No More Excuses - You're Single for a Reason

[Trashionista]

What you have is a vicious circle though. You don't quite understand this at your age but you will in 3 or 4 years if you are still single.

The vicious circle is, often enough in the Christian church that people get married young. Well the problem is that people start seeing all their friends get married and they soon become a little more deserpate to get married.

I'll tell you if none of my friends where married or only 2 of them rather then all of them being married right out of college. Then maybe I would be a lot less stressed by it. But I'll tell you when you are the only single person amoung all your friends, its easy to get scared and even easier to get desperate.

A few times comming out of college feeling like the odd man out because I was the only unmarried person of all my friends I really felt convinced that I was doomed to singleness for the rest of my life. I really belived that all the good women where married off and I missed out.

The nice thing that this thread has pointed out is that I have gotten to the point where I feel like I can date younger women. When you are a 20 year old guy you can not under any circumstances date a girl who's 5 years younger then you. But now that i'm 25 very few people would be bothered by me dating a 20 year old girl.

Again, desperation isn't attractive. This all said, I'm certainly no angel, and I am in no situation to get married. Desperation doesn't scream hawtness, but neither does impulsiveness.

Does it really matter? What is so wrong about being single? And I mean... a lot of the people who've posted here are still in their 20s and 30s. Heck, 40s, 50s, even 60 isn't what it used to be. We're certainly not old maids, spinsters, and pathetic because we haven't settled down. Maybe we will never get married and have the white picket fence. But who says the alternative - a Co-Op downtown or what have you - is all that bad? The grass is always greener on the other side.

Don't mind me, though. I'm on a bit of a Sex & The City bender, so... I've probably glamourized the whole single situation.

I don't know. I think I'm missing the romantic gene or something...

 

[CoachR64]

I think a lot of time Christians use "Gods Plan" as a crutch to keep from having to take a risk in life. God's plan was never for us to hide and be fearful, to be confident in all things.

I am reminded of the old story about the man that prayed to God that he would win the lottery. He prayed every day that God would bless him with a lottery win. The man never won the lottery. When the man died, he was furious with God. He asked God why he was never allowed to with the lottery. God simply told them man "I wanted so bad to give you that blessing, but you never even bought a ticket."

God helps those who helps themselves. It requires us working and going after the desires of our heart, not simply sitting by and waiting for God to drop things in our lap.

Coach

 

[GQ Chris]

I think a lot of time Christians use "Gods Plan" as a crutch to keep from having to take a risk in life. God's plan was never for us to hide and be fearful, to be confident in all things.

I am reminded of the old story about the man that prayed to God that he would win the lottery. He prayed every day that God would bless him with a lottery win. The man never won the lottery. When the man died, he was furious with God. He asked God why he was never allowed to with the lottery. God simply told them man "I wanted so bad to give you that blessing, but you never even bought a ticket."

God helps those who helps themselves. It requires us working and going after the desires of our heart, not simply sitting by and waiting for God to drop things in our lap.

Coach

Very very true... at some point in time a guy has got to Man up and go mack on some women, I mean throw their mack down

 

[SonicBOOM]

God helps those who helps themselves. It requires us working and going after the desires of our heart, not simply sitting by and waiting for God to drop things in our lap.

awww but this philophy assumes that we CAN help ourselves. Not to be a downer here but I am a huge anti-God-helps-those-who-help-themselves. God will lead us and we have to obey.... but God is NEVEr dependent upon our actions. Infact in the OT he picks wives for his people. The action isn't as unbiblical as one might think. Rebekah was hand-picked by God for isaac.

 

[lunalinda]

My grandma asked me today when I'm going to get married (heh, as if it's something I can just buy at a store), seeing as how I'm soon to be another year older in a few days and all. I told her to ask God for me because He won't talk to me about it.

Why won't I get married? WHEN will I get married? Beats me. Beats me every time.

 

[GQ Chris]

Wow, that was an interesting first post by that lady. Brutal, LOL.

 

[Peacemonger]

Why are people getting depressed about this thread?

Wanna know what's depressing? Having one hairy nipple due to a hormonal imbalance.

PICS PLEASE.

(CF really needs a laughing smiley that isn't so "anime". Ick.)

Anyway, I was gonna slap the OP because it seemed like copy and paste, but she cleared that up in a later post.

That said, isn't the entire OP common sense? Take personal responsibility. Go for what you want in life and in the opposite sex. Of course people are single for a reason. Why wouldn't they be? Is that saying that people aren't in control of their own destiny? 'Cuz that's just sad and a cop-out excuse.

Screw excuses. Own up to your life, your problems, your imperfections, and your actions. Make life what you want.

Is this thread really all that necessary?

 

[GQ Chris]

I say, to each their own. If that gal wants to hold out to get rescued by some young stud when she turns 50 let her.. but by that time the dude is just lookin for one thing...

 

[charlie_hunter]

what a great post!!!

that part about womens dating pool starting big and getting smaller while mens start small and get bigger made complete sense and i've never heard that before!

great work G101! you really contribute to the singles forum.

 

[sampa]

.............Well the problem is that people start seeing all their friends get married and they soon become a little more deserpate to get married.

Luther yep, I've seen it more since I stopped traveling. A gal, 26years old saw all her friends getting married, Christian and started going to bars hunting. She finally just bought a rock to put on her finger and the last I heard and has decided that if she's just continues living her life (continuing career goals, involvement in the church and managing the restaurant she's about to own) it'll happen.

I too didn't feel the rush till I came home to more local life. Many friends got married, but they live some distances away, so it's not real to me. And then again there's many friends that still are not married and that encourages me that I'm normal. I'd hate to say it, but the higher the education, the more prolonged marriage seems to be.

Again, desperation isn't attractive. ..................................

yep Quirk, I'd agree. Sometimes it just smells bad to me, but at the same time I try to be open, unless the guy is way over clingy.

I think a lot of time Christians use "Gods Plan" as a crutch to keep from having to take a risk in life.......

I might partially agree Coach, as I've seen it in my life and am attempting to open up and take more healthy risk...although I still believe in God's plan.

........... I am a huge anti-God-helps-those-who-help-themselves. God will lead us and we have to obey.... but God is NEVEr dependent upon our actions. Infact in the OT he picks wives for his people. The action isn't as unbiblical as one might think. Rebekah was hand-picked by God for isaac.

Good example Masked_Chris.

My grandma asked me today when I'm going to get married (heh, as if it's something I can just buy at a store), seeing as how I'm soon to be another year older in a few days and all. I told her to ask God for me because He won't talk to me about it.

Why won't I get married? WHEN will I get married? Beats me. Beats me every time.

lunalinda, it's not a question I like to hear. It makes me feel like I have to explain what's wrong with me. It started around teh age of 25 my dad pressuring me about it. I was in college at the time and he reminded me about the whole biological clock ticking. In Japan it was even worse because things are very traditional there. they always asked me when I was gonna go home and find a man to get married to.

 

[CoachR64]

We CAN help ourselves. That is the point. God gave us a free will for a purpose. We can choose to to actively pursue it, or we can choose to sit back and hope He does it all for us. Actively seeking what God wants in your life is not the same thing as sitting on your butt waiting for a miracle.

I have never met a person, Christian or otherwise, that received all the blessings from God in their life by simply sitting back and doing nothing.

Coach

 

[BoazB]

When people look for THE ONE, they look for a picture postcard, but life isn't like that.

 

[Tamara224]

While I can't disagree that there are most likely plenty of women who have unrealistic standards but then complain about how they can't find someone, and moan that they won't "settle"....

In my experience, (and maybe this has something to do with where I live), most women didn't have any standards in the first place.

My cousin once told me that I just needed to settle because "all men are stupid" and there's no sense trying to find a smart one. But if that's the case, truly, I really don't want to get married. Honestly, I think she said that because she is miserable with her stupid husband and in order to cope, she needs to believe that there wasn't anything better out there for her.

And I wonder if that isn't what the author of the stuff in the OP is doing too, to a certain extent.

Maybe I would be happier in life if I caved to society's expectations of me. But I doubt it. I'm pretty sure I'd regret it.

And, I agree with those who have said that God has a plan about this. I have prayed about it. A lot. And God has told me to wait. He didn't tell me how long to wait. But He said wait.

You know, Abraham waited until he was 100 before God gave him the promised son. And Abraham tried to "help himself" along the way too. And that only led to problems that continue to this day.

 

[LonesomeTexan]

My advice to everyone that is single. When the right person finds you, you'll know it. It wont feel like you are settling. You may see some imperfections in that person, but you know in your heart that they are somehow perfect for you. If you don't feel that way about someone or they don't feel that way about you, don't settle. It's unfair to both parties involved.

 

[Luther073082]

Well to tell if all men are stupid then you have to first define what stupid is.

 

[Gardener101]

what a great post!!!

that part about womens dating pool starting big and getting smaller while mens start small and get bigger made complete sense and i've never heard that before!

great work G101! you really contribute to the singles forum.

Well...I try....

 

[Gardener101]

My advice to everyone that is single. When the right person finds you, you'll know it. It wont feel like you are settling. You may see some imperfections in that person, but you know in your heart that they are somehow perfect for you. If you don't feel that way about someone or they don't feel that way about you, don't settle. It's unfair to both parties involved.

Best advise so far methinks

 

[Gardener101]

While I can't disagree that there are most likely plenty of women who have unrealistic standards but then complain about how they can't find someone, and moan that they won't "settle"....

In my experience, (and maybe this has something to do with where I live), most women didn't have any standards in the first place.

My cousin once told me that I just needed to settle because "all men are stupid" and there's no sense trying to find a smart one. But if that's the case, truly, I really don't want to get married. Honestly, I think she said that because she is miserable with her stupid husband and in order to cope, she needs to believe that there wasn't anything better out there for her.

And I wonder if that isn't what the author of the stuff in the OP is doing too, to a certain extent.

Maybe I would be happier in life if I caved to society's expectations of me. But I doubt it. I'm pretty sure I'd regret it.

And, I agree with those who have said that God has a plan about this. I have prayed about it. A lot. And God has told me to wait. He didn't tell me how long to wait. But He said wait.

You know, Abraham waited until he was 100 before God gave him the promised son. And Abraham tried to "help himself" along the way too. And that only led to problems that continue to this day.

Good points, but I would faint at the thought of God asking me to WAIT. Like Coach said, good things from God don't tend to just fall on our lap. We have to work for it.

 

[Gardener101]

When people look for THE ONE, they look for a picture postcard, but life isn't like that.

Absolutely!

 

[SonicBOOM]

We CAN help ourselves. That is the point. God gave us a free will for a purpose. We can choose to to actively pursue it, or we can choose to sit back and hope He does it all for us. Actively seeking what God wants in your life is not the same thing as sitting on your butt waiting for a miracle.

I have never met a person, Christian or otherwise, that received all the blessings from God in their life by simply sitting back and doing nothing.

Coach

well laziness is a sin, that much i agree. but part of our obedence is reconizing our helpless state. thats my issue with "God helps those who help themselves". It's really the oldest sin in the book. The choice between choosing to trust in God or grasping the apple.