lancers900 said:
My wife and I have sex on a fairly regular basis, but there isn't any passion on her behalf. She usually just wants me to prepare her with a few minutes of foreplay and then have a quickie in the missionary position. Sometimes, she enjoys receiving oral sex, but never gives it. Also, she doesn't like kisses other than quick pecks on the lips, no long lengthy kissing.
Sounds like every guy's dream right? Just do it!
It isn't my dream though.
Shouldn't there be more passion and enjoyment to this? What should I do? She says that she enjoys our times together and doesn't want to change anything.
By the way we have been married 8 years and it has always been like this.
The more I look at your first post, the more I have a totally different take on it. Here's what I see. You have a wife with whom you frequently make love. You have a wife who says she enjoys making love to you. Those are two very positive things that many men wish they could say!!
However, you wish you had a wife who made love differently; more in a way that suits your idea of what lovemaking should be.
Yep, likely somewhere along the way as she was developing she learned/decided that sex was most meaningful and best when performed tenderly - the way she enjoys it. That way suits her idea of what lovemaking should be.
And somewhere along the way you learned/decided that sex was most (or at least sometimes) most meaningful and best when performed more animalistically - the way you enjoy it.
Based on what you've written, it seems to me what you have are two different expectations of what sex should be. That's all. Again, based on what you've written, I am in total disagreement with any statements that she may be lazy, manipulative, unloving, or in some way "broken".
Almost every couple has some difference in viewpoints of what is the most enjoyable way of making love. Your differences are farther apart than most it appears. So, I'd suggest doing what other successful couples do.
First, nobody has a right to make their partner do something they find repulsive or offensive. So regardless of what one person wants, if the other feels that way it's out of the game. Beyond that, if couples are loving each other the way the bible instructs, you will each be focusing on what the other needs and what makes the other know they are loved. I do agree you should talk to your wife about that. Make sure she knows how much you enjoy, value and appreciate the lovemaking you currently do. Then express specifically how you'd like to occassionaly spice things up. Do so in a way that builds her up, not tears her down and in a way that shows you are and will love her as the bible instructs.
Now, having said that
you aren't going to change how she feels about sex. So, while you may be able to convince her to
act more passionately for you, you will be setting yourself up for dissappointment if you expect her the quickly change and
feel more passionate. Hopefully that would happen in time, but if so, that will come from her and not you.
And you need to make sure you appreciate and value the love she feels for you and the fact that she enjoys the time you spend making love. If you're sending her a message that her way of lovemaking is inadequate or wrong, you'll really have a problem.
Finally, always remember that God made each of us differently. Her different view of sex doesn't necessarily indicate anything is wrong, and it doesn't mean you aren't all of the man God intended for you to be. Use the differences as a way to grow closer together and to more fully show each other the love that comes from putting your spouse's needs ahead of your own.
God Bless.
