually you'll have more obvious signals that someone is interested in you, or that you are interested in them, like flirting, etc.

I can see how she got the wrong idea.

Just talk to her and clear up the situation.

 

[wvmtnkid]

If you can't handle the truth that's your bust.

You know desi, your lack of tact just sometimes leaves me speechless......

 

[desi]

You know desi, your lack of tact just sometimes leaves me speechless......

Hey, if getting turned down nicely but firmly gets this guy into an indignant uproar he is being too sensitive about this. He should be thankful the girl was nice about it while being honest at the same time.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Or perhaps he needed to vent and needed a bit of encouragement. Asking someone out, whether it be on a friendly basis or more, isn't always an easy task these days, maybe something that someone who has been married for awhile tends to forget.

 

[desi]

Or perhaps he needed to vent and needed a bit of encouragement. Asking someone out, whether it be on a friendly basis or more, isn't always an easy task these days, maybe something that someone who has been married for awhile tends to forget.

My wife turns me down more often than I'd like to admit. Don't suggest I'm out of touch or havn't felt the pain of rejection. It is part of the cross I bear.

For encouragement, I offer plenty of that... If she said no she is missing out and you won't be wasting your time on a lukewarm date! You also saved $$$. Good for you. There are plenty of other women out there for you to choose from. Shake this minor set back off and march on! Go get'em Rock!