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New Member - OCD, Coincidence and God

Discussion in 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' started by AsterWhelmed255, Jul 10, 2012.

  1. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

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    Hello there! :hi: I’m new here, though I’ve been following this particular forum for a few months now, ever since I discovered I had Pure-O OCD (Scrupulosity and a subset of ROCD, mostly). I’ve learned a lot and have gotten great help from this site, but there are still a few questions that I have that no one seems to ask, so I finally decided to get an account myself. I’ve been trying to get a handle on my OCD, and I’m taking inositol, B vitamins, and fish oil to combat it, but it’s an uphill battle, and sometimes it’s just so hard to tell when something is OCD or a valid thought.

    Take coincidences, for instance, or something that happens after you pray that you’re not sure just WHAT went down or how to interpret it, or even if it was God answering me or it was just coincidence, or if He WAS talking to me and I’m just hopelessly misconstruing it because of my illness. :(

    See, I have a type of OCD that, the best I can figure, is a variety of ROCD, though it’s not about a specific PERSON, per se (though it has attacked my friendships in the past), but more of a hobby or subject that I immensely enjoy reading and writing about, and it’s actually the thing that the OCD attacks more than anything else, and the thing it targeted first, and it just keeps coming back to it. About half a year ago, I was talking with one of my friends about it (I did not know I had OCD at the time), and she suggested I just ask God straightforwardly what I should do, if I should get rid of it or not, and to open and close doors as He saw fit. I did so (and got a mental “yes” to the question of “Should I get rid of this or not” which freaked me the heck out, I can assure you, but I’ve since figured that it was just the whole part and parcel of having OCD, since I heard voices regularly back then [almost never now], constantly telling me to get rid of stuff I liked and that God was displeased with me [and… other certain things >_>], and extensive research about the subject of God speaking to people say that that is NOT how God speaks). About a week later, I suddenly lost my current job at the time with no warning, a weak, BS excuse for why they were letting me go, and no explanation when I tried to inquire further about if I had done anything displeasing in any way.

    I was so incredibly scared and confused, trying desperately to puzzle out what this meant, DID it mean anything, did this mean God really was telling me to get rid of this thing, or was it about something totally unrelated? I was nearly in tears for the entire duration of the rest of the work day from nerves and confusion, and almost broke down on the bus ride home, but then the oddest thought spoke into my mind, saying something along the lines of “This isn’t about what you think it is,” and peace flooded my aching, churning gut for a few moments, and I was able to hold back the tears ‘til I got home.

    After a long series of talks with multiple people who I trust, I came to the conclusion that no, this wasn’t God telling me to get rid of the subject my prayer was about, but perhaps rather answering my prayer to just open and close the doors in my life as He saw fit, going for a different type of door than the one that was on my mind at the time (in fact, one person I talked to even called my angsting over this silly). But I still wonder sometimes (like now) about it, even if I don’t think of that incident for weeks or even months on end and the OCD tries to think of another reason why I should get rid of that subject. And it’s weird, but a few months after that incident, I prayed the same prayer again, and BAM! suddenly it seems like my life’s overflowing with evidence that seems to say it’s okay for me to continue down that path, that God’s totally cool with it, that I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just really inconsistent, is what I’m saying. :purple:

    Or other times, when unwanted thoughts used to pop into my mind when I’m in pain from exercise, working, or menstrual cramps that “If you want me to get rid of this, take away the pain” and the pain subsides for a few moments, and I thoroughly freak out, since I didn’t even want that thought in the first place. And then I’d waste an hour or more trying it out on different inane subjects (i.e. “If you want me to jump out the window, take away the pain.” “If you want me to never eat chicken again, take away the pain.” “If you want me to become an axe murderer take away the pain.” etc), and then monitoring my body’s reaction to those thoughts, while interspersing the original thought among them, and then seeing what happens, and the reactions are all over the place for all thoughts, from no reaction, to decreased or no pain, to INTENSIFIED pain, and I just get more and more confused and frightened. :(

    So I guess all this to say, does anyone have a way to see whether something is a sign from God or just coincidence, or if it IS a sign, to not completely bungle the message because of OCD? Does anyone know how to tell the difference and to not get confused and start angsting and ruminating, or to be happy and joyful about it, but then start doubting because of other things that seemed to indicate the opposite, but also seemed to be signs? Any help someone can give on this subject would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance (and I hope I wasn’t too long-winded or incoherent :blush:). :)


    Aster
     
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  2. tripletiger1200

    tripletiger1200 Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound

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    Well, I don't think that when the Lord actually talks that there is confusion like that. I've had some situations like what you've described, and at the time I thought God had spoken, but it still confused me so much that I had no peace about the situation and no clarity as to what exactly I was supposed to do. Looking back on these situations, and after talking to my pastor and some Christians in my life that I trust, it is clear to me that what I thought I heard was not from the Lord. If you are confused and distressed then I would be cautious about what you're hearing.
     
  3. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

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    Thank you so much for your words of advice, sir! :thankful:Yeah, from what I've been able to glean from books and articles on ways God speaks to you, He doesn't sound like that. But, you know, OCD and all. :sadd: What do you think about "signs" that make you feel happy, joyful, and good, though? My OCD makes me doubt those, too, unfortunately. :(
     
  4. jusme

    jusme Newbie

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    Hi Aster,

    I was just curious if you have been to a professional about your condition or have you just diagnosed yourself?
     
  5. cmsracing

    cmsracing Newbie

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    What you are doing is called "put out fleeses". Read Judges 6:38-40. It is a topic of debate as to if this is an acceptable thing to do or not. I personally think it's wrong in that it's like we're testing God, or showing a lack of faith.
    As a person with OCD, I know we make mountains out of things that are really pretty simple. When I have fears, doubts, or confusion, and wonder if this is God dealing with me or just OCD, I have a simple test that will give you the answer.
    If these thoughts cause us confusion, I know what God said about confusion.
    1 Corinthians 14:33 says God is not the author of confusion, but of love
    If these thought cause us fear, 2Timothy 1:7 tells us that "God doesn't give the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.
    God is a powerful and a capable God. When he's dealing with you, he doesn't need to play games or try to mess you up. He is very clear when he speaks to us.
    The first and biggest step to recovery from OCD, is to recognize it when we see it. If these thoughts are confusing, bring us fear and seem irrational, it's OCD.
     
  6. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

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    [FONT=&quot]jusme,[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot]Unfortunately, to the best of my knowledge, there are no professionals that I can consult in my area about this, so yes, I did diagnose and start treating myself after doing thoroughly exhaustive research on the subject. Erm… why do you ask? [/FONT]
     
  7. jusme

    jusme Newbie

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    I was just curious... are you in the United States?
     
  8. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

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    Hi cmsracing,

    Thank you very much for commenting. :) Yeah, I agree that the biggest key to getting over OCD is to recognize it when we see it, but that’s where I fall flat much of the time, because really, I don’t think a lot of Scrupulosity feels “irrational” to someone who has it. But those are some awesome verses, and I will try to keep those in mind the next time my OCD flares up. Thank you again! ^^
     
  9. kaykay9.0

    kaykay9.0 Guest

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    Let me just comment that in my own life, I have learned that some striking occurrences are simply coincidence but they can really mess with your head if you battle OCD!
     
  10. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

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    Kaykay,

    Thank you very much for your comment. :) Though I do have a question; how do you know if they were simply coincidence? I mean was there something that happened later that proved that it wasn’t God, or something?
     
  11. kaykay9.0

    kaykay9.0 Guest

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    I can't think of a real good example offhand, but yes, I have learned that sometimes things do occur which are coincidence, not God. Sometimes I have been upset about circumstances and realized later it was not God. Just be careful if you have OCD especially in attributing events to the Lord. Some people think there is no such thing as coicidence. It has been my experience that there clearly IS!
     
  12. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

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    Hmm, I’ll keep that in mind, then. :) But… what about GOOD things that happen to you, or instances that lift you up and give you hope that it’s only OCD, there’s not a whit of truth in what it’s been telling you, you haven’t done anything wrong, etc? I’ve had instances where I’ve taken THOSE as signs from God, too, sometimes. How can you tell which is right?
     
  13. kaykay9.0

    kaykay9.0 Guest

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    I don't know what to tell you except to discern
    a we would other things~~does the" sign"agree with the whole counsel of scripture? Does it agree with what Godly friends would counsel? Does it agree with the peace in our spirit? Or on the other hand, does it violate scripture, does it seem harsh or condemnatory, does it make us feel discouraged or hopeless?

    I wish it were simpler but if we don't discern and just accept everything that comes down the pike as being God, we set ourselves up to be deceived, I think.
     
  14. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

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    Psh, mostly the latter stuff, honestly. So, basically, if it takes away the anxiety and agrees with everyone else has been telling me ("Stop worrying about this! It wasn't God, it's perfectly fine for you to continue doing what you're doing."), it's probably God, more so than the other stuff that freaks me out and discourages me? Well, that's a load off my mind.:ahem:

    Yeah, I agree with you there. It's just kinda hard, you know? Especially when everything seems to remind you of the obsessive thoughts or be talking about them. :sadd:
     
  15. kaykay9.0

    kaykay9.0 Guest

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    Well, yes, God can and does convict but if the voice is condemnatory and makes you feel hopeless and farther from God, its probably the OCD etc. Some counselors have said rule of thumb--if it feels like OCD, it IS OCD. i wouldnt go as far as to say this isALWAYS the case, but probably 99.999999% of the time, you can chalk it up to OCD. Also, its not just what "everybody" else says, but again people you respect who can give Godly counsel. Does this make sense?
     
  16. AsterWhelmed255

    AsterWhelmed255 Newbie

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    Yeah, that's what I'm trying to hold onto here, the whole "If it feels like OCD, it IS OCD, ergo, it's a lie, ignore it and boot that lying, unruly thought out of your mind because it doesn't belong there" rule. Harder than it sounds sometimes though, though it SEEMS really strightforward. :( And the people who I was talking about ARE people I respect and who give godly counsel. ;) Just so you know.

    Aster
     
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