new to posting

[pammie54]

I have been viewing the posts since March. So many have helped me tremendously. I have felt so in sync with JeanR and missingyou. My beloved husband died of sudden cardiac death (death within one hour of the first symptom) at the age of 52 on the night of our 32 wedding anniversary. It left so many people in a state of shock to say the least. It has been 2 years and 5 months and I still cry everyday. Even through all the pain God has been so gracious to me. I knew almost within days, even in that fog, that God had planned his death and prepared things for Larry and for me. I too want to move forward. God does still have plans for us too.
The one thing I have been most surprised by is the disruption of the family. I have 2 wonderful Christian daughters who are grown and have their own families. There is so much tension between them. We were such a close family or maybe I just thought we were. I realize we each grieve differently and I have given them such leyway, often hiding my own pain. So now I find myself withdrawing from them for my own personal peace. And yes I have prayed alot about this. Any thoughts?

 

[rjoymac]

Pammie54, I know what you are saying. I have three grown children. They don't ever think of their father's dieing. And when it happens so quckly they can't handle it. My husband died at the age of 51. We found out in Dec. of o1 that he had cancer and he died after his first cemo in Jan. 02. They were not ready for that. I was living with him and each day I seen him going down hill. They did not want to hear that. My oldest daughter got mad and told me I was negative and how wrong that was. All because I tryed to prepare her for what I know was comimg. And I to have backed away, as a mother we don't want our children to hurt so we do all we can to protect them at all cost. My daughter even told me it was too hard to come over because she know her dad wasn't going to be their anymore. They are hurting and they arn't think right now. And you do feel like the forgotten one. Do you have friends who you can talk with? We need one another. I have a dear friend and she lost her husband 6 mounths after I lost Michael. And we talk. God has blessed me with this dear friend and my mother who has losted my father. And if I can do anything just let me know. God bless and keep you.

 

[pammie54]

Yes, I do have several widow friends who I have been able to open up to. It is so true, we do need each other. My friends from before are so sweet to me but I have changed and will never be the me I was before. They don't get that.

 

[Missinyou]

Yes, I do have several widow friends who I have been able to open up to. It is so true, we do need each other. My friends from before are so sweet to me but I have changed and will never be the me I was before. They don't get that.

Have you changed....or did they change? I have found that those friends, even though they are near and dear to me, find it hard to determine what subjects are okay and which ones are not okay...and really, even I don't know that. It changes from day to day. I guess what I am trying to say is that perhaps you are the one who is still the same, and by no choice of theirs, they have changed. I think my friends guard what they say a lot of the time, not knowing if I will tear up, or just smile and let it go. Enough rambling for tonight... God bless each and every one of you. With His help, we will make it through this.

 

[JeanR]

Three of my children and one of their spouses live with me. These 4 have reached out to each other and shared their grief with each other. It has been so precious and sweet to see them together. My oldest daughter turned away from us. I know everyone grieves differently, but she has made things so hard for herself. She does not talk to us and has made it clear that she feels everyone has moved on with their life and that she is the only one in mourning. It is so painful as a mother seeing an adult child making poor choices. I let her know that I love her and I pray everyday for her.

 

[KarenCharin0]

My friends act different with just me instead of us I've noticed. I thought for a long time what happened I thought they were my friends as well as my husbands but wondered for a long time if they were just "our" friends because of Keith so without him I didn't have anything in common with them anymore...... then on the other end of things I had a few friends who worried too much, even to the point of one friend had emailed me and my computer had crashed so she never heard back from me then after a few days decided to call and I wasn't home to answer the phone, I had walked down the street to one of the neighbors to watch a movie. Well when I didn't answer the phone she called the police to come check on me. They came over and seen my car was here so they went to a few of the neighbors looking for me and when they found me brought me home to call her....... there were several other things similar to that but that was the end.... I knew she was just worried about me but it was getting ridiculous. I would worry about going anywhere and someone trying to call while I was gone and they would worry.....

 

[shuntmama]

My friends act different with just me instead of us I've noticed. I thought for a long time what happened I thought they were my friends as well as my husbands but wondered for a long time if they were just "our" friends because of Keith so without him I didn't have anything in common with them anymore...... then on the other end of things I had a few friends who worried too much, even to the point of one friend had emailed me and my computer had crashed so she never heard back from me then after a few days decided to call and I wasn't home to answer the phone, I had walked down the street to one of the neighbors to watch a movie. Well when I didn't answer the phone she called the police to come check on me. They came over and seen my car was here so they went to a few of the neighbors looking for me and when they found me brought me home to call her....... there were several other things similar to that but that was the end.... I knew she was just worried about me but it was getting ridiculous. I would worry about going anywhere and someone trying to call while I was gone and they would worry.....

Hey Karen,

You are Blessed to have friends that care about you and love you enough to worry so much.
When my first husband died I had few friends that cared enough even to call and check up on me.
It was hard for me to go thru the death of my husband alone, but the Lord saw me thru it all, and now I have many friends, and for this I am very thankful. God Bless,

Love in Christ, sarah

 

[prisca1]

Hi Karen and Shuntmama,
I have gotten into trouble for that before too and kinda made the person feel like they were decrepid or something. I can usually tell now when a person is pushing me away or gives me that 'back off' signal. Now I rarely have to worry about it because I'am surrounded by friends that are so cool and just dont seem to have hardly any 'hang up's', you know? Just pretty well rounded all the way around. Christ is the chief physcisian so he did a pretty good job on all my sisters, and that's all I have to say about that. You know who you are.LOL