Non-Physical, yet Romantic

[GivingMyAll4Him]

Alrighty, guys...a long while back I wrote a message on here about praying for a Christian girlfriend...well she came to me after two years of praying and likely the prayers from some other board members (thanks). We have been together for just over one month and is the most amazing girl I have ever met.

BUT, now I have run into something interesting...

We are both very busy, rarely have time to go out on dates...also we both have lunch arrangements and do not eat together...Before we started dating we agreed not to be physical--there is definitely no sex, but we took it further and decided on no kissing either. To me, that is very romantic--we both care for each other because of who we are, not because we are physically attracted to each other or due to some form of lust. Anyway, I have really never even held her hand... We talk all the time, and chat on the internet every night, but somehow I want to do something special...something that will bring us closer. I really want something romantic (light romance, its only been one month, people!), I want to make her feel special.

Also--we are both new to dating and the dates in themselves make her nervous. The last thing I want is for her to be nervous around me. She doesnt even like the process of setting up a date because she anticipates what might happen, so it is hard to make plans.

Anyway--I want a date that will bring us closer, make her feel special, and make her feel more comfortable around me...nothing physical...

Any Ideas? ANYTHING is appreciated!

Thanks

Giving-

 

[Katty]

Go to the arcade. Fun times had by both and there doesn't have to be any physical stuff involved at all. If she's into that kind of stuff, you'll see the kid in her and hopefully hear her laugh a lot.

~Katty~

 

[William Nunn]

The actual date really doesn't matter all that much bro, it's how you make her feel that will be "romantic". Wherever you decide to go, make sure that she knows that she is your ONLY focus. From what I've gathered, you could take a woman to a hot dog-eating contest (maybe not a bad idea!) and she could walk away from it on Cloud 9 if you made her feel special. So, maybe and arcade like Katty suggested isn't a bad idea, just make sure that she doesn't think you are there for the games, but because you love spending time with her!

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I don't like dates. I think they're unnatural settings. I've been out to movies and dinner with my boyfriend, but they were never dates.

Do something comfortable and something you know she likes. If you know she likes museums, take her to one she hasn't been to before. If a certain place holds a special meaning to her, take her there.

 

[Mrs K 2004]

I don't think I've ever been on a date!! Whenever my fiance and I are together (and have been for years!) we are best friends!

Although perhaps an amusement park? or a Sports Game! (I don't know if any of that is near you!) Those are fun, laid back environments; and nothing is more romantic than riding a fariswheel; just talking and looking out over the city!!!

 

[GivingMyAll4Him]

great ideas guys, some really great advice...where i live actually has NOTHING mentioned (not even an arcade), but you still gave me ideas, and I appreciate it...actually, what I think I will do is rent a few movies and bring her over to watch them...popcorn and pizza and all the things that go with it . Anyway, big will nunn pretty much summed up what i needed to hear when he said "make her FEEL special"---

THANKS AGAIN, and more ideas are appreciated

Giving-

 

[erinm]

Hi Givingmyall4him, I just want to encourage you and your girlfriend in pursuing purity--and to all my other brothers and sisters in christ, that's awesome!!!

My boyfriend and I do not kiss either, something God put in our hearts. After knowing him for 1 1/2 years and being together for 6 months...it's extremly hard to keep that promise, but we have. Holding his hand and him giving me a hug makes me feel special. As for the romance...it'll come, trust me. You can have it even when you are not that physical too. I was also worried at the beginning of our relationship from platonic to romantic--that we'd lack chemistry because we weren't going to kiss. I don't know what I was thinking...there's a lot of chemistry, if God wants you with this person, he will give it to you.

Good luck everyone on pursuing a holy and God centered relationship!!!

 

[William Nunn]

Let us know how it went GivngMyAll4Him.

 

[snotling]

To me this is really nothing to be proud off but thats just me. Obviously you aren't ready for dating and i doubt she is either. I think you should consider "being friends" i use the term lightly because by the sound of it your not really anything more then that anyway. My advice for you is not to call whatever you are doing dating, because frankly its not.

 

[GivingMyAll4Him]

snotling, i would have to say that what you just said is probably the most rediculous comment i have ever heard...if a physical relationship is the only way to date than i dont want to be a part of dating at all...is there any way to show respect if the only thing you are doing is kissing (or worse)? i have not been physical because i care for her and because she has my respect, and the fact that the two of us ARE together and are NOT physical proves that our relationship goes beyond appearance and physical desires...lust...and extends to a deeper caring. try it sometime, you will be amazed at the complete satisfaction you will recieve.

i dont mean to insult you...i am trying to be as respectful as i can...but what you said does not make sense at all...i'd like to hear more, if you dont mind.

(edited to correct typing errors)

 

[William Nunn]

snotling, i would have to say that what you just said is probably the most rediculous comment i have ever heard...if a physical relationship is the only way to date than i dont want to be a part of dating at all...is there any way to show respect if the only thing you are doing is kissing (or worse)? i have not been physical because i care for her and because she has my respect, and the fact that the two of us ARE together and are NOT physical proves that our relationship goes beyond appearance and physical desires...lust...and extends to a deeper caring. try it sometime, you will be amazed at the complete satisfaction you will recieve.

If more people thought this way, MANY problems and pitfalls would be avoided.

 

[SirKenin]

Romance? Ohhhhh. I love romance..

Ok.. Send her a dozen roses. On the card, leave instructions on where you want to meet her. Arrange for a dinner date at a nice restaurant and tell her to dress for the occasion. No McDonalds buddy. That doesn't cut it. lol Take her to something that is quiet, table cloths on the tables. Chairs that aren't attached to the table. Somewhere where the garcon seats you and they have more than burgers, fries and wings on the menu. Ask for a candle.

Get there before she does and stand for her when she sits down.

Make sure you get her order and order for the lady before you order your own. Nice and old fashioned, but that's the way I am.. Be sensitive to this, though. My lady prefers to order her own, in which case I let her order first.

During the meal, pick conversation that centers around her. Ask her questions that invoke a response from her. Always make sure that1 she is the center of attention.

Pick up the cheque, don't show her and pay it. As discretely as possible.

Then take it from there man Hold the door open for her on the way out. That's all there is to it. Have a car waiting for you if you have a bunch of extra money and instruct the driver to take you on a quick tour of the waterfront or something on the way home. haha. Done like dinner.

And MEAN IT. That's the most important thing. If you're not sincere, take her out for hotdogs and a pop and get it over with.

Sweet deal. If she doesn't feel special after that, I give up. lol.

 

[SirKenin]

Oh, I thought of something else... Have your driver wait for you as you escort her to the door.

Here's the tricky part. Just tell her you had a wonderful evening, that you enjoyed the conversation and you will look forward to seeing her again. Tell her to have a nice night and bid her farewell. Step back from her, but face her. It will send a message that you are trying to avoid an awkward situation. Don't turn and walk away until she is in the door.

You don't need a kiss. No sex.. Nothing, but you will have just had the most intensely satisfying night of your life. You'll be whistling and walking on air for a week, as will she.

Now, you can give her a kiss on the cheek if you want. It won't hurt, but it sure isn't necessary to complete the evening. You can even ensure that the driver has left a rose in the back for you to give your lady before she goes into the house if you want to. Not necessary though. I'm sure she gets the message by this point.

I can think of other examples, too, if this one doesn't impress you much.

 

[Living4Him03]

<--thinks dr.feelgood should host seminars and teach everyone's boyfriend/fiance/husband how to be romantic!!

 

[DaveKerwin]

holding hands can be really romantic, especially when nothing else is allowed.

whatever you do, go out of your way to make her feel special.

 

[secretdawn]

Oh, I thought of something else... Have your driver wait for you as you escort her to the door.

Here's the tricky part. Just tell her you had a wonderful evening, that you enjoyed the conversation and you will look forward to seeing her again. Tell her to have a nice night and bid her farewell. Step back from her, but face her. It will send a message that you are trying to avoid an awkward situation. Don't turn and walk away until she is in the door.

You don't need a kiss. No sex.. Nothing, but you will have just had the most intensely satisfying night of your life. You'll be whistling and walking on air for a week, as will she.

Now, you can give her a kiss on the cheek if you want. It won't hurt, but it sure isn't necessary to complete the evening. You can even ensure that the driver has left a rose in the back for you to give your lady before she goes into the house if you want to. Not necessary though. I'm sure she gets the message by this point.

I can think of other examples, too, if this one doesn't impress you much.

ummmm...marry me? LOL

 

[TheFirstNoelle]

snotling, i would have to say that what you just said is probably the most rediculous comment i have ever heard...if a physical relationship is the only way to date than i dont want to be a part of dating at all...is there any way to show respect if the only thing you are doing is kissing (or worse)? i have not been physical because i care for her and because she has my respect, and the fact that the two of us ARE together and are NOT physical proves that our relationship goes beyond appearance and physical desires...lust...and extends to a deeper caring. try it sometime, you will be amazed at the complete satisfaction you will recieve.

i dont mean to insult you...i am trying to be as respectful as i can...but what you said does not make sense at all...i'd like to hear more, if you dont mind.

(edited to correct typing errors)

While I admire your self-control, and your respect for your girlfriend, I have to say that I don't believe that having as little physical interaction as possible necessarily makes one's relationship more "pure" or more God-centred or more respectful. I'm of the belief that some level of physicality is healthy in a mature relationship - you're growing together emotionally and mentally and spiritually --- and I think the physical should correspond to that to an extent. Taking it slowly is great, of course (I wish I had went more slowly in my relationship), but be careful you don't start to automatically associate your desire and your attraction for your girlfriend with lust. I think this creates an unhealthy attitude towards the physical, and could possibly result in problems when you're married. This won't happen for everyone, of course, but I do think that Christians are sometimes almost "afraid" of the physical side of relationships, and that uneasiness sometimes carries over into marriage.

Taking the physical side of a relationship slowly, thoughtfully, and respectfully can build trust and lay a foundation for the sexual relationship that will develop during marriage.

In the meantime - enjoy your kissless date

 

[L.R.]

Noelle: I have been there on the "pure" thing. I have had relationships with heavy kissing and embracing that I still considered "pure."

However, I am not sure it is best. Our immediate nature is to lean on stuff like this. It creates bonds that are not really unique: alot of folks can kiss well. And for the guy, it may (may) lead to further desires.

In the most basic sense, an hour kissing is an hour getting more involved with the person although you are not truly getting any more intimate with them. I am just coming out of a year of kissing my girl (you know the case, cause you responded to it) in which we both wish that we hadn't.

Also, physical stuff can bring out baggage that folks may be healing from.

That being said, I do not think it is "wrong." However, I do think that anything much beyond it (i.e anything horizontal) is wrong.

GivingMyAll4Him: find out that something that she has always wanted to do but never has!

 

[TheFirstNoelle]

L.R. I see where you're coming from. I just wanted to give my perspective, because I've found, personally, that my relationship with my fiance has been enhanced and deepened because of our physical interaction. Yes, it's hard to back up, but that hasn't had a negative effect on us. We're now in a long distance relationship while he's at police training (he's been gone almost 3 months) and our relationship has gotten even stronger - because we've not *relied* on the physical to strengthen it. We developed our communication at a much deeper, more foundational level.

If you feel conviction at certain levels of physical intimacy, then you should by all means follow that leading. God's blessings on you and your relationship!

 

[snotling]

snotling, i would have to say that what you just said is probably the most rediculous comment i have ever heard...if a physical relationship is the only way to date than i dont want to be a part of dating at all...is there any way to show respect if the only thing you are doing is kissing (or worse)? i have not been physical because i care for her and because she has my respect, and the fact that the two of us ARE together and are NOT physical proves that our relationship goes beyond appearance and physical desires...lust...and extends to a deeper caring. try it sometime, you will be amazed at the complete satisfaction you will recieve.

I'm not saying that a physical relationship is the only way to date. But you have to understand that human beings are highly social creatures. We need to have physical contact. We crave it wheather its a hug from your parents when your 5 or a lovers embrace at 25. It makes no difference. There is one thing to say that i do not wish to have sex before marriage, Thats fine, in its own way its an admirable thing.

But what your saying is that your trying to remove all physical contact what so ever. And that my friend is ridiculous. It never works, i have had plenty of friends who are deeply religious who have tried, and its all been a catastrophic failure. I don't want to go into the details but i will gladly explain if you ask. All im trying to point out is that the idea that physical contact is some evil monstrosity is not only unhealthy but also an illogical fallacy. Really... its time to grow up.