New Christian needs realtionship help.

[m0rdecai89]

Hi I am a new Christian in the sense that I was when I was younger because I was forced to but never made the choice myself. Seeing things going on in the world around me and remembering what the end times would look like has compelled me to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior for good so I am back in the fold.

My question is while I was away I started seeing someone that is not against Christ but not a Christian either and we are engaged to be married in September. I do not want to leave her because she is a fantastic woman and we love each other very much but I know God says that those saved and those not saved should not marry but I feel it is far too late now to go back.

It has been consuming me to the point where I don't even have feelings for her anymore because I am scared of what God thinks and that he will punish or be angry with me for not obeying him. I also fear that he will not help our marriage last because of this.

Really love her and want to be with her but so scared of God's wrath and disobeying him and having to spend eternity in Hell because I did not listen to his word.

Please help me older wiser Christians.

 

[SharonL]

I was praying how to answer you and talked with my husband about how to answer - some will tell you to cut it off, but it is not that easy. Another way to look at it is to think what your life would be like. How will it affect how you live, will she be asking you to do things that will be against your beliefs, what about children, will you be able to raise them in a Christian home?

My husband and I have been married for 52 years and our life has been rocky until the last 6 years and we are both Christians - but he was one religion and me another - many problems throughout our lives with that.

You have to ask yourself some questions, is she dead set against becoming a Christian, does she put you down because of your beliefs, would she go speak to a pastor with you? Are you strong enough in your faith to be a good witness to her?

My daughter married a person who appeared to be a Christian, she lived 11 years of pure hell with him - divorced him and married someone who I believe has a heart for God, but is mad at God for such a hard life - but she is a witness to him and he treats her well - does not go to church with her - but I do see some hope there.

So it is not as easy as saying just drop her. You might be in fear of hell in the hereafter, but will your life be hell on earth because you two cannot live your life together in peace. Some questions you must answer in your own heart.

Praying for you - that is a tough one.

 

[Lee52]

Hi I am a new Christian in the sense that I was when I was younger because I was forced to but never made the choice myself. Seeing things going on in the world around me and remembering what the end times would look like has compelled me to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior for good so I am back in the fold.

My question is while I was away I started seeing someone that is not against Christ but not a Christian either and we are engaged to be married in September. I do not want to leave her because she is a fantastic woman and we love each other very much but I know God says that those saved and those not saved should not marry but I feel it is far too late now to go back.

It has been consuming me to the point where I don't even have feelings for her anymore because I am scared of what God thinks and that he will punish or be angry with me for not obeying him. I also fear that he will not help our marriage last because of this.

Really love her and want to be with her but so scared of God's wrath and disobeying him and having to spend eternity in Hell because I did not listen to his word.

Please help me older wiser Christians.

First and foremost, GOD does not give Christians a spirit of fear.

"For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God," Romans 8:14-16 NASB

Secondly, GOD did not send Jesus to judge the world, but to save it from sin and death.

"For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him." John 3:17 NASB

Thirdly, if you are engaged, you have made a commitment. That commitment takes a back seat to the commitment that you made to GOD through salvation in Jesus, and it remains a commitment. Be honest with your fiancee. Tell her that you have a personal relationship with Christ Jesus, as LORD and personal Savior. Let her know that your deepest desire is to have a very successful, CHRIST CENTERED marriage in which to raise children to become productive, Christian members of society. Let her know that you love her so much, that you want her to experience Jesus' saving grace and freedom that you have experienced in HIM.

The biggest problem in American marriages today is lack of meaningful communication. We Americans tend to skirt the really important in favor of small talk. OR, we move from one major crisis to another ignoring the important in favor of crisis management in our relationships. True intimacy is sitting down and talking through the core of our beings with one another, honestly and openly.

The strongest marriage relationships are those that talk out the really deepest heart issues and then pray together about them. You might be pleasantly surprised if you start talking and PRAYING together as a young engaged couple. GOD works out some amazing results when HIS children pray together. Who knows, praying together, lifting up Christ Jesus in your life, so that she can see HIM, just may allow Jesus to draw your fiancee unto HIMSELF.

Then, put the relationship in HIS hands daily. Ask Jesus to draw your fiancee to HIM, so that the two of you together may serve HIM better.

The key, my brother, is loving GOD above all other things, and loving her and everyone else on a level just below GOD. Love GOD and her unconditionally and without any reservations, UNSELFISHLY.

If she is GOD's choice for you, HE will draw her into a relationship with Jesus. BEFORE THE WEDDING.

I hope this helps a little bit, brother.
Be blessed,
Lee52

 

[m0rdecai89]

Thank you, that definitely helped. I spome to her this morning and she said she is definitely willing to go to church with me, especially seeing how it affects me on the inside to be feeling like this. Thank you all for your help amd please pray for us.

 

[Lee52]

You have my prayers continuously per Jesus' directions to us.

 

[LilLamb219]

Thank you, that definitely helped. I spome to her this morning and she said she is definitely willing to go to church with me, especially seeing how it affects me on the inside to be feeling like this. Thank you all for your help amd please pray for us.

I'm glad she is willing to go to church with you. If you had just broken off your engagement because you are Christian, do you realize how it would have seemed to her? It would have come across as a better than thou type of thing...and that would definitely push her away from Christianity! Who wants to be a part of something like that?

So, I'm glad things look like they'll work out. Give it time. God could be working on her. It just might not be at the speed you would prefer.

 

[Habakk]

Im glad things are starting to work out for you.

 

[m0rdecai89]

Thank you, I am kind of uncertain still however as it would require me to move to a different state and leave the church I feel God has called me to be a part of. I am praying about it and get no response, it is making me sick because I love her and would like an answer so that I know and can stop leading her along if it is not Gods will.

 

[paul1149]

Mordecai,

That's a real tough one, and I give you a lot of credit for dealing with it head-on.

As some have suggested, there are few guarantees in this area. I know one couple where the husband was an upcoming lay preacher in their denom, but he suddenly lost it, began beating his wife and committing adultery. They divorced. Others have married non-Christians and won them to the Lord eventually. But the first example is an aberration (I hope), and the second is very risky.

In 1Cor 7, Paul essentially tells those in mixed marriages that if your marriage is good, you as the Christian are under no obligation to end it. He says not to worry, the marriage is still holy, as are its fruit, the children.

But that's for people who are already married. To go into a mixed marriage knowingly? That is risky.

Another danger - that your fiancé will seem to convert to Christ but at root will be doing so for the wrong reason - to prevent the marriage from not taking place. Chances are good that such a conversion would unravel sooner or later. No matter what the outcome, keep communication with you fiancé' honest.

I think that if I were in your shoes, I would not go ahead with the marriage until I was sure God's blessing was on it. Ideally, that would mean that your fiancé genuinely received Christ as Lord. As powerful as human love can be, it is going to be a burden to share your life intimately with someone who does not have the same Spirit as you. There will always be a part of you - the most important part - that you will not be able to share. And that could lead to significant disagreements as to how to raise kids, career choices, etc.

Ultimately, these is a question that only you can answer.

In John 7.17, Jesus gives us an important insight:

If anyone's will is to do God's will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority.​

This is an important principle. If you want to find truth, and by extension, God's will, the first step is to ensure that you would be open to it should you hear it. If you approach God with a heart sincere in its desire to please Him, that exalts Him above all else, including even the most dear human relationships, He is going to reveal His will to you, and also give comfort and strength to perform it.

Here is my prayer for you:

You learned the gospel from Epaphras, our dear fellow slave – a faithful minister of Christ on our behalf – who also told us of your love in the Spirit.

For this reason we also, from the day we heard about you, have not ceased praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may live worthily of the Lord and please him in all respects – bearing fruit in every good deed, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might for the display of all patience and steadfastness, joyfully
giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light. -Col 1:7-12
​

I pray that as you are filled with love in the Spirit, the Lord will fill you with all spiritual wisdom, and show you the way to go that will both please Him, help others, and bring much spiritual fruitfulness. May you have His peace that passes understanding as you approach Him for wisdom in how to deal with this situation.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. -Phil 4:4-9​

Lastly, here's a link to a doc I uploaded about George Muller's method for finding God's will. It may be helpful.

 

[heron]

First of all, congratulations!

some will tell you to cut it off, but it is not that easy. Another way to look at it is to think what your life would be like. How will it affect how you live, will she be asking you to do things that will be against your beliefs, what about children, will you be able to raise them in a Christian home?

You have to ask yourself some questions, is she dead set against becoming a Christian, does she put you down because of your beliefs, would she go speak to a pastor with you? Are you strong enough in your faith to be a good witness to her?

Great things to reflect on.

Look at where Paul was coming from when he wrote that to the Corinthians. Corinth was a trade city-state with great diversity, philosophical discussion, and prostitution. The believers themselves were very involved in Christianity, but had a hard time keeping the culture from seeping into their faith expression. There was a tendency toward carnality, debate, competition...and they needed to be reminded to exercise the gifts in love.

The temple for Aphrodite at Corinth hosted daily temple prostitution, where married people were expected to engage in goddess "worship." Being married to a person who was devoted to temple orgies was impractical in so many ways.

Being unequally yoked in Corinth presented problems with STD's, sanctioned infidelity, worship preferences... you name it.

The Old Testament seemed to have fewer admonitions about marriage, probably because the Hebrews lived in tighter community. But you will remember Solomon's choice to take on wives from other countries -- right after the Temple was finally built, the foreign wives wanted temples for their gods too. God still loved him, and Solomon was still considered wise, despite multiple indiscretions.

Samson weakened when he gave in to Delilah.

I don't personally believe Paul's statement was as resolute as many Christians make it today. But Sharon's advice about thinking through your future first is very wise. If you plan to stay married for life, then marriage defines the rest of your life.

You will always have to answer to the other person for the decisions you make, how you spend your time, and how money is spent. Make sure the person is supportive of your goals, of your faith... and that you are able to be supportive of theirs. Being unequally yoked can apply both ways.

And I believe it can also apply to who is putting more into the relationship... yokes pair oxen who are treading grain together. Do you have an ideal for the work you want to accomplish in your life, or that God wants to accomplish through you? Is your partnered (I won't call her an ox!) teammate willing to bind in a way that your paths will often need to follow each others'?

If one person goes into debt, the other does too. If one is arrested, the other absorbs legal fees and damaged reputation. If one person loses their job, the other helps them keep going. If one wants to move to Tahiti... if one person injures themselves...

You are not going to live the same life, have all the same friends and jobs, beliefs... but what one does will pull the other or make the load heavier/lighter. You can be a support to each other, or yank each other in opposing directions. Decide early whether you are both willing to be a loving support for each others' ideals.