stuart lawrence
Well-Known Member
Enormous desire, but no love and no satisfaction. Intense loneliness coupled with an instant distrust and hate for anyone who comes close. Argumentative and constantly aggressive, always looking for a fight. No light, only darkness and fumbling about. Constant fear, I mean like TERROR. But always trying to be the bully, seeking power and dominance, but also feeling enormously insecure. Greed, selfishness, and self-loathing - full knowledge of one's own failures and guilt. Always filled with a passion to destroy, but never succeeding. Full or rage and totally frustrated. Hunger without the possibility of eating, and thirst that cannot be quenched. Nothing beautiful to appreciate, but then not being able to appreciate anyway. Nothing that seems real or lasting - everything and everyone is a liar and a cheat. Perhaps worst of all, no hope whatsoever.
Fire and brimstone seems like a vacation by comparison.
I learned to fear when I was harangued with the hell fire "gospel.
You have just perfectly summed up what happened to me, many years ago when i myself feared hell.
Thank you for your post, its reassuring for me to know all of those emotions were suffered by others also, and for the same reason. Though I am sorry you suffered that way.
It is truly remarkable the fact you so perfectly summed me up at that time. I mean that, most sincerely.
It seems kind of weird.
No one ever knew me that well. I am stunned!
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