New here, searching desperately for God...

[searchingforGod]

Hi there, I hope that it will be alright for me to post here but I really need some help. Some background info: I was raised Roman Catholic and attended an RC school for 12 years. I was in my childhood such a strong believer that I wanted to be a nun!

I am now 25 and doing relatively well for myself, I am engaged and currently working on my MSc in neuroscience. I am generally happy except for the gaping hole that my complete lack of faith has left me with. Ever since adolescence I have been utterly unable to believe in ANYTHING! It isnt a conscious thing, I am not like those individuals who hate religion and make efforts to argue with those who have faith. I am merely a reluctant agnostic.

When I enter a Catholic church I feel a sense of peace come over me like no other, I find all the Christian rhetoric so comforting and beautiful, yet I just CANNOT believe ad it hurts. When I see others with faith I am jealous, I want so badly what they have!

I want to believe, I want to feel God in my daily life, so why cant I? What is wrong with me. Even when I try my best I still have the feeling in the back of my head that I dont TRULY believe, but I want to so badly!!

If anyone has experienced this, has some advice or even just a few words of support I would be so appreciative.

 

[seashale76]

I do know what you're talking about. I've been there. There's always hope.

We have the natural world to look to. I believe that it affirms the idea of a creator. Also, think of other things that we take for granted as existing, yet we can't prove, such as feelings and emotions. We can only see the effects of these things, not that they actually exist.

However, once you move past this, we can say that God exists and we can now 'see' Him due to the incarnation of Christ. Not only that, but baptized Christians who partake of the sacraments of Christ's Holy Church literally have Christ in them. It was seeing the risen Christ which convinced St. Thomas, after all.


Here's some quotes that I like, that hopefully you will get something out of too:

If you wish to save your soul and win eternal life, arise from your lethargy, make the sign of the Cross and say:
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

Faith comes not through pondering but through action. Not words and speculation but experience teaches us what God is. To let in fresh air we have to open a window; to get tanned we must go out into the sunshine. Achieving faith is no different; we never reach a goal by just sitting in comfort and waiting, say the holy Fathers. Let the Prodigal Son be our example. He arose and came (Luke 15:20).

~Tito Colliander~ The Way of the Ascetics

The problem of our life is union with God, and sin completely prevents this; therefore flee from sin as from a terrible enemy, as from the destroyer of the soul, because to be without God is death and not life. Let us therefore understand our destination; let us always remember that our common Master calls us to union with Himself.

-St. John of Kronstadt (My Life in Christ, Part 1; Holy Trinity Monastery pg. 20)

Belief is a matter of dying for Christ and His commandments. It is believing that such a death is life-giving. It is to count poverty as riches, and to consider the lowest humiliation as true honor and nobility. Faith is believing that when one has nothing, one has everything. More than this, it is to possess the incomprehensible riches of the knowledge of Christ and to look upon all visible things as but clay and smoke.

~St. Symeon the New Theologian, The Practical and Theological Chapters

God is comprehensible in our contemplation of His attributes [or divine energies], but God is incomprehensible in our contemplation of His divine essence."

-St. Maximus the Confessor(Cent. On Charity, IV, 7, trans. Pegon, Sources
Chretiennes 9, p.153)

But some one will say, If the Divine substance is incomprehensible, why then do you discourse on these things? So then, because I cannot drink up all the river, an I not even to take in moderation what is expedient for me? Because with eyes so constituted as mine I cannot take in all the sun, am I not even to look upon him enough to satisfy my wants? Or again, because I have entered into a great garden, and cannot eat all the supply of fruits, would you have me go away altogether hungry? I praise and glorify Him Who made us; for it is a divine command which says, 'Let every breath praise the Lord' (Ps. 150:6). I am attempting now to glorify the Lord, but not to describe Him, knowing nevertheless that I shall fall short of glorifying Him worthily, yet deeming it a work of piety even to attempt it at all.

-St. Cyril of Jerusalem (Catechetical Lectures: Lecture 6 no. 5)

"For behold, all our lofty doctrines, how destitute they are of reasonings, and dependent on faith alone. God is not anywhere, and is everywhere. What has less reason than this (What idea makes less logical sense)? He was not made, He did not make Himself, He never began to be. What reasoning will receive this if there is no faith?"

-St. John the Chrysostom

Abraham passed through all the reasoning that is possible to human nature about the divine attributes, and after he had purified his mind of all such concepts, he took hold of a faith that was unmixed and pure of any concept, and he fashioned for himself this token of knowledge of God that is completely clear and free of error, namely the belief that God completely transcends any knowable symbol. And so, after this ecstasy which came upon him as a result of these lofty visions, Abraham returned one more to his human frailty: `I am,' he admits (Gen. 18:27), `dust and ashes,' mute, inert, incapable of explaining rationally the Godhead that my mind has seen.

-St. Gregory of Nyssa, From Glory to Glory

Before anything else one must believe in God, "that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6).

-St Seraphim of Sarov - Spiritual Instructions

Preview of "A Pilgrim's Way" Orthodox documentary - YouTube

 

[Tigger45]

When I first start to really search out is there a God question I read everything I could get my hands on. I read the bible cover to cover three times in a row. I read commentaries and books about biblical evidences of truth and accuracy. But I knew I was still missing something. So I prayed to the Lord so that not only my mind would know His word is true but that deep down in my soul I would know also. He answered my prayers

 

[paul1149]

Dear Searching,

I was touched by the honesty of your post. You don't have to force yourself to believe, or exhaust yourself looking for God. Natural strength is of no use in gaining faith. The Bible makes that clear, and points to the simple reality of faith:

But the righteousness based on faith says, “Do not say in your heart, ‘Who will ascend into heaven?’” (that is, to bring Christ down), “or ‘Who will descend into the abyss?’” (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead).
But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim);
because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. -Rom 10:6-9​

You see there is nothing you can do to force faith. So the first thing to do is to stop trying. The next thing to do is to start talking to God about your problem. That may sound strange, but it will work. If you extend to God what little trace of faith you have, He will accept it and use it to give you more. All the parables on stewardship teach this - that to him who has, more will be given.

Remember this too: Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith (Heb 13). You do not have to fight this alone. He is there for you. And He says that of all who come to Him, none will He cast out.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” zmt 11.28-30​

 

[bling]

It sounds like you are working real hard at this, but is that what is needed?

Do you want/need God to tweak your life or do you want a total transformation?

 

[RCF]

I heard a statistic the other day, though I can't remember the exact numbers. Basically, very few kids that have the talent to eventually be professional baseball players ever get beyond highschool. One huge reason is simply burnout. They played since they were 5, summers, travel teams, school teams, training camps, and by the time they finished high school and had control of their own lives, they were basically sick of the notion of playing baseball.

I think this can happen with Christians. too. Especially if we are doing things just because we have to. I don't know about your individual circumstance, but as for me, the grind of "religion" drove be from God.

I returned one day, though. Not to religion, but to God. I do not go to the same church as I once did, but I found God, possibly for the first time.

One thing I found was that reading the bible from a perspective of learning helped me. I didn't preconceive what I was going to learn. I was surprised at what I found. I would get to a passage that I had known all my life and with my new point of view, I saw it as I had never seen it before, understood it completely differently while applying the proper context to the passage.

My best advice is to read it for the joy of it. Because the bible is truly a joyous book. Spoiler alert, the good guys win in the end.

RCF

 

[cerette]

What is it that makes you unable to believe? Are you sure you don't believe? Why do you want to believe?

Believing is not the same as always "feeling tons of happy feelings" about one's beliefs. Believers believe even in their sleep and then they can't "feel" that they believe..

 

[searchingforGod]

Thank you all again for your supportive comments. I feel so welcomed here and can truly feel the love of all you strangers who genuinely want to help me find God.

I was particularly moved by this statement "You do not have to fight this alone. He is there for you. And He says that of all who come to Him, none will He cast out." thank you for that, it meant a lot to me.

As for those who questioned why I cannot feel God, I simply do not have an answer. I am NOT someone who "hates" God or rejects Him simply out of spite it is just that when I try to imagine God and His love or an afterlife I can tell myself that I believe because I want to SO badly but I feel in the back of my head that I do not truly believe. This hurts me, I want a relationship with the Lord so much like I did when I was a child. Why cant I?

Is this part of His plan? Is this a challenge for me to eventually give me a stronger faith? If I want to believe so badly why can I not force my heart and mind to open up to him? I have tried attending church, praying and just contemplating on God yet I feel no presence. Why?

It hurts me existentially any further suggestions or simply words of encouragement would be appreciated. Also please pray for me that my heart can be opened to Christ.

 

[cerette]

"So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" Romans 10:17.

I encourage you to "hear" the Word of God: Read the Bible, listen to good sermons...
Here is a link with sermons, they are worth listening to:
St. Paul Lutheran Church

 

[Harry3142]

Putting our trust in God is a decision which leads to the proper feelings, rather than its being feelings which lead to the proper decision. We make the decision to put our trust in him and what he has already accomplished on our behalf, because that is what he wants of us:

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished - he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. (Romans 3:19-26,NIV)

You were reared in an environment where you were taught that in order for God to love you, you had to obey the ecclesiastical laws of the Roman Catholic Church (I studied your catechism). However, with God the only righteousness which he accepts as true righteousness is his own. Nothing that we do can earn us a righteousness equal to his, nor can we purchase it as if it were an asset which we can put on a shelf. And for anyone to attempt to attain this righteousness on their own only ends in utter frustration when they come to the realization that it is simply beyond their power to achieve such a goal.

What you need to realize is that God is not out there somewhere, so that you need a telescope in order to see him. That mindset can occur very easily when people see God as only attainable if they first obey all the laws and accept all the creeds presented before them as prerequisites to obtaining his love. But instead of being 'out there somewhere', he's standing right in front of you, and simply waiting for you to put your trust in him:

What then shall we say? That the Gentiles, who did not pursue righteousness, have obtained it, a righteousness that is by faith; but Israel, who pursued a law of righteousness, has not attained it. Why not? Because they pursued it not by faith but as if it were by works. They stumbled over the "stumbling stone." As it is written:

"See, I lay in Zion a stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame." (Romans 9:30-33,NIV)

 

[fdsfndls]

Hi there, I hope that it will be alright for me to post here but I really need some help. Some background info: I was raised Roman Catholic and attended an RC school for 12 years. I was in my childhood such a strong believer that I wanted to be a nun!

I am now 25 and doing relatively well for myself, I am engaged and currently working on my MSc in neuroscience. I am generally happy except for the gaping hole that my complete lack of faith has left me with. Ever since adolescence I have been utterly unable to believe in ANYTHING! It isnt a conscious thing, I am not like those individuals who hate religion and make efforts to argue with those who have faith. I am merely a reluctant agnostic.

When I enter a Catholic church I feel a sense of peace come over me like no other, I find all the Christian rhetoric so comforting and beautiful, yet I just CANNOT believe ad it hurts. When I see others with faith I am jealous, I want so badly what they have!

I want to believe, I want to feel God in my daily life, so why cant I? What is wrong with me. Even when I try my best I still have the feeling in the back of my head that I dont TRULY believe, but I want to so badly!!

If anyone has experienced this, has some advice or even just a few words of support I would be so appreciative.

Give your life to him.

(everyone struggles - this might feel like stepping off a cliff, but church alone can't give you faith)