New question.

[annrobert]

Im gonna try and get myself another app for some meds

Caty I hope the medication helps you and I hope also that you may be able to find a good doctor or professional who can help you get better.

You have been through so much suffering and are so young.

There is help available and I hope you consider getting this help and I hope the medication helps you also.Many people have been helped through medication and therapy.

Jesus loves you more than you can ever comprehend.

 

[annrobert]

I have asked God to change my heart if it's bad. & im still this way.
But that doen't answer my question?

caty,
I did not mean that I thought the ocd would go away immediately,
I was hoping to show that no matter what angle ocd takes
no matter what thoughts ocd may try to give in order to feed the fear that Jesus does not want us or will cast us out,

Jesus has covered it all

Jesus has paid the price

Jesus makes all things new

Jesus gives us a new heart

forgives us

and cleanses us

and will not cast us out when we come to Him

whosoever will may come and drink freely from the Water of Life

we may come just as we are

we can do nothing without Jesus

we abide in Jesus and Jesus makes us grow

Jesus will always forgive those who come to Him for forgiveness and not cast them out


I suffered for a long time before Jesus healed me, but Jesus did heal me.

Just not as quick as I would have liked.

I really hope the medication helps you get better and that you may find professional help.

Jesus does not want you to suffer.

Jesus loves you deeply and wants you to know that.

 

[zingiber]

Not even a christian can feel like he (or she!) is good at all when he looks at himself. I mean, how bad are our hearts really? We are naturally depraved, and even after salvation when we are given a new heart, we are not perfect. No one is. Read Paul's struggle against his sin in Romans 7. He rarely looks at himself, and this is the only occasion where his words slip towards desperation, but it shows that he struggled also. The rest of the time his self-focus is just intended to show God's great goodness to him. He openly acknowledged that he was weak - that is the glory of it! We are weak, yet God chooses to save us. Those who know they are rubbish humble themselves and trust the Lord God to save them - their weakness is their strength, for now God is with them.

Also, are we really as bad as we could be? God sets our hearts desiring righteousness, even if we never get there fully. Non-christians do not have this desire - they often feel pretty good about themselves, and all they do is for their own glory.

So, we are all evil to some degree, but that doesn't matter; God has provided our righteousness in Jesus Christ. The more you look at yourself, the more you will hate yourself, the more you will fear, and the most importantly, the more you will stop looking at God. Don't you see that God loves us as we are? You are searching your own heart to find out whether you are saved, and that keeps you from producing much fruit, but it does not follow that you are not saved. You must focus on God.

By the way, have you yet read "Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners"? I still think that you will find this book beneficial. I have been reading it again, and I still find it of help!

 

[annrobert]

Not even a christian can feel like he (or she!) is good at all when he looks at himself. I mean, how bad are our hearts really? We are naturally depraved, and even after salvation when we are given a new heart, we are not perfect. No one is. Read Paul's struggle against his sin in Romans 7. He rarely looks at himself, and this is the only occasion where his words slip towards desperation, but it shows that he struggled also. The rest of the time his self-focus is just intended to show God's great goodness to him. He openly acknowledged that he was weak - that is the glory of it! We are weak, yet God chooses to save us. Those who know they are rubbish humble themselves and trust the Lord God to save them - their weakness is their strength, for now God is with them.

Also, are we really as bad as we could be? God sets our hearts desiring righteousness, even if we never get there fully. Non-christians do not have this desire - they often feel pretty good about themselves, and all they do is for their own glory.

So, we are all evil to some degree, but that doesn't matter; God has provided our righteousness in Jesus Christ. The more you look at yourself, the more you will hate yourself, the more you will fear, and the most importantly, the more you will stop looking at God. Don't you see that God loves us as we are? You are searching your own heart to find out whether you are saved, and that keeps you from producing much fruit, but it does not follow that you are not saved. You must focus on God.

By the way, have you yet read "Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners"? I still think that you will find this book beneficial. I have been reading it again, and I still find it of help!

I agree with this post

and I also read grace abounding to the chief of sinners and it is a great book.

 

[RobertZ]

I agree with this post

and I also read grace abounding to the chief of sinners and it is a great book.

I read it myself and I think I could have written that book! it really helped a lot and it is quite obvious that John Bunyan had OCD. Unfortunately in his day and time people did not know what OCD is, much less how to diagnose it.

Caty just look at where I was over a year ago compared to now, im finally getting some freedom. I still struggle from time to time with assurance but its getting better and im able to see how OCD has been ruling my life.

Caty let me ask you something else and this is a real important question. Do you understand what the primary functions are of the Holy Spirit? In order to understand what blasphemey of the Holy Ghost really is you must first understand the primary functions of the Holy Ghost in an individuals life.

There are 3 things in which the spirit convicts us of.

1. Sins
2. Righteousness
3. Judgement


Now consider what I just said and consider someone who has blasphemed the Holy Ghost. The person who has blasphemed the Holy Ghost would be absent of any conviction concerning those 3 points because the Holy Ghost would be absent from that persons life!


If you are still being convicted of any or all of these 3 points then you have not blasphemed the Holy Ghost. Dont you see Caty the person who has done this reaches a point in there life where they no longer see the need for forgiveness and that is clearly not you!!!

Blasphemey is a much much deeper rooted sin than just a random thought produced in your mind by the Devil who likes to torment you with these thoughts and then make you to think that you committed this sin. You
are falling for his lies and he is having an absolute hay day with you.

John 16:8-11
When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment
in regard to sin, because men do not believe in me, in regard to righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer and in regard to judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned.





Caty you need to really dig deep into the scriptures in order to get the full meaning, you cannot place all of your understanding on one passage of scripture as this is what the enemy loves for us to do because he knows that if we do not understand the entire word of God then he can use scriptures against us at his pleasure.

Remember, satan knows the word of God better than most christians do. That is why its so very vital to study ever day in the word of God so you can fight the enemy with the knowledge that you will gain by studying Gods word.

 

[gracealone]

I know I get on your all nerves and Im gonna try and get myself another app for some meds. But Ive heard that people still fear the uf-sin and that meds dont stop that fear. I dont know what will...[/quote]

HI Caty,
You certainly don't get on my nerves. Reading your posts are too familiar .... I empathize with them and understand the pain that you are in. As far as the meds. are concerned I think you are very brave to seek help. I'm proud of you!! Starting meds. was a huge hurdle for me - I was terrified of them. Terrified that I was sinning by taking them, terrified that they'd have some horrible effect on me that could never be undone, mostly terrified that they wouldn't work which might mean that I'd be stuck in this miserable condition forever or that my fears weren't based in OCD but were based in sin. All of these fears were driven by an inappropriate anxiety response due to my serotonin imbalance. You are right that meds. don't erase unwanted/intrusive thoughts.(You can't unthink a thought.) What they do is dampen down the anxiety response to the thoughts, bring the response down to a more normal/acceptable level and make it easier for us to shove through them and apply ERP to them. You need to be prepared to give the meds.time. Also if you feel more anxious when starting them that is usually a sign that you need to back down on the dosage and move up gradually. That was the case with me for every new medication I tried. The goal that you must hold on to is to keep trying until you find the one that helps you best. I took a total of 4 medications until I found the one which helped me.
I'm praying for you and for the Doctors that will be helping you.
Love you!
Mitzi

 

[gracealone]

AMEN!!

Caty I hope the medication helps you and I hope also that you may be able to find a good doctor or professional who can help you get better.

You have been through so much suffering and are so young.

There is help available and I hope you consider getting this help and I hope the medication helps you also.Many people have been helped through medication and therapy.

Jesus loves you more than you can ever comprehend.

 

[Caty]

I see some parts of my ocd you all are talking about but that had nothing to do with my forgiveness.

 

[Caty]

& I know that its me getting mad at God sometimes and I think the thoughts. But is it fair to blame it on OCD, becauseI didn't use to blame thigns on God and get mad at Him for it. Not, until these thoughts attacked me over a year ago. (& you all have to understand they arent just getting mad at the God thoughts they call the Holy Spirit that terrible thing) and I was sitting here thinking and I do believe that I had it in my heart when I have thought those thoughts. But then again I think about (I know this is a terrible thing also ) but you know when you get SO angry at someone and you might wish them dead. Is it in your heart, if you regret it and don't want to say those things? I dont know how to judge myself and I cant remember (because Ive had SO many thoughts) I dont know with each thought if it where in my heart? I'm so confused and I don think I can ever know if its in my heart. Because I have some moments when I fear nothing but Hell. But other times I crave Jesus and a relationship with God.

 

[RobertZ]

I see some parts of my ocd you all are talking about but that had nothing to do with my forgiveness.

Caty, read my post again and think about what I am saying to you and the scriptures behind it. You dont really understand what blasphemey of the Holy Ghost is because im not so sure that you completely understand the Holy Spirits 3 primary convictions.

 

[RobertZ]

& I know that its me getting mad at God sometimes and I think the thoughts. But is it fair to blame it on OCD, becauseI didn't use to blame thigns on God and get mad at Him for it. Not, until these thoughts attacked me over a year ago. (& you all have to understand they arent just getting mad at the God thoughts they call the Holy Spirit that terrible thing) and I was sitting here thinking and I do believe that I had it in my heart when I have thought those thoughts. But then again I think about (I know this is a terrible thing also ) but you know when you get SO angry at someone and you might wish them dead. Is it in your heart, if you regret it and don't want to say those things? I dont know how to judge myself and I cant remember (because Ive had SO many thoughts) I dont know with each thought if it where in my heart? I'm so confused and I don think I can ever know if its in my heart. Because I have some moments when I fear nothing but Hell. But other times I crave Jesus and a relationship with God.

Caty if the thoughts were truly meant from your heart you wouldnt care about any of this at all and you would not be here posting about it!

A person who has done this from the heart isnt concerned the slightest bit about it and is actually proud of their actions and proud to be on their way to Hell. THIS IS NOT YOU.

 

[Caty]

See, here recently I've been having this obbsession with death. I've had pain in my stomach that they cant figure out where they are coming from and why and it worries me (please pray) and anyerisums runin my family so Im afraid Im just gonna drop dead. or that Ill have cancer or something and I look up the symtpms and of course I have them.
Today the pain is bad and I keep thinking what if I drop dead and Im not really right with God, I'm NOT ready to die. So I've been crying and I think "why would God do this to me." and I say bad things about Him in my head and I dont want to say those things but I cant get the doubt about Him out of my head, but since Im feeling that way abut Him and I even said in my head that I hated Him today, but I dont think I really do, but I dont think I love Him either. I dont know what I feel. Then I started having doubts about the Holy Spirit, and I dont think I said anything about Him. & Its like I'm wanting to say things (but I really dont want too) I hold it back & try to aviod sayin anything. So I mean I can never know whats in my heart or when I think the thoughts I dont know if its in my heart. But I really dont want it to be, becase Im scared and Im not ready to die yet becaue Im afraid im gonna go to Hell. because of my thoughts.

 

[Caty]

Caty if the thoughts were truly meant from your heart you wouldnt care about any of this at all and you would not be here posting about it!

A person who has done this from the heart isnt concerned the slightest bit about it and is actually proud of their actions and proud to be on their way to Hell. THIS IS NOT YOU.

But see it NEVER says that in the Bible.

 

[seajoy]

See, here recently I've been having this obbsession with death. I've had pain in my stomach that they cant figure out where they are coming from and why and it worries me (please pray) and anyerisums runin my family so Im afraid Im just gonna drop dead. or that Ill have cancer or something and I look up the symtpms and of course I have them.
Today the pain is bad and I keep thinking what if I drop dead and Im not really right with God, I'm NOT ready to die. So I've been crying and I think "why would God do this to me." and I say bad things about Him in my head and I dont want to say those things but I cant get the doubt about Him out of my head, but since Im feeling that way abut Him and I even said in my head that I hated Him today, but I dont think I really do, but I dont think I love Him either. I dont know what I feel. Then I started having doubts about the Holy Spirit, and I dont think I said anything about Him. & Its like I'm wanting to say things (but I really dont want too) I hold it back & try to aviod sayin anything. So I mean I can never know whats in my heart or when I think the thoughts I dont know if its in my heart. But I really dont want it to be, becase Im scared and Im not ready to die yet becaue Im afraid im gonna go to Hell. because of my thoughts.

You sound just like I did when I was in high school.....and I got better. There is nothing wrong with your relationship with God. You just have goofy thoughts....that's all they are - thoughts. I also thought I had every disease known to man.....and there was nothing wrong with me. You are the most classic case of OCD that I have seen in a while.

Tell the thoughts "oh well" and go on with your day. Don't look back. Thank God that you are His. This will pass with time and effort. ERP therapy works. You need to do this under a trained psychiatrist. I have every feeling that some day you will be fine.

 

[Caty]

I hope, & I hope that God some how understands that I cant help what I worry about. I know though that there is NO excuse for me saying things about Him though, even if Im worried Im gonna die. But it kinda seems when I have those 'fits' in my mind that I cannot control it because I tell myself that, "God isn't bad." & "Its' not Gods fault." and that "You shouldn't say these things. " but my mind does it anyways, but I shouldn't make excuses for myself. Because when I have those moments, its like I cant see any good in god, until its over and I think about what just happened. Is that ocdish?

 

[RobertZ]

But see it NEVER says that in the Bible.

Yes it does, not in those plain words but the Bible does give us examples of a heart sin vs sins of weakness.


Take Peter for example who verbally denied Christ 3 times and then later felt remorse for it and then repented. Its obvious Peter did not commit this sin with all of his heart because he later repented. Did Jesus forgive him? Yes.

If Peter had really and truly meant this from his heart when he said it then you would not have seen him asking Jesus to forgive him as the sin would have come from his heart and not during a moment of temptation or weakness or ignorance.

 

[Caty]

oh, okay. I just think Ill never know for sure. & I know ocd makes us doubt but this is a really hard subject with little room for doubt. Jesus didnt say anything though about that when He said that, "Whosoever speaks a word will go to Hell." He just said whosoever speaks a word. an even though I think this way, how do I know that i dont have a bad heart and just am scared of going to Hell.

 

[seajoy]

oh, okay. I just think Ill never know for sure. & I know ocd makes us doubt but this is a really hard subject with little room for doubt. Jesus didnt say anything though about that when He said that, "Whosoever speaks a word will go to Hell." He just said whosoever speaks a word. an even though I think this way, how do I know that i dont have a bad heart and just am scared of going to Hell.

Say "oh well" to all these thoughts. Because you will never get it thought out, your OCD won't let you. Any reassurance won't help you either....it just keeps the OCD circle going. Try to say "oh well" all the time. Don't try and take it back, just move forward with your day. This works, Caty. I know, I've been where you are.

 

[gracealone]

Say "oh well" to all these thoughts. Because you will never get it thought out, your OCD won't let you. Any reassurance won't help you either....it just keeps the OCD circle going. Try to say "oh well" all the time. Don't try and take it back, just move forward with your day. This works, Caty. I know, I've been where you are.

Me Too... Amen!
Mitzi

 

[Caty]

But today I was in the ER for my side and I was SO mad at the dr because he made me out to be stupid and the (of course) said they really didnt know what was wrong with me or why im in this pain. & I said in my head, "Jesus your..." I know this may sounds dumb but I dont wanna tyoe it. I called him the e-word. & I cannot remember if I tried to fight it our what but I hate that I did that and I dont EVER want it to happen again, did I do it that time---I hope I didnt make myself unforgiveable becauseI just called Him that, & He didnt deserve it.