Nightmare returned.

[Fowler]

Hey guys.


I can say that my struggle against masturbation was successful, however I can clearly hear it's steps again. I wasnt M+++++ for a year or so. I felt great and inspired... BUT. Today I was about to give up... I wanted to download a bad video and...
Roots of M come from loneliness and anti sociality. Sometimes I hate people around me... You know... during my struggle I started to disdain woman and esp girls of my age(18-19)... I am trying not to look at them, sometimes I want to turn into he sand and fly away.
Yesterday our neighbor asked me to install software on their PC. I was glad to help BUT THERE I SAW his sister. She is 19 as me. She said Hey! How are you doing? I WANTED TO JUMP OFF THE WINDOW that moment. I kind a love her, YES I do love she is the only bright creature(after my mom) in my life. I want to invite her out and marry in the future. (Even her brother and family like me a lot)BUT I CANT. I realize that pure and real love will put an end to M, however I am afraid... I dont know how to say that, but struggle against masturbation and it's main cause- loneliness... make me sinking more in it( loneliness) I even started to enjoy my current state. I dont have real friends, therefore no need to care other people at all... I dislike 90% of people around me. In addition, I started to listen to depressive music and so on...

However, I am always glad to help people here, on CF BUT I HATE ALL PEOPLE WHO SURROUND ME! Let me tell a shorty story. Ministry of Education announced competition to study arabic abroad in Syria or Egypt. However, all students are required to pass written and oral examination to win. Moreover, ministry added few places for disabled students who have good grades to go to Syria without any exams. We have one student Lets call him John. I dont know how it's called but he has kind a mental illness. SOmetimes he might stare at people in a strange way, or his speech becomes weird... However, he always had strong B. So, we were discussing future written test and one of my so called mates said " John is lucky. He is exempted from everything in this life" and all of them started to laugh... I screamed how +++++++ you can say like that??? They replied "Take it easy man. We all know he is an idiot..."


I ask myself sometimes... What If I masturbated. What is the end? Nothing. Just me,bathroom and loneliness. What If I invite her out to restaurant or cinema? Here I keep silence and return to my struggle. I always think that love is a weakness and in the same time my remedy... This made me pathetic...

There are other reasons to be considered. Initially, in 2011 I am going to the UK to pursue MA degree. We wont see each other for a year or even more. There, I might fell in love again and???
In addition, we cant meet frequently coz she lives in another city and our dates will be really difficult to arrange...

I am sorry that You had to read it but..
...

 

[Criada]

Brother, I'm sorry that you are struggling again. It is very easy to give in to temptation for a moment's relief... but try to remember how that makes you feel afterwards It really isn't worth it...

You sound as though you are very confused emotionally and probably depressed as well. Have you spoken to a doctor about it? Meds might help you to feel more able to talk to people...
You can be friends with this girl without worrying about the issues of dating in the future.. leave that for the future, just let things develop as they develop.
People are fallible, they will always do things that are not righteous, because we are human... try not to judge them so harshly... look for the good, and show them the love of Jesus, maybe they will change

Praying for you, brother.

 

[Fowler]

Thank you! I will probably try to invite her somewhere...

 

[Johnnz]

You are at war with yourself. That is not a biblical state at all. You are trying to virtually suppress you sexuality instead of healthily integrating it within you. That is a recipe for disaster. You need to:

Accept that at your age you are sexually mature, without even asking to be. Maybe at 80 your sex drive will have abated somewhat. Until then it will be part of you.

Accept some women are attractive to you. That's part of God's design to draw us into marriage. Simple appreciation is not 'sinful lust'. Just learn where sensible boundaries are.

Get some sensible information on human sexuality and Christian values. That's not always easy to find, as much Christian material can be somewhat negative and condemnatory. Sorry, but my current reading is not around these areas right now so I can't recommend anything.

John
NZ