Normal?

[Strider1002]

I have and I probably will in the future talked negatively about someone behind their back.

Was it hate filled or intended to spread lies about them? Nope.

Oh, well, that was what I was going for. Sorry if I failed to articulate it properly.

Also, I admire your admissions of imperfection I've always thought of you as a good person.

Oh no no, I wasn't saying that I've ever seen you be a jerk. I've always enjoyed you posting here. I'm just saying that if you're honest with yourself, you've probably been a jerk to somebody in the past.

You know, a little part of me was hoping you'd give me some criticism so I'd have something to work on. Oh well.

 

[Paulie079]

You know, a little part of me was hoping you'd give me some criticism so I'd have something to work on. Oh well.

lol, I will keep my eyes and ears open That's a sign of good character, though...seeking ways to be better.

 

[Strider1002]

Maybe I should start over in this thread

Deliberately insulting someone is not something that I believe a genuine Christian would do. Not someone who has Christ in them.

I don't want anyone to believe that Christians would attack fellow Christians (or anyone, really) with hateful insults. That's the opposite of what Christ was about, so those actions would be... un-Christian.

 

[wannaberocker]

PetLuv you are one of the "Normal" posters here. I dont mind reading stuff from ya and often enjoy reading your posts.


Another point i would make is that this forum is full of trolls. There are more trolls here than normal posters. So that plays a big role in this undercurrent of nastyness.



It would be sort of intresting to know Which posters have gone out of your way to insult you.

 

[m.a.r.X]

I have been a member at a number of different forums, but I have never had so many go out of their way to tell me something insulting as I experience here.
.........


So I am ready to be proud of myself, but I figured I should take the time to find out how common this sort of thing actually is around here.
By my experience elsewhere it is rare - and I am a member on a site where you can call people an *MFer*, ect in threads..

So, what say you all - do I get to boast?

I'm so sorry to hear that, comrade Petluv

But, don't lose heart, the fight is still on.
Lets ride together with our swords drawn until we cleanse this forum of all these evil kings and queens who oppresses our fellow proletarians

 

[toLiJC]

I have been a member at a number of different forums, but I have never had so many go out of their way to tell me something insulting as I experience here.

Now, I am a bit sick and fighting off a fever at the moment, but my question is: how proud should I be?
I mean, if I am really so awful that a large number of devoted Christians divert from their normal course of life to insult me, I think I have something to be proud of. Right?

So I am ready to be proud of myself, but I figured I should take the time to find out how common this sort of thing actually is around here.
By my experience elsewhere it is rare - and I am a member on a site where you can call people an *MFer*, ect in threads..

So, what say you all - do I get to boast?

the problem may be if a human seeks (a) friend(s) in such conditions i.e. when there is an abusive treatment/behaviour, otherwise you ever can gently "nail" the unrighteous with the Word's testification of the true God and Jesus viz. without judging anybody, but just with love

Blessings

 

[Miss Spaulding]

I recall once having a brief 'disagreement' a while back with PetLuv, but it was simply due to differing opinions on whatever subject the thread was about. I don't remember what thread it was. Lol.

Anyway, besides that, which I wouldn't call insulting to you or a sign that I personally dislike you, there hasn't been any issue. I think you're perfectly fine and nice to have on here.

As for us being jerks...well, more likely than not it's probably true of all of us (even if it was just once). Heh, I'll be the first to admit to having said things to others on here that should not have been said, and have been trying my best the past 6 months or so to really think before I speak. However, at the same time I know that many have mistakenly perceived my posts in certain threads (whether just a first time response to the OP or directed towards another poster) as extremely rude, when in fact that weren't rude at all. A lot of people mistake blunt, 'telling it like it is' as rudeness when it's not. ...Though, one does need to be sure to use tact when sending the blow, lol. And yes, it is possible to be blunt and tactful at the same time.

 

[jess9450]

I'd add that tone often gets lost in writing as opposed to oral communication. I'm not saying that a person writing "you're stupid" would have any other meaning if it were verbally communicated, but sometimes answering in an honest and truthful way can seem rude to certain people - even if it's not intended to be that way!

 

[Niels]

I'd add that tone often gets lost in writing as opposed to oral communication. I'm not saying that a person writing "you're stupid" would have any other meaning if it were verbally communicated, but sometimes answering in an honest and truthful way can seem rude to certain people - even if it's not intended to be that way!

So true.

 

[crishmael]

I'm sorry you've has that kind of experience. I've never had anything like that happen to me over the years I've been here which surprises me.

 

[Takkles]

Ignore or embrace the haters~

 

[Rhye]

I don't know who is calling you those things but maybe you should tell them to stop (or maybe you have).

As for the discussion on talking about other people. Yes, I have warned others of people here who will do harmful things. And now I limit myself to it because I don't care as much anymore. I think my problem has always been that I do not want to see others get hurt as I have. But that backfires on me. I seem to do this offline so I should get my act together and stop.

But also, just because I do not like someones behavior it does not mean they are a bad person or that they shouldn't be friends with others. I like a lot of people here that I notice others do not care much for.

 

[PetLuv]

PetLuv you are one of the "Normal" posters here. I dont mind reading stuff from ya and often enjoy reading your posts.


Another point i would make is that this forum is full of trolls. There are more trolls here than normal posters. So that plays a big role in this undercurrent of nastyness.



It would be sort of intresting to know Which posters have gone out of your way to insult you.

This was my main curiosity; I was not sure how this board is staggered with the membership.
I did not think it was strong Christians that did it at first, but the more times it happened I had to wonder if it was that there was really all that many "trolls", or if it somehow was me causing issues and upsetting the Christian masses in some way that I could not understand.

I don't know if it is trolls, I hit report on them and then delete the messages. None of them stood out as familiar to me that I can remember; but in some of the other threads around here I have gotten positive reps from people who I do not know either. I assume they are married and unable to post in here. <shrug>

I'll admit that I may have missed the tone intended; that is not something that I do well even IRL; but I don't know how much discussion can be had with a conversation that starts "You're a stupid a**/b*****/w***e".


My curiosity was simply if it was the norm for people around here, and based on some of the replies I have gotten it seems that it is in fact normal.
I will not consider myself especially gifted in rattling the cage anymore, but it was kinda nice while it lasted.

 

[Paulie079]

This was my main curiosity; I was not sure how this board is staggered with the membership.
I did not think it was strong Christians that did it at first, but the more times it happened I had to wonder if it was that there was really all that many "trolls", or if it somehow was me causing issues and upsetting the Christian masses in some way that I could not understand.

I don't know if it is trolls, I hit report on them and then delete the messages. None of them stood out as familiar to me that I can remember; but in some of the other threads around here I have gotten positive reps from people who I do not know either. I assume they are married and unable to post in here. <shrug>

I'll admit that I may have missed the tone intended; that is not something that I do well even IRL; but I don't know how much discussion can be had with a conversation that starts "You're a stupid a**/b*****/w***e".


My curiosity was simply if it was the norm for people around here, and based on some of the replies I have gotten it seems that it is in fact normal.
I will not consider myself especially gifted in rattling the cage anymore, but it was kinda nice while it lasted.

Honestly, I really don't think it is the norm for the normal to semi-normal people here. I've never seen people treat each other that way in my time here. There has been a rather large influx of trolls as of late, though, so that was a good point to bring up.

 

[Rhye]

I'll admit that I may have missed the tone intended; that is not something that I do well even IRL; but I don't know how much discussion can be had with a conversation that starts "You're a stupid a**/b*****/w***e".

Do you mean on singles or on CF in general?

I just post in singles and life stages so I haven't seen exactly happening.


Edit: I just realized that was said privately.

 

[Nanopants]

When I was a Christian, I received a lot of hate here. It was common for 10 people to gang up on me and attack me. Even the people who claimed to be my friends, ended up talking about me and insulting me behind my back.

Part of the reason I was a little nasty to Christians the first 1-2 years I became an atheist. Now, I receive very little hate. People may still hate me just the same, but they don't show it. I also could really care less about their opinions now. I have much more confidence in my intellectual positions now, than I did when I was a Christian.

^this. Although I'm still a Christian, I get attacked all the time. It's awful... going to church can be harmful to your well being when you're constantly expecting someone to stab you in back at least eventually.

 

[Going Merry]

I have been a member at a number of different forums, but I have never had so many go out of their way to tell me something insulting as I experience here.

Now, I am a bit sick and fighting off a fever at the moment, but my question is: how proud should I be?
I mean, if I am really so awful that a large number of devoted Christians divert from their normal course of life to insult me, I think I have something to be proud of. Right?

So I am ready to be proud of myself, but I figured I should take the time to find out how common this sort of thing actually is around here.
By my experience elsewhere it is rare - and I am a member on a site where you can call people an *MFer*, ect in threads..

So, what say you all - do I get to boast?

I have had people tell me outright i am a terrible person here. Or that my beliefs are a joke. That I am 'unwise' over beliefs. That I am a bad person. Some said I was manipulative. Whatever I can go on and on.

I posted on a wall and the person obviously disliked me, I asked basically why, but in the end I was told basically to not even bother (even with that) or I will be reported for messaging them.

I dont know if people honestly talk about me, I doubt it. I talk to my self on here more than I talk to others. I dont go out of my way to explain anything or defend my views. Sometimes I view this forum as one of the more unfriendly forums I have been on. Cursing is one thing but I am finding a lot more friendly people in the non-christian communities than I do in these ones. But these are just my own experiences. There are of course exceptions I think a lot of you are fine, just a few bad apples. Or bad moods once in awhile. PMS or what have you could be it. he he

 

[Elliewaves]

I'll admit that I may have missed the tone intended; that is not something that I do well even IRL; but I don't know how much discussion can be had with a conversation that starts "You're a stupid a**/b*****/w***e".

Someone here sent you a message here that said that? That's pretty disgusting of them. If it's on here and they sent it directly to you; I would report them. I don't think it's normal of someone to send a message like that to someone else just because they don't like what they post; Christian or not. I think it's pretty unbalanced mentally; especially if you have had no other previous conversation with them and it just came out of the blue. I don't find people friendly here and I'm sure many dislike me; but I can't say that anyone has send me a 4th grade name calling "I don't like you" message before.

 

[Niels]

Honestly, I really don't think it is the norm for the normal to semi-normal people here. I've never seen people treat each other that way in my time here. There has been a rather large influx of trolls as of late, though, so that was a good point to bring up.

Agreed. It isn't the norm. Although it may be a pattern for a few, most of us aren't like that. The problem is that it can be easier to remember the bad than the good, as is the case with compliments and insults. If the compliments stayed with us as well or better than the perceived (sometimes not even actual) insults, most of us would be better off.

But I digress...

I recommend that the OP deliberately focus on the positive where she can find it. To make a concerted effort to seek out the good. This may sound trite, but there's some truth to it, as it can help one avoid the bitterness traps that some fall into into. I'm not talking happy pills or donning fake smiles, but taking comfort in whatever hint of goodness and peace that one can find. This makes it a little harder for others to get under your skin, because you're focused on other things. If someone wants to stew in their own negativity or paranoia, that's ultimately their problem. Instead, set your sights on more admirable things. This may require a paradigm shift for some, but the benefits are tremendous. Although it can at times seem like a lost cause on CF, I recommend giving it a try.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." - Philippians 4:8

 

[Squeakers]

I'd add that tone often gets lost in writing as opposed to oral communication. I'm not saying that a person writing "you're stupid" would have any other meaning if it were verbally communicated, but sometimes answering in an honest and truthful way can seem rude to certain people - even if it's not intended to be that way!

YES.

There are often times when I type things out like that and some would take offense. It's frustrating, really...perhaps that's why I almost always use a smiley.... >.>

I'm sorry you've has that kind of experience. I've never had anything like that happen to me over the years I've been here which surprises me.

Same. I'm sorry this happened to you, PetLuv.